Possibly the most unproductive work week in North America kicks off tonight. HUZZAH! But first, what brings us here:
Free Agency: the thrill is gone after the first week. Not much left to cover until the draft in 43 days. Still,
- CJ Anderson – staying in Denver! Now he’ll just have to figure out Nacho’s “GONORRHEA!” signals.
- the Patriots traded Chandler Jones to Arizona for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick, which they will turn into a receiver the size of which will make Edelman look like Gronk.
- Mike Wallace to the Ravens. This will turn out both underwhelming and over-analyzed.
- Filling J.R. Sweezy’s hole on the right side for the Seahawks will be J’Marcus Webb. Somebody check on commentist Beastmode Ate My Baby.
Bleacher Report had an “article” about whether the Browns would be all-time bad in 2016. If anyone knows about bad, it’s Bleacher Report.
Politics:
Today’s the day when we find out if Kasich and/or Rubio are done. Since they are “winner take all” primaries, if either one can win their home state, then it makes Cleveland in July so much more fun than simply spending 3 hours at the Thirsty Parrot before an Indians game. If Trump takes one or both, then it’s going to be interesting watching the mainstream of the party try to put the genie back in the bottle before the convention.
What are the “open carry” laws in Ohio? Because I’m sure that will come up a time or two before the delegates arrive.
Why do the Democrats have twice as many delegates available as the Republicans? It makes them seem desperate to make the convention look full. History note: it’s been 28 years since the 1988 Rob Lowe convention scandal. He and Robert Downey Jr. are bulletproof.
Question from a Canadian: How much do people actually believe all the stories on Fox News and MSNBC? I went through their sites today while reading up on tonight’s primaries, and I can’t believe anyone would trust these echo chambers. They both read like mutual circle jerks for the left & right. If you told me they were the American equivalent of Pravda and Der Sturmer I wouldn’t think twice.
CNN, meanwhile, has a story about how Jerry Springer thinks Trump was “inevitable”.
Enough talk; get to games! (All times eastern)
NCAA: play-in games (I refuse to call it the “first round”) from Dayton, OH
- #16 Florida Gulf Coast vs #16 Fairleigh Dickinson – 6:40
- #11 Vandy vs #11 Wichita State – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the first game if late)
Let’s meet the cannon fodder:
That’s enough. If both they and I cared enough, I’d be learning about them on Thursday in the actual first round.
I do like how FGCU has its Chik Fil-A noted on the googlemap, but not a library. According to Tripadvisor, “Fleamaster’s Fleamarket” is the #14 attraction in Fort Myers, below two Spring Training facilities. Fairleigh Dickinson has a campus up here in Vancouver, which kept interfering with my lazy search. It offers programs in Hospitality Management and Business Administration, and is totally not the University of Phoenix.
NHL: (8 games total)
- Islanders @ Penguins – 7:00
- Red Wings @ Flyers – 7:00
- Kings @ Stars – 8:30
- Bruins @ Sharks – 10:00
NBA: (6 games total)
- Celtics @ Pacers – 7:00
- Raptors @ Bucks – 8:00
- Clippers @ Spurs – 8:30
Say goodbye to your loved ones, IT’S TOURNAMENT TIME!
LET’S FUCKING GO
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YOU’VE FAILED ME AGAIN METEOR
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YO THE FLYERS
Hm. I missed.
For a hot second, I thought we had started showing ads. I wondered where my $12 was. Then I remembered that I was in charge of that, and I felt better.
Philly-Detroit is a surprisingly entertaining.
It surprising because I don’t follow hockey all that closely until the play-offs and really don’t know who’s any good anymore.
GO WHALERS!
Brass Bonanza time!
https://youtu.be/zDKSpEfPOTo
That first-round match-up of Whalers/Nordiques should be terrific.
Never forget 1986!
If that Shockers T-shirt isn’t affirmative consent I don’t know what is.
/does not know what affirmative consent is
Trying to mess with Hippo’s head and I’ve soiled meself.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
I wonder if they conceived their child during this photo shoot. Because I’m pretty sure I just got pregnant looking at it.
