As someone who has been in management for fucking ever, one of the joys, no thrills of my job is the hiring process. Over the course of my mumblemumblegrumble years of being a manager I’ve hired and fired more folks than I can remember. The first person I ever had to fire was actually a close personal friend of mine and it really truly sucked balls to do. I once was recruited from a previous job and brought in to an account with about 25 employees. This account was a multi-million dollar a year account and had only been in operation for a few months but the folks trying to run it were fucking up to a gargantuan degree. The customer was about a week away from cancelling the contract with cause and walking the fuck away. Having tons of experience in troubleshooting and production management I was brought in with the intent of getting this motherfucker fully unfucked before the client left. Over the course of my first 3 weeks I fired 16 of the 25 employees. Not because I was an asshole, although I’m sure some may beg to differ, but because these people shouldn’t have been hired in the first fucking place. That customer still has a contract with us.
A bad hire is the worse thing a manager can do. It destroys the morale of the existing employees, it hurts production, it hurts the client and most of all that shit is expensive to fix. Although California is considered an “At Will” employment state good fucking luck getting rid of a bad employee. The employee rights of employees in California are so protected by the state now that it takes an act of congress, an act of God, Papal permission and a proper blowjob to fire someone here. The recruitment part is expensive, the new hire training, the background checks and drug screenings and wasted personnel time to conduct the interviews and the new hire paperwork; this shit costs real actual amounts of money to do. If you fuck up a hire then guess what? After the shit ton of documentation, blood, sweat and tears to dismiss an employee you get to do the hiring shit all over again.
Goddammit.
This is my long winded way of saying I have been in the “sourcing” mode for the last two weeks to fill an open position at my location. The position has been a little cursed because we have had 7 or so employees worth of turnover while every other position here has been filled by the same employee for over 15 years. The employees who have moved on have all been solid employees with life events dictating their leaving. The last guy was a great employee. He worked hard, was a self starter and had an ability to solve problems before they became bigger problems. His wife (the family’s primary earner) was offered a higher paying job out of state and he did what was best for him and his family.
Asshole. Just kidding, I wish him nothing but the best. The problem now is finding the person with the right skill set, and more importantly the right chemistry to fit a well established highly functional team.
Did I mention that this position is considered “entry level?” This is important because it’s not the highest paying job out there but it is a GOOD job. The company benefits are excellent. The 401K matches 100% if you are having 3% withheld. The company is a major one, one I am certain everyone reading is more than familiar with and they consistently have one of the highest rated training programs in any industry. There is also plenty of opportunity to advance and I make sure my employees advance as far up the ladder as they could possibly want.
But if you live here in the L.A. area where the job is? Shit man, you ain’t gonna support a family on this one source of income. The last 2 people who held it had a second higher paying job. I get it. The pay is above average for industry standard but still. C’mon man.
There is a reason for the pay level you see. We perform contract work with contract length varying between 3-6 years. When the contract is signed between my company and the client, the monthly management fee is established and legally agreed upon. The fee factors in services as well as labor costs. If we have “X” number of employees then the labor pool is divided between everyone. Now a nice reasonable person (OR COMMUNIST!) might think everyone gets equal pay. What a joy-filled world of rainbows and bright shiny kitties this idea is. It’s also horseshit because MY salary is part of the labor pool. And guess what kiddies? Papa gets his cut first then the rest divide the balance.
I ain’t fucking stupid.
My next level of employees are also paid way over industry standard for their positions, leaving just a little for the entry level folks. It’s a fine salary if you live in Bismark or WICHITA! but this is L.A. babe! Shit’s tough.
This also means you are not getting Rhodes Scholars applying. It’s a fine line between having experience in the industry and also accepting a lower paying job. Things sure were a lot easier when the economy and job market were horrible!
On second thought, maybe I am a bit of an asshole.
Sorry about the diatribe. This brings us to the original idea for this post: Hiring in the Millennial Era.
After 3 weeks of recruiting, interviewing and decision making the only way I can properly phrase this is: The future is SOOOO fucked!
