Your “OMG OMG OMG” Free Agency Wednesday Open Thread

Day 2 of Free Agency. Let’s see what unfolded laundry highlights today:

  • Doug Martin signed for 5 years to stay with Tampa.
  • Well, the Eagles-Dolphins trade was off this morning, but is now apparently back on. The Eagles will move up to the 8 spot, and the Dolphins will go down to 13th and keep Maxwell & Alonso.
  • Antonio Gates won’t be moving to LA for at least one year, as he re-upped with the Chargers for 2 years.
  • Bruce Irvin took the paycheque and went to the Raiders.
  • Who will smoke under the stands with Jay Cutler now that Matt Forte has signed with the Jets?
  • The Lions replaced Megatron with Shockwave, as Marvin Jones signs for 5 years.
  • George Iloka resigned with the Bengals. No word on Pacman yet (*does “CHUH CHUH” to “Jaws” theme*)

For the LOLs:

  • None of the Rams defense wants to move to LA. Janoris Jenkins went to the Giants, and Rodney McLeod signed with the Eagles.
  • Olivier Vernon signed with the Giants for more money than JJ Watt makes. No wonder Tom Coughlin ‘chose’ to walk away from such a master plan.
  • Brock Ostweiler signed with the…Texans? Is that a team? Well, we all know what this means:
    • Kaepernick goes to the Broncos
    • Manziel goes to the 49ers to be Chip’s Great White Hype
    • RGIII to the Argonauts
    • TEBOW TO THE BROWNS!

It’s almost too perfect.

Finally, Matt Hasslebeck retired…until the Texans call in Week 9.

Politics: Looks like Bernie’s got some life left in his campaign. He eked out a Michigan win on “Super Tuesday 2”, and now…ANOTHER FUCKING DEBATE?!?! Well, with Florida, Illinois & Ohio next week on “Super Tuesday 3: Back In Training”, I guess this makes some sense. Hopefully, it means someone’s campaign will be done soon so we can all focus on watching the upcoming Republican Civil War.

IMPORTANT DICKJOKETHREADJACK

FROM YOUR IMPERIAL OVERLORD

#DickJokesMatter you guys.
If we are to let the rotting tangelo of a Republican front-runner and his childlike supplicant Marco make our dick jokes, where will we be? WE make the dick jokes here. We also make the balls and vageener jokes, too, dammit! I said nothing when they came for the gay jokes, because, well, they were inappropriate and I’m ashamed of 10 year old DTZM. I said nothing when they made me stop joking about people’s weight. (I’m sorry, guys. I was an asshole.) But I’ll be DAMNED if that melted creamsickle coated in shaved gopher hair will make MY dick jokes. SONOFABITCH I am angry.
Also, I’m sorry, but a Trump “Guarantee” on dick size is worth about the same as his classes at Trump University.
The Ommpa-est Loompah
The Ommpa-est Loompah

So #TakeBackTheDick folks. Make your dick jokes tonight like you’ve never made them before.

END DICKJOKE THREADJACK

 

Is Hulk’s lawyer Mark Davis?

I am thoroughly enjoying the madness that is the Hulk Hogan Terry Bollea – Gawker trial. He’s going by his legal name at the trial, to emphasize how wrestlers separate their “character”: from their real-life persona. Nonetheless, every sentence out of Hulk’s mouth makes him sound ridiculous, plus he’s said “penis” a bunch of times and talked about his “shortcomings”, which had to have made him uncomfortable, brother. His admissions, and burying of kayfabe, is costing him any further chances of returning to Vince’s grappling funhouse as long as they are sticking to the PG attitude.

You want games? I got games! WHATCHA GONNA WATCH, McMAHON?! (All times eastern)

NHL: (6 games total)

  • Blackhawks @ Blues – 8:00
  • Ducks @ Avalanche – 10:00
  • Capitals @ Kings – 10:30

NBA: (9 games total)

  • Grizzlies @ Celtics – 7:00
  • Clippers @ Thunder – 9:00
  • Jazz @ Warriors – 10:30
Most Canadian picture ever?

