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blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Hello all. Happy Friday Before Conference Championship Sunday. Lots of discussion about Manning-Brady 17 on the AFC side and the two best teams in the league facing off on the NFC side this week. Good football games are expected to fill our tv screens all Sunday afternoon in the penultimate week of the season, unlike the the College Football Playoff semifinals, which did not live up to the hype (to the tune of about $20 million).

Hype. It’s funny. Now that’s a word that I actually feel like I’ve had a break from lately. I mean, relative the nonstop bombardment of such terms to which we are all blasted on a daily basis. Christmas hype. Oscar hype. Star Wars hype. Not in the past couple weeks though. It was anti-hype.

Can we hype some #content about the Redskins being for real? Nah. Seattle’s deep post-season run of destiny? Over. Even the Rams move was more of a beatdown on the outlook of St Louis more than any unexpected over-the-top salesmanship of Los Angeles. Individual awards fluttered by without second consideration (CaMVP, DPOY JJ Watt, COY Ron Rivera, EOY Mike Maccagnan).

“Hold up,” you’re thinking, “why do Maccagnan and Watt, both whose seasons are over, get links but Cam and Ron don’t?” Well, the answer is simple, because [DFO] has been as guilty as anyone about not giving the Panthers their due. There’s simply nothing worthwhile to which the coach and star player of the team with the best regular season record and #1 playoff seed can be hyperlinked. Granted, this site also hasn’t called out Newton as classless so, I’d say, that’s about a 60% compromise, yeah?

Fortunately, with the playoffs in full stride, the hype machine is back to 11. Politicians are making sorry-as-hell bets, non Mile High weather is getting tons of press (as well as the associated conversations regarding toughness), fans are producing songs, and the teams themselves are keeping their fans on edge. And how are they doing that?

Hashtags.

Hashtags are the future, folks. And they are how to galvanize a bunch of rag tag citizens who don’t understand the importance of purchasing officially licensed NFL Equipment tee shirts from the Official NFL Fan Store at NFL.Com. Lots of money to made here so there’s a reason so much time and effort have been into establishing these hashtags.

Carolina Panthers: #KeepPounding 
Apparently more than just a playoff thing, ‘keep pounding’ is an excerpt from a speech given by former Carolina player and coach, Sam Mills, during his battle with cancer (he passed away in 2005). I did not know any of this before writing this post and now I’m just angry at how excited CBS is going to be to give us 73 hours of tragic Mills coverage if the Panthers win on Sunday. It’s actually a pretty good slogan to adopt even if you don’t know the backstory.

Arizona Cardinals: #BeRedSeeRed
Seriously? This is what we came up with? You’ve pushed the Red Sea moniker since Fake College Stadium opened and now you’re abandoning the not-too-bad #RiseUpRedSea tag for this? It doesn’t even really make sense. I get that the Cardinals PR team is trying to promote people posting photos in Cards gear — which is a great way to pressure people into buying new stuff and stop wearing that Neil Lomax jersey — but, newsflash kid, you don’t need to tell people to post selfies online. They fucking do it anyways. See, this is why college degrees are no substitute for real world experience (especially in Arizona where the education system is just all kinds of potato).

Denver Broncos: #BroncosCountryPlayoffs
Way to make Arizona look cutting edge, Denver. Is this some kind of subtle message that you’ve found your quarterback of the future in Joe Flacco?

New England P*triots: #LetsGo
While still embracing #DoYourJob, Robert Kraft continues his annual resolution to copyright the entire english language, one boring statement at a time. So, start saving your quarters now because, if you think you’re going to be able to give any sort of direction to another human being without ol’ Bobby K getting a taste, you’re sorely mistaken. Really looking forward to the upcoming P*triots hype of: #ScoreMore, #CouldYouHandMeThatPencil, #JustLikeWePracticed, #IDo, and #TurnLeft.

Also, Let’s Go requires an apostrophe and, therefore, makes for a shitty hashtag (to which all Massholes will respond that other hashtags presented would be written with spaces between the words so everyone is a cheat-AH and Cam Newton, like Mike Tomlin, has no class).

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Senor WeaseloJerBear50Moose -The End Is Well NighballsofsteelandfurySill Bimmons Recent comment authors
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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Sucks to be Dale…

comment image?w=770&h=433

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Speaking of Tomlin:

http://www.cincyjungle.com/2016/1/13/10764832/jason-whitlock-says-people-are-afraid-to-criticize-steelers-coach

Of course this was posted on a Bengals site. Way to curbstomp the Ravens right out the title of Most Hysterically Paranoid Fan Base in a single season, Ohtucky!

I don’t know, maybe it’s the 92-52 record, the SB win, the other SB, the Omar Eppsitude…

The only problems I have with Tomlin is that his teams are too undisciplined and BOSS TODD and his fucking bubble screens.

#WhiteDougWhitlock

Senor Weaselo

They should talk to a guy named Nat.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

60% compromise?

[converts to fractions]

Jerry Richardson would be proud

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

54’40” OAR FIGHT

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

This is going to be my first major snowstorm on the wagon.

#BoredAndCoherent

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

#MehMaybeLater

King Hippo

Oh, and indeed I have watched the Pilot and Baskets is FUCKING AMAZEBALLS

http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/best-thing-about-baskets-its-not-everyone-231113

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haven’t watched it yet. I’ve been trying to keep my ‘spectations low, but hoping it would be good.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

“Keep Pounding!”

