I don’t watch my local news too much because it’s from a god-awful 75K-strong ‘city’ two hours away. I was watching today though and was reminded that one of the news broadcasters was a nationally (somewhat) significant sports guy just a few years ago. He’s been reporting stories about Aunt Granny’s bake sale that raised $234 for diabetic wolves for a while now. Why? Why is he where he is? Did he fall in love with a small city girl? Did he tire of the Bright Lights of Toronto? Or more likely (in my mind) what god-awful inner-demon manifested itself at his former job that caused him to run away to nowhere and ply his trade for a mere pittance of what he was pulling in before? I need to know…
Det @ NO: If the Lions lose they’ll jump from 7th in next year’s draft all the way to 5th. With a loss the Saints could go from 8th to 7th. This is where we are in Wk. 15 on a Monday Nighter in December in the NFL, people. Let’s pretend that both teams lose-it feels like the right thing to me. [looks at several 2016 mock drafts] Wow. There are a ton of dickbags with too much time on their hands!* I feel dizzy. Okay, as near as I can figure the Saints have to go D and there are 3 LB’s squished into the top 8 so…Myles Jack from UCLA? Okay, now the Lions. Hmmm…their secondary has been a complete mess for a few years now…how about CB Jalen Ramsey from Florida State? Now let’s tune into the game and see which team doesn’t want it more.
*I’m guilty of this charge
I can’t stop listening to this. Man, is it good.
I’m not gonna see the new movie, just gonna wait for the parody song recap.
Shit, forgot the punchline:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd61FliPhRs
See Star Wars themes changed for me once I listened to the Imperial March and hearing the words.
“A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down, yes it does, yes it does.”
Who?
MIKE BURTON. ME.
Nice try Ebron, but you still suck.
Any time I read anything phrased this way, I’m reminded of the Bloom County “We love you, too, Oprah, but you’re still fat!!” punchline from the original run and I laugh. It’s hard to explain in company.
Do you even lift, Breaux?
“Abdullah in Space” is the 8th episode of Star Wars.
Ride Along 2 is gonna show Ride Along the old what-for box office-wise.
Unfunny short asshole is still getting movies?
Gonna have to be more specific.
http://s2.dmcdn.net/Hqpnu/1280×720-0Hs.jpg
I was going to go with Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise is occasionally funny.
https://media.riffsy.com/images/837c78ff2521acdf6cd4f8404d4ca26f/raw
Is Jason Mantzoukis returning to write this one too?
Next week: The Backup Bowl with a 1st Round Bye on the line.
Have we discovered what is causing all these injuries this year?
CHEMTRAILS, SHEEPLE!!!!
Shortening the OTAs and reduced training camps.
If the season was 18 games all these injured QBs would have time to recover before the playoffs.
Probably the leagues emphasis on preventing injuries
Guys who have been taking steroids and other PEDs for years, growing bigger and faster than any human could or should do naturally, and then engaging in a sport that requires them to slam into each other over and over again?
Just a hunch.
Sill posted a Mean Girls pic, so I thought of a thing I saw recently
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZSUG-9kIkw&feature=youtu.be
I got nervous that it was Lindsey Lohan, saw the date was from this year, and closed that tab. Someone else will have to report.
Have we figured out the answer to Scotchnaut’s question about the sports guy yet?
My guess is that he was really well-liked at the office but one night went on a JJ Fozz level bender and made some racial, sexual and racially sexual remarks about a woman or women in the office. The enxt day he felt awful and made a sincere and heartfelt apology but the damage was done. Still, everyone felt bad and they agreed not to say anything when he moved to the suburbs for “quality of life” reasons.
He doesn’t drink anymore.
Nope.
He wanted too much control over cost in a climate that was willing to eviscerate ESPN and its “cost emergency” to drive Disney stock down prior to the Star Wars release.
All the suckers will sell off and Disney will be at 150 by the end of January.
Buy now.
Am I the only one who doesn’t watch the NBA?
I do not.
The what?
uh, nope. Haven’t watched more than a stray minute since Jordan retired.
The NBA is an affront to all that is good.
Regular Season? Nope.
Playoffs? Yup.
You are not alone. Too many of “those people”* if you know what I mean.
*People who went to Duke.
