Your “I Wish Coughlin Was Coaching One Of These Teams” Wild Card Game Open Thread

csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…

Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s against the rules to hug receivers???”

Romonobyl

Not according to Aaron Rodgers.

Spur

Peterson bout to start whipping’em.

Horatio Cornblower

That is, hands down, the whitest high school championship team I have ever seen.

Senor Weaselo

Gotta say the “music selections that we’re only going to use up to when we’d have to pay royalties” have at least been silly. There was a Snowmiser in there and now Let It Go.

The Maestro

Why was the outro music a metal version of the intro to “Let It Go”? You don’t think parents and teachers have heard enough of that shit already by now??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My brother-in-law said at his kid’s last talent show someone did a version in Hindi.

Redshirt

I think it would be a nice change of pace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfG6VKnjrVw

Spur

Ref put no effort into throwing that flag

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I’m gonna be distracted playing with my new technology for the rest of this game.

litre_cola

Too many Hitachi jokes.

Romonobyl

So did you get the single zone or spring for the dual?

theeWeeBabySeamus

rechargeable batteries?

Redshirt

Ah, I see Seattle is going for “traditional derptitude”.

Recovery Whiskey

PHRASING

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

That’s terrible protection.
-Matt Kalil

entropy

“But they were cheap!”
— Anotnio Cromartie

Wakezilla

Aaron Rodgers wishes more teams would rush him from behind.

John Difool

CHARMPLOSION

Spur

Part duex

Senor Weaselo

Afternoon all. Has anyone said INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD yet?

Horatio Cornblower

You’re the first. Have some ice cream.

Wakezilla

So, how many of you are still upholding your New Years Resolutions?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

my what?

entropy

I read in my high school yearbook, “never change,” and I have held fast to that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I work out today, I will be faithful. Odds are not great.

King Hippo

I resolved 9-10 years ago to stop making NYRs, and it has held.

Romonobyl

Well, I’m supposed to eat healthier.
/burps up a little breakfast taco
Not doing so well with it.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

My resolution is same as last year’s: 1920×1080

IronAvenger6491

I imagine somewhere down the line Wilson just going to be like Pedro Cerrano and tell his god to fuck off, he’s doing this himself.

Spur

Goodell should be stripped nude and forced to walk to the airport.

Redshirt

Goodell should be stripped nude, drenched in lemon juice and pushed into a sticker bush.

There, Fixed it for you.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Get it? “Freeze Frame”? Oh, NBC, you crack me up.

Doktor Zymm

Oh shit! My Bedjet is here! I spend too much money on Kickstarter and it is totally worth it.

...

Now your body will be kept at optimal temperature each night when you sleep! WHAT A WORLD!

Doktor Zymm

Dude, there’s a learning circadian rythem mode. Also, my fancy-ass LED bulbs are totally in [*Redacted] s colors right now.

King Hippo

FUCK YOU Al, the Shite are NOT one of the premier teams in the goddamned League.

This season, it’s a stretch to say that about United, even.

Moonbatting Average

This lead is more surmountable than Ciara

The Maestro

If this score holds, this is comment of the week.

entropy

So the consensus is insurmountable lead. Wooooooooooo checked out, drinking vodka, and YouTube until I see different!

Sharkbait

You do have the power to make this more entertaining though…

entropy

Shit! I forgot! Lemme kill my vodka and monster energy (hooray random fridge finds) and get on it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuckin copycat.

entropy

You and me? Same wavelength.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only I don’t seem to have powers to change the existence of matter and such.
But that would be really cool if I did.

entropy

I managed it once. Let’s see how my next attempt goes.

Sharkbait

Wait a half an hour until I get home from work and can properly enjoy the derp.

The Maestro

That kick still doesn’t make up for 1998, though.

Spur

Too soon, too soon.

King Hippo

Shit, Blair Walsh be good.

Viking with girl’s name > SeaTruther with girl’s name

fleshwound_NPG

Yep, insurmountable lead.

Horatio Cornblower

Insurmountable 6-0 lead!

Sharkbait

INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD!

entropy

Insurmountable lead?

Redshirt

Insurmountable lead.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Vikings o-line gettin’ beatin’ like an Adrian stepchild.

Recovery Whiskey

AP got his tail whipped on that one

fleshwound_NPG

comment image

IronAvenger6491

Rodgers looks a little rough here.

The Maestro

We have achieved peak Skins. You cannot Skins any harder than this.

Doktor Zymm

Ugh, and that’s at Fedex too. At least it’s not someone I know.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sez you.

...

O AN HE SEXY

John Difool

How did he see his balls to shave them?

IronAvenger6491

How we doing boys?

Romonobyl

So will the new stadium at least have a lid on it?

John Difool

God I hope not, Seattle would probably be raping the Vikes right now indoors.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Giant glass monstrosity that the city will hate w/in 2 years. Good thing it only costs $700 million

...

Plus all of those dead birds!

fleshwound_NPG

Still not 0.0000000001% of the derp we saw last night.

Sharkbait

There’s still time.

Sharkbait

Weaksuace on that roughing the passer.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Nice acting, Teddy.

...

I get beer and the Charmslinger gets sloppy? You’re welcome.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The more you drink the sloppier he gets!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This car will be perfect for when I’m making inappropriate advances toward the babysitter while driving her home!”

Redshirt

FOX music on NBC? What is going on?!

Doktor Zymm

Huh, turns out I’ve really grown to dislike the Seahawks over the last couple years.

King Hippo

This is lining up perfectly for a Panthers/Cards NFC title game and I’m already getting a chub on just thinking about it.

/no homo

Kungjitsu

Easy

— Carson Palmer’s Knee Ligaments

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cam Newton just rolled his car thinking about your chub.

Kungjitsu

Ciara googles Teddy Bridgewater contract

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Suck it, Wilson!”

– Dennis the Menace in Fox’s upcoming gritty reboot

King Hippo

entropy

YoiTube channel has completely taken over my attention.

fleshwound_NPG

So this game gonna end 3-0, right?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

yeah

Horatio Cornblower

God sent that interception to test Russell Wilson.

And because He just enjoys fucking with Russell Wilson.

Dunstan

He’s the only one who knows what it’s like to fuck Russell Wilson.

JustStopDude

If this game was occurring next year, in that hideous new stadium, it would not nearly be as close or interesting.

John Difool

CHARMDERP

Moonbatting Average

Excellent

The Maestro

CHARMCEPTION WOOOOOO

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