Your Thursday Nighter Open Thread

Min @ Ari: Everything points to this game going the Cards way, doesn’t it? Some fantasy advice I came across on one site stated, “START ALL THE CARDINALS YOU CAN!”. If this was a game of Clue As Foreign Films I’d say, “Arizona/Brando in the empty apartment with a stick of butter”. Maria Schneider, uh, the Vikes look very vulnerable right now. QB Bridgewater can’t throw a TD without an accompanying intercept later on. This year his ratio is 8/8-career-wise he’s 20/20 (ironing?). His counterpart is sporting a “hey national media, come take a look-see” 29/9. Football Outsiders’ take on Teddy cuts right through the lutefisk though-The offensive line is so bad that teams don’t need to rush more than three or four defenders to get quick pressure on the quarterback. I’m sure it’ll get better though. Whoops. That’s a no. The Vikes bread and butter defenders Barr, Joseph and Smith are all out. It’s all on you AP.

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Norv Turner loves screens and unintentionally infuriating Laserface.

Recovery Whiskey

Zona should tackle like that vs Seattle

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Kay Jewelers;

“Anal: she’ll pretty much have to at these prices.”

jjfozz

This guy . . .
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Sill Bimmons

Living the fucking dream.

bourb0nblues

Kyle Rudolph has never read a book in his life. True fact.

blaxabbath

Another Auburn grad in the NFL?

King Hippo

Sounds like a Golden Domer.

Because they’re totes about teh academics, see. Just like U*NC claimed they were.

Beerguyrob

“What’s a book?”

– Dexter Manley

litre_cola

Peterson is going to get a shit tonne of yards tonight 150 I believe.

Beerguyrob

I now feel validated in sitting the Arizona defence.

blaxabbath

Kyle Rudolph is the Viking’s most Christmassy player.

jjfozz

Holy shit, the KFC dinners wrapped as gifts had me laughing so hard beer shot out my nose.

jjfozz

If my neighbor got a car for Christmas, I would have taken a gigantic shit on it by New Years Eve.

JustStopDude

Nah…just get a HUGE order of McDonald’s french fries. Put the bag on top of the car.

Come back a few hours later and take in the bird shit and scratches…

litre_cola

you misspelled “in”

blaxabbath

“It’s cool. I leased this Lexus.”

Sill Bimmons

CLASS GUYS DON’T SQUANDER THE OPPORTUNITY TO COMPLETE A DEGREE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH WITH A PAID PROMOTIONAL APPEARANCE AT THE “UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX”

blaxabbath

Only slightly more respected than Arizona State University.

JustStopDude

I’m sorry…but being so proud of your University of Phoneix online degree that you physically go to a graduation ceremony is just fucking weird to me.

blaxabbath

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

jjfozz

HOW CAN LARRY FITZGERALD BE CLASSY AND STILL WEAR BRAIDS? SOMEONE GET PK!

JustStopDude

Total THUG!…ish..

blaxabbath

“He’s one of the good ones.”

-PK, before voting against putting Fitz in the HOF

Sill Bimmons

They’re called twists, bro.

Brick Meathook

MINNESOTA VS ARIZONA: THE WAR BETWEEN THE STATES

Sill Bimmons

54’40” OR FIGHT

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
blaxabbath

Oh shit. Palmer’s arm just Manninged on that pass.

Bring on, Stanton!

Recovery Whiskey

Larry Fitz just does not miss

blaxabbath

It’s like a video game. You watch the ball to him and, if it’s on target, he’s pulling it down.

Sill Bimmons

Except in his choice of graduating institutions.

nomonkeyfun

I understand that lots of good QBs come from small schools Romo etc. But how the fuck did Bridgewater become a top prospect. I saw him play Rutgers in the old Big East and just barely beat him. Hint, it wasn’t the fault of the defense.

Recovery Whiskey

I honestly dont see him as top tier at all

blaxabbath

His mother isn’t a prostitute?

Sill Bimmons

Joe Flacco is intrigued by your ideas and wishes to subscribe to your newsletter.

entropy

Aww, we love you too, Moose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m just the messenger.

JustStopDude

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blaxabbath

Where’s the fire?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ord.

blaxabbath

To piggyback my request for regional announcers:

Patrick Peterson was a threat at PR as a rookie. He’s an elite corner now for a top-5 defense on a team with the number 1 offense. His job is to catch the ball and, on the rare occasion he has space, run directly to the sideline. He is not a PR threat. He’s the conservative call to receive the kick and get Palmer on the field.

But that’s not an attractive storyline so NFLN won’t sell it. Buy Zales.

Sill Bimmons

Mercedes-Benz is the single most obnoxious automaker on earth.

blaxabbath

No way. Ford truck commercials.

JustStopDude

Studebaker Dictator

nomonkeyfun

Morgan,

Or at least their fans.

/I’m looking at you Hamster.

Col. Duke LaCross

Not a fan of their F1 team.

I wonder how Darnell Dockett’s pet alligator is doing.

litre_cola

Glamour pet.

blaxabbath

What’s with Campbell’s helmet? Do all linemen have that like thing on the front?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and Mike Zimmerman appears to be displeased.

blaxabbath

The head-on cam is the best way to watch returns.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

and subsequently forget them.

Lothar of the Hill People

JJ Watt broke his left hand.

Reports say he was masturbating furiously while watching a lumberjack competition.