Been disinterested for about 5 years
more people watched the E-Sports championship than the NBA finals last yr
So, American folk, we get all your media up here, but I am still wondering does Trump really have a chance? He is more suited to be a WWE character IMO
His Saturday morning cartoon super villain act seems to resonate with a sadly large percentage of the population.
primary? yes
general? nope
No. He has no chance. The people who are actually enthusiastic about him are a very loud minority and the vast majority of them are too stupid to get to the polls.
He has no ground game in any of the early voting states and, despite his current lead in the polls, will probably lose in all three, although I have some hope Iowa will do what Iowa does and give him a win.
25% of 40%
The problem is, this country is split pretty evenly R and D. So even though he might only be polling as favorable with about 15-20% of the total electorate now, if he gets his party nomination, he’ll get 45-47% of the general vote just based on the letter next to his name, which might be enough.
If he doesn’t get that nomination, and he decides to throw his hat in the ring in the general anyway, he’ll still probably get anywhere from 10-15%.
He won’t though. If he gets the nomination, (he won’t), a significant percentage of Republicans, (the moderates, what’s left of them), will stay home. Hillary will win in a landslide if Trump is the nominee.
There are two types of Trump supporters 1. who believes everything he says and 2. those who think he is putting on a “Yuge” show to trick the Tea Party into voting for a moderate.
I just think his long lost grandfather died and there is a clause saying he must spend 100 million dollars in a yea rin order to inherit 1 billion.
No.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Donald Trump has NO INTEREST in the US presidency.
His goal in his “campaign” is to make so many insane statements that his fellow “candidates” have to respond to that he drags the GOP so far into the right-wing muck that they become unelectable.
Any incoming GOP administration would be so hostile to his current employment situation that he could face complete catastrophe.
The Donald is about nothing but The Donald, and a GOP presidency would be DOOM for his cheap labor service empire.
Your theories intrigue me. If true, that level of cunning actually kinda makes me want to vote for him. Like how Jameis Winston “stole” those crab legs, and the theory was that an employee really gave them to him for free. But the penalty for using your status as a student-athelete to get fed is worse than theft, so he said he stole them instead.
The only thing The Donald knows about is how to turn financial disaster into unlimited opportunity.
This would seem to me to be no different.
My god that’s brilliant.
So I doubt that Trump thought of it. But if Sill ever runs I’m backing him with everything I have.
Which is, uh, $9.82.
SOLD
As long as Hillary has no sextape
Slay, that was the least purposeful pass defense all season. Don’t go acting like you meant to do that shit, Pee Wee.
Oh, both of these teams are “SPECIAL” all right.
http://evansheline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Short-Short-Bus.jpg
It’s got the peppermint-flavored window tint and everything.
Every time I see a yellow flag I pray to Beergh it’s on Browner. Even when he’s not on the field.
BLEERGH CASTS ASPERSIONS ON YOUR SPELLING OF HIS NAME
So when it all comes right down to it, It’s Amanda Seyfried, isn’t it?
http://www.hdwallpapers.in/walls/amanda_seyfried_2015-wide.jpg
She’s all right by me.
Director: “Look right into the camera Amanda”
Amanda: “With which eye?”
I can’t remember who the hero was who posted this back in the early Uproxx days but I nearly choked to death laughing.
Her family lives one town over, and she comes back every now and then to see them, goes out around town. She’s very nice, and really, really tiny. Makes her eyes stand out a bit more.
SHE’S FROM BETHLEHEM??? DAFUQ?????????????
Mind you I think she is stunningly attractive, but that line cracked me up.
Where did you say she lived again? Could you repeat that?
Forget about Miss Universe, the real conspiracy is Garfield; he doesn’t exist! Open your eyes sheeple!
http://www.lee.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/garfield.png
With that busted hip, I’m surprised he made it off-panel.
Jon is a lunatic. Is this a new thing? 100% sure he is a serial killer
http://45.media.tumblr.com/fSymsOGXO6v4r5piV6ntXi66_500.gif
My take-IT’S ABOUT TIME GREEN COUNTER TOPS WERE CALLED OUT ON THEIR LACKADAISICAL BEHAVIOR!
Drew Brees is….. vaguely mobile?
CJ Spiller has to be an onanist.
it’s right there in his name.
Seriously?
No one else on the onanism/Spiller joke?
Fucking heathens.
Why are buying Christmas presents so hard?
Quid in his tibi velis, nos amici?
Because deep down, I think most of us feel that the other people in our lives don’t actually deserve them.