NCAA: major conference tournament games

  • Oklahoma State vs Kansas State – 7:00
  • Georgia Tech vs Clemson – 7:00
  • TCU vs Texas Tech – 9:00
  • St Johns vs Marquette – 9:30
  • Florida State vs Virginia Tech – 9:30

Tim Hortons Brier: Draw 13 – 7:30

  • Northern Ontario vs Northwest Territories – Sheet A
  • Newfoundland vs Quebec – Sheet B

Hurry. HURRY HARD!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Artistically speaking….that is very visually pleasing.

WCS

Texas Tech losing to TCU is another big deal for the more bubblier teams (looking at you Syracuse, Monmouth, et. al.). The Fightin’ Tubbys were already probably in; Lunardi had them as a 7-seed. This won’t knock them out, but will definitely drop them to the 9-10 range. This really hurts a St. Mary’s or St. Bonaventure. Granted, St. Mary’s deserves everything it gets for letting those cheesefucks from Gonzaga in the Dance again.

Croooow

It would be poetic if Tubby Smith got into the dance after he got ran out of town by Minnesota (Who went 8-23 this year).

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

WCS

[adjusts shirt and tie]

Hello, there!

[[spills drink on lap]]
[[[trips over feet]]]
[[[[bangs head off table]]]]

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s mine…don’t you look at her dammit.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah I had already reverse google image searched her before I could finished reading that sentence

Sill Bimmons
IronAvenger6491

Jonathon Quick is pretty good at this hockey thing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Your guesses about my beer choice were too classy. Sadly it is

http://www.warrenbeer.com/warren/images/products/beer/millercoors/best_ice/logo.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whatever works.
I’m just impressed at the multitasking of the motor vehicle/refrigerational unit.

WCS

I didn’t know they still made Beast Ice.

[The More You Know dot gif]

Croooow

Texas Tech just choked to bottom seed TCU. That might just knock them out of the tournament. Too bad. Was a nice story.

WCS

While yes, it is a bit a shame that Tubby Smith may not be in the tournament, it essentially guarantees WVU will win their first conference tournament game since winning the Big East title in 2010.

http://rack.0.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzA4LzA1L2QwL2JyYWRwaXR0LmJjMmQyLmdpZgpwCXRodW1iCTg1MHg4NTA-CmUJanBn/47ac6804/968/brad-pitt.jpg

[WVU loses by 13, drops to 6-seed]

Croooow

First thing I thought of when I saw the bracket: “WCS probably doesn’t mind the match-up”.

IronAvenger6491

At least the Caps have some fire in them this period.

IronAvenger6491

Kings defense is just all over any Caps that get near Quick.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And an even better one.
Sara Jean…my future wife even though she doesn’t know it yet and hasn’t lifted the restraining order….
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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I owe youse a better french maid I guess.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61%2B%2BOzPh99L._UY550_.jpg

WCS

Virginia Tech is the sixth seed in the ACC? This conference is the equivalent of your mom catching you jerking off to clown porn*.

*not valid for Fek

theeWeeBabySeamus

Best laugh I’ve had this week.
/googles clown porn
//whoa!!!!!!!

Don T

A moment also known as Wednesday night in Bruce Nauman’s childhood home.
http://www.baeditions.com/bruce-nauman-artwork/bruce-nauman-clown-taking-a-shit.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I ran out of whiskey during IASIP, so I had to go to the beer I had out in my car. I will not admit how shitty this beer is by telling you it’s name. It is 6% alcohol though

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m more interested in the part about “out in my car”.
But maybe that’s just me.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It is like a second fridge. I have 10 2 liters of diet coke out there so they stay cold without me taking over the whole fridge

Sill Bimmons

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WCS

A broken link and NSFW tag would have sufficed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU CANNOT UNSEE!!!!!
I AM UH EVUHL JEENYUS.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Siragusa’s lookin’ HAWT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sheeit…he wishes he was that tall.

Sill Bimmons

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SonOfSpam

Rishard Matthews to the Titans. Mariota’s gotta be salivating! (Because he’s hungry and it’s past dinner time.)

