Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
Tom vs Miller
/Fuck Burneko
There has been too much action on the field. Can we get a commercial and a tablet update?
Dreamboat sack!
Weird that the only White on the Patriots is not.
Oh that’s so, so pretty
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I gotta say, I hate it when Brady runs for a first down mainly because it sets off a 20 minute blowjob from the announcing team.
+ lockjaw
THAT CLYDESDALE’S GOT WHEELS
Tommy has deceptive speed.
As in where is it?
Up Yours!!!!
-Mike Glennon
Footshtaps footshtaps footshtaps!
mother of fuck
Accept there’s no pylon jim
“Look at Brady run!” I didn’t think Nantz could sound excited.
Brady out there throwing bounce passes. I’m worried about his arm strength.
You should worry about different things.
That’s not a hit to the helmet of a defenseless receiver?
White came out of the game asking if Amelia Earhart had landed yet
Brady looks incredibly uncomfortable
Goodell: alright ed, I want you to keep it close, but make sure you only slightly favor denver
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4628183/airplane-johnny-o.gif
Lady next to me at the bar: “Gronkowski has been hurt do many times, I don’t know how he’s out there playing.”
Me: “HGH from Brady’s personal trainer.”
Lady: “You’re just a negative person aren’t you?”
I sometimes hate Oregon people.
Sometimes?
Damn, talk about no sense of humor.
Oh tablet. So lonely.
Did Peyton delete system 32 on the tablets?
He can’t even delete Solitaire.
It’s really cool that Tom Brady is wearing an ankle bracelet in a show of solidarity with Aaron Hernandez.
The way to beat Tom Brady is to troll him.
I bet Belichick is going to hate fuck someone’s mom at halftime.
Gronk’s.
At some point I hope the Pats rack up so many penalties that they basically have to give the Broncos a TD.
So I hear the tablets that the pats are using are down… Wtf
Wade Phillips is doing a pretty good job.
Still fuck wade philips
Ole Wade found an old Nutter Butter in his drawer. That has made all the difference.
Wooooo that throw was fucking sexy.
You can’t throw lasers. They are made of light.
Yeah, but you could throw the equipment that projects the lasers.
But I guess that kills the metaphor, because you could probably throw a football harder than a bunch of electronics.
Han Solo threw his laser pistol at Darth Vader, so there’s proof.
Vader stole his pistol with the Force.
/sorry not sorry
Is Brady wearing ankle warmers?
They’re Chanel Mink Ankle Warmers, on loan from Gisele
Their called Uggs
Dat pouty Bradyface
I don’t know if I’m prepared for a pey peyb playoff win over the pats.
For today, and today only, I am okay with the IN-COM-PLETE chant.
It’s still stupid, though.
I chanted that the first time I met Paul McCartney’s wife.
I’d put that Bellichek face on the cover of anti-constipation medicine and make a fucking bundle.
Threadjack
Tim Duncan is out for tomorrow’s Spurs-Warriors game. Pop playing mind games.
http://i.imgur.com/nmYkREy.gif
New England having trouble with their equipment you say???
Manning so far:
http://images.45cat.com/the-floaters-float-on-1977-13.jpg
Wait, so you are telling me the Patriots’ tablets ate not working? THAT NEVER HAPPENS IN NEW ENGLAND!
Anyone who works in IT knows surface tablets are hot fucking garbage.
Oh hell yeah. Those things are the goddamn worst.
How in fuck do you not have a backup alternative to your tablet?
Right? Like a pen and paper even?
I bet Microsoft wishes they would mistake those for iPads…
PATS HAVING COM PROBLEMS ON THE ROAD I FUCKING LOVE IT
Gizelle is not happy.
NO FAIR NO FAIR GOODELL IS FUCKING WITH OUR TABLETS
THE LEAGUE IS FUCKING WITH NEW ENGLAND’S EQUIPMENT OH MY GOD GOODELL’S FACE TURN IN REAL
Oh CBS. Advertising the Super Bowl with relatable actors for todays generation. Jackie Gleason is so hip and fresh, the kids today just love him.
BOOM RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
Oooh, tablet trouble. Cry me a fucking river.
wooooooooooooooooooooo
Ook!
I’LL EAT YOUR YOGURT CAM
Fuck shoveling, I just went out and jizzed away the snow.