“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” After last night, the Ninth Commandment is going to be getting strained pretty seriously, as opponents try to run down the leaders. AMC might as well keep showing the “Godfather” movies on repeat.

Hillary sure seems like she’s going to pull it out. Unless Sanders can somehow win New York and Florida, it looks like Bill’s got a better than 50-50 chance of being left alone with all the foreign dignitaries wives during state visits. I’m guessing vasectomies will be a key part of the Hillarycare additions to Obamacare.

Trump almost has more delegates than every other GOP candidate combined, but he hasn’t run away with it yet. My guess is Kasich & Carson get the Fredo treatment in a few days. [It’s already started.] The horizon looks like the start of a civil war as the Republican establishment tries to figure out how to rig the convention. BTW, watching Chris Christie behind Trump during the victory speech reminded me of Chris Farley in a “Da Bears” sketch, blissfully thinking about sausage.

Cruz is sticking around like a hall monitor, thinking his persistence makes him one of the cool kids. The only question left is, who’s going to shove him into a locker?

Nice to see Rubio pull himself out of the woodchipper and win Minnesota. It doesn’t buy him much time – there’s another half-dozen primaries this weekend, and unless he gets…anything he’ll be out of it before Florida gets to throw dirt on his political coffin.

Is this actually the year where a viable third-party candidate emerges, or will someone from the Republican establishment try and Bull Moose Trump before or during the convention? Never mind the lesson of Ross Perot; the last major Republican schism was over 100 years ago.

The whole exercise reminds me of Oliver Goldsmith’s sage words:

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain,

          With grammar, and nonsense, and learning.

Good liquor, I stoutly maintain,

          Gives genius a better discerning.

Indeed. Now, let’s separate the wheat from the chaff. The good stuff: (All times Eastern)

NHL: (only 3 in total)

• Maple Leafs vs Capitals – 7:00 (God, the Leafs are bad; Ovi’s gonna get 5 goals)
• Blackhawks vs Red Wings – 8:00 (Match of the night)
• Habs vs Ducks – 10:00

NBA: (9 in total)

• Jazz vs Raptors – 7:30 (the winning tenant of the ACC)
• Pelicans vs Rockets – 8:00
• Pistons vs Spurs – 8:00 (Match of the night)
• Thunder vs Clippers – 10:30

NCAA:

• Texas Tech @ #10 WVU – 7:00 (the “WCS Special”)
• #7 Miami @ Notre Dame – 7:00 (another Catholics versus Convicts matchup)
• #9 Oregon @ UCLA – 9:00

It’s Always Sunny: “The Gang Goes to Hell (Part 1)” – 10:00

The gang tries to shake things up by going on a cruise but find that old habits die hard even out at sea.

Enjoy your evening. STOP TRYING TO MAKE “FETCH” HAPPEN!