First of all, don’t give me any of that garbage. Teachers work hard, and we deserve a Spring Break just as much as the kids. Professor Dog up there knows the score. Secondly, traffic was brutal this morning, so we’re totes even.

Possessing a death wish, I went through si.com’s site today looking for content. May I just take a moment for all of us to reflect on the ordeal Ape went through every week, breaking down PK’s MMQB column? I went through yesterday’s and now all I want to do is leap out the window behind me. The man was a saint.

Anyway, the Wichita Wonderer must have watched “Moneyball” on repeat over the weekend, because he rambled on about how hiring Paul DePodesta has made the Browns the first team to truly adopt a concept that has (to me) ruined baseball. It’s exciting to know that the Browns are now going to be (re)built using the same formula that has won the Oakland A’s numerous World Series since 2001. Expect Cleveland fourth quarter possessions to last an hour each. From there, he opined on how RGIII to the Factory made the best, desperate sense for all sides.

There was a lot more that I refuse to transcribe here. Suffice to say, he talks about Colin Kaepernick and his (limited) options within the Chip Kelly “system”, and then proceeds to fellate The Shield over its response to the New York Times concussion story. I chose sanity over accuracy. However, the nugget about Bruce Arians saying that New Era “is producing a houndstooth cap, in honor of… Bear Bryant at Alabama” interests me as a ‘hat guy’, but induces hatred as a “fucking hipsters” guy.

In a further reminder that the NFL really hates St Louis, nfl.com has a story about the Rams packing their shit up and moving west. I guess plain white cube vans don’t have the “fuck you” effect of the Mayflower Moving Company, but the effect of the video is the same. Apologies to all St Louis Commentists.

Player news: Anquan Boldin is possibly going to consider the [*Redacted] s, making him the only WR to consider the FedEx turf an upgrade from his previous employer’s.

Avoid CNN note: apparently, there’s a(nother) Republican Town Hall tonight. I expect someone’s mother is going to be called a whore; the surprise will be whose. The yelling begins at 8:00 ET.

Fun teaching note: In Detroit, 13 school principals were indicted for participating in a kickback scheme involving a school supplies provider. In short, principals would send in an inflated goods request to the supplier, the supplier would bill the district for the full amount, and the two would then split the difference. The principals split $900,000 total; the supplier pocketed $1.8 million over 13 years. My favourite part is that one of the indicted principals was also picked by Ellen and the “Ellen” show to receive donations for her downtrodden school, which the District pumped up in press releases. WHOOPS!

NHL: (9 games total)

• Bruins @ Devils – 7:00
• Sabres @ Penguins – 7:00
• Blackhawks @ Wild – 8:00
• Predators @ Stars – 8:30

NBA: (6 games total)

• Thunder @ Pistons – 7:30
• Rockets @ Cavs – 8:00
• Wizards @ Warriors – 10:30

CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying:

• US vs Guatemala – 7:00 – from Columbus, OH
• Mexico vs Canada – 10:30 – from Azteca Stadium

I bet President Trump would demand document checks for fans of Los Chapines. No harm, NO FOUL!