Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Tom vs Miller
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/Fuck Burneko

Spur

There has been too much action on the field. Can we get a commercial and a tablet update?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Dreamboat sack!

ballsofsteelandfury

Weird that the only White on the Patriots is not.

jjfozz

Oh that’s so, so pretty

Beastmode Ate My Baby

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Doktor Zymm

I gotta say, I hate it when Brady runs for a first down mainly because it sets off a 20 minute blowjob from the announcing team.

ballsofsteelandfury

+ lockjaw

The Maestro

THAT CLYDESDALE’S GOT WHEELS

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tommy has deceptive speed.

Shogun Marcus

As in where is it?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Up Yours!!!!
-Mike Glennon

Fronkenshteen

Footshtaps footshtaps footshtaps!

King Hippo

mother of fuck

Brocky

Accept there’s no pylon jim

Dunstan

“Look at Brady run!” I didn’t think Nantz could sound excited.

makeitsnowondem

Brady out there throwing bounce passes. I’m worried about his arm strength.

Sill Bimmons

You should worry about different things.

hippofant

That’s not a hit to the helmet of a defenseless receiver?

jjfozz

White came out of the game asking if Amelia Earhart had landed yet

Spur

Brady looks incredibly uncomfortable

Brocky

Goodell: alright ed, I want you to keep it close, but make sure you only slightly favor denver

ThePirateSloth

Lady next to me at the bar: “Gronkowski has been hurt do many times, I don’t know how he’s out there playing.”

Me: “HGH from Brady’s personal trainer.”

Lady: “You’re just a negative person aren’t you?”

I sometimes hate Oregon people.

Brocky

Sometimes?

Doktor Zymm

Damn, talk about no sense of humor.

Fronkenshteen

Oh tablet. So lonely.

Spur

Did Peyton delete system 32 on the tablets?

ballsofsteelandfury

He can’t even delete Solitaire.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s really cool that Tom Brady is wearing an ankle bracelet in a show of solidarity with Aaron Hernandez.

makeitsnowondem

The way to beat Tom Brady is to troll him.

Sill Bimmons

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blackroseMD1

I bet Belichick is going to hate fuck someone’s mom at halftime.

WCS

Gronk’s.

American Pie Story

At some point I hope the Pats rack up so many penalties that they basically have to give the Broncos a TD.

rockingdog

So I hear the tablets that the pats are using are down… Wtf

Brocky

Wade Phillips is doing a pretty good job.

Still fuck wade philips

ballsofsteelandfury

Ole Wade found an old Nutter Butter in his drawer. That has made all the difference.

The Maestro

Wooooo that throw was fucking sexy.

Doktor Zymm

You can’t throw lasers. They are made of light.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but you could throw the equipment that projects the lasers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But I guess that kills the metaphor, because you could probably throw a football harder than a bunch of electronics.

Sill Bimmons

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jjfozz

Han Solo threw his laser pistol at Darth Vader, so there’s proof.

Sill Bimmons

Vader stole his pistol with the Force.

/sorry not sorry

Fronkenshteen

Is Brady wearing ankle warmers?

jjfozz

They’re Chanel Mink Ankle Warmers, on loan from Gisele

Spur

Their called Uggs

American Pie Story

Dat pouty Bradyface

Gratliff

I don’t know if I’m prepared for a pey peyb playoff win over the pats.

Old School Zero

For today, and today only, I am okay with the IN-COM-PLETE chant.

It’s still stupid, though.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I chanted that the first time I met Paul McCartney’s wife.

jjfozz

I’d put that Bellichek face on the cover of anti-constipation medicine and make a fucking bundle.

Spur

Threadjack
Tim Duncan is out for tomorrow’s Spurs-Warriors game. Pop playing mind games.
http://i.imgur.com/nmYkREy.gif

ThursdaySkyGoddess

New England having trouble with their equipment you say???

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, so you are telling me the Patriots’ tablets ate not working? THAT NEVER HAPPENS IN NEW ENGLAND!

Gratliff

Anyone who works in IT knows surface tablets are hot fucking garbage.

The Maestro

Oh hell yeah. Those things are the goddamn worst.

jjfozz

How in fuck do you not have a backup alternative to your tablet?

Doktor Zymm

Right? Like a pen and paper even?

Spur

I bet Microsoft wishes they would mistake those for iPads…

Sill Bimmons

PATS HAVING COM PROBLEMS ON THE ROAD I FUCKING LOVE IT

ballsofsteelandfury

Gizelle is not happy.

Brocky

NO FAIR NO FAIR GOODELL IS FUCKING WITH OUR TABLETS

fleshwound_NPG

THE LEAGUE IS FUCKING WITH NEW ENGLAND’S EQUIPMENT OH MY GOD GOODELL’S FACE TURN IN REAL

ThePirateSloth

Oh CBS. Advertising the Super Bowl with relatable actors for todays generation. Jackie Gleason is so hip and fresh, the kids today just love him.

indieguy

BOOM RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

Doktor Zymm

Oooh, tablet trouble. Cry me a fucking river.

makeitsnowondem

wooooooooooooooooooooo

Mr. Ayo

Ook!

Sill Bimmons

I’LL EAT YOUR YOGURT CAM

jjfozz

Fuck shoveling, I just went out and jizzed away the snow.

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