NFL Reportings:
- Pete Carroll once again says Russell Wilson is really, really, really dialled in. Usually when a coach is that effuse, I’m going to drop said player from my fantasy roster.
- Keeping Jim Caldwell was an “easy decision”, according to Lions new GM Bob Quinn. “Finding” Jim Caldwell proved a more difficult task, so waiting for him to show up is probably the right call.
- First Joe Flacco, now actual-elite player Adrian Peterson is talking about how mentally grinding off-season preparations are. He is about 6600 yards shy of Emmitt Smith’s record, so that’s a salient point in the equation.
- Getting ready for Cowboys training camp is Joseph Randle, who picked up a charge of threatening a sheriff’s deputy while already in jail on other charges. Oh sure, the Cowboys released him last year, but ol’ Double J knows when a man has turned his life around and deserves another chance.
- The Cavs had their parade today, and Jim Brown, Earnest Byner & Bernie Kosar showed up as well.
Finally, Chris Mortensen is going to be given the Dick McCann Award by the Pro Football Writers Association, and will get recognition at the Hall Of Fame enshrinement in August.
Well, that’s about it, isn’t it.
The USMNT put on a valiant effort for about 2 minutes last night, and then Argentina started putting them away, with the dagger being this piece of brilliance by Lionel Messi: (Russian feed because US feed blocked by geolocating.)
Goddamned magic.
So, since no one cares about third place, it’s time for people to care about the Euro knockout stages, where it’s one-and-done and the freewheeling nautre of the first games gives way to boring tactical play and lots of 1-0 or shootout victories.
Stiil, Iceland
This twitter account following the matches live is fantastic. And read fellow Commentist litre_cola’s account of being at this fixture, the third in his series on catching matches & kicking habits. Lucky bastard.
If you want to feel icky, released today was the inventory police seized from the Neverland Ranch in November 2003, an 88 page dossier of disturbing images and documents, which somehow never crossed into public view until early this morning. Here’s a link to the list, and that has a link to the images. Here’s all you need to know if you are curious about clicking through:
Michael Jackson’s California home contained a considerable stash of pornography as well as sexual imagery featuring children, S&M and animal torture, according to purported police reports. The horrid list included books stuffed with images of nude children, sadomasochism, and even strangely morphed images of children’s faces on naked adults.
Tonight’s Sports:
- Copa: Colombia vs Chile – 8:00 – Soldier Field
- NHL: Awards Ceremony – 7:00 – NBCSN; SN (Canada)
- from Las Vegas; expect the franchise announcement to be made official
- with a cringe-worthy “roll of the dice” reference from Gary Bettman
- hosted by Will Arnett
- list of nominees here.
- from Las Vegas; expect the franchise announcement to be made official
As always,
FUCK MARK MESSIER!
I went for a stroll.
Going to sleep. Don’t join me unless you are a cuddly baby tapir.
http://www.zooborns.com/.a/6a010535647bf3970b017ee806202d970d-500wi
Quick, someone get Redshirt a tapir costume! We’re gonna make him a man! Or a half-man half-tapir.
http://images.christianpost.com/full/79049/answers-in-genesis-ark-encounter-project-billboards-going-up-in-sixteen-major-cities-across-kentucky-in-this-undated-image.jpg
Totally phototshopped. No way you get that sort of light diffusion with Stratocumulus in the background.
It never ceases to amaze how conservatives can fuck up and misuse the word “tolerance.”
Then again, it’s not like they have or show any.
Evening folks, what’s with the Ark references?
No idea, but here’s my poorly thought out contribution.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/793c8fef371a21734ea7f332431ac103/tumblr_nxwzx9Wyns1up42jgo2_500.gif
Spoiler Alert
http://www.oystermag.com/sites/default/files/milla_jovovich_10.gif
The rainout currently in progress.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/b4/b4a0f8002d7b4ff6c8cb67b7a507ea5d2f320ff8ae435cf64c24516ee1dbcda0.jpg
HAH!
Never really got why Bam was popular…but holy shit that dude is rapidly putting himself into a grave… its really sad…
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a9364d67cf74660425663c919cb4ae21/tumblr_o8xs589RQj1sa9pj8o3_400.gif
How is this comment not liked by more people? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? !?
Fuck you
“I think most American are Libertarians, but they just don’t know it yet.”
I’ll bet $50 50% of Americans doesn’t even know the Libertarian Party exists.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iZl5LGornI
http://66.media.tumblr.com/533303355e893fbd66b5264637c92392/tumblr_o8xjinCMfg1r3tiuvo2_r1_500.gif
Someday I will try and fail to explain Barry Manilow to my children.
Stay out of my iTunes you see NOTHING.
