Your NHL Western Conference Preview & Tuesday Open Thread

First off, a small mea culpa. I confused my Dale Hunter incidents with my Ron Hextall incidents and assigned them to the wrong team.

Dale Hunter.
Ron Hextall. So many to choose from.

 

Thanks to Sill for pointing that out. Guess I shouldn’t type & teach.

For those who care, there are five NBA games tonight, and none of them have dire playoff consequences. A better choice is Part 2 of the Ken Burns PBS documentary on Jackie Robinson.

Anyway, onto the West:

Western Conference – Round One

But at least he’s not sanctimonious.

Dallas vs Minnesota (Thurs/Sat/Mon/Wed)

On paper, not really a contest. Dallas is a high scoring, physically imposing team. But thanks to its shaky goaltending, it allowed St. Louis & Chicago to stick around in the divisional race. They haven’t been in real contention since they won their ’99 Cup and had to get the stink of Brett Hull off them, but the Benn brothers make things exciting around the net. The Wild, meanwhile, play a style that seems the illegitimate child of Jacques Lemaire’s old Devils Trap, with a goalie in Devan Dubnyk whose GAA is inflated by the other team’s lack of chances. If someone can name a player on this team, the other person is obligated to follow with, “Who’s that?”

Prediction: Dallas in 5.

St. Louis vs Chicago (Wed/Fri/Sun/Tues)

This one is tough. I have a soft spot for St. Louis, as they are the oldest team to have not won a Cup, and the three Finals they’ve been to were all in their expansion years. They’ve had good regular-season teams that ran into playoff buzz saws and just got left behind. They’ve looked really good this year, but once again face an old nemesis. Chicago is built for the playoffs, much like the Oilers teams of the 80s. Not enough people are using the word “dynasty”, but if can use it for the Spurs, then it’s appropriate here. Plus, the longer they go cuts down on the chances Patrick Kane catches more off-season criminal charges. On the other hand, FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS!

Prediction: St. Louis in 6.

Anaheim vs Nashville (Fri/Sun/Tues/Thurs)

This series is going to be all goaltending. Pekka Rinne is a beast, especially during the playoffs, and Anaheim’s goaltender-by-committee structure is going to have to settle on one horse to ride through the first round, which I don’t think they’re prepared for. Points-spread doesn’t mean much in a clutch & grab series. The deciding factor will be whether Anaheim’s size can slow down Nashville’s speed. I honestly don’t see anything exciting about this series, which means it will turn out fantastic. Fun fact: Between Games 1 & 2, the Honda Center is hosting a concert by Alan Jackson (“Five O’Clock Somehwere”), who I hope comes out in a Preds jersey, meaning they’ll have to change or cover the ice. That should make for some funny bounces in Game 2, which could impact the rate of play and possibly cost the Ducks. Gonna put the big upset here.

Prediction: Nashville in 6.

I don’t care that this is from 2013. LOOK AT IT!

Los Angeles vs San Jose (Thurs/Sat/Mon/Wed)

This has the potential to be the only seven-game series in the first round, and a good one to boot. Both teams had plenty of scoring during the regular season, and a solid playoff rivalry in the last few years. Joe Thornton is a notorious vacationer when it comes to the playoffs, but hopefully Pavelski & Hertl can keep him focused long enough to do some damage to the opposition for a change. How much trouble Milan Lucic causes/gets into will be the question mark for the Kings’ offence, as well as how much left in the tank le grand homme Lecavalier has. Goaltending comes down to a master-apprentice battle, as Jamie Quick takes on former backup Martin Jones, who watched from the bench as the Kings won it all in 2013. If they have to substitute James Reimer in early in the series, I think the stink of Leaf confirms the probable outcome a game or two sooner.

Prediction: Kings in 7.

There you have it. You are now basically informed about the opening round. Detailed Commentist team/series previews for the West will be posted tomorrow. You’ll be able to handle any general conversation in a bar.

Don’t forget – the Ken Burns special is on PBS. Can you enjoy history if you hate baseball? WATCH & FIND OUT!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Fronkenshteen
ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! We’re still going!

Fronkenshteen

Too much? I’ll stop.

ballsofsteelandfury

No, you’re good. I was talking about the number of comments on one page.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moderation????? WTF???? U think this is a game mother humper????
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/400x/62486752.jpg

Fronkenshteen
theeWeeBabySeamus

Duran Duran – Ordinary World
(totally 80s depressed now)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDLiVwpv89s

ballsofsteelandfury

WHERE IS THE JOY DIVISION?!?

theeWeeBabySeamus

working up to it

ballsofsteelandfury

No new page yet. ..

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy fuckballz….

theeWeeBabySeamus

‘Til Tuesday – Voices Carry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uejh-bHa4To

ballsofsteelandfury

D’oh!

Horatio Cornblower

Where’s my old Spencer’s Gifts “Bikini Inspector” shirt when I need it?

theeWeeBabySeamus

She appears to need a good lotioning up….
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit…EUTHANASIA!!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Our new puppy is so cute I didn’t even think about murdering him when I found out he’d chewed through the modem plug and I had to run out to Wal-Mart at 9 goddamn 30 to get a new one to find out what courthouse I needed to be at tomorrow morning.

Spoiler alert: It’s New London.

Unsurprised

The lull was trying to save you.

ballsofsteelandfury

It looks like it’s time for our favorite game: New Page Russian Roulette!

theeWeeBabySeamus

sorry gang…i seem to have gotten stuck in a depressed 80s hole….this could get ugly…
The Motels – Only The Lonely
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaPTELylZ1s

Fronkenshteen
theeWeeBabySeamus

VERY nice pull.
I am impressed.

Horatio Cornblower

Dennis Hooper drank 28 beers a day with a 1/2 gallon of rum and 3 grams of coke to wake up from the alcohol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYi81hhQ6p0&nohtml5=False

The fuck did I go to law school for?

Horatio Cornblower

Roger Ebert did not like ‘Blue Velvet’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uehfL60EA4

Siskel did.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure if Ebert liked any Lynch film.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey there neighbor! Heineken?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snhiofL2Rh4

WCS

Horatio Cornblower

Thank you sir.

Horatio Cornblower

David Ortiz is the biggest fucking fraud in the history of baseball. There are very few players I hate bit he’s one of them. “Miracles are happening for him this year” says Eck. Yeah, “miracles”. As in “it’s a miracle David knows when he’s going to be tested during his final year.”

Fucking fraud.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My subtle so as to not piss anyone off celebration of tonight’s beantown game.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/e6119d5cab8106a50006aee63de1ce55/tumblr_inline_o36kiwKbXt1s3j79l_500.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

And yes, Ortiz still owes us a bullpen phone.
Big baby.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4778803/david-ortiz-smashes-phone-o.gif

Horatio Cornblower

All around piece of shit. If he gets into the Hall of Fame I’m taking a road trip with a bunch of gasoline cans and a couple dozen matches.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Edgar Martinez will ride shotgun

theeWeeBabySeamus

Olivia, I am saddened to learn of your philandering. You do realize that shitmonkey voiced this….right?
http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the_cleveland_show_-_holt_9018.png
I’m sorry, but I’ve lost all respect for you.
http://ioneglobalgrind.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/oliviawildeangry.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha!!! Just like The Cleveland show in real life, the gif disappeared in what seems like only minutes.
Kinda my point, actually.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Check out Olivia Wilde in Vinyl (2016); I could really disrespect her for a good while.

