Your “Manziel’s Still a Brown?” Tuesday Open Thread

Today was the first day of free agency, or the good riddance, post-Peyton era if you’re DeAngelo Williams. Good on him for refusing to apologize. At least now we know who’s in Peter King’s doghouse heading into the 2016 season, and not just for picking on Pete Prisco. Cam Newton should send him some flowers.

He’s here somewhere!

Your brief roundup of Day 1:

  • Megatron retired. Are we sure we didn’t not see Jim Caldwell at the Combine?
  • Malik Jackson was brought in by the Jags to keep Dante Fowler from hurting himself again
  • The Iggles traded Byron Maxwell & Kiko Alonso to Miami, helping rid the joint of that Chip Kelly smell.
    • Miami also signed Mario Williams. Combined with the above trade, Philly should lead the League in 9-3 final scores next year.
  • Richie Incognito bullied the Bills into a three-year, $15 million deal.
  • Tamba Hali is going back to the Chiefs. I know a couple of Commentists who are thrilled by this.
  • Looks like the Steelers are getting Mike Wallace back. William Gay is staying.

There are four primaries tonight; in words that are rarely typed, the big prize is Michigan. The other states are Mississippi, whose Governor endorsed Cruz today, Idaho and – OBUMMER’S ‘birth place’ – Hawaii. In other birther news, a suit against Cruz was dismissed in NY, not like it would have stopped the process anyway. Question: Would the Republicans actually consider a non-candidate as a Convention-floor nominee? If so, I’d think it would be Paul Ryan.

Myself, I’m going to see “The Queens of Sheba” tour tonight, with Heart and Joan Jett. Like me, they rocked hard in the 80s, and today have a nice little career going for them in the 21st Century.

The contests of significance: (all times eastern)

NHL:

  • Rangers @ Sabres – 7:00
  • Penguins @ Islanders – 7:30
  • Bruins @ Tampa Bay – 7:30

NBA:

  • Nets @ Raptors – 7:30
  • Spurs @ T-Wolves – 7:30
  • Wizards @ Trail Blazers – 10:00

NCAA:

  • Gonzaga @ St. Mary’s – 9:00 – WCC Tournament finals from the Orleans in Las Vegas
    • BYU Lady Cougars were upset in a nail biter by the USF Lady Dons* 70-68 in the Women’s final earlier today
  • Wake Forest & NC State played at 12:00 eastern, which would have been the marquee match of today’s schedule.
  • Nothing else of note. Lots of minor conference tournaments.
    • ESPN has Green Bay vs Wright State as their main network game, just to give you an idea.
  • Here’s the link to the NCAA tournament broadcast schedule: http://www.ncaa.com/news/basketball-men/article/2016-03-08/march-madness-television-schedule-turner-cbs-announce-2016

* = FYI, “Don” is an acronym for De Origen Noble, which translates to “of noble origin” and is a Spanish title given only to a noble person of political, social or official distinction. The name references the early history of California and San Francisco, which was marked by the exploits of the adventuresome and swashbuckling Spanish Dons. Until 1931, the teams were called the “Grey Fog”, a much cooler name.

Enjoy your evening! BURN IT TO THE WICK!

https://youtu.be/p0OX_8YvFxA

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

How it it over 70 at 10 pm in March in Wisconsin? For the second day in a row

entropy

It’s not; this is all just a liberal conspiracy to give Al Gore money. Or whatever the latest climate change denier rationale is these days.

Don T

Don was originally a title for “landowner” (comes from “dominum”), which jibes with the nobility stuff. Then it became a term of formality, like Mister.
First I’ve heard of Don being an acronym, but my elementary school nuns would agree. They had that famed conquistador compassion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One more of Iliza before I go watch BCS.
(back later unless I pass out…which is probably 50/50 at best)
And let me just say again…Dayum.
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/5030192/590full-iliza-shlesinger.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Totes possible I might get a new restraining order soon….
http://www.celebheights.com/pr1/iliza-shlesinger.jpg

entropy

Pffft what’s a hundred yards to true love?

