NE @ Hou: The Gronk is listed as Questionable. The player most statistically invested in him playing is not Gronk, it’s Br*dy. Mike Sando has pointed out that since 2010 when Gronk entered the league, Brady is 182/42 with respect to TD/Int’s when the former is on the field. When Gronk is not on the field that ratio falls to 42/19. And so it goes-Brady’s passer rating falls from 104 to 86.8. His QBR falls from 72 down to 59.5. Brady’s TD rate with Gronk on the field? 6.7%. Off the field? 3.5. Stats-wise, that porno star-boinking tight end is more valuable to the O than anyone else. “That’s all well and good”, says JJ Watt, “but has he ever squealed with delight when meeting Jennifer Aniston?”.
Cris, you………
http://41.media.tumblr.com/769afc9c32c62e18966d9c33ba321e4c/tumblr_noyn7gqP7L1uqhxnvo1_1280.jpg
Spreading Party!? I thought they shut those things down years ago…
http://www.restaurant.org/Restaurant/media/Restaurant/News%20photos/ESGs/MEG/ProjectPBJ-sign-448×216.jpg
Name a situation involving spreading where you would prefer that neither nut butters, nor fruit preserves were involved.
Just one or 5?
http://basementrejects.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/south-park-season-13-9-butters-bottom-bitch.jpg
You are deliberately and maliciously misconstruing the title of that event for dubious comedic purposes.
Guilty as charged. Take me into custardy.
Did they seriously just show Stevie Wonder typing on a laptop?
You are somehow a Cowboys fan, Is it really that different?
There are Braille laptops that blind people use to create non-visual media.
The typing isn’t a stretch. I touch-type without looking at the keyboard.
The monitor is what doesn’t make sense.
The monitor is there so that sighted people can help them in their creative process.
KIA: SUVs For Sociopaths.
The thing that pisses me off most about the Bears blowing the game against Washington is that it makes it THAT much harder for the NFC East to be won by a 6-10 team.
The thing that pisses me off about that victory is that I work with dickhole Skins fans who say shit like, “Welcome to the other side, Ravens fans!” While they haven’t won a super bowl since Zubaz were popular.
Fuck them.
Whattya mean, “since” Zubaz were popular? They’re popular now!
/hides pants
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1403006/karate-fail-o.gif
FLAWLESS VICTORY
FINISH HIM!!!
Whew, I survived. Birthday party full of 5 and 6 year-old girls. Aside from my daughter, there were only 2 other whitebread Anglo kids. I guess I shouldn’t have ordered a pepperoni pizza; both sets of white/Anglo parents are vegetarians, and my wife and I were too busy to eat.
I did find out that the one white/Anglo guy (the same guy who likes to argue politics all. the. time, even when we agree) was carrying a concealed pistol. To a kindergarten birthday party at an ice cream place. An ice cream place in a very diverse neighborhood, with 3/4 of the clientele being Arabs & South Asian Muslims.
If I didn’t have to be up at 5-something so I could get to campus early to print copies of the final exam I’m giving at 8 am tomorrow, I’d be cracking open another quadrupel.
White people, yay!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiyLtMPuWRA
Just have one of your chinese grad students do the printing and proctoring. You do have a chinese grad student, right?
Sadly, I haven’t had a TA in years. I miss those days. My students don’t, because the amount of homework I assign them has declined drastically since I don’t have an indentured servant to do all the grading for me.
Let me know where that jerkoff lives, I’d love to come over and hit him in the nuts with a 20 pound bag of ice.
Stupid Japanese Tricks!!!
http://i.imgur.com/FUFMk2D.gifv
The participants had pepper spray used on their butts…
THis is what happens when you nuke a country twice.
CHICAGO WINE MAKER
CHICAGO CHEESE GRINDERS
CHICAGO SOMMELIERS
CHICAGO BALL BOYS
BARRELS: CHICAGO COOPERAGE
Chicago hipsters : People who have deprecated careers.
I have met most of those people. They are not interesting and not worthy of a TV show. They are mostly not worth 30 minutes of conversation. Those are 30 minutes I will never have back.