I received a decent number of applications for the position. After sorting through I was able to narrow it down to 15 acceptable resumes. Let me tell you about the sorting down though. One of the resumes was 7 pages in length. Kids? Don’t do this. Just don’t. This resume was basically a “Chronological Job History” resume going back about 5 years. The applicant needed the full 7 pages to cover the employment history. I think the longest length of employment at one location was 3 months. THIS IS BAD FORM! There are “Skill Set” resumes you know? As a hiring manager when you bounce between 16 employers over 5 years this does not show me a “real go getter who just wants to keep moving up, up up!” It shows me a fuckup who can’t keep a job longer than 2 fucking months. Resume filed away.
But wait! There was another 7 page resume! Hot damn! Just what anyone sorting through a big stack of resumes wants to read! Your magnum fucking opus! This fucking guy though. The first page of the resume – in all color mind you – featured a 3″ x 3″ picture of the applicant. WEE! He then proceeded to list his job history in chronological order but just take a guess at what he did to “gussy it up?” He inserted the fucking company logo of EVERY ONE OF HIS PREVIOUS JOBS ON THE FUCKING RESUME! Jesus Christ!
Resume laughed at hysterically and then filed away.
Finally I narrowed it down to 15 decent potential applicants. Here’s where it get’s really fun. I called the phone numbers for each one of the applicants to extend an opportunity for an interview. I left a detailed message with my name, company, phone number and let them know I would like to speak to them since I, you know, had their fucking resume in my hands for a job they were seeking out.
Guess how many of the 15 answered their phone prior to it going to voice mail? Guess?
One.
One fucking person of the 15 answered the fucking phone. I get the whole not answering because I don’t recognize the caller ID but fuck man! You have active resumes out there. Just maybe one of these is resulting in a phone call? But that ain’t the half of it. No sir! After leaving this detailed message with my name and company and phone number (I actually give the phone number twice so they only have to listen to the message once) any ideas how many returned my call? Anyone with a guess?
Five.
The other 10 NEVER RETURNED A CALL FOR A JOB THAT THEY SUBMITTED A RESUME FOR! What in the brain addled FUCK is wrong with you people!?!? I’ve been doing the hiring thing since the fucking 80’s and I am still at a goddamn loss. This was unexpected.
Alright, alright I’ve still got 5 applications, I can work with this. The first interview was a little young, very personable, seemed to like the work environment and she had almost zero experience. This isn’t that big of a deal because we train here and we train really well. She also disclosed without any prompting that she was a single mother living with her mom who was her babysitter. You see folks, this is not good interviewing technique right there. We aren’t allowed to ask about parentage, home life or anything like it but I also try hard not to take it into consideration. Still.
Interview number two was a full 30 minutes late for the interview. Resume filled away despite this being the most qualified of the applicants. If you can’t get your ass to an INTERVIEW on time what the fuck is your attendance going to be like if we hire you?
Interview number three just didn’t show. At all. Also they didn’t call to explain the absence or to apologize or try to reschedule. Just didn’t show.
Interview 4 happened just this morning – I actually started writing this post prior to this interview just because I was fucking floored by the experience – but wait a minute? It didn’t happen! She called in an hour and a half before the scheduled time and said she couldn’t leave work today and “I would like to reschedule it for tomorrow.” Not a question, a fucking statement. I hadn’t arrived yet but one of my morning crew took the message. I called her back and told her that I was booked solid for tomorrow and thanked her for your interest. Resume filled away.
Final interview was just a couple of hours ago from the writing of this sentence. He was qualified, hell we actually worked for the same company about 14 years ago but he was at a different location thus he was a little older than the rest of the applicants. He talked. A lot. Talked over me when I was speaking, He also made sure to know that he hopes “A republican doesn’t get elected.” He was also really wanting to get away from his current retail job because “Dealing with those fucking customers? I mean Jesus Christ!” These are actual quotes from the interview.
I called interview number one this afternoon and told her that we would like to consider her for employment. I’m certain she could use a break being a single mom and all.
I really hope I die before this entire shit house goes up in flames because it IS going to happen.
I just wrote a long rant about the millennial I just canned (first hire I’ve had, never wanted to have to fire anyone, so glad I did it now) and my takeaways:
– Yeah, the shit with the comfortableness of playing on phones at work floors me. We have a very loose atmosphere and a break room. I’m not asking too much that you aren’t playing on your phone when I come to check on that task with which you are having difficulties.
– Also, the way they dress. This is an old company with old employees and old customers. Why would even WANT to dress in a way that makes you stand out like an oddball? Just wear jeans and a collared shirt and you’re set.
