Today was the first day of free agency, or the good riddance, post-Peyton era if you’re DeAngelo Williams. Good on him for refusing to apologize. At least now we know who’s in Peter King’s doghouse heading into the 2016 season, and not just for picking on Pete Prisco. Cam Newton should send him some flowers.
Your brief roundup of Day 1:
- Megatron retired. Are we sure we didn’t not see Jim Caldwell at the Combine?
- Malik Jackson was brought in by the Jags to keep Dante Fowler from hurting himself again
- The Iggles traded Byron Maxwell & Kiko Alonso to Miami, helping rid the joint of that Chip Kelly smell.
- Miami also signed Mario Williams. Combined with the above trade, Philly should lead the League in 9-3 final scores next year.
- Richie Incognito bullied the Bills into a three-year, $15 million deal.
- Tamba Hali is going back to the Chiefs. I know a couple of Commentists who are thrilled by this.
- Looks like the Steelers are getting Mike Wallace back. William Gay is staying.
There are four primaries tonight; in words that are rarely typed, the big prize is Michigan. The other states are Mississippi, whose Governor endorsed Cruz today, Idaho and – OBUMMER’S ‘birth place’ – Hawaii. In other birther news, a suit against Cruz was dismissed in NY, not like it would have stopped the process anyway. Question: Would the Republicans actually consider a non-candidate as a Convention-floor nominee? If so, I’d think it would be Paul Ryan.
Myself, I’m going to see “The Queens of Sheba” tour tonight, with Heart and Joan Jett. Like me, they rocked hard in the 80s, and today have a nice little career going for them in the 21st Century.
The contests of significance: (all times eastern)
NHL:
- Rangers @ Sabres – 7:00
- Penguins @ Islanders – 7:30
- Bruins @ Tampa Bay – 7:30
NBA:
- Nets @ Raptors – 7:30
- Spurs @ T-Wolves – 7:30
- Wizards @ Trail Blazers – 10:00
NCAA:
- Gonzaga @ St. Mary’s – 9:00 – WCC Tournament finals from the Orleans in Las Vegas
- BYU Lady Cougars were upset in a nail biter by the USF Lady Dons* 70-68 in the Women’s final earlier today
- Wake Forest & NC State played at 12:00 eastern, which would have been the marquee match of today’s schedule.
- Nothing else of note. Lots of minor conference tournaments.
- ESPN has Green Bay vs Wright State as their main network game, just to give you an idea.
- Here’s the link to the NCAA tournament broadcast schedule: http://www.ncaa.com/news/basketball-men/article/2016-03-08/march-madness-television-schedule-turner-cbs-announce-2016
* = FYI, “Don” is an acronym for De Origen Noble, which translates to “of noble origin” and is a Spanish title given only to a noble person of political, social or official distinction. The name references the early history of California and San Francisco, which was marked by the exploits of the adventuresome and swashbuckling Spanish Dons. Until 1931, the teams were called the “Grey Fog”, a much cooler name.
Enjoy your evening! BURN IT TO THE WICK!
https://youtu.be/p0OX_8YvFxA
http://56.media.tumblr.com/8caa5af4c439d051f0335ca420567992/tumblr_o3g9ym3lUh1rj4j4jo1_1280.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/62aedf36cc9093c7c18580e139dde48d/tumblr_o3g9yj0ef61rj4j4jo1_1280.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/7bef374fe72ef090b8aac43894c82734/tumblr_o3g9xzfvmd1rj4j4jo1_1280.jpg
How it it over 70 at 10 pm in March in Wisconsin? For the second day in a row
It’s not; this is all just a liberal conspiracy to give Al Gore money. Or whatever the latest climate change denier rationale is these days.
Don was originally a title for “landowner” (comes from “dominum”), which jibes with the nobility stuff. Then it became a term of formality, like Mister.
First I’ve heard of Don being an acronym, but my elementary school nuns would agree. They had that famed conquistador compassion.
Hey, it’s USF’s website. I thought Grey Fog was cooler.
