Free agency – hungover from the weekend edition.
It sure seems like everybody in charge binge-drank last week, because the signing news today sure seems like someone is holding my hair while I puke:
- The day’s highlight is Eric Weddle signing with the Ravens, in their attempt to have a more hirsute, less-stabby defense.
- B.J. Raji announced he’s taking a “hiatus” for 2016. His body actually started it in Week 12 last year, but his brain only just caught up to the fact.
- In “John Elway’s going to have an aneurysm” department:
- The Broncos believe Kaep is only worth a fourth rounder, which will make it even funnier when the Browns overpay for him, because…
- Mark Sanchez says his goal is to be the Broncos starter, and that’s what led him to sign in Denver
- Speaking of Browns QBs, meet one of their future draft choices, Dak Prescott
- Brandon Weeden visited the Dolphins on the weekend. His goal to play a game for every team by 2020 looks on pace.
Oh goody – the “Competition Committee” is meeting to discuss ways to further protect the QB in the pocket. Expect moar “Brady Face” after every touch this season.
Politics:
“Super Tuesday Three: Last Stand” is tomorrow. Will we say “goodbye” to Kasich & Rubio, or will we get our fever dream of a Republican convention & civil war? I wonder how many of Trump’s delegates are on no-fly lists.
Question: If Cleveland catches fire, does that help or hurt the Browns?
Did you know Bernie Sanders went to court to get 17 year-olds who’ll be eligible to vote on Tuesday, November 8 eligible to vote in the Primary? And he won! Teenagers – feelin’ the Bern! (Insert prom VD joke here.) Hillary has to hope their moms come out to vote for her.
Finally, Big Daddy Drew had a pretty good response to whether John Cena should run for President:
The games! (all times eastern)
NHL: (6 games total)
- Panthers @ Islanders – 7:00
- Kings @ Blackhawks – 8:00
- Devils @ Ducks – 10:00
NBA: (9 games total)
- Mavericks @ Hornets – 7:00
- Trail Blazers @ Thunder – 8:00
- Pelicans @ Warriors – 10:30
- Cavs @ Jazz – 10:30
NCAA: Nothing; that play-in garbage starts tomorrow.
Other stuff!
Better Call Saul: (9:00) – no synopsis needed; it’s a damn fine show you should be watching
Monday Night RAW: (8:00) The “Road to Wrestlemania” road continues along its PG, bloodless road.
One more night of bracket perfection. LET’S PICK OUR BRACKET LIQUOR!
Howard…you better not screw Kim over on this….
OH YOU FUCKER!!!!!!
Golden State: 60-6. Incredible.
.909 win percentage ain’t bad.
What was the 195-’96 Bulls record at 66 games? I’m not an NBA fan, but I do loves me some history and historical precedent.
cbssports.com says 59-7.
No disrepect to the Bulls, but I really want GSW to get to 73+. Such a fun team to watch. I usually wait until the playoffs to I really start watching the NBA, but these guys have me interested in the regular season for the first time in quite a while
So one game over. I’m with you, man. Let’s see history. It doesn’t happen often. Of course, when Fuhrer Trump decides to nuke the UK after a minor MP says something anti-spray tan, it won’t matter.
“I Did It My Way” en Espanol is fricking awesome.
Kiss my ass, Sinatra.
Poor Kim….those post-its went down like a drunk prom queen.
And I still got a bad feeling about Mike’s daughter-in-law.
Thank fucking god. I got our fridge working again at 1 am by myself so I didn’t have to work on it with my dad tomorrow (translated get yelled at while he fixed it), I am back to spending the entire day taking care of my mom who can’t move right now, not hyperbole, she moved once today to pee.
Congrats on the former, sorry to see that about the latter. What’s going on with her?
Short answer she damaged a nerve (nothing that should be permanent) in her back which coupled with a bunch of other things caused her to be/remain in extreme pain. The whole story would probably take a paragraph or two and I am too lazy to type it out right now.
Alright, fair enough. Glad to see it shouldn’t be permanent. I also dealt with a dad who was probably over his head, and instead of resolving problems with my younger brother and I, just screamed a lot and broke shit to terrify us. I finally drew the line a few years ago after he accused me of “stealing” his liquor. Turns out, he was drunk and hid it on himself. Essentially, I told him don’t expect your future grandchildren to visit. [You] can explain to mom why this is our policy. It’s actually really worked.