CHICAGO DOG ARTISTS.
This is going to be one of those 15-10 victories where a team only scores field goals and still wins right?
I miss being “young people”
It was fun.
i have a teenage son…no, you don’t.
I found an injured Marshawn Lynch in the wild today, I took it in, warmed it up, fed it, and before it spread its majestic wings it said, “Gotta go get that wildlife, boss.”
http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/092010/dancefail-12.gif
Chess reference….DRINK!!!!
Can’t it be chessboxing for once?
Unless the NFL has ruined the game enough to make games unwatchable unless you have a rooting interest, I blame you guys for me falling asleep… Oh, the NFL is doing that? NM. What happened in the Packers game
Oh, you’re just inviting me to say “Fuck Dallas”
So how was the road trip Mrs. Kennedy?
That in no way answered the question. I want to compliment you in a non derogatory way. You are the Queen Ceisei of the comment section
It’ll take a lot more than that to make me walk naked back to the palace.
Yeah. I am a fan
I have a beer. It was upside down and not open, but this, I can fix. There were 7 Sean Taylor jerseys that I counted. This is a good thing. There was 1 Haynesworth jersey, fuck that. I was wearing a Kerrigan jersey, and I saw 1 other.
Who is this Grimes? Frank Grimes?
Good ol’ Grimey.
Ol’ Grimey?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/f860b759d7b2029239593c8e160cc528/tumblr_milga8G1xY1rkg6lao1_500.png
Dinner…done
Dallas….done
Wine…poured
Two outta three ain’t bad.
*Cheers*
It’s nice to know a Cowboys fan I don’t hate.
Back at you, and I forgive your….your…dammit I can’t say it!
Nah, it’s cool.
Speaking of sandwiches…I have to try this:
http://www.digyourowngrave.com/content/cheeseburger/cheeseburger_actual.jpg
Looks amazing!
No picture?! BALDERDASH!!!!
So Independce Day 2 is a thing. Fuck you Hollywood.
Apparently, the aliens sent a distress signal to their homeworld before they were nuked in space. That means they must have mastered a much-faster-than-light system of communication to for that signal to reach home in 20 years. Yes, piss off, Hollywood.
Mmmm Bourbon.
JJ Watt. Grit level : OFF THE CHARTS!
Note : No one gives a shit.
MORE STUPID WHITE PEOPLE TRICKS!!!!
http://i.imgur.com/eidNOHc.gifv
If they died doing this shit, I would throw a party.
Would it be Darwin Award worthy?
That is fucking terrifying to me.
I work on cranes and this fucking terrifies me…
I’m going to watch some Star Wars. Let me know when Brady is broken.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB1Pq1_M-Wg
Could Tina Fey and Amy Poselhon just put out a lesbian porno and get it over with?
I didn’t know Amy went and married the God of the Sea after Will Arnet.
Not together no mo.
Does this count?
http://warmfuzzyglow.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/credits.jpg
Why am I not surprised that exists?
That’s not lesbian.
Ugh, fuck Legarrette Blount.
http://img.ifcdn.com/images/28600fe30cfb94978082fa52f16e364fd146c5981cc43b6300643a19a09786d4_1.jpg
That was not good tackling, Other Texas Team.
There’s ANOTHER Texas team?
You not familiar with the Longhorns?
I think I just spent $20 on getting a goddamn sandwich delivered. I should probably start dating someone who will bring me a goddamn sandwich.
Wait, was it a hot or cold sandwich? And what kind of sides did you get?
Actually, lots of sides. It’s not a sandwich without multiple crunchy things.
I’m probably hindered in this by my tendency to start singing ‘Hail to the [*Redacted] s’ steal your towel, and then pass out during the late games. FUCK DALLAS.
Eh, doesn’t sound that bad, plus, y’know, free sammich after you pass out.
Green Bay and Chicago took care of the forced sex upon the Cowboys methinks…
Methinks you are right, and it puts an almost certain end to my vision of a 4 way tie atop the NFC East, but….I can’t help it. FUCK DALLAS. Sorry, it’s like a tic. HAH COWBOYS. There I go again.