– Cutting me off when I’m explaining your mistake (that you shouldn’t have made because you ignored the checks that I instituted in your procedures — but, no problem, I’m sure you know better than me) so it can not occur again doesn’t give me confidence in you. Following up, over the next week, by asking me a record-number of stupid questions that I’ve answered 10 times before and, each time, told you to write down so you could reference your notes in the future, doesn’t get you participation points. This isn’t school. You can do the job or you cannot do the job. If you can do it with a 70% effectiveness, that’s not “average”, that’s useless.
– Finally, managers (and employees) talk. So when I’m constantly correcting you and urging you to get your shit together because you’re not performing, I’d recommend against going to the shop guys and throwing shade about how you’re kicking back in the office and that the work isn’t too hard and telling them that your charming personality (I don’t like or dislike anyone working here) has me pleased with you.
I’m sure results vary but, man, it’s strange to ask someone directly under you to do something that is right in their job duties and realize that they see it as an actual request, not an order.
OK so speaking as a millenial, I have to say… I understand your plight, but I still must say I find your experiences surprising.
Maybe I’m an exceptional case – I’m not sure.
But personally, I can’t imagine applying to a job like any of the stories you described above. My resume is 3 pages, I try to dress well, and be respectful. I answer my phone, I check my email. I’ve been hired at tons of places, and I’d like to think my rapport in the workplace has always been pretty strong.
Maybe it has something to do with the teaching profession as a whole – they’re really drilling proper job application/interview skills to new grads out of teachers’ college recently. We sat down with former principals and HR managers to do resume and interview prep before actually applying to a bunch of jobs upon graduation.
Almost every single one of my friends/folks I went to school with seems to have their shit together on applications and interviews, but it’s weird to think that even still we may be only a tiny slice of my generation as a whole. And that is a horrifying thought. And I apologize on behalf of my fellow 20-somethings as a result.
Although, counterpoint…
http://s12.postimg.org/uawegzswd/boomers.png
You do sound like a small segment but, on the plus side (if you want to look at it that way) you’re entering a fairly rigid hiring pool. Many STEM grads, for example, go to their college career counselor for resume help and the staff just knows general business school stuff. They don’t actually KNOW what employers are looking for. For you, I suspect, principals at different schools are kind of looking for the same thing in terms of format — degree, license, experience, and then anything about you as person.
I think one of the challenges of this generation of the workforce is that they don’t fully know the rules — and that isn’t completely on them. When you ask someone to come in with all this technical knowledge (or even professional experience), it doesn’t mean they can read your company’s mind. Many company got fat and lazy during the last bubble and made short term decisions during the ensuing recession. They’re ten years removed from the last time they saw prudent growth and they don’t have the volume of manpower this time around to throw in the new guy and have everyone show him the ropes. Many companies are still understaffed. Unless they are 10-year company vets, existing employees have probably not received great training and, instead, were just taught to keep things going but maybe not why anything happened. So you hire this new guy and no one can really tell him how everything works because, even though you’re a 30 year old outfit, the current staff is kind of learning it all over again in terms of scaling the workforce.
Millennials don’t answer their phones and they don’t respond to emails. However, they will respond to texts instantly. It’s cultural/psychological; it’s where they are. Don’t fight it. I understand that you’re the boss and you’re offering them gainful employment so that they can — yanno — purchase food and shelter for themselves. It doesn’t matter. They’re wired differently.
I’m a Realtor and I hired a 27 year old agent who had been a lawyer for three years, hated it and was making the transition into real estate. She. Brought. Her. Dad. To. The. Interview.
I started trying to ditch my parents when I was 8. It’s a different world, and we’re the fucking dinosaurs.
Good god man, you still hired her? I have to say I’m almost more disturbed that her parent wouldn’t recognize how inappropriate that is even if she didn’t.
Good god man, you still hired her? I have to say I’m almost more disturbed that her parent wouldn’t recognize how inappropriate that is even if she didn’t.
Jesus Christ man.
As someone looking for a new job right now, I have a few thoughts:
1. I don’t answer my phone from unknown numbers during the day, because I can’t really talk about getting a new job at my desk, or I’m just straight up busy. Half of these calls don’t even leave a voicemail, or send an email, so now I just call them back on my lunch and hang up once they answer with “Farmers.”