Horatio Cornblower

And a hearty “fuck you” to Jason Sudekis.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nooooooooooooooooo…really?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you google….I didn’t want to know that.
/kills self

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s creepy as fuck.
Definitely earned a +1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tasty.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This one, in spite of its (gulp)…value…is SFW technically. I think.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/056427b976aec605219ded57b50f26a5/tumblr_mxwl9lI2zN1r87o8wo1_400.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey balls, I bet you won’t edit this into SFW….hehehe. Yeah, I’m kind daring you to….
h
ttp://www.gagreport.com/celebs/olivia-wilde/album/olivia-wilde-nude-24.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shhhh…dammit.

ballsofsteelandfury

No octopus visible. Can’t edit. 🙂

Fronkenshteen

Marls 2 – Mets 1 F

What an AB by Dee Gordon.

herodotus450

Well their ain’t no trannies in heaven of corse,,,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JerBear50

Hashbrowns, over easy, chili in a bowl. Thanks Moose. Now I’m fucking starving.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

GODDAMMIT JAN…YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!

rockingdog

eggs everywhere!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

JerBear50

Ehh, sorry. Can’t watch video links from work anymore. Automatic four week suspension.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Really? We don’t want that!

JerBear50

Yeah, someone fucked up so they’re cracking down on everyone. I’ve gotta say it makes my 12 hours seem a bit longer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Punish the many for the sins of the few. My place of employment does that too sometimes.

ballsofsteelandfury

American Pie Story

good stuff there Moose

laserguru

Hey Balls,

For the record my Freemantle Dockers gear got here today, ordered on 4-3-16. Not a sign nor word from the Melbourne club.

This confirms my proper choice of AFL teams.

Now about that 0-3 record…

ballsofsteelandfury

I bet you, now that you have the proper gear, the Dockers will turn it around!

laserguru

WE CAN DO THIS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Borderline NSFW. I’ll err toward decorum….
http://boabronha.com/wp-content/gallery/famosas/Olivia_Wilde_Bunda_Correndo.gif

(Balls edit: Safe by me!)

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, first one is in moderation…let’s try another….
Wooooo!!!!!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

HA!!!!!

rockingdog

Let gets that Hallway Mischief going!

theeWeeBabySeamus
ballsofsteelandfury

I just drank this:

http://www.rutters.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/monster-gronk-product.jpg

I feel the appropriate level of shame and glee.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Disclaimer: I drink Monster regularly. But I’d like to think I’d avoid one with Gronk on the can.

ballsofsteelandfury

As do I. Some people have their morning coffee, I have my morning Monster. I mostly go for the Ultras

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51vdV%2BQAM7L.jpg

Although the Rehabs are really good too. I love the Orange and Yellow Ultras.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I buy the cases of the white, blue and reds at Sam’s Club. Also the case of the low calorie reg (black/blue instead of black/green).
In fact I’m almost out. Gotta go to Sam’s tomorrow or I’ll have such a frigging headache tomorrow night.

ballsofsteelandfury

I had that headache this morning. This shit is probably not healthy, but I like it. I love the Reds too.

rockingdog

I used to have one of those before hitting the ski slopes. Weekend morning drinkin…
mixed with a little bit of gin.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…Monster is my standard chaser for freezer vodka.

Shogun Marcus

Rehabs and or their coffee line. Tasty. I saw the gronk and carefully backed away lest it try to haze me like a pledge or summin.

American Pie Story

Gronk seems more of a Four Loko kinda guy

rockingdog

Really? I thought he was more of a Rockstar drinker…
What about Red Rooster?

Oh god, it exists: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_energy_drinks

American Pie Story

You know what, I totally forgot about Bawls. Can’t think of anything Gronkier than that.

rockingdog

Evening guys!

rockingdog

Is she waving bye as in good-bye, or hi as in hello?

theeWeeBabySeamus

She is gesturing you into her boudoire.
BUT DON’T YOU FUCKING GO IN THERE…..SHE’S MINE!!!!!!!

Don T

The cigarette charmed me, but the playoff beard hooked me. Let’s Go Blues.

theeWeeBabySeamus

A short break from Olivia Wilde to sing the praises of Heidi Watney.
This is Heidi Watney….she hosts Quick Pitch on MLBN. In spite of being a somewhat Boston homer, we like Heidi.
(moar Fenway booing, btw…hehehehe)
http://www.radass.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Olivia-Wilde-01.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow…I kinda fucked that up. That is not Heidi Watney.
This is Heidi Watney….
http://americaswhiteboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Heidi+Watney+Tank+Top+MLB+Network+Sexy+Hot1.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Horatio Cornblower

Ms. Watney was widely rumored to have been behind the demise of Jason Varitek’s marriage. http://www.playerwives.com/mlb/boston-red-sox/jason-variteks-rumored-girlfriend-homewrecker-heidi-watney/

No idea if this is true but we are on the internet so I feel compelled to spread vile rumors about people I don’t know from sources I don’t trust.

