csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…
Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about this one:
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/25444633/james-harrison-gets-vontaze-burficts-back-in-controversial-antonio-brown-hit
You are allowed to hate everyone involved.
He’s got a point; many of these there is no way for the defender to adjust his trajectory and he’s not doing his job if he avoids the trajectory in the first place.
James will be fined for this.
http://i.imgur.com/Dj3YmfD.gifv
I… what the hell is happening here? Is that a midget? Dwarf? Little person? What the fuck ever. Anyone under 5’8 is short to me, so I don’t bother with the nomenclature any more.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/9e49b7ebd8d604f6d7ebf0bd132d22e1/tumblr_nzaj3g7fj11qjnhqgo1_1280.jpg
Grab him by the legs and hammer throw him through a wall!
Alright, now the Texans started the playoffs well but the Bengals managed to top the Texans.
Now who’s going to top the Bengals in this game?
I dunno, the bar for pants shittery has been set pretty high.
The players are moving around and there are heaters on the sideline. It’s gonna be the fans who are hit hardest by frostbite and such. What’s the over/under on drunk, shirtless morons in the crowd?
http://i.imgur.com/ZOm2XWX.gifv
So, it’s cold? Or something?
http://cdn.tegna-tv.com/-mm-/9508eaa18d431f2454ed5ca8fea69b10668f2c02/c=0-4-1229-698&r=x633&c=1200×630/local/-/media/2015/10/15/NWGroup/KING/635805224619112722-RussellWilsonMacklemoreBose.JPG
Sorry, but I laughed.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/b5b8de2fed3651fc9cb64f1e0b2fea45/tumblr_nz6mkstmtl1s7fwo7o1_1280.jpg
Dear lord, so did I.
That’s bad and you should feel bad for posting that.
*wipes tears from eyes*
Elite Beat Agents remains the king of the inappropriate misplaced Dead Dad Moment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ethUYq5tlSk
My wife showed me that. As a former CPS worker she knew it’d kill me. Still does.
Ironically, Levi’s Stadium is also what Red Grossman calls his favorite pair of jeans.
Or Rex, *fucking auto-correct*
Red Grossman is at least a once a month phenomenon.
https://www.facebook.com/red.crossman
http://41.media.tumblr.com/35e922f3b7a66054b05fee9553fa96c5/tumblr_nyc56tnYS71qcye95o1_1280.jpg
http://www.bassins.com/producer-profiles/images/narragansett/quint.jpeg
Quick breakfast suggestion.
Get a small saucepan and melt some butter.
Toast yourself some rye bread while butter is melting.
Soft scramble a couple of eggs in melted butter.
Serve eggs on top of the rye bread.
Sprinkle with some extra sharp cheddar.
Consume in about 11 seconds.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/27a81568fd97a1c89e3c612673864396/tumblr_nzy9jrg5Vl1s0u653o2_500.gif
What temperature does plastic helmets become brittle? Will we see a helmet crack today?
The biggest example of how the NFL does not give a shit about player safety is how they still have them using helmets with hard exteriors.
http://www.helmethut.com/DrDelrye/Dr102808a.jpg
If they mandated players to use these helmets, increasing the external stopping distance…ergo brains get less force to go smashing against the interior of the skull…concussions would significantly drop immediately.
But you can’t have cool, crisp graphics on these. So its not mandated. FUCKING STUPID!
Yeah, the helmets they use are shitty technology from years ago. They could be so much safer.
Its so fucking moronic.
They know there are better helmets and better mouth guards that could SIGNIFICANTLY lower the rate of head injuries. But they don’t mandate it because it would hurt them fighting the concussion lawsuits.
-40ish C is considered the lower working temperature of polycarbonate, though it’s glass transition temperature is about 147 C, so it’s already brittle.
It’s fun to play expletive mad libs with censored transcripts of Pacman’s post game rant.
You don’t automatically do that with any censored statement?
Oh I do, but there are SO MANY expletives in this one, you can really get creative with it.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/fb3faaf2a74e148fcaefbb28678df5bd/tumblr_nzbyl5Ckh21uhyibpo1_500.jpg
BIRDMURDERDOME!
…which ap isn’t likely to play in.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Just saw this on a Bungles message board. A Steelers fan is trolling them about the sack that hurt Big Ben, claiming that Burfict drove his knee into Ben’s shoulder and it was a dirty play…
Last night while playing Cards Against Humanity I got a card that read “Having anuses for eyes.” It didn’t make much sense to me, but after seeing Peter King and Mike Florio on my television I have a better sense of what that would be like.
Don’t replace Marvin Lewis with Hue Jackson, Brown! Jackson was stupid enough to agree to the Palmer trade.
Fucking Christ I rage when I see Peter King.