That’s a solid open-field tackle by Brayden Schenn on Mrazek.
I’ve fucking despised Vanderbilt ever since they knocked the Charles Smith/Jerome Lane Panthers out of the NCAAs in the second round.
Vandy went on to get absolutely buttfucked by Kansas, a team Pitt matched up well against and might have beaten. Jerome Lane would have taken Danny Manning’s lunch money. Think about that, Larry Brown haters.
Fuck Vanderbilt.
They came back from a 14-point deficit with 3 minutes left against State in a second round game. Then lost by 30+ in the Sweet Sixteen round. Yeah, they can eat shit and die, to use a phrase from childhood.
What’s that they say?
Something about “misery” and “company” and it rhymes?
Just fucking with Hippo? Mmmmaybe…
http://media.gq.com/photos/5582c8cae52bc4b477a9d5b6/master/w_716,h_954,c_limit/copilot-entertainment-celebrities-201402-1390407398173_the-americans-keri-russell-matthew-rhys-gq-magazine-february-2014-photos-03.jpg
Eh, he seems like a good dude. Non-Scientologist actor, pays his dues, finally gets a role where he gets a chance to show his chops, and BAM, strikes fucking gold.
I imagine the sounds that come out of their trailer on set..
If it were me it would be screams of pain as I herniated a disc trying to hold her up in that position.
The military is fine, aside from recovering from 15 years of perpetual war.
Man, Wichita State has some GOOFY looking muthafuckas on the court. They make Kansas State’s shaved cavemen look downright yuppified.
Neither side is looking particularly not goofy. Even the black guys are white as hell.
Vandy always has America’s whitest black dudes. It was probably in the Commodore’s will.
http://img2.tvtome.com/i/u/767dfd5a5b594039c0b963651b8ace5b.gif
Donald Trump is the type of guy who calls out his own name while he has sex.
Meanwhile his wife has memorized every crack in the ceiling and continues to wonder when that Eastern European diet she’s got him on will do its work and make her a rich widow.
Trump is allowed to claim Rubio’s wife now, right?
Why not?
He’s already got his nuts on his desk.
It’s not like Rubio’s ever touched her ,, amirite?
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I know perfection is technically a subjective thing, but…
Will Donald be cordial towards Rubio or fuck with him some more?
I am expecting a verse of “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye”
He gives Rubes the D-X “Suck It” salute.
No, we already said that was Kasich to Rubes.
I didn’t know Kentucky had a hockey team.
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ashley-judd-kentucky-jersey1.jpg
Vandy’s Luke Kornet is no Jim Cornette.
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Long Island and Puerto Rico should have to change places now. No more voting for you, useless Islanders.
Actually, Puerto Rico voted AGAINST U.S. citizenship in 1916 and it was foisted upon us anyway to conscript WWI cannon fodder. And Congress unilaterally changed our Constitution after it said we could adopt it after votinh on it. Which makes your wit even more biting crying laughter emoji times three.
Does this mean no smoothies?
Rangers were off tonight.
Ice Jets is the Islanders.
Yeah I knew they weren’t playing Rangers tonight…just facking around.
Had to make sure, you know…
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FLEURY WOO
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv1fdwaHg01qzthxgo2_500.gif
Much obliged.
Jesus Christ. Zetterberg with the can opener on Ghost Bear’s face.
Wooooo….Only one day left to wait!!!!
(sorry…I might be a tad overexcited)
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WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Sure his face is all messed up but he probably got a good look at Keri’s legs…
It’s actually a woman…that’s how bad Keri fucked her shit up!!!!!
(granted, not the most attractive woman even pre-Keriasswhoop)
http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Margo-Martindale-f02.jpg
She was a tad upset with character actress Margot Martindale ,, smh
/I am too very excite
//sooooooooo jelly of Matthew Rhys
Are you? Are you really?
http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2015/04/16/16-martha-americans.w750.h560.2x.jpg
Hey, fucking her in pretend is a small price to pay to fuck Keri in for reelz
That Sir, is an excellent fucking point.
gatDAMMIT they did everything but score!!!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/6c6c13c275549e997fd9e96a6902713c/tumblr_na83xb6HOa1s2pocso1_r1_1280.jpg
…Heart?