It’s a good thing that your parents are teaching you self-reliance at such a young age, Trev.
You ain’t helping, internet stranger danger.
http://dudefoods.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/candwich1.jpg
http://www.digyourowngrave.com/content/cheeseburger/cheeseburger_actual.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/ADIPYWC.jpg
How long before Apple just decides to crush Netflix and Hulu beneath a metric fuckton of cash?
Will they make a shitty Steve Jobs movie about it?
He’ll be in heaven chucking pallets of €500 notes at Kevin Spacey and Louis CK.
This Apple TV commercial makes me all giddy and girly, sorry I’m a marketing/advertising weasel.
At the bar for this shit show. It is…. interesting. The place cleared the fuck out after the Iggles game, I am told. Now there is a Pats fan, seated next to a Chefs fan. I’m here with my Yinzer buddy who is trashed to hell and back, so this is getting fun.
God, please post picks. And buy that Yinzer fan a shot of the creme de menthe.
Is the Tally-Ho still a thing?
Man, I don’t even want to talk about the horrible state of that bar these days. That was my favorite South Side bar for nearly a decade, and then it got sold and now it’s everything people always complained it was. Makes ME sad and angry.
Who was the son of a bitch who took that painfully unfunny SNL skit and declared, “I must make that a primetime show.”
Who’s the head of NBC now? Them.
The Walmart Corp. just collected $231,356.23 in corporate welfare during that commercial.
Telenovela or Trump. Who is more racist?
Is there a telenovela with a Trump character?
Things found in Matt Patricia’s beard:
1. A case of old Sam Adams beer.
2. One of the Dropkick Murphys.
3. Whitey Bulger’s pistol.
4. Cris Collinsworth’s hotel key.
5. The remains of a MILF that Belichick killed with athletic tape.
Evening everyone. How is this slobberknocker going? Wait, that’s wrong, knockers are boobs… how is this slobbersack going?
F it im going deep
The Texans resigned Sexy Rexy?
on that call, my 8 yr old just said: “That’s called finishing your block! That’s shit.”
Proud moment.
The zzpawn are going to be interezzting.
ZZtorm is zomingz
BLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Defense, Offense, I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE.
Where is my goddamn sandwich?
A phrase I find myself stating far too often.
New rule:
A kick has to travel to the 45 yard line before the kicking team can touch it, no matter where the ball is kicked from. Now penalties assessed on the kickoff actually affect the game.
Kickoffs that go through the uprights are… wait, no, damn it Canada!
Two points for the recieving team if the kick goes out of bounds, and no fair catches on the kickoff. Oh wait, we’re trying to reduce concussions (at least as much as possible without acknowledging they are a problem).
Groups I want to see fail miserably:
1. People who don’t want Syrians in our country.
2. Trump supporters
3. ISIS
4. Anyone who believes there’s a war on Christmas.
5. The Patriots, their fans, their support staff, and the entire population of Boston.
Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
You sir, are a winner.
At least we’re below Isis.
The order of the items does not denote their importance, at least in my world.
Is the order up for discussion?
Yes, but your results may vary.
Those look like mugshots.
You’re thinking of the Cowboys version.
“Really? Are we really going to do this?”
“Someone touched the Dreamboat! We have to do it!”
“Okay, yeah, but it was J.J. Watt!”
“So?”
“So, I mean, doesn’t J.J. Watt get an exception?”
“Really? You want to see if Goodell is okay with the Dreamboat being touched, if it’s J.J. Watt doing the touching?”
“…”
“…”
“Okay fine. Roughing the passer it is.”
Is Fantasy Football worth it?
https://twitter.com/DanHanzus/status/676115210634141696?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
FUCK YEAH STAR WARS
Also, I’ve always been a fan of the yellow pants, but damn. Cute butts.
On the one hand, JJ being Bleerghed is funny, on the other, fuck the Patriots.
Nice plan, Texans. Weaken your prey first.
That was dumb. Touching Brady’s butt, assessed on the kickoff.
Yeah. You buy Brady dinner first!
TOUCHDOWNNNNNNN