Anyway, sorry to see your situation. Sincerely. Stay strong; you’ve got pretend interwebz friends supporting you.
I feel so lucky to have had the father I did (he died a year ago on April 11). His dad, my grandfather, is a major prick however, fucked my father over good emotionally/mentally.
He’s still alive…turns 98 tomorrow. Well, today now I guess. I went and visited him today for his birthday. He’s totally lost in dementia, but still too big a prick to die.
I know how bad this sounds. Don’t care.
o hai annah
http://fightbooth.com/wp-content/gallery/lana-2/lana-sequel.jpg
Off to make a pizza (at fricking 1am…WTF is wrong with me????) and watch BCS.
Wait, you haven’t seen it yet? Guh.
…fuckin’ amateurs…
Nope…I “napped” thru it.
And have actually only just now started it. I take too long to cook anything most of time, even pizza.
But I gotz the pizza, and have just started Saul….And I see Chuck wasn’t always batshit, but even then was still a huge dick.
….LET’S WATCH…
So, finished my WVU Tournament preview. Any know where I send this?
I have a suggestion, but out of respect to the children I will keep it to myself.
Damn you WCS. I had nearly decided to wait until tomorrow to watch BCS, then I scrolled back and read “Holy Piss on a stick”. Now I just gotz to know!!!!!!
http://fistfuloftalent.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/I-gots-to-know.gif
Stick to the very end. Trust me. Also, rhubarb pie is still an affront to God.
http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18qtwpu3k1vfwgif/original.gif
Justin Bieber enthusiast, Jared McCann just scored a goal for the Ice Liouns by banking it off a defender’s ass.
Speaking of wanting to bank some rubber off an ass
Ass Möde is a way of life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzyto43_-Hc
Yes, the bank is open.
Yay foar yoga pants.
Wanna know why the Ice Liouns are just as pathetic as the Lions? Because even though they have had more “success,” this is a statue they’ve commemorated outside their arena:
http://wpmedia.blogs.theprovince.com/2011/06/0474.roger.jpg
Yes, they actually spent money on a statue where they’re surrendering. #France’s favorite team.
5-0 Ice Bombers
Not only does this new Kohler ad make me not want to buy a Kohler faucet, it makes me want to go to open houses looking for Kohler faucets to smash.
4-0 Ice Blue Bombers.
Pop Quiz hotshot: You just realized it’s pie day. You’re going to leave in 10 minutes to go buy a pie. What kind of pie (only one) are you buying?
Hard choice, but if I can only haz one….gotta go with Rhubarb.
(my redneck background comes to the surface….dammit)
We can’t be friends. Rhubarb pie is an abomination.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/7789941ab4bb3a8d1b96f7ed3a65e2be/tumblr_n2mv9lAFza1sq8ydzo1_400.gif
Banana Cream, and there is no other answer.
Key Lime.
That’s a very solid choice.
I concur.
Has to be good key lime though, not that sugary green shit.
Your mom’s?
Tonight is the Ice Lions Children’s Charity fund tonight. The way they’re playing tonight, I think they’re trying to finish these kids off.
I’m loving the Lana homage tonight. Rusev is awesome and one lucky bastard.
(Wooooo internet…I am so happy this gif actually exists….Urban Cowboy, dammit!!!!!)
‘Sup!!!!
I just woke up from a nap that even the Hippo would be proud of.
Now I got Saul on the dvr, and you fine assholes….errr, gentleman…posting fun shite.
LIFE IS GOO!!!!! I MEAN GOOD!!!! WHY AM I SHOUTING??????
Did you watch Monday Night Raw? Because that’s what I did and I fell asleep on the coach.
Nope, I pulled the ultimate fuckoff tonight.
Had sitcom reruns on while doing some bullshit busywork, decided I was “a little sleepy and wanted a nap”….slept for four hours. Goddamn TV actually shut itself off automatically I was asleep so long.
PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY
I always hated that episode because of Frylock getting sick. I always believed it was true. That damned frybox is a HELL of an actor….
http://wpimages.freepresshouston.com/2014/12/andrew_wk-2014.jpg
This Ice Liouns/Ice Blue Bombers game is a blood bath. I haven’t seen an Orca get slaughtered like this since the Faroe Island whale slaughter.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/southpark/images/6/6d/SPFW1.jpg
FRUCKA YOU WHARE
If you missed it earlier, here’s an article detailing every coach in the NCAA Tournament’s favorite band/artist. Dayton and Archie Miller have a new fan in WCS for choosing Alice in Chains. For the record, his brother, Sean, who is head man at Arizona, chose John Mayer. Guess which brother was cooler to hang out with in high school?
And flexible
Can’t park properly…would not bang.
But what woman can?
Damn fine logic, Sir.
Very friendly
http://wrestling-edge.com/wordpress/photos/lana-bikini-photos/8biphqi.jpg
Very nice
http://36.media.tumblr.com/0cccb0280445d6b2a34a0f0f31981966/tumblr_nl2yl3U1i91rg89a6o1_500.jpg
So, this Lana person seems nice
http://www.allwrestlingnews.com/wp-content/uploads/ngg_featured/Even-More-REVEALING-Photos-of-Lana-Before-WWE-5.jpg
HOLY PISS ON A STICK BCS
What is this BCS you speak of?
The only one I know about died a delicious death as few years ago.
Awfully quiet around here…
BCS will do that.
S’up, sluts?
I’m not a slut, I’m a whore. I get paid.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/c31afe20456551eac802371a46bce3e9/tumblr_mk7889Em1I1s02vreo1_400.gif
How many noses/jaws do you think have been broken by stupid people not firing shotguns properly?
http://mrsimonporter.wikispaces.com/file/view/Recoil%202.gif/446041190/Recoil%202.gif
Has to be into seven figures, right?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/382dafab32eae8f99433257308eb22eb/tumblr_mr4bjbVdRh1r3jjj2o1_500.gif
“Aw, that’s a shame.”
– a deer
http://i.imgur.com/23SBRMC.gif
And I now regret requesting that the scrolling text be changed.
Hey, you asked for it. Got a better one? I’ll write it in.
I didn’t say it wasn’t good. Just disturbing. Thanks for the nightmare fuel.
Hall of Fame shit right there. Leave it like a banner.
http://i.imgur.com/pYJu9zW.gif
http://i.imgur.com/qhACaNn.gif
YOUR MESSAGE JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE AND MORE RESONANT
25 minutes…
I had off today, and spent it beginning the end of my epic Deadwood re-watch (by GOD that show was awesome), and my day has been filled with some of the best lines ever.
“Fucking pagan. Tell your god to ready for blood.”
“Change ain’t lookin’ for friends. Change calls the tune we dance to.”
“Come scare me in the thoroughfare.”
“Hm. When I say “Go fuck yourself,” Sheriff, will you put that down to drunkenness or a high estimate of your athleticism?”
Got a call from my coworker’s managers. Even though I promised not to say anything…fuck that this is mental health so I emailed his boss with my concerns. His boss used to be in the navy like I was. It was a complete flashback…
“Cutting?”
“No”
“Drinking?”
“No…same shit I went through. Not nearly as far along, but we need to nip this in the bud now.”
“Agreed. Guns?”
“No doesn’t own them either”
“Excellent. Get him here first thing. We get him started with mental health. Discrete of course. ETA on a therapist?”
“Got him an appointment with mine in a week”
“No sooner?”
“Um…we kind of have her book through June. I canceled mine so he could take them”
“Good”
“Both of you 7am first thing. We will sit him down, establish he has our full support to get better, and then get him home to rest up”
“I got training classes in the morning for customers”
“Understood. I will make sure he gets home”
I wonder if other companies have streamlined the “coworker having a breakdown” process this well?
This is both good and bad. But mostly good, I think.
My bracket….
I give mine until mid-afternoon Saturday to resemble that gif.
Honey, I’m home!
via GIPHY
i don’t think this is going to work, but here goes.
I went to the link, what actually scared Cap’n Blowhard?
Some protester or something.
Ugh…just spent three hours at a coworker’s house, trying to talk him down from freaking out.
I know realize how disturbing it is to be on the other end of a mental breakdown. On a positive, I have convinced him to get help.
At least you recognized the breakdown, and got him some help. When mine came, it was protracted and really very gradual, so no one could recognize it. That was not a fun time.