Schwepps
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First one is supposed to be this:
It’s kinda funnier this way.
One of the more irritating aspects about this primary coverage is talking about who wins each state. In most of the states, that doesn’t fucking matter since they aren’t winner-take-all at the state level.
Yeah, but of course Ohio and Florida are, and they’re the ones that have made the biggest splash tonight.
Only Illinois and NC are not at this time.
Illinois is funny because its winner take all at the state level and then each district get three delegates so it could be a wierd total coming out of it.
Not sure if this was posted here:
https://twitter.com/truTV/status/709882541206011904?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Trump wins Illinois
He’s gonna compare himself to Lincoln, isn’t he.
I swear, Trump is going to take a bite out of a newborn at his victory speech tonight.
http://riversofgrue.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/arizona-junior_390_4ea5d51ea34d4b37d200078d_1320456872.jpg
http://www.debate.org/photos/albums/1/3/2697/88233-2697-4cqrv-a.jpg
Wow, I didn’t see the antisemitism with lizards. Sorry. Pull that shit please.
Custom Ghost Bear goal celebration trim!
OT at the Confluence…
http://31.media.tumblr.com/71d7fb3290c173d6db4d7a150f4aa55c/tumblr_mt526voqFk1so5joko1_500.gif
On come on Illinois. Make Cruz finish third in a two-man race!
Anyone else got a Howard Dean “YEAAAAAAH” feeling with that confetti?
this is sad with the confetti.
This will work.
http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aVPXNG2_700b.jpg
Try the second:
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And now to leave in shame
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http://i.imgur.com/V4FQqTZ.gif
http://56.media.tumblr.com/2a8e22c7be4399ab8dd9328e42dfafe0/tumblr_n40289Zirz1rj33pto1_400.jpg
I wonder how facebook’s CDN works on here.
Boooo
fuck
Step 1: Win Ohio.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Win nomination.
Time for Step 2, John.
…Steal underpants?
Step 2: is winning a few western and north eastern states and carry it into the convention.
Kawhi is a top 5 player in this league
So the Republicans got rid of the “establishment” but the Democrats are stuck with Clinton?
THANK GOD
There were a lot of decent candidates who would’ve run. But early polling gave Clinton an 80% share of the primary vote (this was before Bernie and Benghazi), and so most of them just decided to wait until 2020/2024
Now….when you say “a lot”….?
Diamond Joe AND his fog machine…
OK, a mix of prospects who are admittedly unseasoned (but wanting to walk in Obama’s shoes) and a bunch of others who were considering runs.
Castro
Biden
Gore
Feingold
Booker
Warren
Cuomo
Hassan
Murray
Tester
Not all of them top-flight candidates, but the general consensus is that no one wanted to run against Clinton. Which is why Webb & O’Malley never polled over 1%, and Sanders, an Independent, was the only real challenger to her.
Ghost-bear looks like the rookie of the year, but all your peter king types who don’t actually watch games and only read stats in newspapers with low quality ink will ensure that Panarin wins.
As a Kasitch supporter I still think he has to answer the country about what the hell the Browns are doing.
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Kasich’s daughter(?) is pretty cutre. Looks like a circa 1986 Mia Sara.
ABORT. She’s 16.
At 16 she has to get his permission in that state….. he’d give it.
He has two. They’re twins.
That’s right, you can have two Kasichs at the same time.
Get in line behind me, Lothar. I’m patient and we can double date.
And share a cell apparently.
Unless you lure them to Arkansas.
There is a slim possibility I might end up teaching one or both of them.
I had a student some years ago who shared a last name with a state rep. In passing, on the first day of class, I said, “any relation?” She replied, “He’s my dad.”
Luckily, she dropped the class the second week. Her dad is a first-rate asshole, and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans have problems in my class (because facts have a well-known liberal bias).