2. Tell me what the salary is when I ask you. I’m currently employed, but looking for something better. You don’t get to dictate terms to me and I’m not desperate, so don’t waste either of our times if you can’t answer a basic question like this early on.
3. Recruiters are the absolute worst people at their jobs I have ever encountered. Every single one that I have worked with are nearly impossible to get a reply out of unless you are the number 1 candidate.
4. What the fuck is going on with all of these contract positions cropping up in my industry? I’m not leaving my salary position for a 6 month contract position. Stop asking.
Is that really how the Millenials dress? It’s like the 80s all over again! I need to invest in cocaine futures…
I’m about to put on two different hats
*puts on hat of a millenial who is going through a major career change and is looking for work in a new field*
“The last 2 people who held it had a second higher paying job. . .”
“It’s a fine salary if you live in Bismark or WICHITA! but this is L.A. babe! Shit’s tough”
“Guess how many of the 15 answered their phone prior to it going to voice mail? One”
In Vancouver, you have jobs like these available. Sadly, most entry level jobs like these require you to have both an education and AT LEAST 5 years of related experience and a bajillion other requirements available. It’s stupid, but that’s the market. The thing is, when you’ve sent out your resume to so many companies that offer these shitty paying jobs, you’re always looking for (better) work and driving to interviews. So you don’t have time to always answer the phone right away. But shit, when you know you’re going to have to work two jobs just to have a roof over your head for at least 6 years, psychologically, yeah, you might be a little slow to answer the call. At least here, there’s a dozen other jobs just like that and it makes no difference which company you work for. In the end, you’re looking at a shitty pay cheque.
*puts on the hat of someone that runs a small cleaning company. . . hopefully for not much longer*
I feel your pain. The funny thing is, even when you pay well above what the competition is paying (which is minimum wage, and in many cases, well bellow minimum wage), it baffles me that they still fucking complain. Oh, your section is a little bit dirtier than normal for the first time in 4 months? Poor baby. Say, how about you go work for one of the main cleaning companies and make at least $5/hr less than what you’re getting paid now and do a fuck ton of more work and never have the owner treat you to Tim Horton’s every once in a little while? Also, you may not always get paid on time. *shivers*
Obviously I just contradicted myself, but, it’s not exactly black and white, ya know?
Seriously though, seven pages? Jesus.
Here’s the thing much like every country has a required armed service I think this country needs a required restaurant service. Every College kid needs to spend a year as a waiter and try to live off of tips. Nothing was more humbling than spending a year with working a full lunch shift and only making $15 in tips because 3 people came through the door.
I was a trainer for the last couple years but recently resigned my training specialty. Part of it was just that I’m not a particularly social creature, and when I train it means I’m stuck in my 10×10 office with that person for 12 long, uncomfortable hours a night for a two week period (I usually work alone).
While I admittedly don’t always relate well to people in general, there was definitely a bigger gap when dealing with millennials. I will say that they all at least had the sense to show up early. It was startling how quickly they were comfortable with pulling out their phones. This position has a lot of natural down time, but they didn’t seem able to tell the difference between “There’s nothing going on” and “My trainer is actively talking to me trying to teach me something.”
I threw up a quickie (PHRASING) Open Thread post. I think this post deserves to stay focused on hiring. I think you all are providing some really good advice and I wouldn’t want it to get diluted.
WILL ACCEPT!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/c6f1cf0d27d16f328fdd4d6e2def824f/tumblr_o3e1odjK7x1r3jmn6o1_1280.png
Agree
One other thing, I do data science, which is both awesome, cause everyone needs me nowadays, and annoying cause no one really knows how to hire/interview for the position. Also, there are loads of people applying who don’t have anything like the required skills. I actually appreciate places that give a skills test, since it filters out dumbasses and let’s me know the company know what they’re doing. It’s funny to read some of the stuff on glassdoor about the tests though. Some idiot thought the company was trying to crowdsource a solution to a business problem and declined to take the test. Yep. They’re trying to crowdsource a solution to a major business problem by asking dumbasses general knowledge unix questions and giving them a clearly synthetic, tiny data set to do a undergrad level statistical analysis on. I apparently solved the company in two hours, go me!
