NE @ Hou: The Gronk is listed as Questionable. The player most statistically invested in him playing is not Gronk, it’s Br*dy. Mike Sando has pointed out that since 2010 when Gronk entered the league, Brady is 182/42 with respect to TD/Int’s when the former is on the field. When Gronk is not on the field that ratio falls to 42/19. And so it goes-Brady’s passer rating falls from 104 to 86.8. His QBR falls from 72 down to 59.5. Brady’s TD rate with Gronk on the field? 6.7%. Off the field? 3.5. Stats-wise, that porno star-boinking tight end is more valuable to the O than anyone else. “That’s all well and good”, says JJ Watt, “but has he ever squealed with delight when meeting Jennifer Aniston?”.
I posted this earlier, but I’ll do it again for Zymm’s benefit:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B9r6R5zpI-I/UrJd84TM8MI/AAAAAAAABM0/sH2z9qsUVkE/s1600/CowboysFumble.gif
-sigh-
Almost made it too.
With the demise of Blount, that makes 4 of my fantasy footballers injured today (Dalton, Eifert, Yeldon, Blount). Four! Today! In addition to Labia Bell and Dion Lewis and Rishard Mathews on the year. W.T.F. End rant.
/Still in first place though so it aint no thang. End brag.
My Yinzer buddy started a draft kings account for this weekend with his college pals… he had Rawls, Eifort, Dalton, and someone else who got hurt today that I am forgetting. He single handedly killed 1/4 of the team he drafted TODAY. That man is fantasy kryptonite
Halftime Fallout.
Is it awesome or super-awesome?
It’s awesome. Im not even doing anything. Im wandering around not focusing on the story
Pet peeve #28: Hot sauces that have water as their first ingredient.
Pet peeve #82: Waters that have hot sauce as an ingredient.
Does the Cuyahoga count?
Big Dumb Sex Idiot…*sigh*
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iBnYq9I2qmg/TiTZUQzfqGI/AAAAAAAAQ7Q/3_amAWkJGQ0/s1600/FGStuntFail.gif
Hey, Gronkowski finally caught a TD. You know, he does that so rarely, it’s no wonder why Houston did such a crappy job covering him.
Eh, close enough. I want to make my dumb, horrible, Brandon LaFell Down joke. It’s just cause this is the internet and you aren’t real people. I would never, ever, actually say this.
HEY THAT HURTS! … Nevermind seems about right
Right. Because the rest of us never, EVER mutter our bizarre comments in real life.
I’m soliciting opinions on Jelly Belly Buttered Popcorn flavored jelly beans:
Bad jelly bean flavor? Or the WORST jelly bean flavor?
The worst of all time, no question. Tastes like shit and looks like rabies.
They feed those jelly beans to prisoners at Guantanamo
While I am not prepared to say that buttered popcorn is the worst jellybean flavor, simply because I can’t keep track of all them and most of them are terrible, I will agree that buttered popcorn flavored jelly beans are a crime against humanity roughly on par with racism and genocide.
DESTROYER OF PALATES. You have a bag of mixed jelly beans. It’s all good, until THIS.
Im pretty sure an AIDS flavored jelly bean would be better than that.
http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20130530/1000/girls_fail_miserably_in_these_hilarious_gifs_02.gif
What hurts more, that faceplant or having to see that in a bikini?
Seems like justice.
You know Bill Cosby was probably checking to see if she was all right.
Jennifer Garner can still get it.
They ought to bring her back in a new Alias, except not fuck it up after season 2.
She is really giving the “post divorce attractiveness increase” everything she’s got.
I love how Michaels always brings up Patriots deferring the option like it’s some master genius strategy.
Can’t believe nobody told Jen that her dress didn’t match the seats.
Hey, look! A pointless, meaningless statistic! I can do that, why don’t I work for the NFL?
OH GOD OH GOD PLEASE STOP THE FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THE DOUBLE DOWN WE HEAR IT EVERY GODDAMN TIME THEY PLAY
IT’S THE GREATEST GAMBIT SINCE HANNIBAL AND THE ELEPHANTS
FUCK YOU ALL WITH A NAPALM AND BARB WIRE DILDO
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/thefw.com/files/2013/05/4-funny-gifs-diving-fail1.gif
Darwin’d
Missed it by that much.
So is this one of those rare nights on DFO that almost everyone cares about the Texans?
The who now?
I stay only caring for JJ Watt. I live in WI
Don’t care about the Texans, per se. If the Patriots were to lose to an empty bench on the other side of the field, I would be just as happy.
This game is aggressively inoffensive. It’s like a liberal arts school’s safe space broadcast on PBS, dubbed into German.
I believe we have the tag for the week.
I would be so happy.
Say it German or it doesn’t count: “Ich würde so glücklich sein”
Todd Vanderwerff is a made up name.