Wearing sunglasses inside, who does she think she is?
If people were to make direct eye contact, they turn to stone.
An 4th generation heir to a ridiculous fortune that is completely out of touch with reality?
COREY HART
Lions OC feeling good
It is FAR too early to make that “no crying” statement,
Never too early for that gif
NotMegatrondown!
Another Browner coverage, another Browner penalty. And life soldiers on as always.
Jim Bob Cooter. There is no way that’s a real name.
I like the cut of his bush. I-I mean jib!
Perfectly name for an LSU quarterback.
So in surfing this series of tubes and wires I just came across Miss Universe truthers. Sweet Jesus.
Aqua-net and Fire can’t melt steel beams!
Unless you’re at a Great White concert.
Touché
Saints DBs vs Calvin Johnson
HAIL BLEERGH
Down marker guy down!
This site and my tablet get along like fucking Hitler and Stalin.
Now I have to go to Firefox on my Mac, which might get along even more poorly.
Why can’t these fucking tech idiots invent a better laptop for blog-type shit or a better tablet for typing-type shit?
Oh, you’re still using non-quantum computing units without a direct neural connection? How quaint.
Two teams that couldn’t defend against a middle school offense, and we get a goddamned punting exhibition
Punt, punt, fizz, fizz
It’s the worst of both worlds!!!!
♪ God, my replacement sure sucks ♪
I dont care what a hit sounds like. I care if it is career ending.
And if a certain Patriot QB is the one being hit.
Charles Woodson announces his retirement pending the end of this season. Real shame. Actual quality dude.
Still a hell of a player too. Better than every Iggle dback right now, hell I bet Dawkins is better still.
All-time great.
Well. That Monday happened.
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ga/1993/ga930118.gif
http://i.imgur.com/xScDX.png
So is Matthew Stafford the modern day Drew Bledsoe?
When Ol’ Uncle Sill gets into the ergot again remind him to tell you the story of how Drew Bledsoe refusing to cheat gave rise to the Shady/Belicheat monster.
CJ Spiller already has filled his 2-yard quota for the evening, and his mom can go to bed.
Replay of Arsenal v Man City, Ice Eskimos v Ice Bombers or this game.
Hello, my name is litre_cola and I have a problem. Is this a safe place to talk about my addiction for bad football, dick jokes and hatred of awful announcing?
http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/safespace2.jpg
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?
FINE. YOU?
A commercial showing a QB blindsided and laying on the ground. Boy, that Geico company sure does have its fingers on the pulse of America!
I am ok with the fact that I truly, absolutely have nothing better to do with my life.
http://i.imgur.com/jXPj6sa.gif
ONE OF US ONE OF US
That’ the excuse I use each time I masturbate…..it hasn’t failed me thus far for the last 30 years.
Well I’m fully current on the Star Wars front.
The 18 theater location I went to was showing it on 10 of the 18 screens.
That’s just nuts.
Traditional anthem? In New Orleans?! Well done.
If you twitter twat with any if the other degenerates, remind them:
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/60518024.jpg
INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEMS! LOUISIANA STYLE!
hey guys
Yo
http://i.imgur.com/ckQEp4y.gif
Geno’s knee was just exploded by Columbus’ Boon Jenner. Happy, happy. Joy, joy.
Can’t find the old killer rabbit Hello sketch anymore…
http://33.media.tumblr.com/575d59bb7ff4b6405353fffd2039a838/tumblr_ni14eo9YcU1r8brruo1_500.gif
The only reason we’re watching this game is because we have more alcohol and drugs than Hunter S. Thompson had at the end, right? RIGHT?
And shotguns! Shotguns are fun!
Well, I was raised Catholic, sin frequently, and lack a whip, so I have to self-flagellate somehow.
A Catholic without a self-flagellation whip is like a Catholic without a priest in their rectory.
Also, speaking of the flex schedule, we got a flex game for the upcoming SNF game, and it’s somehow Giants/Vikes. The flex guys don’t understand how flex scheduling should work, I think.
Careful, you’ll summon rill with all that flexing.
NBC’s NFC East fetish is getting a bit out of hand.
Loins, Taints…. thy winter of thou discontent dos hath finally begineth….
You have the strangest sexy talk.
Congrats to our midweek aerial female deity for the banner quote.
It’s you and me, Balls, for the Insanity League title.
This game is gonna be just awful. I hear a few really good movies got leaked early this year…..