There is nothing I like about the guy…
oh Christ, PK and Florio. Hit mute button JUST IN TIME.
Glorious Hines smire. Unfortunately, that means 6 more weeks of winter.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/7a7ad4ef5cf6150e3df368fdafb43489/tumblr_nz56r3xo3u1s9f4joo1_500.gif
Honest to god…I am kind of surprised that Hines Ward can still talk. Dude took a shitload of head shots over the years.
He’s a robot. He has to be.
Hologram.
We’ve got our first injury of the day. The Viking horn cracked into pieces due to the cold weather
“The author’s story in this post is such horseshit. If a man could get paid for slingin’ milk, I’d be a goddamned billionaire.”
– Rex Grossman
Fat squirrels!
http://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/squirrels-are-getting-tubby-warm-winter-weather
http://40.media.tumblr.com/78b92408332b78c3582f748b9202c8ac/tumblr_nxm11eaYWv1qmd9v5o6_1280.jpg
I had a very strange dream last night. The Bengals, after a well fought game, got the lead and was in position to win the game. Then all of a sudden, they started to screw themselves. I don’t mean they had a homosexual gangbang with the entire team or they cloned each other and then did their clones. They had sexual intercouse with themselves. I wish I could describe it, because it defies all acceptable logic but I had no words for what I saw.
Anyway, I am so looking forward to tonight’s game. I hope they can beat the Steelers.
I have something to tell you…… you’re gonna want to sit down for this
Whoa! Dude. That is a fucking weird ass dream, wonder what Freud would say…
Probably that he wants to have sex with his mother.
So much freaking snow here I had to shovel off my van. That’s right “shovel”. That’s also right ladies, my ride is a Dodge Caravan.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/archer/images/c/c1/KriegersVan.png/revision/latest?cb=20110423152628
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUtud5NoqFQ&feature=youtu.be&t=12s
Wait, like the 90s version?
No, it’s a brand spankin’ new 2012 model. Okay, maybe new doesn’t apply here.
My dad owned a 90s Caravan. I took that thing to 105 mph and thought I was going to shake apart. God that was a fun ride.
Been in Michigan for 10 years. This is the first year I have a garage. I don’t think I can ever go back now.
You really need that “if this van’s a-rockin’ don’t come a-knockin'” bumper sticker for that sweet ride.
Sling milk is a euphemism, right?
I wish.
Ugh, it’s too damn early to be looking at Tony Dungy.
http://www.mardecortesbaja.com/Nosferatu.jpg
http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Nosferatu_63cae7_2492621.jpg
Let it be shouted from the mountaintops:
NBC HAS THE WORST PRE-GAME SHOW I’VE EVER SEEN!
I totally forgot that the Bungles defense ran into the tunnel after the interception!
Seriously…this has to be one of the most epic series of derps in the history of the NFL. It took like 6 or 7 separate stupid fucking brain farts, all of which have to occur in order for the lost.
I hate the Steelers…but I have to admit…this was an EPIC IMPLOSION!
It was truly a sight.
No gloves? # nanobubbles blessed
GOD COULD KILL COSTAS OUT THERE TODAY WOO!!
OH FUCK THE GAME IS ON NBC?!?
Why…dear god why is the NFL pregame shows, announcers, and everything else so much shittier than the College Game?
After that abortion of a game last night, I think I am done with the nfl for the rest of the season, possibly forever. As a bengals fan I never had any (ANY) hope that they would win, but to witness such blatant favoritism (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0L_rD7CCe4#t=1m58s) by jim and phil, on top of the incompetence on all three sides which led not to a good game but to countless head traumas makes me sick. It’s almost like the nfl and all of its machinery is not there to support a game that people enjoy and people in their employ, but only to make money(!).
That Pete Carroll fellow is starting to make a lot more sense to me now…
I would hope some officiating reform would result from that game, but I doubt it’ll happen.
Oh come on…literally every single fan base thinks “their” team is the one being targeted by the NFL to lose.
And if this is the first time you realize that the NFL exists just to makes gobs of money…spoiler alert…Santa is not real as well.
I’m pretty sure the Cowboys were targeted this year. By a sniper. Who hated Romo’s clavicles.
Get a call from my shrink…
“Morning JSD…I see that you are canceling your next appointment”
“Yeah. Work conflict. I am going on a trip”
“That is wonderful. You have made tremendous progress since we first started working together. Where are you heading?”
“Nagasaki”
“….seriously???”
Sunday morning is generally Newsletter day in one of my inboxes, and I spend a few hours reading through various weird shit and sifting through it and thinking and then convincing myself I’m smarter than I am because I read and understood most of this stuff. But this?
http://arstechnica.com/science/2016/01/freeze-dried-poop-pills-being-tested-for-obesity-treatment/
This is beyond me. Dok, you and your microbiome are gonna find it interesting, but I am just done with this branch of weirdness.
