csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…
Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!
This NFL Moment in Punter Derp has been brought to you by….
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I too am shirtless in Minnesota, people! Granted I am visting Zygi Wilf’s secret sex dungeon, but fun nonetheless!
Mike Zimmer looks like the manager of a Wal-Mart who treats everyone like shit because he is super bitter about his lot in life and because suppressing total payroll costs gives him a bigger bonus.
I hope the long snapper does something dumb next.
NEWMAN
/getting it out of my head now
TeleNOvella.
Tax commercials. We are so, so close to phasing Danica Patrick out of our lives…
At least until she wins a race … Oh wait
NASCAR will try their damnedest
Ever notice that in every DirectTV commercial, the characters without cable are more likeable?
Was that the snow mizer song?
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Disappointed the shirtless moron didn’t bother to paint himself
Oh, I’m sure he did, but the paint froze and dropped off already.
Give it a few minutes and he won’t need paint to turn purple.
SHIRTLESS ASSHOLE IN THE STANDS EVERYBODY DRINK
So, it looks like 2 separate Pittsburgh coaches will get fined for separate incidents after last night. I can’t remember the last time that happened
And yet the result stands.
It was probably the god damn Jets.
Justice iz served!
As cold as it is Cris, I’m sure all tight ends are covered.
Make a dangerous throw, that wouldn’t have gotten you in the end zone anyway. Jeebus, Teddy.
When Teddy said he wanted to be like Favre, I didn’t think he was serious.
“gaping hole”
“penetration”
“splitting between”
Al and Chris are gonna totally tuck in the booth before this game is over, right?
Gotta keep warm somehow.
Anything to stay warm.
Shoulda run on 3rd and 4th down there. Fuckers.
Is there a rhinoplastologist in the house?!
You called?
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/cartoon-rhino-doctor-illustration-scrubs-47477416.jpg
Punter not in concussion protocol, just re-adjusting his nose.
tis ok, nobody woulda shared their blow with him today anyhow
What kind of player sits out with a nose boo-boo?
Its un-canadian.
You know after last night’s WWE-style match against Steelers and Bengals, going back to regular NFL is kind of boring.
I watched the highlights this morning. It looked even dirtier upon the rewatch.
I know y’all be DYING to ask, and the answer is NO, Hauschka never punted at NC State.
“Penetration”
teehee
Into a gaping hole Al?
I giggled at “penetration could happen”
Lexus: automobiles for hot people who like to fuck.
So which automobile is for people who have to settle but still like to fuck?
Datsun
Hyundai, for those who are grateful for the occasional, disinterested handjob
Yugo fuck yourself
Clearly, I have magic powers today. What would you like to happen next? I accept bribes.
Every car at the game has a dead battery?
Have a case of Yuengling arrive at my door
Naked Christina Hendricks?
Sorry, she’s on her way here.
Aaron Rodgers and maybe the sudden onset of a very bad flu?
Adrian Peterson’s leg falls off and Teddy Bridgewater goes legend without him.
Teddy already plays better without him.
so there’s this lotto wednesday… I don’t need the whole prize but can ii get like 200K?
Tarantasaurus wanders on field, eats Adrian Peterson.
I will do everything I can to make this happen.
I read a book once on consensual reality, basically, things exist because we agree they do…. I’m not asking you to clap real loud, but every extra wish helps.
Put me on the Bengals sideline with 0:30 to go last night. I got two players I need to kick in the nuts to put right what once went wrong.
I have magic powers TODAY. They are not retroactive, or the goddamn Jets would be in the playoffs,
Alright, then just have Burfict and Jones get kicked in the nuts TODAY then.
DONE.
How much shorter ya reckon FG range is today?
Depends at what temp do toes break off?
Momma Cola just texted me that Bud Grant didn’t allow heaters on the bench in his day. I asked here if he also wore an onion on his belt, return question was if I was drunk already.
This takes “Ice up, Son” to whole new levels.
Do you think the cold is causing poor clock management? CAUSE IT IS COLD.
“In YYYOOOUSTON we already had a touchdown by know. CAUSE IT WAS NOT COLD!!!”
Gaping hole eh Al?
.That’s just….just….Awww shit, I’ve been renderered speakless.
DRINK POLL-
A Sleeman’s and a Caesar over here.
Growler of a local black IPA
Tito’s spicey Bloody Mary
That’s my next drink, Tito’s and Iced Tea!
I asked a friend once what mixed well with Tito’s, and his entire response was, “Ice.”
What kind of Sleemans? Big fan of Honey Brown, and Cream Lager.
I’m doing the Clear 2.0 because I’m watching my figure.
Semi-cheap vodka shots, chased with Monster Energy.
Drunk and awake, thank you very much.
Oh, I’ve got some 5 Hour Energy around here somewhere…
Sticking with coffee for now, subject to change.
Most punter play possible.
Early derp
If I was a punter — playoffs, Super Bowl, to save the galaxy — I would never run with the ball. I damn sure wouldn’t jump in the air with the ball.
Ryan was a RB in the CFL. He can’t help it sometimes
Punters can’t jump
Clemson’s punter has a new spirit animal.
THE COLD IS NOT WHY HE FUCKED UP THE SNAP, YOU FUCK
But narrative!
Punter: “Think happy thoughts! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!”
Stupid liquored-up punter. smdh
So…entropy has magic powers?
I AM YOUR GOD NOW
After what we saw late last night we cannot call that a total derp
They just need to warm up the derp engine. Give it time.
Last night was beyond derp.
Nothing infuriates/motivates a team like an injured punter.
they may be special teamers, but they’re OUR special teamers.
the Derp is strong in this punter…
HAHAHA, FINALLY SOME DUMB SHIT!
womp womp
Would someone do something ridiculously stupid, please? This is boring.
Are you happy now?
There ya go.
Well. There you go.
Ask and ye shall receive
You got your wish.
Ask and ye shall receive.
Are you a wizard?
And there ya go.
please feel free to try that again in a few minutes
Would someone give me the winner Powerball numbers for Wednesday, please? This is boring.
Beastless Mode
Skittles kills off lime skittle and first playoff game this happens. Coincidence?
If Russell Wilson was actually on fire then his teammates could gather around him to warm their hands and toast marshmallows!
Mr. Locke, what would you say… you do here?
Pearl Jam *drink*
Would it kill them to rock some Heart or Queensryche
Or some Melvin’s
Mudhoney, maybe? Fuckin Helmet?
Sky Cries Mary
Screaming Trees please.
What year is this,1992?
I’m 15 minutes late to the party and you fucknuts are already 200 comments in? Holy shit.
Well fuck that, I ain’t reading back.
But I am impressed nonetheless.
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I remember this kind of weather as a kid in Illinois. The ol’ sac would shrink up like a dried apricot from November until mid-March.
ONe of the rarely mentioned novelties of cold weather living.
I wonder if it is cold there. I sure hope they tell us.
Fingers crossed!! Oh shit, they done broke off.
Did you know Jimmy Graham played basketball? I guarantee even though he isn’t playing this little unknown tidbit will be thrust upon us.
RICHARD SHERMAN WENT TO STANFORD, FITZPATRICK WENT TO HARVARD, ADRIAN BEATHISON WENT TO ALAMO MEMORIAL MIDDLE SCHOOL IN FUCK YOU, TEXAS.
A.P. might want to walk back statement that no one on Seattle’s defense can stop him ’cause all of them just did on one play.
He clearly said no ONE, leaving open the possibility for entire team to kill him simultaneously.
Couldn’t beat em back with a stick!