I actually kinda regret accepting a job before finishing the process with that company, I did a follow up interview with them about their hiring process (it was just a timing issue) and I think I would have enjoyed it, and gotten a better compensation package than my current. Oh well, I knew people at my current company and it’s a great job too, just what coulda been.
My focus has been bullshit around database design and how to implement bullshit like this.
Maybe it’s worth seeking (even? I forgot the details of your job change) more money in the future.
Christ Zymm, you’re funny as shit but I swear I only understand about two thirds of the words you speak most of the time.
2/3’s…. don’t lie.. im at 2/5ths
4/10th over here. I’m not a prideful man.
/checks for late night thread post, sees none.
Hell if nobody else is opposed; as the author of this post I hereby declare this thread OPEN!
//cracks open brand new bottle of Buffalo Trace!
Let’s do this motherfucker proper!
WOOOO!!!
I started early with a couple Summer Glau pics in the other thread… I may have started drinking
Also isn’t one of you supposed to start one?
I did.
I was job hunting recently, and the worst damn part is having to answer my phone all the time. I do it though, cause duh. This time around I got a number of calls from recruiters with the right phone number but the wrong name and resume, so I can only think some dumbass didn’t proofread the contact info on their resume. I’m now back at work and back to not answering my phone so I have no idea if that person ever caught their error.
Glad to here you are back in the work force after a way too brief hiatus.
Is it a job worthy of your talents?
worse is job hunting and getting those “credit services” scam robocalls.
Another fun aspect of my work, I’ve had regional managers send there employees to my site because they know I don’t put up with shit and that I would fire them. The people who send these employees to me don’t have the balls to do it themselves. I’m not proud of the fact that I can dismiss people readily but if you get into higher management that is a part of your job description.
I do love that Clooney’s whole job in Up In The Air is to be the hatchetman the employees’ real bosses are too afraid to be even though that’s why they’re the goddamn bosses in the first place.
My lack of self-confidence sabotaged my half-assed attempts to work during law school and with the weird work history I had before, I’m stuck needing to work for a firm and having a resume that would look better if I wiped my ass with it even compared to the 25 year old children (and they really are children; it’s amazing what turning 30 does to a person’s attitude) I am competing with.
It doesn’t matter that at the jobs I have held, I did my work. I did it well and on-time. I always showed up on time and did exactly what I was told. I got along with everyone (bosses, coworkers, people working in the same vicinity, and customers or clients), and usually was the go-to person for various tasks within the entire office. I don’t even see it that way or think about it when I think of my employment history and it seems both impossible to convey and irrelevant to mention because everyone says that shit on applications (I also don’t lie or exaggerate). So fuck me, right?
unfortunately, people tell me that pretty much EVERY new law grad is boned in the job market right now. More and more work being kept in house. Just have to catch a lucky break and be in the right place at the right time. Listen to the law school career office, even when you don’t like what they say.
I am also a self-loathing extreme introvert, and rejection/judgment is my greatest mortal fear. I know that “having thick skin” is much easier said than done, but I kept a desk drawer full of rejection letters and made a black humor object lesson out of it. You just have to survive and advance, no two ways around it.
Don’t underestimate the value in filling a unique need, based on personal background. Be the person who takes on a specialty that others find dull (like negotiating office leases, cough cough). That’s a good way to find a niche once in the door, and the man is more likely to leave you be.
Yeah. That’s the plan. Do what the professionals tell me to do.
Luckily, Willamette has the best hired graduate rate in Oregon and one of the best in the PNW.
“PNW? Looks like we got ourselves a Titans fan!”
-CBS Schedule Makers
Requiring a proven ophthalmic pharma sales portfolio nipped most of those little aggravations in the bud for me.
A couple of jobs ago I was managing a 24-7 operation with about 55 employees.
I had to physically intervene to stop a fight over….
WHO GOT TO RECYCLE A BOX OF ALUMINUM CANS!
I am always reasonably professional when speaking with employees but I brought them both in my office and yelled “What the fuck is wrong with you two? You’re willing to lose your jobs over 20 aluminum cans!”
I only had to fire one of them, the other one treated me with a lot of respect after that.
Idiots, man.
The bums I see at the Fred Meyers recycling kiosk with their cans and bottles would lose their shit at the idea of “kings” fighting over that.