One more of Iliza before I go watch BCS.
(back later unless I pass out…which is probably 50/50 at best)
And let me just say again…Dayum.
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/5030192/590full-iliza-shlesinger.jpg
Totes possible I might get a new restraining order soon….
http://www.celebheights.com/pr1/iliza-shlesinger.jpg
Pffft what’s a hundred yards to true love?
Been working for Charlie Kelly for years.
You should see her standup. She is really funny.
Evening, crew.
Yo
Howdy.
Sup.
I’ve yet to watch BCS from last night.
Too much drinking last night and ACCT and live baseball today.
This seems likez a good time to watch it….unless it sucked.
Input?
Might’ve been my favorite episode yet.
Alright, alright, alright!!!!!! First impression::best impression.
It was excellent. Go forth and watch immediately.
Late, but agreed … outstanding episode of BCSaul.
Sending work emails to Japan and knowing I will never get a response…
This is what my job feels like some times.
I get to deal with Japanese broadcasters for the next 10 months for Tennis and the Masters. High maintenance is an understatement.
The South Dakota State Jackrabbits are NCAA Tourney bound.
http://reaction.club/r/hqg-2437.gif
That’s. Really. Wrong.
…and here I was going to fap later…
So that’s what happens when you get breast implants and then take a lot of steroids. It’s not something I’ve ever actually contemplated before. I wonder what other horrible combinations of things I’ve never thought about?
I had forgotten all about saline injections and testicles until I re-read a novel recently. I did not feel it was something I was missing in my life.
Ah, jeez. Gonzaga again?
Huh. My new neighbors have a child, it seems.
And it’s one that likes to scream at night! I am SOOOOOO happy right now….
http://www.canadiangirlruns.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/7603714.gif
The early 19th century had the right idea on this one.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–iUc5Lm9k–/17hrv0cfxwco8jpg.jpg
God, I wish we could have patent medicines back. Soooooo jelly.
Patent medicines were a rip off. You could just go to the pharmacy and get pure shit without a prescription for less money.
Buzzkill.
Seems more like she’s trying to enhance the buzz.
That was the joke.
It wasn’t a very good joke.
Doc Holliday’s Saloon in Tombstone had an empty bottle of that on the shelf, right next to an empty bottle of Overholt’s Whiskey. I had never wanted to time travel so badly in my life.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6c5pgBrKX1r4pwt8o3_250.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li97agJJv41qi7deco1_500.gif
NO TROY!!!! STOP!!!!!
(still watching messed up game show starring hot blonde comic)
((Troy just chose to go on….he gon’ lose)
Out of the ashes, a come from behind victory (for now)…
$50K for Troy and Erin (who thinks they’ve only won $500 and thus is all casual and shit while Troy is shitting bricks)
Troy is trying to figure out how to hide $45.5K from Erin and spend it on hookers & blow.
Inorite!!!!!
Yay testosterone!!!!
Oh COME ON ERIN!!!!!
Go for the gusto!!!!
(Troy: STFU DUDE!!!!!!)
Shit, Troy had to go and fuck it up and propose.
FFS.
So anybody know this chick? Iliza Schlesinger, apparently won Last Comic Standing (which I’ve never watched) a few yrs ago. But Dayum…
http://funnycrave.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Iliza-Shlesinger-9.jpg
I bring this up only because there is some fucked up game show on TBS right now which I cannot turn off because I am mesmerized by her hosting loveliness.
I might have looked her up because I was one of the 12 people who watched Last Comic Standing and I didn’t recognize her. From what I am seeing here instagram is gonna become unusable with trying to protect their images, but I actually like the commentary on this one
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCigmvOvTEc/
All I remember from Last Comic Standing is Lavell Crawford should have won the year he was on. But he’s doing all right I guess.
She is as gorgeous as she is funny. Check out her stand up specials.