The first study with obese rats was a few years ago. It basically has to do with how efficient your gut bacteria are a breaking down various nutrients. If you have really efficient gut bacteria, you absorb the calories from a larger proportion of your food. The same people can eat the same 500 calorie meal, but one person might absorb all 500 of those calories, while the other person might only absorb 350 calories because their bacteria weren’t able to break down the compounds in the food.
The study with depressed rats is way more inexplicable to me. Basically we’re all meat robots that are controlled by the bacteria that live in and on us.
I figured you’d be into it. Me? I’m over thinking all the random microbes I routinely murder with antibiotics might have a real say in what goes on with me, considering my callous disregard for their well-being.
You ever read Terry Bisson’s “They’re Made Out of Meat?” It’s about two aliens who sit down and talk about us, and are shocked as hell that humanity is made entirely of biological material. It’s funny as hell and gives an interesting take on the Fermi Paradox. It’s a quick read, here’s a link:
http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html
I have to read this as I routinely refer to myself as a meat computer!
That was a highly enjoyable quick read.
There’s a fun little 6 minute YouTube video of the story, only these aliens are in a diner. They look so perplexed the entire time.
Those who only absorb the 350; they are the ones with lots of magazines in the bathroom.
Oh shit. Kid fired up Lego Dimensions with Doctor Who and they have voices and Doctor Who music. May have to confiscate it.
Do you not like Doctor Who, or do the music and accents bother you?
No, no, no. I mean confiscate it so I can play with it instead.
I’m already chuckling at the thought of just how red Mike Zimmer’s face will be today.
http://www.allgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/over-easy.gif
Welp, now I need breakfast.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9673fd83c932e3b63798f7a5fd5e0772/tumblr_nzda6ouMyX1s71nvbo1_1280.jpg
I think it’s funny that people can go out in the -2 weather and still get sunburned.
RESPECT THE SUN, MAYBE
http://41.media.tumblr.com/850e8dbeed9b3f17344a0dce2f00de15/tumblr_nz29vvgZuN1qjnhqgo1_1280.jpg
I bought a book on Amazon for my kindle this morning based on the name alone:
“Remember Why You Fear Me.”
I don’t give a shit if the entire inside is just re-formatted Scientology newsletters, that is the most bad-ass title I’ve read in a long, long time.
Sub-Titled “The Story of Vontaze Burfict & Bengals Fans”
I know what Purple Jesus is gettin’ his kids for Xmas next year!!
Slurs vs. Child Abuse. The Disdain Bowl!
It’s the Subway Fuck Your Moral Superiority Bowl!
Dear mister God Man and his little Sonny Jesus.
I know I’m a hypocrite and I don’t really believe in you and I’m always making jokes about fornication and masturbation but if there is some way you could take this Seattle team and toss them into a burning fiery pit of hell today that would be really swell.
Kay?
Thankx.
Bai.
Fun fact: Rex Grossman also used to go home for the holidays to sling milk, but he meant a little differently than you did here.
Ah, nuts.
Wow! No one won Powerball. It’s $1.3 billion now, with the cash option over $800 million.
I would take the cash option. I like to think I’m smart enough to make $800 million last the rest of my life.
/buys 8 penthouse apartments in NYC
//real estate market collapses
Aw dammit.
There are literally dozens of ways to make merely 8 million last the rest of your life. My plan is drugs, hookers, and so much fucking whiskey Ireland cries. Of course, “the rest of your life” is a relative term.
I used to have a friend who said he wanted “sudden wealth” to be his cause of death. He ended up going crazy and moving back to western Massachusetts.
Sane or not, who the fuck moves to western Massachusetts?
Berkshires are really nice.
Not North Adams though. Jesus what a dump.
Does anyone ever not take the cash option?
There are people who don’t fuck themselves over with the instant wealth, you just don’t hear about them.
Annual payout AFTER federal taxes is 32 million a year. I’m never going to make 32 million in my life, so y’know.
SO. MANY. OPIATES.
I would finally make that talking six foot Oxy.
also, this Powerball thingy would be more fun if one were not limited to rational numbers.
Pi billion dollars!
GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX LIBTARDS!!1!one!!$@(/%#£
THANKS OBUMMER!
It’s a balmy 15 degrees, feels like -8 here in Chicago, but toss in a hangover and I’m really not feeling like going out for these games as planned. Going to the Skins bar for the game just seems like an invitation for enhanced disappointment anyway.
So we’re all drinking every time they show a thermometer during the broadcast right?
Oh sure thing Jim Jones. You first.
How many players are going to be sleeveless to show how tough they are?
Follow up question. How many players will be treated for frostbite during the game?
This game should’ve been a night game when it would be mega-cold.
Agreed!