Well to recap the last week:
-Yes, they broke up, and I understand the acquaintance and if anything we’ve actually become legit friends over this whole ordeal
-Saturday morning we rehearsed for the solo piece she is conducting me playing in a few weeks (do we have DMs? DM me for deets, people in the NYC area). That evening after a performance and drinking I drove her home because she lives close to me and she asked me if I always offered because I still was interested. I responded “No, it’s because you’re one of my best friends and I care about your well-being and want you to be safe and have already come to the conclusion that ‘Yes, there’s potential there because everybody in the damn school sees it, but you’re not ready for me yet.'” And if you all remember, I complained Sunday morning that chivalry and nobility sucks–that was because as we got to her place she debated out loud kissing me, on the pro side, she wanted to and she gets in a kissing mood, on the con side, she’d get me confused again so it would be a mistake. I pretty much could have taken the initiative if I wanted to but I flat-out told her no, instead I got a soft kiss on the cheek which kicked off the debate.
-Thursday her mom drove us home (she doesn’t have license or car) and as mom wandered off to go look at something walking to the car we got a little flirty, I kiss the top of her head, she kisses my cheek… it’s fucking brinksmanship that again proves that first half of what I said, that there’s potential there if she just stops being an idiot.
-And last night at the bar she spent it pulling her tried and true method of “Drink then make out with some friend at the bar” (obviously not me, or else I wouldn’t be in this shitty mood). Which continues to prove the second point. I said good-bye to everyone else except for her, because she was… preoccupied. No idea how far it went, and I’m not gonna ask. Anyway, all my friends rightfully say that I deserve better than that and agree she’s definitely not ready, and that I shouldn’t care about anyone but myself (that’s a little tougher for me).

So all in all, am I right on what I said Saturday night? I would say absolutely because with how many times we’ve toed the line it’s a matter of time before we cross it. And I would say absolutely because as much as I love and care about her, both as a friend and as someone who I at one time was absolutely crazy about and now would have as a back-burner/in-time while trying to see if I can find a way to tweak her and summon some potential jealousy (it doesn’t work), she’s an idiot who doesn’t see in herself her own potential and instead hooks up with whoever. I’m a fool for thinking it can change right around the bend and insane for trying the same thing multiple time with the same results. And I’m weak because I know I need someone to take me by the hand, the tongue, whatever, and wrest me away from her the way she did from me, and the next time she pecks me on the cheek or whatever I know I’ll start to slip again.

Rehearsal Monday morning’s gonna be fun. Here’s what was blaring in my car the way home, as I was having a bad time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcoqR9Bwx1Y

Have at me, Commentists. I know I’m dumb.