We need a new debate format. I will vote for whichever Republican candidate can successfully engage in coitus with a live tiger on national television. Each candidate will have 2 minutes to engage in foreplay with the tiger. When the bell signifies the end of this time, the candidate must proceed to penetration. Any interruption by another candidate must be accompanied by a reacharound. Last candidate to collapse from dehydration and blood loss is the winner.
I would actually watch THAT one, though it would be incredibly cruel to the tiger who got Ted Cruz.
Oh sure, just design it for an average Trump evening
I’ve said Thunderdome for the longest time, but I might actually like yours better.
There’s an element of strategy : I didn’t specify whether the candidate or the tiger is the top. That is candidates’ choice.
House of Cards: Not sure if fiction or documentary
That’s why I’m gonna go watch Deadwood; it’s a fictionalized documentary, with fuckin language a man can fuckin understand, and let no human cocksucker deny it!
Have you watched the British original?
Sadly no. It’s on my list of shows to watch.
It’s pretty excellent, I would be interested to hear the reaction of someone who watched the US version first.
Just finished episode 10 of this season. After this season I’ll watch the original
Chris Ivory apparently going to the Jags.
Didn’t they already have a pretty good 3-down RB? Yeldon?
I am busy doing the internet equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and saying “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA” at the top of my lungs.
Los Angeles Los Angeles Los Angeles Los Angeles Los Angeles?
ALSO A PROBLEM THANK YOU FOR THAT
Gonzaga put it into NCAAT mode too early ,, smgdh
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/4595008/adam-morrison-crying-o.gif
Hey, HEY, hey….
http://www.project510.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/1372260104_key-art-whats-happening.jpg
RERUN!
My soph year, we had an RA who looked JUST LIKE Raj….and we quickly found out that he HATED being called Raj. And we didn’t stop calling him Raj all year.
We were dickheads.
Of course he hated it; the real name was “Rog,” short for Roger. I’d have been pissed off, too, you kept fucking up the reference.
Shit, I always thought it was Raj too.
First off, it was verbal…not spelled.
Secondly….look it up. It was Raj…short for Roger.
Wiki sez “Rog,” but I’ll take your word for it.
IMDB motherfucker!!!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074071/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt
Sorry…that sounded way more confrontational than I intended. I love you man.
Dude, if you don’t throw a “motherfucker” at people from time to time, how can they know you love them?
http://www.maketunes.com/system/files/images/wu2.jpg
Flyers are basically a coin flip now. Not bad for a team that was the worst in the league a few months back.
Get it together you dipshits.
I remember when they scored goals. It was more fun to watch on the teevee box.
Apr 25, 1989 Philadelphia Flyers 7–10 Pittsburgh Penguins
The Shift, Part 2:
http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/GIROUX-SICK-SHOT.gif
That’s the perfect comment. It goes with anything.
I know he’s talking about the Ice Stillers but it could pretty much mean anything today.
Ow, his balls.
I choose to read this as a reply to Redshirt’s comment just below, and it’s even funnier.
Kasich: “We’re going to win this state [Ohio], because of you.”
Me: “You running against a presumable small penised racist and an untrustworthy weasel. Its not a choice; its a lack of options.”
Three Mile Pilot, The House Is Loss
(because we need uplifting music on a Tuesday)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNTv2Z3vvoI
I try to imagine what that Tampa-Boston game looks like and I just imagine an endless neutral zone trap with the occasional blindside clothesline.
That’s a generous number of neutral zone traps.
With Brad Marchand taking cheap shots every 30 seconds, and then bitching when caught.
Marchand just scored in OT to win it for the Ice Patriots.
The Bruins are now in 1st place in their division so its time for the Boston media to start paying attention to them.
The only reason to root for Trump to win it all.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/578/024/a8c.jpg
So now the two electoral jewels of Idaho and Hawaii. Total of 51 delegates up for grabs.
I just don’t know what to predict. On paper, a NY billionaire should be as popular as a FBI agent on the compound of a Posse Comitatus group…but nothing as made sense this election. Hawaii has a big meth scene…so Carson?
