Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
Gronk…speak fucking English!!!!
-Tom Brady
Remind me, does Gronk know all his shapes and colors or just shapes?
Boobs = circles
He knows the colors “blonde”, “brunette”, and “redhead”
Accurate portrait of Gronk: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TNiQ01j8SbI/AAAAAAAAEDI/_6uI-kNya3E/s1600/dogs29alt.png
Jay Feely is a fucking horrible addition to this car crash of a broadcast.
“Agreed.”
– Rob Bironas
Damn fine kick.
Here’s your FG attempt
<3 McManus
Donks leaving way too many points on the table
yeah
The thought of something being left on the table just made Andy Reid cry.
Same thing happened with Pittsburgh.
Ugh, Sanders held up.
http://usercontent1.hubimg.com/12625416_f520.jpg
Marvin Harrison mention! The embargo is over!
C’mon ponies, do a thing. You should be up by way more right now.
Well that was almost a thing
I want to turn into a psychic vampire, and fly over Boston right now, and become as bloated and engorged as a Beluga whale on the angst and frustration emanating from that festering shithole of a town.
Pey-Pey’s got a bad motivator. Put in Osweiler.
SOMEONE NEEDS MOTIVATION?
AFC West PRIDE!!!!
I’d honestly take a field goal here.
sadly, I agree
Pats with a draw on 3rd down? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Too bad the Humps-Pats playoff games were never this good (except for that one we won)
giveup play WOO
“It works 5% of the time all the time!”
-Kevin Gilbride
Remember when Buddy Ryan whipped his ass? #GoodTimes
Good god Phil…that was a bad throw, not a throwaway. Get Brady’s dick out of your mouth and you’d see that.
Yeah, but having it in there muffles his commentary, which is actually preferable.
If at first you don’t succeed, give up and make a pouty face!
-Jay Cutler
So close.
http://www.endpolio.org/images/default-source/widget-images/bill-gates.jpg?sfvrsn=0
“That’s not an inaccurate throw, he just missed the receiver by a yard on purpose.”
The only thing the Surface is good for is making a wedge to fuck on.
Schematic diagrams, please!
Make sure you top otherwise you might have a camera up your ass when you’re done.
Won’t be the first time.
“The defense is confusing him”
HAHAHAHA
That disdainful flinging away of the football by Brady was positively Riversesque.
Oh my God was John Elway fuckable in those pants in the 80s!
He’s no Bubby Brister though! I used to call him “Buddy” Brister… man had an ass for dayssssss.
That was probably his only redeeming quality.
MICROSOFT SURFACE!
There’s your Surface commercial guys
pretty clear that if Denver is to get more points, the D has to run it in themselves
With legalization I would imagine the food at the Donks tailgate would be fantastic. Although I have never heard of the genre of Colorado BBQ.
You ever had Rocky Mountain Oysters?
Sure have, lots of cowboys out here. Need a deep fryer though.
It’s a strain of sativa.
Do they have trees other than pine?
those PTA bake sales…
It’s all chips and cookies
Amy Schumer is about as funny as a nursery being napalmed
NSZ just laughed…
So great to see her getting called out for stealing jokes now.
Come on, D. Let’s get a hat trick!!!
Steven Jackson is not the answer. Stop this shitassery.
“Oh, sure, you say that NOW…”
–St. Louis
Necessary player clearing iffy concussion protocol?
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
I was told there would be no math
Which player?
/watching on mute
Pat OL #61
Shanksh!
Daniels: Um, stop throwing it to guys in orange
Brady: Fuck you, Josh! You’re not my dad!
My wife is making meatballs. I am debating if I should start the whole frying vs baking method of making them.
Let’s go Denver D. Time to make Brady cry again.
Defense wins championships?
You misspelled Von Miller
Don’t hit me in the fucking neck.
-Peyton Manning
(I am in favor of equal time for the over the hill gang…in spite of rooting for Denver today)
Not in the face!
– Brady
I wouldn’t mind seeing Garapolo and Osweiller finish this game.
Manningface alert!
Neither team is going to do shit in two weeks.
As much as I’m enjoying the Bradyceptions, it would sure be nice if the Donks could get more than a 5-point lead. I’m already getting visions of a last-minute touchdown that gets Brady praised for leading his team to a gritty 16-14 win.
This
Dreamboatception 2: I’m too excited to think of a title bugaloo
Okay, the one early chore I needed to do is done. Time to sit and watch some damn football and open a beer.
Sierra Nevada Beer Camp Tropical IPA. So far, quite interesting.
That one’s good.
It’s a little bitter for my girlfriend, but she does taste all the tropical flavors. I like it quite a bit.
Now you fucking listen to me, Denver. You can’t go into halftime with 2 DreamboatCEPTIONS only up 14-9. Stick this up their asses for 7, come out and open the 3rd quarter for 7 more. THEN we can talk.
I remember sticking something up a certain QB’s ass for 7k, yesss…
I knew Anthony Calvillo went both ways!
i am ready to blow my brains out
Can you share that dedication with your fellow Pats fans in this bar?
I LOVE YOU, DENVER D! AND SCREW YOU, PHRASING!
Usually when Bradys are this disoriented it involves Maureen McCormick and Eve Plumb scissor-fucking on set.
I LIKE THAT IMAGE
So good.
I’ll be in my bunk.
(If of legal age) Pictures or it didn’t happen!
Marsha….Marsha….MARSHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
“I should feel sorry for Brady. I don’t, but I probably should.” -my dad
Who the fuck watches the grammy’s?
Grandpa’s?