“I said, the Kirby Silver Surfer was the only real Silver Surfer. And that the Moebius Silver Surfer was shit. And Bennefield’s a big Moebius fan. And it got of hand. I pushed him. He pushed me. I lost my head, Sir. I’m Sorry.”
-Crimson Tide
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/72/723f6f401d90929c52a1cbb5d9fa7ffa51f397d1177680fc73c693328108627c.jpg
As an aside, we had a full day conference for my law firm last month, which mostly just made me want to kill myself (more than usual). But there was a segment on how millenials are different from a social science perspective, in how they consume legal services as clients, and how they are in the workplace as associates. That was actually quite fascinating, and I could see classic traits in one of my kids (who at 14 is BARELY in the age cutoff to qualify).
Now I just wish I understood social science better. People as an abstract notion are kind of interesting.
It’s funny, though. I went to another presentation or mini-CLE or whatever they called it, and as I was listening to this PR woman from L.A. describe how millennials are different in how they communicate and consume, I realized that she was recycling the same divisions and distinctions between generations since teenage identity even became a thing in the fifties. There was nothing actually distinctive about them that didn’t apply to my or other generation when we were their ages except that they can do it faster.
I’m gonna defend the little shits a bit…
When I got out of the military, did five years of college, and then went into the “real” world…holy shit companies are now insane.
I cannot tell you the number of times I ran into supposed opening level positions that required a fucking PE. That’s a professional license that takes years to get. Or it would a job say in California for next to nothing.
I’ve been harassed by headhunters for positions with other companies that pay SIGNIFICANTLY LESS than my current position. It is utterly insane how desperate people are for jobs and companies are taking advantage of it. Young people now are expected to be fully trained on their own. Companies will not train people because if they leave, they are out of the cost of the training…except these same companies do nothing to hold onto people and this “RIGHT TO WORK” horseshit was pushed through by companies.
All the time people bitch and moan to me how they can’t find good employees. Case in point was a dude that wanted a machinist, fully trained, to work $18 an hour. I was dumbfounded…”How the fuck can you expect that?”
Asshole replies “Hey that is $4 better than what I started with”. This fucker is in his sixties and clearly has zero fucking concept of inflation. Also, this fucker was allowed to start off as an apprentice. Not show up day one fully fucking trained and certified.
That’s been a common complaint in the legal community for at least ten years—the clients don’t want to pay for anything, but they especially don’t want to pay to train new lawyers. After all, they say (ignorant of reality), that’s what law school is for. Meanwhile, lawyers are immensely stupid and I ended up creating a twitter account at a CLE six months ago to point out that they brought in non-lawyer lecturers to gleefully explain how we’re destroying our own profession.
Anyway, I’m fucked sideways. So I’m totally fine burning everything to the ground even though I’ve been working for this since 1992.
You know whose fault it is that millennials really do match all the negative stereotypes we olds have about them? OURS. We’re the ones who raised them, we’re the ones who preyed upon their need to feel like a special, unique snowflake to sell them shit, we’re the ones who gave them trophies just for showing up. This society? We created it.
We ARE the all singing all dancing crap of the world!
Yes, but being adults means that they have to recognize it for themselves and fix it because no one else is going to fix it for them.
THAT is the one thing about the generation that is ACTUALLY bad (as opposed to just a silly generalization fun to laugh about) – it’s REALLY over-supervised. Certainly as compared to my “X” cohorts.
Like George Carlin, I believe there is great benefit to a kid being left alone in a backyard with a stick.
Some of the traits about the Millenials are really fucking good for business leadership. I think in particular the women have incredible executive potential.
This is true and part of the reasons why I have become less conservative in my life is realizing how fucked up corporate life is. I have had bonus promised in the form of stock options that never come. I have had to watch the company poor money into dumb ideas doomed to fail from the get go. I was asked to trust them for years while they said they couldn’t give raises only to be let go when they recapitalize because they want to move in a different direction.
I’m willing to relocate to L.A.
It’s a really cool job. We see some shit man!
http://www.clker.com/cliparts/u/A/E/G/P/q/space-satellite-hi.png
I’m jaded enough that sounds exciting.