Something tells me both states are worried about Herman Cain’s second presidential bid.
Idaho seems like Cruz territory to me but the Angry Impotent White Male vote seems to fluctuate between him and Trump so who knows.
Rubio allegedly put a lot of focus on Hawaii, at least according to some talking head, and it would somehow be hilarious if he finally won a second state but only after everyone went to bed.
Mayhaps the Wings AND the Pens can tank!
Sup. Might be allergic to gluten, so naturally this means I need more bacon in my life.
Isn’t a gluten allergy akin to witchcraft in Indiana?
And she’s already using a computer! You’re doomed, APS. DOOOOOMED!
?w=640
Aren’t we all?
I take my name from the long view, so, technically, yes.
But as I keep reminding people, some of us are boned a lot sooner than others.
deeeeeeeeep
Like a rain puddle.
Anything can be deep fried, so we manage.
we may have to arrange for a passport!
oooh oooh do I win a vacation? TELL ME WHAT I WON, HIPPO
certainly NOT Belize!!
BUT HOW DO YOU EAT GRAVY WITHOUT GLUTEN
Fuck, Marry (with a prenup), Kill
Cruz, Trump, a rusty meatgrinder.
Go!
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IrXHGBmYcYE/hqdefault.jpg
Prenup marry Trump. Hatefuck Cruz. Kill myself after.
F: Trump(no lube), K: Cruz, M: meat grinder(I can make all the steak tartare and sausages I want)
I’ve been dealing with that classy, yuuuuuge, dude for 30 years in local news.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/9571d8ff4cb73b905633dbbceef39710/tumblr_nmt49bODJc1s3y9slo2_500.gif
Fuck Cruz, marry meatgrinder (then relocate to Fiji), kill Trump.
Marry the meatgrinder. Run the hell away from Cruz and Trump.
Apparently now Trump wants to start a trade war with China AND Japan over currency manipulation.
He’d better not start a Steak War with Japan.
You know what I’m talking about.
You can probably take “trade” out of that sentence and still be right.
I am planning on starting a Draft Redshirt movement on the Republican Convention Floor.
Redshirt in ’16: Its Compromise, Fuckers. Get used to it, or get used to four years of Hillary!
FUCK YEAH, ‘DERS
I sincerely hope this is the year a #16 knocks off a #1 overall just to fuck everyone’s brackets.
So the bully bullies people and he becomes the most popular person in school. The preppie bullies the bully and he gets ridiculed and scored.
When did American become Middle School?
When some of us started arguing with the teachers over things like cosmology, evolution, and climate disruption.
fuck
Delegate Count
Trump 384
Cruz 300
Rubio 151
Kasich 37
Clinton 673
Sanders 477
CATCH THE FEVER PEOPLE!!!
http://c8.alamy.com/comp/BJTYB9/medicine-disease-plague-protectice-clothes-used-by-physicians-to-prevent-BJTYB9.jpg
Speaking of Syracuse/Pitt, I feel that Sill and Scotchy should make some sort of wager of imaginary shame to make tomorrow more interesting.
I say loser has to write a post singing the praises of the other’s school.
I don’t really have anything against Syracuse on the days they’re not playing Pitt.
Gonzaga.
Actually a decent guy:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloysius_Gonzaga
I feel like we need to make time to discuss the Dolphins a bit. Seems they will field an overpaid terrible QB, two rush DEs, and 50 guys making league minimum.
Sounds like GREAT SUCCESS!
The Belichek-Brady connection gets a lot of deserved credit for the Pats success, as does their cheating, but one of the most amazingly consistent reasons for their success is the goddamned inability of the rest of the AFC East to field a competent football team.
I just finished working, because so far this year has been insane and no one should ever become a lawyer, and I turn on the TV and look to relax and Donald Goddam Trump is on my TV screaming about steaks.
What in the blue fuck is wrong with people?
On the other hand tomorrow my new favorite brewery is releasing my new favorite beer and I’m taking my non-drinking wife up so I can get a double order and then I’mma start drinking like the weekend has already arrived.
words really do fail
If Rubio loses Florida, his political career is over right?