– Great Britain to its citizens on January 1, 1999

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

Five days in Disney with family (youngest had ear infection-bronchitis-fever) and return to The Blizzard That’s Gonna Cockpunch the Mid Atlantic.

Fuck alcohol and heroin, I’m going outside to lay down and be covered in snow, inch by inch.

See you fucks in the spring.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

That’s the sort of unique suicide that if included at the end film would probably win the film an Oscar.

entropy

Too linear. Today’s Oscar bait would have the film start with the suicide, and as each inch of snow piled up, we’d see a cliche’ recollection of why he’s committing suicide in the end.

Final shot would be a pan down to his feet, where his faithful dog lies dying, as well.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

NOT THE DOG!!!

laserguru

Now I would watch that.

entropy

One of these days I’m gonna write one of these weird screenplays I see in my head, and then WE ALL GON BE HOLLYWOOD MILLUN-AIRS!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Be sure the main character’s name is “Oscar Bates.”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

You made it. I lose my bet.

jjfozz

The Fozz official hashtag: #backfromdisneywithliverdamage

Also, if hashtags were a character on a tv show, they’d be Ryan from The Office.

King Hippo

GET HYPE for the official Donks 2015-16 Playoff Run Theme Song!

/also, don’t forget to Shave Your Pubes for Kubes!

SonOfSpam

What about those of us who prefer to pluck?

King Hippo

Jeebus, you must (i) be quite the masochist; and (ii) have quite the amount of free time on your hands.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/TMI time….
I have plucked before. Curiosity of the “long term benefits” kinda thing. And granted, I was on opiates at the time.
So while my assessment might be wrong for those who might pluck opiate free, it was superior to the blade IMHO.
And while on opiates at least, the pain wasn’t completely unpleasant.
/end TMI time…

King Hippo

don’t mind, me, I’ll be curled up in the corner whimpering like an infant for the next few hours

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’ll never be able to look me in the eyes again, eh?
LMFAO

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A former ladyfriend waxed it for reasons of torture now that I think back on it. But anyway…. the back hurt way worse that the crotch.

http://56.media.tumblr.com/52fe6534368cfda967d1c846be5f4250/tumblr_ntueg7xJBY1reajzbo1_1280.png

King Hippo

I went to bed at 6pm last night. Yes, you read that right. SIX. P. M. Am I going to start liking Matlock now?

Woke up to ice capades outside at 6:30 am. The cats? Not fucking amused.

JerBear50
JerBear50
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

So it seems when the Patriots aren’t stealing opponent’s plays via video, they’re stealing hashtags from obnoxious baseball teams.

Cuntler
Cuntler

WRONG! Denver is #unitedinorange. It is every where in this town. There is a #unitedinorange rally in Larimer Square today. This is a picture of what it looks like:

http://www.denverbroncos.com/assets/images/imported/DEN/photos/centerpiece/homepage/2014/12-December/LarimerStreet.jpg

(Also, you might want to step back from the “gay” talk. Not a good look, unless you’re in 7th grade or a Trump supporter. Then you’re good.)

Cuntler
Cuntler

CORRECTION! I AM WRONG AND DUMB! That was two years ago. They are pushing #broncoscountryplayoffs this year. THAT IS STUPID!

http://media.thedenverchannel.com/photo/2016/01/20/larimer_broncos_1453348641657_30286483_ver1.0_640_480.jpg

jjfozz

God that’s gay

ballsofsteelandfury

Perfect.

Cuntler
Cuntler

UPDATE! #OrangeFriday is a thing. Going to lunch was annoying and orange.

https://twitter.com/LisaDenver7/status/690607305050619904

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is SOOOOO Denver.

King Hippo

DUH. There’s fucking Knighton jersey in that pic. And no Aqib “Two of the Good Ones” Talib!

Old School Zero
King Hippo

UKRAINE NOT WEAK!

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

As I type this, I am watching sleet/freezing rain accumulate on trees and power lines. This was supposed to be snow in my neck of the woods, according to TWC when I went to bed last night. Dumbshits.

Now, I’m just hoping that when the power does go off later today, the power company will haul their asses out here and fix it before 1pm Sunday. I am not optimistic.

Fortunately, DirecTV and the local CBS/FOX dumbshits have buried the hatchet and are friends again….so I got that going for me at least.

laserguru

Be safe and keep us updated.
And drink.
A lot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have just finished charging all devices fully, and downloading audiobooks.

Am currently watching a documentary about the Donner Party. I presume the timing of its airing is coincidental, but ironic nonetheless. Fortunately, the pantry is full, so my family is not likely at risk. Unless I get curious.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–SHqA3wjC–/j00eq0vhzhzsdc7ef4cj.jpg

King Hippo

theeWeeBabySeamus

NICE!!!!!!
I really gotta rewatch that soon.

JerBear50
JerBear50

How is this not still run in syndication?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Cuntler
Cuntler

It’s supposed to be 60 in Denver tomorrow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
SonOfSpam

#KeepPounding

“Yes Sir!!!”
– Kellen Winslow

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, that’s my motto too!”

– Rex Grossman, noticing the banner picture.

laserguru

Denver really missed the boat with their hashtag.
# InComPlete!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

#BradyInComPlete

Old School Zero

It was hard to get hyped up about the Panthers when they were just a one-loss team the entire season, and not one of the undefeated ones.

Old School Zero

Even if they were the best one loss team out there.