So I just switched from Cox to DirectTV btw. My ‘bundle” discount got discontinued so all of the sudden my bill got jacked up $50. Now I called Cox up to see what they could do thinking hell if I could get my bill down to what I was paying I’d be happy. Nope they told me the best they could do was $20. So I told them to cancel everything but internet and my new combined bill is actually $50 cheaper than my old bill. Its amazing that the cable company was willing to let me walk over $40-50.
I recently pulled the “My bill is too high so I’m canceling” bit and managed to get about $35 knocked off my bill. They also bumped up my internet speed though, so it was a good enough deal to not have to try Comcast.
Never, ever subject yourself to Comcast.
We did that too. The only thing I miss about cable is ESPN, and I don’t even miss that too much.
Why is Balls still eating breakfast? Is he also a lazy millennial?
Lazy, yes. Millenial, not so much.
On a related note: How do we get to do the scrolling text thingy? I love that thing!
You have to earn it.
I had a get off my lawn moment today as well… I went to brunch with the girlfriend and her friends. The girlfriend is 9 years younger than me so here I was 34 at brunch with a shit ton of 22-25 yr olds getting hammered on mimosas. Most of them were acting like they were top shit but when the bill arrived we were short one person paying but everyone swearing they put enough in. Leaving big daddy Duchess having to shell out even more just so I could get the fuck out of there.
Having also lived out the Louie “So Old” episode…it’s still worth it and you know it! 😀
This even happened to me when I was 22-25.
Just throw in an extra $XX just to get the fuck out of there without bloodshed.
No idea what the fuck is wrong with people.
They think they’re hot shit trying to get away with trivial nonsense that doesn’t really matter, but may matter to them because they’ve never gotten in trouble or even yelled at before.
Never mind. Let me just add that I don’t like these people.
Quasi-related: I’m in my early-30’s and I feel waaaay older than the 22-25 year old women I encounter.
You are.
/is in the exact same boat.
I’m in my 40s.
22-25 year olds are basically children.
I remember a really nice dinner in Johannesburg one evening and the absolute best part about it was that when the bill showed up we figured out the tip, added that to the total, and divided it nine ways evenly. Nobody nickled and dimed that shit. I wish every meal out was like that.
The key part to your comment is that you were in Johannesburg. Good luck with that here in the States.
This is how I have always done things with my friends. Its equally divided if the bills cant be split. You are paying for the atmosphere and company with food. I’m the same with lunches. Hey I’ll buy you lunch one day and you can hit me back later and even if i order a soup ill still say we’re even.
I enjoyed reading this very much especially considering how pissed off I am at my current employer’s dearth of talent. But, like any true Millennial, I’m now going to make this about MEEEE.
About a year and a half ago, my department hired an audit analyst who did very well in his interview with the managers in our department. He was a personable guy but had a special knack for doing jack shit. Now, this department has some employees who have been around for years who–and I say this liking the people personally–have no skills or ability whatsoever. Hell, one employee was caught stealing from another employee (HR did nothing on this, by the way) AND sleeping underneath his desk. None of those people were in danger of losing their respective jobs. But somehow this fucker struck the perfect balance of lazy, inept, and insufferable that management would not let him stick around. After he was fired, things got interesting. He called wanted to get everything at his desk. That didn’t just include company-purchased office supplies but also copies of all of his audits. That’s right, he seriously asked to take internal company information with him because he thought it was his. Naturally, they told him to fuck off.
I’ve always been amazed at how people can stay employed while not actually, you know, working. It’s insane. The customer were I work has AT LEAST 2 entire levels of their organization that if they gave me a crack at? I would remove all of them. There is so much redundancy that it comes down to nobody having to do anything.
Then they outsource the real production to a vendor.
Got to love government contracts.
Shit, management? That’s a mess where I work too.
My original employer was bought by a competitor and the entire management from the director level up was given their walking papers or demoted beneath a director for the new company. One of our purchasing company’s directors headed a group that oversaw legal compliance with our customer agreements. One of my friends, who has a masters and moved up pretty quickly through the company, got stuck working for her and told me how she had no college education, no experience, and no qualifications for the job she currently holds. The kicker? This director OPENLY DISCUSSES her lack of education and qualifications as if it’s just a cute story. I’m utterly stunned we aren’t sued every day.