I don’t get why he is staying in. The fact he is doing so poorly would hurt his chances to do well even in his own state.
Kasich has to just be trolling people now. I mean I see no downside for him doing poorly at this state because he can go back to governor and no one will give a shit.
Yeah. He gave up his Senate seat for this so it’s all or nothing for him on 3/15.
He really is an idiot.
yeah, but in GOP-world, that just means he goes to a “think tank” where he gets paid $700K a year to scratch his ass,
That ain’t just a GOP thing. Plenty of Democrats do the same exact thing.
The Dems have to settle for $450K. smh
I don’t think that’s in the cards for Rubio. He stepped on way too many toes jumping into the Senate and then running for the nomination. He has NO record of accomplishment and no reason for anyone to think he has a comeback in him or take him seriously.
Best case for him is Norman Braman keeps him on his payroll for whatever reason he’s fascinated by him. Worst case is bankrupt in 5 years because he seems to have the financial management skills of a chimp.
Or he could write a book about what not to do in a political campaign. That would probably be a best seller.
That’s the mind blowing thing about this campaign on all sides. I mean EVERYONE hates EVERYONE. Sooooo many burned bridges.
Career isn’t over. He’ll be back once Trump gets bitchslapped in the General Election or once he bombs his first term, assuming Florida hasn’t been lost to Mexico in the upcoming 2nd Mexican-American War.
Halfway home. Thanks, Columbus. Now stop sucking a dick, Isles.
I just saw the perfect response on TV to how I’m feeling right now regarding politics:
– “I feel its the reaction to bad news that reveals the true character of a person.”
– “How are you reacting?”
– “I watch cartoons. I eat cereal filled with milk and my tears. Stuff like that.”
Ice Giants win. Now to House Of Cards.
Everybody’s favourite “remember that Cinderella run like 20 years ago now they fuck up first weekend every single year” little guy (Gonzaga) looks like they will gets to play next week after all.
Hopefully not.
It’s sort of gotten to be like watching a really gory car crash with the Zags every year. I kind of enjoy watching the implosion.
I mean, the alternative is the Syracuse/Pitt loser gets in (sorry Sill/Scotchy)
Boo Gonzaga!
/Johnnies still haven’t recovered from that
And for further coverage, we turn to Brian who is out in Northeast Detroit”
http://www.tribunemagazine.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/abbott.jpg
“Yes Bret…the devastation hitting all across Michigan is severe. No one seems able to stop the Trump campaign and the carnage is shocking”
“My god Brian. Its haunting in its horrific beauty. Such devastation. All this happened tonight?”
“Um…no Bret. That is the Packard Factory…its been like this for years”
Ice Giants may pull this one out!
SHHHHH!
Fuck, Marry, Kill:
http://cdn.phillymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/tv-ad-babes-flo-lily-jan-940×540.jpg
Fuck Flo, Marry Lily, Kill toyota
My sentiments precisely.
That’s the way I’d go.
I tried going with a different combination, but really this is the only choice.
Wait, I didn’t read blaxabbath’s answer before posting. I’ll go with that.
Fuck Toyota (if to the point of Kill, that’s her problem), Marry AT&T, Kill Flo
Drop an airplane on Flo.
Marry Lili.
Fuck Toyota. Now that they seem to realize her value is her legs and they have begun emphasizing that, she’s much more palatable.
THIS. While I am meh on Lily, I just can’t stand Flo. I enjoy Toyota gal’s body type, so that would be a nice two and a half minutes, and I reckon Lily has plenty of money AND would pretty much make zero small talk and want nothing to do with me after a few weeks. PERFECT spouse material.
Flo makes me penis very confused.
http://p.fod4.com/p/media/5c597eb60b/uF9MjJo3QIaijySXC4iL_Confused%20Christian%20Bale.gif
Flo makes my penis retreat into my abdominal cavity and frantically start building defensive turrets.