You’re a good man, JSD.
Dude kept saying he was going to get fired…I pointed out that I thought the same thing. He said I was different…
“Yeah I;m different…I’ve fried a fucking 8kW motor on a site. Why the fuck would they fire you and not me?”
http://www.ridethepine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/unccry.gif
http://s1.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/excited-villanova-fan-college-basketball-fan-gifs.gif
Hardcore Henry movie: guaranteed to cause motion sickness or perfect for today’s adhd-addled first-person shooter player?
Little of column A, little of column B.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Y_p1vnRNci4/TkFQiV8D23I/AAAAAAAAAvY/qNo2LCl3IFM/s1600/wushock.jpg
Oh good. I was watching the trailer and thinking, “you know what this needs? Poorly written expository dialogue written by a bad overactor,” and Sharlto Copeley showed up!
Speaking to the “everybody in charge binge-drank last week” comment, I don’t think I count as “in charge,” but holy fuck did I have a big drinking weekend. The next time I tell you people I’m going to a parade and meeting up with my sister someone immediately call an intervention.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/dancing-gonzaga-fan-college-basketball-fan-gifs.gif
The sister joke is a trap.
Luckily, there was no dancing. I am a smart drunk. But, I have a hoodie that inexplicably REEKS of patchouli, and at some point in the afternoon I walked six blocks to walk my sister’s dog before we went to another bar, went up the flights of stairs, drank a beer, and somehow never walked the dog.
I am a bad pet uncle.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/dunk-kentucky-wildcats-college-football-fan-2012-falling-down-high-five-fail.gif
OK, that may have happened.
I was referencing the overspending GMs but I’ll accept your response, if not your transplanted organs.
When I started ordering whiskey (and then did it every round), one of my sister’s friends mentioned he never, EVER wanted to see a photo of my liver.
Hey; isn’t it a TF if the fucking coach is inbounds while the ball is in play?
http://media.giphy.com/media/3rCTxLv0OXkWs/giphy.gif
Maybe if he trips the ref next time?
Sure it is-but they get 25 warnings before a tech is called.
Jesus Christ. That image search for Lana WAS fun.
http://kingoftheflatscreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/03_LANA_04302014JR_076b.jpg
Toldja. Mr School Board’s filter was challenged.
It’s about time my subtle hinting pushed her into the regular rotation.
The Cleveland Browns Approach To Drafting QBs: A Photo Essay
I thought that was the Cam Newton approach to rolling out of the pocket.
/Couldn’t come up with a set-up to “Nurburgring Around the Rosie”
He was pretty successful……. except for that one game.
//Also in hindsight I’m pretty sure that’s Circuit de la Sarthe/the Le Mans course
It’s LeMans.
More hang time than their punts.
God do I love me Hot N’ Sour soup! I can’t get any from take-out spots in these parts and I haven’t added it to my cooking repertoire yet. My only option is to buy it from certain places in “the big city”* that make it in small batches and throw it into mason jars. Hot N’ Sour soup in mason jars looks like Jared Fogel’s collection of maggots suspended in a viscous solution. Why can’t I win?
*that “big” city is 160,000 strong and 2 hours away
Stupid Browns.
Everyone knows that Dak died at the Battle Of Hoth.
http://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2013/11/CM11-DAK-GIF1.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdzWoBAvL6w
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/unhappy-iowa-state-fan-college-basketball-fan-gifs.gif
THAT’S RIGHT! I SAID IT! I SAID “?w=640&h=360 ” GODAMNIT!
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/baylor-fan-college-basketball-fan-gifs.gif
Uh, I don’t see anything here about the NCAA Women’s Selection Show.
This thing ain’t gonna watch itself.
I mean, maybe if you held a mirror up to the TV.
/holds mirror up to TV
Huh. The damn thing is watching itself.
/experiences paradigm shift, masturbates to Rebecca Lobo
“Me, too!”
–Steve Rushin
True story: Rebecca Lobo was totally clocking me in the airport one time. I have no idea of she wanted to murder me or…do other things to me. But she was staring at me, hard.
Your life is more interesting than mine.
/still waiting on that Lily Twitter follow
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/excited-michigan-state-band-girl-college-basketball-fan-gifs.gif
Thanks for pic of the hottest college girl in Michigan.
Sorry; here you go: