Day 2 of Free Agency. Let’s see what unfolded laundry highlights today:
- Doug Martin signed for 5 years to stay with Tampa.
- Well, the Eagles-Dolphins trade was off this morning, but is now apparently back on. The Eagles will move up to the 8 spot, and the Dolphins will go down to 13th and keep Maxwell & Alonso.
- Antonio Gates won’t be moving to LA for at least one year, as he re-upped with the Chargers for 2 years.
- Bruce Irvin took the paycheque and went to the Raiders.
- Who will smoke under the stands with Jay Cutler now that Matt Forte has signed with the Jets?
- The Lions replaced Megatron with Shockwave, as Marvin Jones signs for 5 years.
- George Iloka resigned with the Bengals. No word on Pacman yet (*does “CHUH CHUH” to “Jaws” theme*)
For the LOLs:
- None of the Rams defense wants to move to LA. Janoris Jenkins went to the Giants, and Rodney McLeod signed with the Eagles.
- Olivier Vernon signed with the Giants for more money than JJ Watt makes. No wonder Tom Coughlin ‘chose’ to walk away from such a master plan.
- Brock Ostweiler signed with the…Texans? Is that a team? Well, we all know what this means:
- Kaepernick goes to the Broncos
- Manziel goes to the 49ers to be Chip’s Great White Hype
- RGIII to the Argonauts
- TEBOW TO THE BROWNS!
It’s almost too perfect.
Finally, Matt Hasslebeck retired…until the Texans call in Week 9.
Politics: Looks like Bernie’s got some life left in his campaign. He eked out a Michigan win on “Super Tuesday 2”, and now…ANOTHER FUCKING DEBATE?!?! Well, with Florida, Illinois & Ohio next week on “Super Tuesday 3: Back In Training”, I guess this makes some sense. Hopefully, it means someone’s campaign will be done soon so we can all focus on watching the upcoming Republican Civil War.
IMPORTANT DICKJOKETHREADJACK
FROM YOUR IMPERIAL OVERLORD
So #TakeBackTheDick folks. Make your dick jokes tonight like you’ve never made them before.
END DICKJOKE THREADJACK
I am thoroughly enjoying the madness that is the Hulk Hogan Terry Bollea – Gawker trial. He’s going by his legal name at the trial, to emphasize how wrestlers separate their “character”: from their real-life persona. Nonetheless, every sentence out of Hulk’s mouth makes him sound ridiculous, plus he’s said “penis” a bunch of times and talked about his “shortcomings”, which had to have made him uncomfortable, brother. His admissions, and burying of kayfabe, is costing him any further chances of returning to Vince’s grappling funhouse as long as they are sticking to the PG attitude.
You want games? I got games! WHATCHA GONNA WATCH, McMAHON?! (All times eastern)
NHL: (6 games total)
- Blackhawks @ Blues – 8:00
- Ducks @ Avalanche – 10:00
- Capitals @ Kings – 10:30
NBA: (9 games total)
- Grizzlies @ Celtics – 7:00
- Clippers @ Thunder – 9:00
- Jazz @ Warriors – 10:30
NCAA: major conference tournament games
- Oklahoma State vs Kansas State – 7:00
- Georgia Tech vs Clemson – 7:00
- TCU vs Texas Tech – 9:00
- St Johns vs Marquette – 9:30
- Florida State vs Virginia Tech – 9:30
Tim Hortons Brier: Draw 13 – 7:30
- Northern Ontario vs Northwest Territories – Sheet A
- Newfoundland vs Quebec – Sheet B
Hurry. HURRY HARD!
http://105.imagebam.com/download/Ln5gIYRW9peAdMfsf5yJwA/47072/470713091/elsiehewitt-2.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/d7fe1de1c837d7f90962224a506c0b97/tumblr_o2wohxaYBO1u8asz3o1_1280.jpg
Artistically speaking….that is very visually pleasing.
Texas Tech losing to TCU is another big deal for the more bubblier teams (looking at you Syracuse, Monmouth, et. al.). The Fightin’ Tubbys were already probably in; Lunardi had them as a 7-seed. This won’t knock them out, but will definitely drop them to the 9-10 range. This really hurts a St. Mary’s or St. Bonaventure. Granted, St. Mary’s deserves everything it gets for letting those cheesefucks from Gonzaga in the Dance again.
