Your “We Are All Fans Of Watt Taking Out Brady” Sunday Night Open Thread

NE @ Hou: The Gronk is listed as Questionable. The player most statistically invested in him playing is not Gronk, it’s Br*dy. Mike Sando has pointed out that since 2010 when Gronk entered the league, Brady is 182/42 with respect to TD/Int’s when the former is on the field. When Gronk is not on the field that ratio falls to 42/19. And so it goes-Brady’s passer rating falls from 104 to 86.8. His QBR falls from 72 down to 59.5. Brady’s TD rate with Gronk on the field? 6.7%. Off the field? 3.5. Stats-wise, that porno star-boinking tight end is more valuable to the O than anyone else. “That’s all well and good”, says JJ Watt, “but has he ever squealed with delight when meeting Jennifer Aniston?”.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beerguyrob

comment image

blordinaryfagicmox

Spreading Party!? I thought they shut those things down years ago…
http://www.restaurant.org/Restaurant/media/Restaurant/News%20photos/ESGs/MEG/ProjectPBJ-sign-448×216.jpg

Doktor Zymm

Name a situation involving spreading where you would prefer that neither nut butters, nor fruit preserves were involved.

blordinaryfagicmox

Just one or 5?

Sill Bimmons

You are deliberately and maliciously misconstruing the title of that event for dubious comedic purposes.

blordinaryfagicmox

Guilty as charged. Take me into custardy.

Romonobyl

Did they seriously just show Stevie Wonder typing on a laptop?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You are somehow a Cowboys fan, Is it really that different?

Sill Bimmons

There are Braille laptops that blind people use to create non-visual media.

Lothar of the Hill People

The typing isn’t a stretch. I touch-type without looking at the keyboard.

The monitor is what doesn’t make sense.

Sill Bimmons

The monitor is there so that sighted people can help them in their creative process.

Sill Bimmons

KIA: SUVs For Sociopaths.

Lothar of the Hill People

The thing that pisses me off most about the Bears blowing the game against Washington is that it makes it THAT much harder for the NFC East to be won by a 6-10 team.

jjfozz

The thing that pisses me off about that victory is that I work with dickhole Skins fans who say shit like, “Welcome to the other side, Ravens fans!” While they haven’t won a super bowl since Zubaz were popular.

Fuck them.

Lothar of the Hill People

Whattya mean, “since” Zubaz were popular? They’re popular now!

/hides pants

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

FLAWLESS VICTORY

Romonobyl

FINISH HIM!!!

Lothar of the Hill People

Whew, I survived. Birthday party full of 5 and 6 year-old girls. Aside from my daughter, there were only 2 other whitebread Anglo kids. I guess I shouldn’t have ordered a pepperoni pizza; both sets of white/Anglo parents are vegetarians, and my wife and I were too busy to eat.

I did find out that the one white/Anglo guy (the same guy who likes to argue politics all. the. time, even when we agree) was carrying a concealed pistol. To a kindergarten birthday party at an ice cream place. An ice cream place in a very diverse neighborhood, with 3/4 of the clientele being Arabs & South Asian Muslims.

If I didn’t have to be up at 5-something so I could get to campus early to print copies of the final exam I’m giving at 8 am tomorrow, I’d be cracking open another quadrupel.

Senor Weaselo
blordinaryfagicmox

Just have one of your chinese grad students do the printing and proctoring. You do have a chinese grad student, right?

Lothar of the Hill People

Sadly, I haven’t had a TA in years. I miss those days. My students don’t, because the amount of homework I assign them has declined drastically since I don’t have an indentured servant to do all the grading for me.

jjfozz

Let me know where that jerkoff lives, I’d love to come over and hit him in the nuts with a 20 pound bag of ice.

JustStopDude

Stupid Japanese Tricks!!!

http://i.imgur.com/FUFMk2D.gifv

The participants had pepper spray used on their butts…

Sharkbait

THis is what happens when you nuke a country twice.

jjfozz

CHICAGO WINE MAKER
CHICAGO CHEESE GRINDERS
CHICAGO SOMMELIERS
CHICAGO BALL BOYS

Sill Bimmons

BARRELS: CHICAGO COOPERAGE

Doktor Zymm

Chicago hipsters : People who have deprecated careers.

Doktor Zymm

I have met most of those people. They are not interesting and not worthy of a TV show. They are mostly not worth 30 minutes of conversation. Those are 30 minutes I will never have back.

Spanky Datass

CHICAGO DOG ARTISTS.