WCS

Been working for Charlie Kelly for years.

ballsofsteelandfury

You should see her standup. She is really funny.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening, crew.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yo

WCS

Howdy.

entropy

Sup.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve yet to watch BCS from last night.
Too much drinking last night and ACCT and live baseball today.
This seems likez a good time to watch it….unless it sucked.
Input?

WCS

Might’ve been my favorite episode yet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alright, alright, alright!!!!!! First impression::best impression.

entropy

It was excellent. Go forth and watch immediately.

Spanky Datass

Late, but agreed … outstanding episode of BCSaul.

JustStopDude

Sending work emails to Japan and knowing I will never get a response…

comment image

This is what my job feels like some times.

Sharkbait

I get to deal with Japanese broadcasters for the next 10 months for Tennis and the Masters. High maintenance is an understatement.

WCS

The South Dakota State Jackrabbits are NCAA Tourney bound.

http://reaction.club/r/hqg-2437.gif

JustStopDude

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s. Really. Wrong.

WCS

…and here I was going to fap later…

Doktor Zymm

So that’s what happens when you get breast implants and then take a lot of steroids. It’s not something I’ve ever actually contemplated before. I wonder what other horrible combinations of things I’ve never thought about?

entropy

I had forgotten all about saline injections and testicles until I re-read a novel recently. I did not feel it was something I was missing in my life.

Croooow

Ah, jeez. Gonzaga again?

entropy

Huh. My new neighbors have a child, it seems.

And it’s one that likes to scream at night! I am SOOOOOO happy right now….

http://www.canadiangirlruns.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/7603714.gif

Doktor Zymm

The early 19th century had the right idea on this one.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–iUc5Lm9k–/17hrv0cfxwco8jpg.jpg

King Hippo

God, I wish we could have patent medicines back. Soooooo jelly.

Doktor Zymm

Patent medicines were a rip off. You could just go to the pharmacy and get pure shit without a prescription for less money.

Sill Bimmons

Buzzkill.

entropy

Seems more like she’s trying to enhance the buzz.

Sill Bimmons

That was the joke.

It wasn’t a very good joke.

entropy

Doc Holliday’s Saloon in Tombstone had an empty bottle of that on the shelf, right next to an empty bottle of Overholt’s Whiskey. I had never wanted to time travel so badly in my life.

theeWeeBabySeamus

NO TROY!!!! STOP!!!!!
(still watching messed up game show starring hot blonde comic)
((Troy just chose to go on….he gon’ lose)

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Out of the ashes, a come from behind victory (for now)…
$50K for Troy and Erin (who thinks they’ve only won $500 and thus is all casual and shit while Troy is shitting bricks)

entropy

Troy is trying to figure out how to hide $45.5K from Erin and spend it on hookers & blow.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite!!!!!
Yay testosterone!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh COME ON ERIN!!!!!
Go for the gusto!!!!
(Troy: STFU DUDE!!!!!!)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, Troy had to go and fuck it up and propose.
FFS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So anybody know this chick? Iliza Schlesinger, apparently won Last Comic Standing (which I’ve never watched) a few yrs ago. But Dayum…
http://funnycrave.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Iliza-Shlesinger-9.jpg
I bring this up only because there is some fucked up game show on TBS right now which I cannot turn off because I am mesmerized by her hosting loveliness.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I might have looked her up because I was one of the 12 people who watched Last Comic Standing and I didn’t recognize her. From what I am seeing here instagram is gonna become unusable with trying to protect their images, but I actually like the commentary on this one

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCigmvOvTEc/

Senor Weaselo

All I remember from Last Comic Standing is Lavell Crawford should have won the year he was on. But he’s doing all right I guess.

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ballsofsteelandfury

She is as gorgeous as she is funny. Check out her stand up specials.

Doktor Zymm

We need a new debate format. I will vote for whichever Republican candidate can successfully engage in coitus with a live tiger on national television. Each candidate will have 2 minutes to engage in foreplay with the tiger. When the bell signifies the end of this time, the candidate must proceed to penetration. Any interruption by another candidate must be accompanied by a reacharound. Last candidate to collapse from dehydration and blood loss is the winner.