Ok, give me some tips on what to do right. I know what not to do. Let’s say I go into a flop sweat in every interview I have ever taken. What are the positive points I should hit? Also not a millennial, just only got jobs from people who knew I could do it them in the past. Still flop sweat
its like a good first date. Be personable, be respectful to everyone around you, wear appropriate clothing. ( don’t wear a suit to a tech company interview / wear a suit everyplace else), if its the first interview don’t ask about money . benefits. Oh don’t do the the cliche ” my biggest weakness is actually a strength” bullshit. give them a real weakness and a corrective measure on how you are trying to fix it (btw don’t use “I surf too much internet while at work”) and just like a good date go for the close… not sexy time close but ask for the second date.
A little tip I learned was when asking questions put yourself in the position. like
“So what would MY typical day be like here?”
As someone who has also done a bunch of hiring, this is all good advice. You’re a flopsweater and you know it, so prepare. Practice with a friend or family member a few times so by the time you get in there, you’ve reduced a little of the spontaneous nerves. Wear an undershirt and your lightest weight suit. Have some go to points on your preparedness and experience under pressure to counter the expectation that a sweater is a choker. Don’t act like you’re owed the job but rather show them why hiring you is good for them. And actually fucking listen. When someone cuts me off more than once or twice when I’m interviewing them, they’re toast.
Then, of course, send a thank you email or actual note afterward.
That was precisely my point with the last applicant, if I’m speaking don’t talk over me. Just common courtesy and should be common sense.
Thinking of it like a date is a great perspective in that it encourages you to be polite, curious, friendly AND to accept that if it doesn’t go well it may just because you and the company weren’t a good match.
Whatever else you do, just remember that consensual oral sex can only bring you and the interviewer closer together and will help to build a strong foundation for your future relationship.
Especially if you are interviewing for a position in the HR department.
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That’s all good advice.
My quick and easy take is be professional, be courteous, BE ON TIME and be confident without being arrogant.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been the interviewee but I always say the same thing. “I’m certain I can do this job and I promise you will never regret hiring me.”
Cha-ching bitches!
Whatever else you do, NEVER try to exaggerate your technical experience or credentials.
Ha. This happened to a person who was selected to manage my team. His resume said he could use one stat software (SAS), but he kept suggesting he wanted to use another (R) which no one on my team is trained to use. The director hiring this guy, having zero fucking clue how to identify the correct skill set for such a manager, didn’t seem to realize it meant he probably hadn’t touched SAS in years.
But that wasn’t the deal-breaker. Just days before start, this would-be manager was outright stalking his would-be boss on LinkedIn and having multiple phone calls with him in which he complained about a “hostile work” environment after a joke was cracked and whether he’d have off time to pay his cello or something. The morning he was scheduled to start, the meeting to be introduced to him was instead a vague explanation as to why this new guy’s offer had been pulled in a rush before he could show up to work.
But what about the aforementioned consensual oral sex?
That’s more a techniqual issue than technical.
BTW, I’m glad you hired the first one. I hope she works out.
I have a lot of confidence in her. She showed enthusiasm and she did two things that resonated with me. As she shook my hand at the conclusion she said “I would really like the opportunity to work here.” Then a week after the interview she did a follow up call to repeat her interest.
That’s good stuff.
My boss, who is a BIG CHEESE, stresses to EVERYONE that hiring the right person is the most important thing any manager can do. The converse to that is that, at my company, new hires get either a six-month or one-year probation. The managers need to be ON the evaluations because if the probationary period passes and the person becomes permanent, it is almost impossible to fire that person.
One of the proudest moments in my career is when I wrote up a non-performer and he then proceeded to take a leave of absence for “stress” and decided to retire shortly thereafter. I ended his gravy train and got him the fuck out. In an email prior to his scheduled return from leave, he said that returning to his job assignment working for me would be akin to sending a battered wife back to an abusive husband. He actually used those fucking words. I cracked open a nice bottle of booze the day his retirement became official.
Shit, maybe I’m an asshole too. That’s probably why you and I get along so great, yeah right!
Bloody complacent bastard deserved it.
Pictured: Balls’ boss
Are you sure an illegal immigrant didn’t steal the job while you weren’t looking? Because all those Republican candidates talk about it all the time.
Holy fuck, I am glad I am never asked to be part of the hiring process. This be all cray-cray.
There is a reason why managers (or at least good managers) get paid what they do. The handling of the employees is by far the most challenging aspect of the job.