Duchess

This is going to be one of those 15-10 victories where a team only scores field goals and still wins right?

Doktor Zymm

I miss being “young people”

Sill Bimmons

It was fun.

Romonobyl

i have a teenage son…no, you don’t.

jjfozz

I found an injured Marshawn Lynch in the wild today, I took it in, warmed it up, fed it, and before it spread its majestic wings it said, “Gotta go get that wildlife, boss.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

comment image

Romonobyl

Chess reference….DRINK!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Can’t it be chessboxing for once?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Unless the NFL has ruined the game enough to make games unwatchable unless you have a rooting interest, I blame you guys for me falling asleep… Oh, the NFL is doing that? NM. What happened in the Packers game

Doktor Zymm

Oh, you’re just inviting me to say “Fuck Dallas”

nomonkeyfun

So how was the road trip Mrs. Kennedy?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That in no way answered the question. I want to compliment you in a non derogatory way. You are the Queen Ceisei of the comment section

Doktor Zymm

It’ll take a lot more than that to make me walk naked back to the palace.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah. I am a fan

Doktor Zymm

I have a beer. It was upside down and not open, but this, I can fix. There were 7 Sean Taylor jerseys that I counted. This is a good thing. There was 1 Haynesworth jersey, fuck that. I was wearing a Kerrigan jersey, and I saw 1 other.

Who is this Grimes? Frank Grimes?

Senor Weaselo

Good ol’ Grimey.

entropy

Ol’ Grimey?

Romonobyl

Dinner…done
Dallas….done
Wine…poured
Two outta three ain’t bad.

Doktor Zymm

*Cheers*
It’s nice to know a Cowboys fan I don’t hate.

Romonobyl

Back at you, and I forgive your….your…dammit I can’t say it!

Doktor Zymm

Nah, it’s cool.

Romonobyl
WCS

Looks amazing!

Romonobyl

No picture?! BALDERDASH!!!!

jjfozz

So Independce Day 2 is a thing. Fuck you Hollywood.

WCS

Apparently, the aliens sent a distress signal to their homeworld before they were nuked in space. That means they must have mastered a much-faster-than-light system of communication to for that signal to reach home in 20 years. Yes, piss off, Hollywood.

Sharkbait

Mmmm Bourbon.

Doktor Zymm

JJ Watt. Grit level : OFF THE CHARTS!

Note : No one gives a shit.

JustStopDude

MORE STUPID WHITE PEOPLE TRICKS!!!!

http://i.imgur.com/eidNOHc.gifv

jjfozz

If they died doing this shit, I would throw a party.

Senor Weaselo

Would it be Darwin Award worthy?

Sill Bimmons

That is fucking terrifying to me.

JustStopDude

I work on cranes and this fucking terrifies me…

Redshirt

I’m going to watch some Star Wars. Let me know when Brady is broken.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB1Pq1_M-Wg

jjfozz

Could Tina Fey and Amy Poselhon just put out a lesbian porno and get it over with?

blordinaryfagicmox

I didn’t know Amy went and married the God of the Sea after Will Arnet.

Sill Bimmons

Not together no mo.

JustStopDude
Sharkbait

Why am I not surprised that exists?

Sill Bimmons

That’s not lesbian.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Ugh, fuck Legarrette Blount.

entropy

That was not good tackling, Other Texas Team.

Senor Weaselo

There’s ANOTHER Texas team?

Croooow

You not familiar with the Longhorns?

Doktor Zymm

I think I just spent $20 on getting a goddamn sandwich delivered. I should probably start dating someone who will bring me a goddamn sandwich.

jjfozz

Wait, was it a hot or cold sandwich? And what kind of sides did you get?

Doktor Zymm

Actually, lots of sides. It’s not a sandwich without multiple crunchy things.

Doktor Zymm

I’m probably hindered in this by my tendency to start singing ‘Hail to the [*Redacted] s’ steal your towel, and then pass out during the late games. FUCK DALLAS.

entropy

Eh, doesn’t sound that bad, plus, y’know, free sammich after you pass out.

Romonobyl

Green Bay and Chicago took care of the forced sex upon the Cowboys methinks…

Doktor Zymm

Methinks you are right, and it puts an almost certain end to my vision of a 4 way tie atop the NFC East, but….I can’t help it. FUCK DALLAS. Sorry, it’s like a tic. HAH COWBOYS. There I go again.

Sill Bimmons

It’s a good thing that your parents are teaching you self-reliance at such a young age, Trev.

