{ Interior Vikings team HQ, Eden Prairie Minnesota}

Coach Zimmer: “Well, that’s about the last of the team interviews. Guess there’s nothing left to do but clear out the desk and get the fuck out of here. Goddammit. So fucking close. We did achieve our initial goal of winning the NFC North but holy fuck shit what a goddamn way to finish.”

[ door flies open]

Zygi WIlf: “Heyyo Coach Zimm? How the fuck are yez, Paisan?”

CZ: “Good Mr. WIlf, good. Just finishing up the team exit interviews and I’m getting ready to close up shop on the 2015 season.”

Zygi: “Yer fucking A Zimmy Boy. Fucking hell of a season eh? Fucking hell of a season I tell yez.”

CZ: “Could have ended a little better for sure but we made great progress and the future is looking solid. Really solid.”

Zygi: “Look at Mister fuckin’ optimist over here! I fuckin’ love this guy! Yer fuckin’ A Zimmy. Nowhere to go but up from here. That’s why I like yez, we speak the same fuckin’ language. Am I right over here? or am I right?

CZ: “Fucking A your right Mister Wilf.”

Zygi: “This guy! This fuckin’ guy! Hey did ya talk to the guy? The little shit stain? That fuckin’ kicker asshole? What the fuck is his name?”

CZ: “Walsh, Mister Wilf. Blair Walsh. Yeah I talked to him”

Zygi: “Zimmy, please! Stop with the fuckin’ formalities over here! Call me Zygi. We’re in dis shit for the long haul you and me!”

CZ: “Right you are Mist..uhh Zygi. Yeah I talked to Walsh. He was sad as all hell and I just didn’t have it in me to bitch him out again. He missed a chip shot. Nothing we can do about it now. We left several plays out there but what’s done is done and we have to regroup for next year.”

Zygi: “So he knows this fuckin’ shit can’t happen again, right?”

CZ: “He knows. I told him if there was another miss like that I would cut him.”

Zygi: “That’s all? Just cut him?”

/coach zimmer pulls out a switchblade knife and opens it

CZ: “I told him I would fucking CUT him.”

Zygi: “Look at the balls on this guy! I fuckin’ love this fuckin’ guy! That’s why we fuckin’ hired you Zimmy. You and I handle all of our business the same fuckin’ way. Just axe some of those real estate investors who tried to take me to jail. Most of these cocksuckers are going to be supporting the new stadium. Literally supporting the stadium because we buried the motherfuckers in the cement that we used for the foundation. HA HA!”

CZ: “I respect the hell out of you Zygi. I would go to fucking war for you!”

Zygi: “I know you would kid. I know you would. So what’s in the plans for the offseason? You’ve got some time off so what’s the plan? Knowing you you’ll probably head home and do some fuckin’ film study or some kind of shit.”

CZ: “Actually Zygi, I think I’m going to get out of the cold here and maybe head some place warm. You know? Just thaw out a bit.”

Zygi: “Look at this fuckin’ wild man over here! What? Are you gonna head to Boca? Bang some retired grannies and sip a fuckin’ mai tai over here? This fuckin’ guy!”

CZ: “Yeah, probably something like that. It’s been a great season Zygi and I can’t wait to get back and start over again. Hope you and the family have a great offseason.”

Zygi: “You too Zimmy. You too. So are yez gonna lock up over here? I got some people I need to talk to about paying back a fuckin’ loan and I’ve got to get.”

CZ: “Sure Zygi. I’ll lock up. Take care.”

Zygi: [laughing] “See ya coach. This fuckin’ guy. Probably head to Florida and play some fuckin’ shuffleboard or some kinda shit. Fuckin’ gabagool!”

[door flies shut}

CZ: “Jesus Fuck I thought he would never leave.”

/picks up phone and dials.

Agent: “Great White North Travel. How can I help you?”

CZ: “Hi this is Coach Zimmer and I just wanted to confirm my travel plans.”

Agent: “Hi Coach! Finally going to get a little R&R? Yes, I have you down for 2 weeks at Hedonism 3 in Runaway Bay Jamaica. Air Jamaica flight from MSP to Montego Bay and the return flight. This says a booking for 2. You and someone named ‘Beansie?'”

CZ: “That’s exactly right. When is the flight again?”

Agent: “Oh my! It’s in a little over 3 hours. You better hurry!”

CZ: “Thank you. I’m heading out now.”

Coach Zimmer grabs his briefcase, turns out the lights and exits the facility. He heads to a non-descript Ford F-250 and proceeds to head home. He turns on his CD player and begins to sing along.

/After arriving home

CZ: “Beansie?! Hey Beans we got to get going! Our plane is leaving soon and we got to fucking roll!”

[cage door flies open]

Beansie: “EEEK EEEK EEEKKK!!!”

CZ: “Beansie! How are you boy! It’s my little beansie boy. God I love this little monkey!”

Beansie: “EEEKK EEEKK EEKKK!!!”

CZ: “Are you ready little guy? We got to go. Let me get my backpack and we can get the hell out of Dodge.”

[opens backpack]

CZ: “Let’s see, swim trunks, three pairs of shorts, some sunscreen, a couple of tank tops and some island shirts. Yep, that should do it. Oh shit! I almost forgot this!

Alright, Beans let’s go! There’s our Uber!”

The car delivers coach and Beansie to the airport safely. As they enter the plane they are stopped by the head flight attendant.

Flight Attendant: “SIr, I’m not sure you can bring the monkey…”

CZ: [Stares daggers from his eyes with a ferocity that could melt steel beams] “I have first class tickets for me and my friend here. We’re not going to have a problem are we!?!”

Flight attendant: “Nuh nuh no SIR! Welcome to Air Jamaica! Can I get you two some drinks while we board?

CZ: “Overproof rum and Coke for me and a Red Stripe for my friend. We don’t want him drinking too much because he starts pissing everywhere.”

Beansie: “EEEKKK!!”

The Plane arrives in Montego Bay after a smooth and uneventful trip followed by a 2 and 1/2 hour harrowing bus ride to the resort.

Bus Driver: “Here we are mon, Hedo 3. Hope ya all mash it up, mon. Respect!”

Coach steps off the bus and enters the lobby where a front desk attendant waits:

Desk Clerk: “Coach Zim! Wh’Appen bad bwai! Welcome back to the yard, ya know see? And Beansie too. Come to jooks wit da jam-down bwoys?”

CZ: “Good to see you Frederick. And it’s good to be home! Mind if I leave my bag with you until my room is ready. I’m ready to get jammin’!”

Desk Clerk: “I-Man, get some ganja and get your grindsman on!”

Coach finds a rest room and changes into board shorts an Island shirt and grabs his sunscreen. He leads Beansie by the hand as they walk across the resort. The cook from the beach grill recognizes him.

CZ: “Papi! Greetings my brother! How are you?”

Papi: “Coach Zim and Beansie! The Dan Dada and the fierce beast! Come to ease up and grind some champions mon? Here bwai let’s bun some ganja.” [offers monster size spliff to Coach Zimmer]

CZ: [inhales] “Yah mon! Let’s cause a bang-a-rang, I and I! Finally I can relax and by my real self. No more phony tough guy act just to please to boss. I’m home!” [inhales]

Papi: “Yah mon. Home”

Coach walks across the resort again with Beansie.

CZ: “Look Beans! There’s the glass bottom water slide that runs through the disco and there’s the clothing optional beach. And there! There finally! Neverland!”

Approaches sign that reads “Nude Beach. No clothing. No photography” Coach drops his board shorts and shirt and grabs a towel from a stack nearby and walks naked onto the nude beach.

CZ: “We’re Home Beans! We’re home. Look! There’s the swim up bar! And there’s the ‘Pussy Fountain’ and holy God look at all of these naked women.

Coach grabs a seat at the swim up bar while Beansie rests on his shoulder. Suddenly 6 beautiful fully naked young women spot them and bounce and jiggle their way over.

Girls: “OHHH! He’s adorable. I just want to hug him! Can we pet your monkey?”

Beansie looks at Coach Zimmer and gives him a slight wink.

Beansie: “EEEKKKK!!!!”

CZ: “Goddamn right, Beans! You’re goddamn right”.