Recovery Whiskey

Or broke it forcing a pizza slice up to his mouth

entropy

He was quite selflessly removing comments discussing how great he is from the Houston Texans (who?) message boards, and replacing them with “It’s a team sport, everyone” instead.

Sill Bimmons

I would have gutted that kid like a fish.

Sill Bimmons

If that John Brown had been at Harper’s Ferry…yeah, he’d have been killed too.

blaxabbath

Not only is he racking up points, John Brown will fuck your girlfriend whether you start him in fantasy or not!

JustStopDude
Sill Bimmons

HARPERSFERRYDOWN

ThursdaySkyGoddess

BROWNDOWN!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And my favorite brew ever, yeah it tastes like clove and banana, so what?
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JustStopDude

There is a bar in Portsmouth, VA that has that on tap.

My four and a half years stationed in that shithole city, I drank that beer at least four times a week.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Was invited to a pizza party for lunch today. It was my first time having Papa Johns. It was my last time having Papa Johns. Shit is awful.

JustStopDude

I seriously don’t get how the US is able to support so many shitty pizza chains.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

College kids have a lot to do with that.

entropy

We’ve had multiple comments regarding weed in this thread alone, and you can’t figure out shitty pizza chains stay in business?

Have fun with that choice later tonight…

litre_cola

Had a buddy justify ordering them by saying “But you know what you are getting every time” I should fucking hope I know what I am getting from anywhere I fucking order.

entropy

Nothing worse than when I order General Tso’s chicken from Hunan Garden and some asshole shows up with humus and chips.

Sill Bimmons
blaxabbath

John Brown is not the fastest guy on the Cardinals; JJ Nelson is.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But who gets to choose the first fifteen ass plays?

blaxabbath

Michael Sam

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Sill Bimmons

Nothing like a big bold black to really get things started, eh?

EHHHHHHHH???

http://i.imgur.com/Bv5Xdwn.gif

Sill Bimmons

Aw, come on! Really? Nothing?

Fuck all y’all except litre.

Sill Bimmons

Gotta admire Tivo for hanging on this long.

Too bad that white-man-shaming ad is going to kill their sales.

jjfozz

As a marketing-advertising weasel, I have to say that the ad is funny, but why would you straight up insult your audience and imply they are one-pump chumps?

JustStopDude

Have you slept with a middle age, white guy with two kids and an emasculating wife?

They are…

Sill Bimmons

Why, no.

Do go on…

JustStopDude

Shit half the time they just want to suck your dick and then have you hold them for 30 minutes as they cry about how much they love their wife and kids.

The entire time I am just thinking about the $50 he owes me. Fucking smack doesn’t grow on trees.

entropy

True. The poppy is a flower.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Another weasel? Hot damn!

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jjfozz

So wife and I pulled the trigger – Disney world trip for the Fozz spawn. Four days in the magic kingdom, how much weed do I need?

Sill Bimmons

ALL OF IT

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You misspelled “mushrooms.”

entropy

Acid’s really the only way to experience the full effect of The Happiest Place on Earth.

blaxabbath

Definitely gonna have to move a street value of a couple mill to afford that trip.

nomonkeyfun

Do they still have Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. My Father says he loved that ride when he was stoned off his ass. He also took pills before space mountain.

If you are going with another family, I would recommend inviting someone’s single sister or brother who would be willing to watch the kids 3 of the 4 nights. Even if you have to pay for that person.

You need the sexy or adult time.

Beerguyrob

That’s right JEEM. Norv Turner’s a genius for giving AP the ball.

JustStopDude

http://i.imgur.com/dcOBuVk.gif?noredirect

AP scoring like it ain’t no thang!

Spanky Datass

There go that bad man!

entropy

Go here:
http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/places-you-can-no-longer-go-the-navigation-trees

And read about how the old-growth forests were “home to condors, grizzly bears, and salmon.”

I for one mourn the loss of our now-extinct Forest Salmon, for they must have been majestic creatures, indeed.

Lothar of the Hill People

Lo, my people and I often travel to the forests, where we hunt the wily tree-salmon. You must take extra care in the stalking of the tree-salmon, for they scamper with great speed and ejaculate with unmatched ferocity! I am Lothar, of the Hill People!

entropy

I don’t think you have any idea how ferociously I ejaculate, sir.

WCS

[insert Adrian Petersen abuse joke here]

JustStopDude

Um…Adrian Petersen is so abusive…um…

Sean Penn thinks he needs to go to couples counseling!

Dear god I fucking suck at this…

Beerguyrob

Janay Rice would like to apologize for her role in your being so bad at that.

jjfozz

Saw your post last night, glad to hear all is well

Sill Bimmons

I made a great switch joke but it got eaten by the Newer Comments Monster.

Lothar of the Hill People

Adrian Peterson wants to abuse the Cardinals’ defense like a red-feathered step-child

blaxabbath

Way to be ineffective, Cardinals D.

So who’s your Mount Rushmore of great players that did terrible things.

blaxabbath

Irving, John Brent, Hernandez, Lincoln.

(Abe, for freeing the slaves)

Sill Bimmons

THE BEN IS ON THERE

JustStopDude

Rae Carruth (murder and crippled his child), Randall Woodfield (serial killer), Ray Lewis (double murder), and Dan Snyder (dead hookers).

That’s my NFL Mount Rushmore of the worst of the worse NFL people committing crimes.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I thought Arizona’s defense was supposed to be good. Boooooooo baby beater down.