Your “Holy Crap! For Real?!” Friday Open Thread

*deep breath*

Peyton Manning retired…………Brock Ostweiler signed with the Oilers Texans……….and somehow that became

MARK SANCHEZ HAS SIGNED WITH THE BRONCOS!

At least it wasn’t Tebow.

Opinions may vary. To the games! (all times eastern)

NHL: (5 games total)

  • Flyers @ Lightning – 7:30
  • Ducks @ Blues – 8:00
  • Blackhawks @ Stars – 8:30

NBA: (10 games total)

  • Rockets @ Celtics – 7:30
  • Heat @ Bulls – 8:00
  • Trail Blazers @ Warriors – 10:30

NCAA: 

  • Notre Dame vs #7 UNC – 7:00
  • #22 Baylor vs #1 Kansas – 7:00
  • Alabama vs #16 Kentucky – 7:00
  • #15 Arizona vs #8 Oregon – 9:00
  • #6 Oklahoma vs #9 West Virginia – 9:00
  • #11 Miami vs #4 Virginia – 9:00
  • #24 Cal vs #12 Utah – 11:30

Speculate who Elway will actually anoint down in the comments. NOTHING IS RIDICULOUS AFTER TODAY!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Buddy Hield is really a woman.
But man o man….dat bitch can ball.

laserguru

He’s gonna be a big time scorer at the next level.

Big time.

The Maestro

Yowza.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She is about as close to flawless as anyone ever has been.

laserguru

Ahamena hamena.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

‘At’s Nawt a Knoyfe.

No pooftas.

Australia, Australia, we love you.

Sill Bimmons

I never met a man named “Bruce” or a woman named “Sheila” the whole time I lived there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay Aussie slang!!!!!

Can we change the teams’ names to Coal-Mining Cousinfuckers vs. Squatters?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Olivia…I JUST Armour Alled the uphostery….
Oh wait…you’re right. That’s MUCH better.
http://i1119.photobucket.com/albums/k631/666krisiun/OO/olivia_paige.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

10 pt lead with under 10 to play.
I don’t wanna jinx this WCS….but this about when we Wolven types think…”Oh shit…here it comes”.

WCS

SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

/butthole is already puckered

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

They all keep calling this guy “Dicko” and it isn’t pissing him off in the slightest.

laserguru

This is the only Eagles song I can endorse.

Mr. Joe Walsh on guitar.

theeWeeBabySeamus

ONLY?
This statement intrigues me.

laserguru

Just not a fan brother Seamus.

But I do like me some Joe Walsh.

WCS

I don’t know if the Tracksuits are going to win tonight, but they are playing their collective dicks off.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

So cousin Peggy Sue had the clap I see.

Sill Bimmons
ballsofsteelandfury

Collingwood up 4 at the end of the third.

Sill Bimmons

Hippo, are you doing the EPL thread for tomorrow?

King Hippo

yup, it’s all scheduled like

Sill Bimmons

Rules are coming back…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Music vids don’t often move me to tears….but this one always does for some reason.
/therapy tomorrow….wooooo!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU9JoFKlaZ0

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I love the pink dear…but the ruffles on the top are out of line. Just let me adjust that a bit…..OW…BITCH!!!!!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rhiis6Pa6mo/TqLYhk5GbGI/AAAAAAAADcU/8Q7oiaQRRk4/s1600/Olivia_Paige_Bra_Size.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My fitbit fell off my wrist when I was getting out of the uber tonight…and was summarily crushed in the middle of the road. Given that I’m not drinking at the moment, I’m giving up on this week and going to bed. Night, all. Stay weird.

Sill Bimmons

#WhitestPossibleProblem

ballsofsteelandfury

Collingwood in front now.

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t look now, but the Magpies are coming back. 72-62 now.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think WCS has found his team. FWIW, Moose has declared his allegiance to Collingwood already.

King Hippo

You think the Barcodes ain’t gon’ get relegated? BUHLEE DAT!!

WCS

Last time that happened, they won the Championship by like 15 points.
WOO ENGLISH NIT

Croooow

Football League Championship is very underrated.

Sill Bimmons

Not when you’re not supposed to be there.

ballsofsteelandfury

I love to hate Melbourne. I have a deep irrational hatred of that team. I have Sill-quality hate for that team.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

How can 12% hate Essendon???
They suck so hard I wouldn’t have thought 12% of humans LIVING IN ESSENDON even knew they existed.

Croooow

I have an Australian friend who is a huge fan of Essendon. He’s prepared for a very long year.
(He even sent me an Essendon t-shirt a couple years back)

Sill Bimmons

Inorite?

Turns out Essendon are very successful with 16 AFL championships, tied for Carlton for most all time.

So that must be it.

King Hippo

How can anyone hate Captain Carlton like that?

theeWeeBabySeamus

FWIW…I’m the Hawthorne hate camp. Those guys can eat a whole bag of dicks.

Sill Bimmons

VVV

Sill Bimmons

I hate Hawthorn (in addition to Collingwood).

I saw both Hawthorn/Swannies matches when I lived there, one at the SCG and one at York Park in Launceston, Tasmania.

Hawthorn won both. Boo.

Plus I can’t stand brown in a uniform.

WCS

Neither can 80% of Cleveland.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This was very funny.
Thank you, good sir.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry dear….the scissors kinda got away from me there for a sec.
http://i2.listal.com/image/2692877/600full-olivia-paige.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

What’s that about scissoring?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha HA!!!!!
Nicely played, sir.