It would be poetic if Tubby Smith got into the dance after he got ran out of town by Minnesota (Who went 8-23 this year).
[adjusts shirt and tie]
Hello, there!
[[spills drink on lap]]
[[[trips over feet]]]
[[[[bangs head off table]]]]
She’s mine…don’t you look at her dammit.
Yeah I had already reverse google image searched her before I could finished reading that sentence
BACK TO THE PILE
http://cdn.chud.com/f/f9/600x800px-LL-f9135865_image.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh8Ic6MbtoU
Jonathon Quick is pretty good at this hockey thing.
Your guesses about my beer choice were too classy. Sadly it is
http://www.warrenbeer.com/warren/images/products/beer/millercoors/best_ice/logo.jpg
Whatever works.
I’m just impressed at the multitasking of the motor vehicle/refrigerational unit.
I didn’t know they still made Beast Ice.
[The More You Know dot gif]
Texas Tech just choked to bottom seed TCU. That might just knock them out of the tournament. Too bad. Was a nice story.
While yes, it is a bit a shame that Tubby Smith may not be in the tournament, it essentially guarantees WVU will win their first conference tournament game since winning the Big East title in 2010.
http://rack.0.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzA4LzA1L2QwL2JyYWRwaXR0LmJjMmQyLmdpZgpwCXRodW1iCTg1MHg4NTA-CmUJanBn/47ac6804/968/brad-pitt.jpg
[WVU loses by 13, drops to 6-seed]
First thing I thought of when I saw the bracket: “WCS probably doesn’t mind the match-up”.
At least the Caps have some fire in them this period.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/3a92498317a97f2b582c4323cec63b48/tumblr_mta7x2fV4y1r4gei2o1_400.gif
http://3.images.southparkstudios.com/blogs/southparkstudios.com/files/2014/03/0508-worst-char.jpg?quality=0.8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_Wu6lI-42w
Kings defense is just all over any Caps that get near Quick.
And an even better one.
Sara Jean…my future wife even though she doesn’t know it yet and hasn’t lifted the restraining order….
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsn57lLmpl1qludboo1_500.gif
OK, I owe youse a better french maid I guess.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61%2B%2BOzPh99L._UY550_.jpg
Virginia Tech is the sixth seed in the ACC? This conference is the equivalent of your mom catching you jerking off to clown porn*.
*not valid for Fek
Best laugh I’ve had this week.
/googles clown porn
//whoa!!!!!!!
A moment also known as Wednesday night in Bruce Nauman’s childhood home.
http://www.baeditions.com/bruce-nauman-artwork/bruce-nauman-clown-taking-a-shit.jpg
I ran out of whiskey during IASIP, so I had to go to the beer I had out in my car. I will not admit how shitty this beer is by telling you it’s name. It is 6% alcohol though
I’m more interested in the part about “out in my car”.
But maybe that’s just me.
It is like a second fridge. I have 10 2 liters of diet coke out there so they stay cold without me taking over the whole fridge
http://cdn1.milled.com/contents/2015-04-14/x0T_xoXyNOLUPuMu/657uHB_9fugq.jpg
http://onmilwaukee.com/images/articles/ne/newoldstyle/newoldstyle_fullsize_story1.jpg
http://static6.businessinsider.com/image/545b2a216da811db30b93fd6-1200-706/south-park-micro-pay.png
Not all results from “french maid” google search are good.
Fair warning….
http://cdn.heavencostumes.com.au/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/r/u/rub-15819-men_s-funny-french-maid-fancy-dress-costume-700.jpg
A broken link and NSFW tag would have sufficed.
YOU CANNOT UNSEE!!!!!
I AM UH EVUHL JEENYUS.
Siragusa’s lookin’ HAWT.
Sheeit…he wishes he was that tall.
Rishard Matthews to the Titans. Mariota’s gotta be salivating! (Because he’s hungry and it’s past dinner time.)
Caps playing some great hockey.
