Your “I Wish Coughlin Was Coaching One Of These Teams” Wild Card Game Open Thread

csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…

Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!

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blaxabbath

Chris: “Just know that, if the D doesn’t hold, Wilson had played an amazing game!”

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Kneel it three times, then kick it.

bourb0nblues

THIS

Gratliff

Oh god, if Minnesota misses a chipshot FG, this will be perfect.

Romonobyl

Couldn’t give a rat’s ass about a Vikes win, but would love to see Seattle lose.

Doktor Zymm

Yuuup. I second this.

King Hippo

run, run, run, portly bitchy gal from Facts of Life (h/t WBS) and SKOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shogun Marcus

They’ve got this.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO….thought that comment went unnoticed.

Wakezilla

That was a waste of a timeout

The Maestro

KYLE RUDOLPH DOES A THING

Doktor Zymm

What’s FG range in this weather? How close are they? Are they there?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Based on Walsh’s previous makes, they’re there.

Senor Weaselo

Walsh has already kicked a 47-yarder, so they’re there.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Are they actually going to do this?

John Difool

AHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA, HO-HO-HO-HO

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JustStopDude

Let’s see if the Vikings can Bengal this!!!

...

Truthfully, I’d like it much more of the Seahawks Bengal’d this.

Recovery Whiskey

They finally found the tight end

blaxabbath

Seriously hate SEA’s secondary. That team lives on those DBs challenging refs to throw a flag every play — and when the flag gets thrown, here comes the krokodyl tears.

Recovery Whiskey

Bullshit call

Doktor Zymm

Ooh, I hope this game ends up decided by penalties!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That is blasphemy. The officiating in the NFL is pristine

Sharkbait

Bleergh thrives in the cold.

Senor Weaselo

Hail Bleergh!

fleshwound_NPG

name?

...

She strikes me as the woman who gets down on all fours, spreads her ass, and demands you stick it in her brown eye.

litre_cola

A tonne of time left here.

King Hippo

Piece that SKOL back together!!

Wakezilla

C’mon TeddyCeption!

Spur
Badger

I appreciate you.

Wakezilla

You’re cheering for the wrong team, but your .gifs make up for it

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Never seen this show, do they even pretend it’s about anything other that jiggles? I’m not complaining, mind you.

Romonobyl

I wonder if she ever Beat Bobby Flay?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So perky AP wants to take an electrical cord to them

Recovery Whiskey

Twice the Seattle offense failed to close out

Redshirt

So is this like New Year’s Rockin’ Eve but this time we’re waiting for the ball to go up to 0°?

Wakezilla

Holding on Seattle

blaxabbath

Quality hold there.

Sharkbait

Fiancee is watching Karate Kid. Might be better than the game

blaxabbath

I’d like to see salt thrown in Wilson’s eyes and see if he can rely on his underwater pool training to beat MIN.

entropy

Dammit Hippo, now I’m playing Mad Season again and wishing Layne Staley wasn’t dead and I maintain its your fault.

Shogun Marcus

Mhm. I’m sitting on the angry chair.

entropy

I’m drunk, listening to Mad Season, and see a picture of Milk & Cheese. Fuck me, I’m back in 1996 again!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But Al, if the Vikings call a timeout with just a second or two before the two minute warning, it means the Seahawks can pass on third down without negative repurcussions for an incomplete pass, since the clock would be stopping anyways.

Spur
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Ride Along 2: Unnecessary Sequel: The Sequeling

blaxabbath

TV shows Irvin standing with his arms crossed, celebrating a hit.

“And KJ Wright got through there….

….

….

….

So Wilson has just been amazing this 4th quarter!”

Doktor Zymm

And no way Seattle covers!

Wakezilla

With how horrible the Hawks O-line is, the Vikings will have a chance to kick a field goal to win in a minute or so.

Doktor Zymm

We’re getting close to kickoff in unscenic Landover. I’m nervous. Maybe I should switch to martinis.

...

Have the bleach on standby.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That means you have gin or vodka. Just go with those instead of taking the effort of making a drink

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I am well into the process of preparing to watch the Packers lose.

Doktor Zymm

This is that rarest of games where both team’s fans are expecting a loss. Though that’s probably just me. Other [*Redacted] s fans are usually freakishly optimistic.

entropy

I’m about a quart of iced tea away from straight vodka. I say go for it.

Doktor Zymm

Oooh, that would be pretty excellent

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I watched my comment become redundant as it was loading. It was weird. Didn’t realize I could get new comments while mine hung in loading.

Spur
bourb0nblues

She could be baking dogshit, and I would not care.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Those boobs are making me hungry.

Sharkbait

Miss any derp on my way home?

John Difool

ALL THE DERP

entropy

My TIVO shit the bed, but that’s on YouTube tv, so it has no footy impact.

Romonobyl

Google “Adrian Peterson”.

Wakezilla

What the shit was that, Lockette? Run in a straight line you ignoramus!

...

Oh goddamn it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am amazed by how spectacularly anticlimactic this finish is turning out to be.

Romonobyl

Welcome to my sex life.

Doktor Zymm

Seattle wins they play the Panthers, yes?

Wakezilla

Correct

entropy

Yup.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yep they are the 6th seed

litre_cola

Yep.

Have you got your politically incorrect headdress on yet?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, I just got a knit hat. With a pom-pom. And it’s too warm in here for that.

Spur
...

I’d be shocked that no one has photoshopped a dude going backdoor on her in this.

Romonobyl

They had to Photoshop him out.

fleshwound_NPG

AP 20 carries, 36 yards, fumble.

Leasty.

Gratliff

Regular Season Champion, Adrian Peterson

bourb0nblues

yup.

Recovery Whiskey

And benched

litre_cola

His kid is at home in the whuppin room with a switch just waitin for him. Dem Nutz is going to be the colour of them uniforms.

King Hippo

THIS IS THE SILVER LINING BECAUSE FUCK HIM WITH A RUSTY DILDO.

/actually, he and JJ Watt can go ass-to-ass, Requiem for a Dream-style

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cris: Tucking it in behind.

Romonobyl

Pendejo!
/somebody had to say it.

blaxabbath

Where is Lynch today? Wasn’t he gonna play?

Recovery Whiskey

Did not make the trip. Not much story yet why

litre_cola

Beef Moe’s grillz freeze up in that weather.

Sill Bimmons

Abdomen issues.

blaxabbath

He’s supposed to be there so he don’t get fined.

Wakezilla

Official story: He decided on Thursday he wasn’t healthy enough to play.

Unofficial story: Management really don’t like him and told him he’s not healthy enough to stay and that he can’t even fly with the team to Minnesota

Romonobyl

I thought he was working on a Twin Peaks reboot.

Oh…THAT Lynch.