Sill Bimmons

Got AFL on the main screen, cousin lovers on the tablet and you persons on the laptop.

http://www.cmcstir.org/pr/jardinepr/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/simpsons-thumb.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Teknawluhgee beetches!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Western 70, Collingwood 40 in the middle of the third.

BTW, Sill, I’m not forgetting about the Season Premiere Rivebrog. I’ll include that in this week’s AFL Beat!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Sill Bimmons

I see those goddamn Barcodes and my gorge rises:

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The Maestro

Wow, Rubio just killed the Thunder at home. Good for him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kill it…KILL IT!!!!!

WCS

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KILL IT! KILL IT!!!

WCS

Also, 10 Cloverfield Lane was pretty kickass. Definitely a movie better viewed on a big screen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve been trying to reason with myself why I should NOT go see this on the big screen
You Sir, have not helped.

WCS

Tracksuits up, 30-29 halftime. Should be up by ten; held Player of the Year Buddy Heild to two points, crushing OU on the glass, and forcing turnovers. WVU couldn’t make a bloody shot in the last 6-7 minutes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I gotta tell ya….I’m pulling for your boyz. But they giving me NCSU flashbacks like a beast.
/thought I was done with that for the season

The Maestro

My TV hasn’t switched over to GSW yet! BOOOOOOOOOO

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, I’ll be! AFL is on!

Sill Bimmons

Cousin lovers about to go to halftime.

What channel?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You gotta stream dat pre-season sheeit on the interwebz.
And not only do they charge, but they ask how old your are. I’m still pissed off about dat.

King Hippo

there appear to be matches on Fox Soccer Plus

Sill Bimmons

Yes.

King Hippo

Carlton scored 60 in the re-run I watched this afternoon (against Sydney)! Progress!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mostly SFW version this time…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMcNzjzw63I

Sill Bimmons

Are we going to do a DFO NCAA bracket?

WCS

Absolutely.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hope so.
I already know who will be champion.
(go Bethune Cookman!!!!!)

Sill Bimmons

I’ve got some Schrute Buck futures I’d like to discuss with you if you have a moment.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My good friend, Olivia Paige.
And by “good friend”, I mean I was able to talk her out of pressing charges.
http://www.iceposter.com/thumbs/G473846_b.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

WOOOOO!!!!!
B.E.D. (binge eating disorder) is a disease!!!!! I goddamned knew it!!!!
Now, if they’ll just start paying out disability claims for that and B.D.D. (binge drinking disorder) I’ll be fucking set for life.
Fuck you, system.

King Hippo

Hee hee, just noticed that the P*ts signed the Bills’ small, white WR. They DO have a type, eh?

Doktor Zymm

Imma sleep now. I’ve only averaged 5 hrs of sleep this week due to jetlag. MOAR SLEEP FOR MEES.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Night Dok

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m gonna presume that’s porn.
I figure it’s about 90% chance that I’m correct.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit….just clicked in my brain.
You magnificent bastard, you.

Sill Bimmons

Crawford just got pulled. 4–0 Stars.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I can’t reply below (on previous page at this point) because the comments have gotten smashed to the side…..but I just want to acknowledge how funny the phrase “penis puppets” struck me.
You know who you are.

Gratliff

Also, horrifying.

Doktor Zymm

The best octopus I ever had was in Malta. Loads of garlic, and amazingly tender. Korean octopus stew is second, but still fantastic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have literally NEVER begun a sentence “The best octopus I ever had….”
And I don’t feel as if that is a bad thing.

WCS

Balls is offended by this.

ballsofsteelandfury

Octopus, if cooked right, is delicious!

Sill Bimmons

Où est notre amoureux cousin résident ce soir?

http://www.vhscollector.com/sites/default/files/vhscovers/TEND.jpg

King Hippo

I like the way they think!

Doktor Zymm

My favorite Korean food :
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Doktor Zymm
Brick Meathook

SCRAPPLE: the National food of Delaware.

WCS

SCRAPPLE: Kick dignity in the crotch!

Sill Bimmons

Ah! Vous êtes là!

Brick Meathook

Hey Sill, that’s some real Frenchy shit. Cut it out.

Sill Bimmons

If it helps, it’s in service of a mediocre joke about lesbian cousins in a French film/West Virginia men’s basketball.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You had me at lesbian French cousins.
You lost me at tracksuit U basketball.

Sill Bimmons

Cousin lovers?

Brick Meathook

A French film about two lesbians who play basketball at The University West Virginia? I thought “Apocalypse Now” was good, but this new movie don’t even need Brando.

King Hippo

You didn’t notice Brando masturbating in the corner?

theeWeeBabySeamus

One is artsy and French.
The other is….well…
(J/K WCS)

Brick Meathook

Hey Wee Baby Seamus: The better (or worse) joke is What is the difference between a prostitute with the clap and a midget who is trying to rip you off? ANSWER: Well, one is a cunning runt…

Gratliff

The national food of Delaware is Deer Head hot dogs. Also, a Cheesesteak that’s drastically superior to Philly’s.

Doktor Zymm

SCRAPPLE : And various other pig parts

Sill Bimmons

Have any of YOU made moah money than Scrapple? Didn’t think so. Losahs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How can a state have a national food?

Gratliff

I find my concern with Pittsburgh winning games to be drastically lower when the Red Wings are throwing away their playoff bid.

WCS

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