WOOOO ICE RAMS!
I mean this as not offensive as possible but….
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
No offense taken. I’d say the same thing if I was in your shoes.
Thanks for understanding.
I’ll pay any of you $500* to spring clean my place on Sunday.
*payment in Schrute Bucks
http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/6/8/4/3/0/4/webimg/650589614_o.jpg
If I didn’t live thousands of miles away from you, I’d do it for free.
I’m weird in that I like cleaning shit and throwing crap away.
You fool!
Don’t you know how much Schrute bucks are going to be worth when the dollar collapses?
I really think this gal is pertty. Your mileage may vary.
Dear ACC,
Your commercials featuring past collegiate greats probably shouldn’t highlight players who played in different conferences at the time.
Kindly contract HuntaAIDS and rot in Hades,
WCS
“WCS? We’ve never even heard of that conference.”
-ACC
AND YET THEY’VE RAIDED MY APARTMENT TWICE
Looking for the CII narcotics, no doubt.
…shut up…
Caps down 3-0 in the first, gonna be a hard night.
I’d play the “Drink every time St. John’s turns the ball over” game but I lack alcohol and even so would probably end up in the hospital.
IceKings beating the shit out of IceSkins. N Ice.
I mean IceRams beating up IceSkins. Dammit, I can’t internet goodly today.
It’s not your fault. Did you see the scrolly-text update?
http://www.obsessionphoto.com/upload/article/344/12-daniel-garriga-nichole-robinson.jpg
Blues/Hawks ended pretty nicely.
I just heard a bunch of random yelling and cheering downstairs. It looks like the Hawks lost though
http://56.media.tumblr.com/f5a626b855e400b11fa836bd7d82926d/tumblr_o3mqhkYOxe1qk16obo1_1280.jpg
http://punchpin.com/thumbs/all_files/2013/01/16/13262_besthotgirlspics.com.jpg
Holy Cross has a sub .500 record (14-19) and is going to the NCAA Tournament. Gotta love it.
That’s where Simmons went, you know.
WE AHH THAH TAFFAST, GRITTIAHST SIXTEEN SEED EVAH NO ONE DENIES THIS
http://hotnaijanews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Miss-Universe-2013-in-bikini.jpg
The Caps really need to stop this whole, letting the other team score first business.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/ee33003fd18e57a30ce6c2ef9903f936/tumblr_n4yl4veZ9u1s2euspo1_1280.jpg
You might be digging too deep in the barrel. Just saying.
I kinda liked that one. But I may have just been looking at boobs, ass and thighs
Of which there was plenty.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/2453bb0d3dee9253ca61ae897a0dac12/tumblr_n70g0hzQGI1rgjlybo1_1280.jpg
I am 100% sure I posted this pic before, because I was the one that posted it, but it was at least a year ago so it is showing up again
http://56.media.tumblr.com/b47b1b7b8f2fd3372f640a0dbb4b52ec/tumblr_nfkudbkfO71rgjlybo1_500.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rKETOKAO0A
JESUS CHRIST THIS SHOW IS MY WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE
Evening Sill.
To which show might you be referring?
IASIP
Why a nightmare?
The trapped and sinking thing.
You know it’s fictional comedy…right?
You know that phobias are defined as “irrational fears,” right?
Indeed I do.
And I’m also gonna stop fucking with you now. 😉
Good to see you, too.
hey
Hahahaha….DirecTV running a “Thank You Peyton Manning” commercial.
That is just so much awesome.
It’s so much something.
Mac has a Romo jersey…
Mac is back.
Totally not gay.
I just hope this isn’t a cliff-hanger.
They’re running out of time….might be pt 3 upcoming.
Nope, that was about a Sunny ending as you could ask for.
Yup. They tied it up quickly there down the stretch.
Dennis has an onion.
Ha!!! Told ya.
Wifey called it 20 seconds beforehand.
…try to kill us or eat our butts.
That’s awesome.
Mac has taken to his new lifestyle awfully quickly.
None of us should have a gun.
But ONE of us DOES.
Dennis being better than Dee at impressions is splendid.
No nonsense black broad from the precinct.