IronAvenger6491

Caps playing some great hockey.

ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOO ICE RAMS!

IronAvenger6491

I mean this as not offensive as possible but….

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

ballsofsteelandfury

No offense taken. I’d say the same thing if I was in your shoes.

IronAvenger6491

Thanks for understanding.

WCS

I’ll pay any of you $500* to spring clean my place on Sunday.

*payment in Schrute Bucks

ballsofsteelandfury

If I didn’t live thousands of miles away from you, I’d do it for free.

I’m weird in that I like cleaning shit and throwing crap away.

Sill Bimmons

You fool!

Don’t you know how much Schrute bucks are going to be worth when the dollar collapses?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I really think this gal is pertty. Your mileage may vary.
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WCS

Dear ACC,

Your commercials featuring past collegiate greats probably shouldn’t highlight players who played in different conferences at the time.

Kindly contract HuntaAIDS and rot in Hades,

WCS

montythisseemsstrangetome

“WCS? We’ve never even heard of that conference.”

-ACC

WCS

AND YET THEY’VE RAIDED MY APARTMENT TWICE

theeWeeBabySeamus

Looking for the CII narcotics, no doubt.

WCS

comment image
…shut up…

IronAvenger6491

Caps down 3-0 in the first, gonna be a hard night.

Senor Weaselo

I’d play the “Drink every time St. John’s turns the ball over” game but I lack alcohol and even so would probably end up in the hospital.

SonOfSpam

IceKings beating the shit out of IceSkins. N Ice.

SonOfSpam

I mean IceRams beating up IceSkins. Dammit, I can’t internet goodly today.

montythisseemsstrangetome

It’s not your fault. Did you see the scrolly-text update?

IronAvenger6491

Blues/Hawks ended pretty nicely.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just heard a bunch of random yelling and cheering downstairs. It looks like the Hawks lost though

Croooow

Holy Cross has a sub .500 record (14-19) and is going to the NCAA Tournament. Gotta love it.

Sill Bimmons

That’s where Simmons went, you know.

WCS

WE AHH THAH TAFFAST, GRITTIAHST SIXTEEN SEED EVAH NO ONE DENIES THIS

IronAvenger6491

The Caps really need to stop this whole, letting the other team score first business.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You might be digging too deep in the barrel. Just saying.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I kinda liked that one. But I may have just been looking at boobs, ass and thighs

theeWeeBabySeamus

Of which there was plenty.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am 100% sure I posted this pic before, because I was the one that posted it, but it was at least a year ago so it is showing up again

http://56.media.tumblr.com/b47b1b7b8f2fd3372f640a0dbb4b52ec/tumblr_nfkudbkfO71rgjlybo1_500.jpg

Sill Bimmons

JESUS CHRIST THIS SHOW IS MY WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE

theeWeeBabySeamus

Evening Sill.
To which show might you be referring?

Sill Bimmons

IASIP

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why a nightmare?

Sill Bimmons

The trapped and sinking thing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You know it’s fictional comedy…right?

Sill Bimmons

You know that phobias are defined as “irrational fears,” right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed I do.
And I’m also gonna stop fucking with you now. 😉

WCS

Good to see you, too.

Sill Bimmons

hey

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahaha….DirecTV running a “Thank You Peyton Manning” commercial.
That is just so much awesome.

WCS

It’s so much something.

Mac has a Romo jersey…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mac is back.
Totally not gay.

WCS

I just hope this isn’t a cliff-hanger.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They’re running out of time….might be pt 3 upcoming.

WCS

Nope, that was about a Sunny ending as you could ask for.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup. They tied it up quickly there down the stretch.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dennis has an onion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha!!! Told ya.

WCS

Wifey called it 20 seconds beforehand.

theeWeeBabySeamus

…try to kill us or eat our butts.
That’s awesome.

WCS

Mac has taken to his new lifestyle awfully quickly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

None of us should have a gun.
But ONE of us DOES.

WCS

Dennis being better than Dee at impressions is splendid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No nonsense black broad from the precinct.