Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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WCS

Hoo boy.

CBQUE

Cam is fucking unstoppable that close. Why even bother with Stewart

Duchess

Even though he is on the Steelers now it’s like Deangelo Williams can still not be healthy while Jonathan Stewart plays well.

American Pie Story

That was a very violent touchdown

King Hippo

indeed

ThursdaySkyGoddess

CAMDOWN!!! So many commercials.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

(Sees cam newton’s physique)
Dis ni%%$ a quaterback…

Senor Weaselo

Dinoflip>Camflip

Disengenuous Fake Smile

CAMDOWN

makeitsnowondem

oh shit he just said “cam newton the elite quarterback”

Kungjitsu

Pull Up Contest: Peyton Manning and Tom Brady vs. Cam Newton.

American Pie Story

PeyPey doesn’t have programming for that

Romonobyl

Some folks like Giada…but I’ll take Nigella any day:
http://bollyhollyinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Nigella-Lawson-Pictures.jpg

Horatio Cornblower

Her husband would probably let you have her.

Col. Duke LaCross
Sharkbait

I just Cortland Finnegan doesn’t find Cam’s clone machine.

American Pie Story

I’m back with food! I see an ass whooping is in progress?

King Hippo

what you get??

Senor Weaselo

So, we haven’t asked this question yet, but how cut is Stephen Gostkowski?

litre_cola

Let’s just say his exit meeting is at Ray Lewis’ house.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s pretty much the best kicker in the game. He’ll be fine.

Doktor Zymm

Did the Cardinals just decide to start sucking some time in the last week?

The Maestro

I have a pulled pork sammich and some mac’n’cheese, so I guess I could probably be sadder about losing now. Imagine if I didn’t?

Sharkbait

Pulled pork heals all wounds

Romonobyl

Not if he’s in Australia.

litre_cola

Get. A. Stop.

makeitsnowondem

Worth remembering also though that Frostee Rucker is a rapist.

blaxabbath

Wish the owners would have voted to send the Cardinals to LA.

Horatio Cornblower

I hear there’s an opening in St. Louis…

The Maestro

YUUUUUGE RUN for Stewart!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well at least the first game was close…

Smithchez

Shhh shhh, there there Cardinals. It’ll all be over soon.

/loads shotgun

Dick E. Phuck

That’s It! You pound that hole!

Redshirt

I think we’re just about done here.

makeitsnowondem

I’m now ten beers deep, and God help us all.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

New year, same old overrated Peterson

blaxabbath

This is the worst Cardinals team ever.

King Hippo

the ghost of Neil Lomax says FUCK YOU

makeitsnowondem

Patrick Peterson looks like 37-year-old Champ Bailey right now.

Patrick bet on the Panthers evidently.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I just made myself some hot chocolate and it reminded me of this:

http://blog.ocbeerblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/sophia-veraga-chocolate-milk.gif

Old School Zero

There was jiggling?

Smithchez

Ted Ginn gets paid to be in the general vicinity of deep passes.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Still cheaper than Mike Wallace

Duchess

Dear lord Arizona its like you are trying to kill half your coaching staff with heart attacks.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

We’ve replaced Patrick peterson with ted ginn jr. Let’s see who notices.

CBQUE

Yes Patrick point at yourself you asshole. Yes did drop it you fucking idiot.

blaxabbath

What PP? Do your fucking hands have diabetes now?!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Cardinlols

King Hippo

womp womp

Redshirt

He didn’t…

makeitsnowondem

As a Texas grad who mostly hates the godawful Texas football program, my heart is still warmed every time I see Fozzie Whitaker on an NFL field.

Romonobyl

So much for a momentum change.

Senor Weaselo

Derrrrrp.

fleshwound_NPG

Punt herp…

…RETURN DERP!

ThePirateSloth

Forest Whittaker dropped that? That ain’t the Way if The Ghost Dog

Doktor Zymm

DEEERRRRRRRP

Riverboat Ron vs Cardiac Arrest Kubiak.

CBQUE

Okay If Cam pulls that shit against Denver, it could be ugly.

Doktor Zymm

True. Hell of a matchup though.

blaxabbath

That’s a missed opportunity to light up Cam Newton’s head.

Romonobyl

I see Joe Buck’s face and remember it’s time to shave my balls again.

ballsofsteelandfury

If I was in charge, that would be a banner quote.

Romonobyl

I knew you’d appreciate that.

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