Fronkenshteen

Dee Gordon has fouled off 11 pitches in a row. 16 pitches so far.

Fronkenshteen

Base hit.

Fronkenshteen

Wild pitch. Gordon to second.

Fronkenshteen

Yelich walks. The Mets are gonna fuck this up.

Fronkenshteen

Stanton walks. Bases loaded.

Fronkenshteen

Sac fly. Gordon scores. 2-1 Marlins. Top 8. Dammit.

WCS

Holy shitsnacks

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite????

...

She’s divine.

Redshirt

Famous Last Words:

“Go ahead. Meme me.” – Bill Cosby
“Why not? Let’s face them. Its our year!” – Redshirt
“Bernie Sanders winning but he’s being screwed by the system.” – Donald Trump

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, that’s a lot of booing happening in Fenway.
You stay klassy Sawhx fans.

...

Pablo Sansabelt

Redshirt

Anderson Cooper and the entire Trump Family is going to be in one place?

Is the Meteor Dance, step, turn, axel, illusion, step, pivot, step, step?

Fronkenshteen

Ha ha, very funny. Ho ho, it is to laugh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anybody getting sick of the Olivia Wilde yet? Speak now or hold your “piece”.
(also, she has some fun NSFW ones….wooo!!!!)
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrlqvyUZ3F1qzl19p.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

For example….
h
ttp://nudetvshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/olivia_wilde-nude-third_person-00a.gif

...

You all think Cubs fans are bad? Wait until you meet a White Sox fan:

https://twitter.com/snarkandaddison/status/720046822513893376

...

Pretty much.

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1PCtIaM_GQ&nohtml5=False
This video cemented the belief that I’ve held ever since I was dumb little kid: Jackie Chan is awesome; Chris Tucker is a hack.

Enrico Pallazzo

We mock Red Sox/Patriots fans for not knowing anything about the team before 2000. Blackhawks fans are just as bad/dumb if not worse. This is why you should want the Cubs to lose forever…because these people are dumber than fuck and twice as loud.

litre_cola

Never realized this. I also do believe that the cuddly loveable loser Cubs are quickly turning to be insufferable with Epstein etc, their fan base is turning way more vocal.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Disclaimer: I am not now nor have I ever been a homophobe or discriminator against different sexual orientations (so damned sad I feel the need to type this).

Horatio Cornblower

Whatever. Fag?

/extends pack of cigarettes

...

We ache to be as awful as Boston but I think we’ll always be somewhat lacking.

...

As a fan of all teams Chicagoan, I actually don’t like the Blackhawks and I think it’s that very reason. Most of these fans came out of nowhere and act like they were around through the awful years when home games were blacked out.

And as a Cubs fan, I fucking *hate* Cubs fans.

Croooow

Isn’t it true that the Blackhawks previous owner wouldn’t allow home games to air on TV in Chicago?

...

They didn’t air due to the fact they couldn’t sell out pretty much ever.

The old owner was, however, reviled by fans of the time and once he croaked his son took over and actually put together a good team.

Croooow

I was mistaken then. Thanks for clearing that up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s your story Al?
Gun looked real enough….I shot a kid.
http://i0.wp.com/mikeydislikesit.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/cops.gif

WCS

Someone say something about mullets?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You GO, Argyle!!!!!!!
Black on Black violence tho I guess.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So much hockey. I feel a mullet coming on.

American Pie Story

a wild second comment box has appeared!
has that always been there?

WCS

It’s like Reptile in Mortal Kombat I: it shows up when it wants to, and then disappears again.

American Pie Story

FLAWLESS VICTORY.

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