I celebrated Sinatra’s 100th last night drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks. Basically it was a typical Saturday.
Fuck Sinatra.
I ate breakfast off my wife’s chest.
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE! Unless it’s shredded wheat. That might be unpleasant.
I punched a hooker.
Love that the Bud Light commercial blurs out the Nike logo on the NFL jerseys. It’s like an ouroboros of advertising jackassery.
http://www.midwestsportsfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/gatorade-fail.gif
Sandwich has arrived. And the pickle is glorious and large and came wrapped separately. My only regret is that I only have rum and not bourbon to put in my fountain soda.
Cue glorious large pickle comment in 3…
Oddly, the DFO Sexual Harrassment Policy only allows that if the Good Doktor were male.
Are we talking length or girth or a healthy mix?
Always a healthy mix.
Meanwhile, in Russia…
There’s something revealing about the fact that the Oilers’ Fight Song only had four words.
Houston or Edmonton?
Rice is a little crunchy, but the jambalaya came out pretty good otherwise. I didn’t know andouille sausage had that big of a kick. Nothing beer won’t fix.
This game is so white bread. It’s like watching two teams of Flacco playing against each other/
It’s one big Brady Bunch episode.
vvv
It’s a BYU intrasquad scrimmage!
http://i.imgur.com/KQv0N.gif
Why wasnt this in the montage?
http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t284/buster65photos/doublebird.jpg
http://img.izismile.com/img/img2/20090930/fails_gif_02.gif
I have been going for Arrow stars all day, think I should admit that by now
Shado
http://www.hawtcelebs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/celina-jade-in-maxim-magazine-march-2014-issue_3.jpg
Just who are these stupid GE commercials targeting?
“Oh, GE doesn’t just do manufacturing! They do programming! Good thing I’m a CEO, like the other 8 million people watching this broadcast!”
Just move the money around. It’s for taxes. #branding
God dammit I thought these Fucking nerd GE commercials were over
If my son couldn’t have lifted that hammer, I would beat him with it.
BRAINS ARE USELESS IN OUR COUNTRY, SON!
http://likegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/fail-gif-14.gif
This game is the football equivalent of dry plain corn flakes.
Joe Flacco is vaguely intrigued.
Hai, DeAndre, I know you because of Fantasy Sports!
A friend on facebook just posted their Elf on a shelf pooping hershey kisses. Instant unfriend.
I would double friend that.
The Elf on a Shelf is an excellent introduction to today’s surveillance state.
My wife and I constantly forget to move that little fucker.
We tell the kids he’s not moving because they’re being bad.
Fuck it, I’ve got a lot on my mind, and my kids are about 89% sure it’s bullshit anyway.
Elf on the shelf Facebook posts are like Confederate flags–they’re like blinking neon lights saying “worthless piece of shit; unfriend me”
“I AM A CLEVER STAY AT HOME MOM WHO HAS PLENTY OF TIME ON HER HANDS AND IS TIRED OF HER CURRENT COLLECTION OF SEX TOYS AND WINE!”
Chefs fan is desperate for friends and will not shut the fuck up
http://cdn.list25.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/failgif7.gif
I think the end of the gif shows her face being ripped from her skull.
I SO WANT TO BE THE GUY POINTING TO THE NAMEPLATE HIS HOOD WAS COVERING UP
By the way, not sure if anyone else has said this, but in that picture up above? Jennifer Aniston looks like a late-40s housewife. There are easily a dozen 40-something moms at my gym who look better than her, and I’m not talking about the spandex bunnies who have had lots of work done, like Aniston has. How the hell do people find her so attractive?
90s nipple shirt nostalgia?
They remember her in the ’90s when she was in her 20s.
I would love it if Leicester City won the EPL.
That’s like a British person saying that they hope the Jaguras win the Super Bowl.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/14-kid-toy-basketball-fail-basketball-fail-gifs.gif
Ghostwritten by Catherine the Great.
Stop posting Payton Manning pron
Are you sure that’s not lesbian porn with Sarah Jessica Parker?
What in the fuck…
“The Sarah JEssica Parker Story”
WHO POSTED MY SCI-TWI/SUNSET FAN FICTION?! Uh, I mean… what?
Can that possibly be any good?
So is Brady dead yet?
Nope.
Satan wins another day…
Shut up and take my money Quentin Tarantino.
Gentlemen.
LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!
You shut your lying mouth
I still don’t have a goddamn sandwich.
I heard there’s a place that has foot longs for roughly five dollars plus tax.
Don’t turn this into a three-way joke………..
I hear Aaron Rodgers likes to get double meat.
I had a sandwich, dok. It was delicious.
Braggart
I ordered shit from Jimmy Johns. They are not as fast as they claim.
Do you get your sandwich for free in that case?