King Hippo

I would actually watch THAT one, though it would be incredibly cruel to the tiger who got Ted Cruz.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Oh sure, just design it for an average Trump evening

Senor Weaselo

I’ve said Thunderdome for the longest time, but I might actually like yours better.

Doktor Zymm

There’s an element of strategy : I didn’t specify whether the candidate or the tiger is the top. That is candidates’ choice.

Sharkbait

House of Cards: Not sure if fiction or documentary

entropy

That’s why I’m gonna go watch Deadwood; it’s a fictionalized documentary, with fuckin language a man can fuckin understand, and let no human cocksucker deny it!

Doktor Zymm

Have you watched the British original?

Sharkbait

Sadly no. It’s on my list of shows to watch.

Doktor Zymm

It’s pretty excellent, I would be interested to hear the reaction of someone who watched the US version first.

Sharkbait

Just finished episode 10 of this season. After this season I’ll watch the original

Senor Weaselo

Chris Ivory apparently going to the Jags.

King Hippo

Didn’t they already have a pretty good 3-down RB? Yeldon?

entropy

I am busy doing the internet equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and saying “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA” at the top of my lungs.

packman_jon

Los Angeles Los Angeles Los Angeles Los Angeles Los Angeles?

entropy

ALSO A PROBLEM THANK YOU FOR THAT

King Hippo

Gonzaga put it into NCAAT mode too early ,, smgdh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, HEY, hey….
comment image

King Hippo

RERUN!

theeWeeBabySeamus

My soph year, we had an RA who looked JUST LIKE Raj….and we quickly found out that he HATED being called Raj. And we didn’t stop calling him Raj all year.

We were dickheads.

entropy

Of course he hated it; the real name was “Rog,” short for Roger. I’d have been pissed off, too, you kept fucking up the reference.

King Hippo

Shit, I always thought it was Raj too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

First off, it was verbal…not spelled.
Secondly….look it up. It was Raj…short for Roger.

entropy

Wiki sez “Rog,” but I’ll take your word for it.

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry…that sounded way more confrontational than I intended. I love you man.

entropy

Dude, if you don’t throw a “motherfucker” at people from time to time, how can they know you love them?

Gratliff

Flyers are basically a coin flip now. Not bad for a team that was the worst in the league a few months back.

Sill Bimmons

Get it together you dipshits.

King Hippo

I remember when they scored goals. It was more fun to watch on the teevee box.

Sill Bimmons

Apr 25, 1989 Philadelphia Flyers 7–10 Pittsburgh Penguins

Redshirt

That’s the perfect comment. It goes with anything.

Senor Weaselo

I know he’s talking about the Ice Stillers but it could pretty much mean anything today.

Gratliff

Ow, his balls.

entropy

I choose to read this as a reply to Redshirt’s comment just below, and it’s even funnier.

Redshirt

Kasich: “We’re going to win this state [Ohio], because of you.”
Me: “You running against a presumable small penised racist and an untrustworthy weasel. Its not a choice; its a lack of options.”

entropy

Three Mile Pilot, The House Is Loss

(because we need uplifting music on a Tuesday)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNTv2Z3vvoI

Gratliff

I try to imagine what that Tampa-Boston game looks like and I just imagine an endless neutral zone trap with the occasional blindside clothesline.

Senor Weaselo

That’s a generous number of neutral zone traps.

WCS

With Brad Marchand taking cheap shots every 30 seconds, and then bitching when caught.

Horatio Cornblower

Marchand just scored in OT to win it for the Ice Patriots.

The Bruins are now in 1st place in their division so its time for the Boston media to start paying attention to them.

Redshirt

The only reason to root for Trump to win it all.

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/578/024/a8c.jpg

JustStopDude

So now the two electoral jewels of Idaho and Hawaii. Total of 51 delegates up for grabs.

I just don’t know what to predict. On paper, a NY billionaire should be as popular as a FBI agent on the compound of a Posse Comitatus group…but nothing as made sense this election. Hawaii has a big meth scene…so Carson?

Gratliff

Something tells me both states are worried about Herman Cain’s second presidential bid.

Horatio Cornblower

Idaho seems like Cruz territory to me but the Angry Impotent White Male vote seems to fluctuate between him and Trump so who knows.