Doktor Zymm

You ain’t helping, internet stranger danger.

blordinaryfagicmox
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

How long before Apple just decides to crush Netflix and Hulu beneath a metric fuckton of cash?

Sharkbait

Will they make a shitty Steve Jobs movie about it?

Sill Bimmons

He’ll be in heaven chucking pallets of €500 notes at Kevin Spacey and Louis CK.

jjfozz

This Apple TV commercial makes me all giddy and girly, sorry I’m a marketing/advertising weasel.

entropy

At the bar for this shit show. It is…. interesting. The place cleared the fuck out after the Iggles game, I am told. Now there is a Pats fan, seated next to a Chefs fan. I’m here with my Yinzer buddy who is trashed to hell and back, so this is getting fun.

jjfozz

God, please post picks. And buy that Yinzer fan a shot of the creme de menthe.

Sill Bimmons

Is the Tally-Ho still a thing?

entropy

Man, I don’t even want to talk about the horrible state of that bar these days. That was my favorite South Side bar for nearly a decade, and then it got sold and now it’s everything people always complained it was. Makes ME sad and angry.

Redshirt

Who was the son of a bitch who took that painfully unfunny SNL skit and declared, “I must make that a primetime show.”

Senor Weaselo

Who’s the head of NBC now? Them.

Sill Bimmons

The Walmart Corp. just collected $231,356.23 in corporate welfare during that commercial.

Sharkbait

Telenovela or Trump. Who is more racist?

entropy

Is there a telenovela with a Trump character?

jjfozz

Things found in Matt Patricia’s beard:
1. A case of old Sam Adams beer.
2. One of the Dropkick Murphys.
3. Whitey Bulger’s pistol.
4. Cris Collinsworth’s hotel key.
5. The remains of a MILF that Belichick killed with athletic tape.

Senor Weaselo

Evening everyone. How is this slobberknocker going? Wait, that’s wrong, knockers are boobs… how is this slobbersack going?

Recovery Whiskey

F it im going deep

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The Texans resigned Sexy Rexy?

jjfozz

on that call, my 8 yr old just said: “That’s called finishing your block! That’s shit.”

Proud moment.

Sill Bimmons

The zzpawn are going to be interezzting.

blordinaryfagicmox

ZZtorm is zomingz

Sill Bimmons

BLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Doktor Zymm

Defense, Offense, I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE.

Doktor Zymm

Where is my goddamn sandwich?

entropy

A phrase I find myself stating far too often.

blordinaryfagicmox

New rule:
A kick has to travel to the 45 yard line before the kicking team can touch it, no matter where the ball is kicked from. Now penalties assessed on the kickoff actually affect the game.

Senor Weaselo

Kickoffs that go through the uprights are… wait, no, damn it Canada!

blordinaryfagicmox

Two points for the recieving team if the kick goes out of bounds, and no fair catches on the kickoff. Oh wait, we’re trying to reduce concussions (at least as much as possible without acknowledging they are a problem).

jjfozz

Groups I want to see fail miserably:
1. People who don’t want Syrians in our country.
2. Trump supporters
3. ISIS
4. Anyone who believes there’s a war on Christmas.
5. The Patriots, their fans, their support staff, and the entire population of Boston.

WCS

Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Doktor Zymm

You sir, are a winner.

Sharkbait

At least we’re below Isis.

entropy

The order of the items does not denote their importance, at least in my world.

Redshirt

Is the order up for discussion?

jjfozz

Yes, but your results may vary.

Sharkbait

Those look like mugshots.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re thinking of the Cowboys version.

hippofant

“Really? Are we really going to do this?”
“Someone touched the Dreamboat! We have to do it!”
“Okay, yeah, but it was J.J. Watt!”
“So?”
“So, I mean, doesn’t J.J. Watt get an exception?”
“Really? You want to see if Goodell is okay with the Dreamboat being touched, if it’s J.J. Watt doing the touching?”
“…”
“…”
“Okay fine. Roughing the passer it is.”

Redshirt
jjfozz

FUCK YEAH STAR WARS

Doktor Zymm

Also, I’ve always been a fan of the yellow pants, but damn. Cute butts.

WCS

On the one hand, JJ being Bleerghed is funny, on the other, fuck the Patriots.

Redshirt

Nice plan, Texans. Weaken your prey first.

Doktor Zymm

That was dumb. Touching Brady’s butt, assessed on the kickoff.

Redshirt

Yeah. You buy Brady dinner first!

The Maestro

TOUCHDOWNNNNNNN