Rubio allegedly put a lot of focus on Hawaii, at least according to some talking head, and it would somehow be hilarious if he finally won a second state but only after everyone went to bed.

Gratliff

Mayhaps the Wings AND the Pens can tank!

American Pie Story

Sup. Might be allergic to gluten, so naturally this means I need more bacon in my life.

WCS

Isn’t a gluten allergy akin to witchcraft in Indiana?

entropy

And she’s already using a computer! You’re doomed, APS. DOOOOOMED!

comment image?w=640

American Pie Story

Aren’t we all?

entropy

I take my name from the long view, so, technically, yes.

But as I keep reminding people, some of us are boned a lot sooner than others.

American Pie Story

deeeeeeeeep

entropy

Like a rain puddle.

American Pie Story

Anything can be deep fried, so we manage.

King Hippo

we may have to arrange for a passport!

American Pie Story

oooh oooh do I win a vacation? TELL ME WHAT I WON, HIPPO

King Hippo

certainly NOT Belize!!

Sill Bimmons

BUT HOW DO YOU EAT GRAVY WITHOUT GLUTEN

Redshirt

Fuck, Marry (with a prenup), Kill

Cruz, Trump, a rusty meatgrinder.

Go!

Sharkbait

Prenup marry Trump. Hatefuck Cruz. Kill myself after.

nomonkeyfun

F: Trump(no lube), K: Cruz, M: meat grinder(I can make all the steak tartare and sausages I want)

I’ve been dealing with that classy, yuuuuuge, dude for 30 years in local news.

Spanky Datass

Fuck Cruz, marry meatgrinder (then relocate to Fiji), kill Trump.

American Pie Story

Marry the meatgrinder. Run the hell away from Cruz and Trump.

JustStopDude

Apparently now Trump wants to start a trade war with China AND Japan over currency manipulation.

Sill Bimmons

He’d better not start a Steak War with Japan.

You know what I’m talking about.

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Horatio Cornblower

You can probably take “trade” out of that sentence and still be right.

Redshirt

I am planning on starting a Draft Redshirt movement on the Republican Convention Floor.

Redshirt in ’16: Its Compromise, Fuckers. Get used to it, or get used to four years of Hillary!

Gratliff

FUCK YEAH, ‘DERS

WCS

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Sharkbait

I sincerely hope this is the year a #16 knocks off a #1 overall just to fuck everyone’s brackets.

Redshirt

So the bully bullies people and he becomes the most popular person in school. The preppie bullies the bully and he gets ridiculed and scored.

When did American become Middle School?

Sill Bimmons

When some of us started arguing with the teachers over things like cosmology, evolution, and climate disruption.

Sill Bimmons

fuck

JustStopDude

Delegate Count
Trump 384
Cruz 300
Rubio 151
Kasich 37

Clinton 673
Sanders 477

CATCH THE FEVER PEOPLE!!!

King Hippo

Speaking of Syracuse/Pitt, I feel that Sill and Scotchy should make some sort of wager of imaginary shame to make tomorrow more interesting.

ballsofsteelandfury

I say loser has to write a post singing the praises of the other’s school.

Sill Bimmons

I don’t really have anything against Syracuse on the days they’re not playing Pitt.

Sill Bimmons

Gonzaga.

Actually a decent guy:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloysius_Gonzaga

King Hippo

I feel like we need to make time to discuss the Dolphins a bit. Seems they will field an overpaid terrible QB, two rush DEs, and 50 guys making league minimum.

Sounds like GREAT SUCCESS!

Horatio Cornblower

The Belichek-Brady connection gets a lot of deserved credit for the Pats success, as does their cheating, but one of the most amazingly consistent reasons for their success is the goddamned inability of the rest of the AFC East to field a competent football team.

Horatio Cornblower

I just finished working, because so far this year has been insane and no one should ever become a lawyer, and I turn on the TV and look to relax and Donald Goddam Trump is on my TV screaming about steaks.

What in the blue fuck is wrong with people?

On the other hand tomorrow my new favorite brewery is releasing my new favorite beer and I’m taking my non-drinking wife up so I can get a double order and then I’mma start drinking like the weekend has already arrived.

King Hippo

words really do fail

JustStopDude

If Rubio loses Florida, his political career is over right?

I don’t get why he is staying in. The fact he is doing so poorly would hurt his chances to do well even in his own state.

Kasich has to just be trolling people now. I mean I see no downside for him doing poorly at this state because he can go back to governor and no one will give a shit.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. He gave up his Senate seat for this so it’s all or nothing for him on 3/15.

He really is an idiot.

King Hippo

yeah, but in GOP-world, that just means he goes to a “think tank” where he gets paid $700K a year to scratch his ass,

JustStopDude

That ain’t just a GOP thing. Plenty of Democrats do the same exact thing.

King Hippo

The Dems have to settle for $450K. smh

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think that’s in the cards for Rubio. He stepped on way too many toes jumping into the Senate and then running for the nomination. He has NO record of accomplishment and no reason for anyone to think he has a comeback in him or take him seriously.

Best case for him is Norman Braman keeps him on his payroll for whatever reason he’s fascinated by him. Worst case is bankrupt in 5 years because he seems to have the financial management skills of a chimp.

Or he could write a book about what not to do in a political campaign. That would probably be a best seller.

JustStopDude

That’s the mind blowing thing about this campaign on all sides. I mean EVERYONE hates EVERYONE. Sooooo many burned bridges.

Redshirt

Career isn’t over. He’ll be back once Trump gets bitchslapped in the General Election or once he bombs his first term, assuming Florida hasn’t been lost to Mexico in the upcoming 2nd Mexican-American War.

Gratliff

Halfway home. Thanks, Columbus. Now stop sucking a dick, Isles.

Redshirt

I just saw the perfect response on TV to how I’m feeling right now regarding politics:

– “I feel its the reaction to bad news that reveals the true character of a person.”
– “How are you reacting?”
– “I watch cartoons. I eat cereal filled with milk and my tears. Stuff like that.”

Sharkbait

Ice Giants win. Now to House Of Cards.

King Hippo

Everybody’s favourite “remember that Cinderella run like 20 years ago now they fuck up first weekend every single year” little guy (Gonzaga) looks like they will gets to play next week after all.

WCS

Hopefully not.

King Hippo

It’s sort of gotten to be like watching a really gory car crash with the Zags every year. I kind of enjoy watching the implosion.

I mean, the alternative is the Syracuse/Pitt loser gets in (sorry Sill/Scotchy)

Senor Weaselo

Boo Gonzaga!

/Johnnies still haven’t recovered from that

JustStopDude

And for further coverage, we turn to Brian who is out in Northeast Detroit”

http://www.tribunemagazine.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/abbott.jpg

“Yes Bret…the devastation hitting all across Michigan is severe. No one seems able to stop the Trump campaign and the carnage is shocking”

comment image

“My god Brian. Its haunting in its horrific beauty. Such devastation. All this happened tonight?”

“Um…no Bret. That is the Packard Factory…its been like this for years”

Senor Weaselo

Ice Giants may pull this one out!

Sharkbait

SHHHHH!

Sharkbait

Fuck Flo, Marry Lily, Kill toyota

WCS

My sentiments precisely.

Sill Bimmons

That’s the way I’d go.

ballsofsteelandfury

I tried going with a different combination, but really this is the only choice.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, I didn’t read blaxabbath’s answer before posting. I’ll go with that.

blaxabbath

Fuck Toyota (if to the point of Kill, that’s her problem), Marry AT&T, Kill Flo

entropy

Drop an airplane on Flo.

Marry Lili.

Fuck Toyota. Now that they seem to realize her value is her legs and they have begun emphasizing that, she’s much more palatable.

King Hippo

THIS. While I am meh on Lily, I just can’t stand Flo. I enjoy Toyota gal’s body type, so that would be a nice two and a half minutes, and I reckon Lily has plenty of money AND would pretty much make zero small talk and want nothing to do with me after a few weeks. PERFECT spouse material.

Redshirt

Flo makes my penis retreat into my abdominal cavity and frantically start building defensive turrets.