About 90% of those claiming to be libertarians don’t know what a libertarian is.
Oh, I know they exist, and I know they are a hilarious mix of people who agree on a small set of things for wildly disparate reasons.
They’re all in agreement on being myopic, greedy assholes.
He may be right, but only thanks to Americans being fucking stupid.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/707c3ba003de03a34e8b8f08a2cadb9f/tumblr_ms1js3WzZp1qfrkf9o1_1280.png
I had a breast milk facial once. And no, it’s not what it sounds like.
Oh yeah? My mind’s eye begs to differ.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldkvkzGqX51qajg12o1_250.gif
http://i.imgur.com/EdGWawl.png
My wife used to offer to squirt breast milk on my sunburn, razor burn, eye redness, pimples, bug bites, scrapes…a very helpful woman.
So….I’m going to argh for a second here. That there gun control bill. Not allowing people who are violent to buy guns? Probably a good thing. Not allowing people on an unregulated no-due-process random ass list not to buy guns, when everyone else can? Ehhhhhh. Yeah, not so great. Of all the damn things to take a stand about, Democrats, you take a stand about this? Whatever happened to the very defensible position that these sorts of watch lists are totally fucked up, and only vaguely pass the Constitutional sniff test because air travel somehow equals borders, equals immigration rather than civil law, or some shit. So yeah, let’s pass a gun control law that will immediately be appealed, become ineffective, and become all about watch lists. Not that watch lists don’t need shit tons of attention and amendment, but if your goal is gun control, passing this law does less than nothing. SO MUCH BULLSHIT. How about we try to pass laws that won’t be overturned 8-0 by the Supreme Court (cause 9 justices is also too much to ask) and hey, wouldn’t it be great if we could deny people with a proven record of domestic violence guns? They cause way more deaths than people on some goddamn unregulated list.
*deep breath*
Sorry. Proceed.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/dc4909e6d35fbd6549b1d23c4e1258cc/tumblr_o6j69frbAo1qhimb2o1_500.jpg
*steps on soapbox*
Agreed. Its like the Republicans (“What about Due Process”) and Democrats (“Screw Due Process!”) switched places.
I find it funny the Democrats are pulling a sit-in and ragging on the Republicans for not passing any bills, but I seem to recall that two of the bills on Monday were Republican bills. No ones getting on the Dems case for rejecting the GOP’s way to save.
The simply truth is that both sides have forgotten how to compromise. The trick was to get a little bit, maybe not everything you wanted, and then go to the voters and say “See what we did with 55 votes? Give us 67 and then see what we can do.” Now its “Do what I say or nothing will happen!”
*steps off soapbox*
My God, Libby’s response to “My son tried heroin for the first time 12 years and is now in a wheelchair and he can’t feed himself” was “That shows prohibition isn’t working.”
http://66.media.tumblr.com/b56f63d56fe1337f91d9e60bfd9c7c2d/tumblr_o8ykgqqi1f1t95h1uo1_250.gif
Customs is sometimes an interesting job:
h
ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/735047fe0731dfa7e3a4fb7f93fe4246/tumblr_o7jo9i5QTf1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
I’m generally inclined towards melancholy, and maybe it’s the wine, or my love of thunderstorms talking, but my life is actually pretty excellent. And of course as I say this, there are horrible screams from the street below.
hey, they ain’t YOUR screams!
–Tsarina Alexandra, 1918
and thunderstorms really are the best. I have considered this at least a near-deal breaker on the relationship front to disagree with this truism.
Supposedly coastal Oregon gets some badass storms in Dec/Jan and I have been meaning to check that out. Maybe this year…
GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND HELP ME DAMMIT!
– Person on the screet
I know it’s generally considered an all time great album, but The Clash – London Calling still feels massively underrated.
http://youtu.be/B8zqDVaNg6w
Police and Thieves has an amazing bass line.
Additional fun fact, in the song Spanish Bombs, my friend always misheard “Oh Mi Corazon” as “Oh my God a thong”
Once you hear it, you can’t go back.
I always misheard Alanis Morissette’s “Are You Still Mad”.
Are you still mad I gave you ultimatums?
was
Are you still mad I gave you old tomatoes?
WORST CAPRESE EVAR!!!!
Q: “Who would be a better president, Trump or Clinton?”
A: “Bring back waterboarding or worse, I refuse to choose one.”
I’m starting to like this guy.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a36078b379d1eef600787b445b0ee432/tumblr_o8xphs7C6R1qd8zg3o1_540.gif
Git yer South American Euro asses back on the pitch and ENTERTAIN ME. It’s not like you’re out there holding golf clubs, for fuck’s sake. TAKE A FUCKING CHANCE, live a little, why dontcha??
Evening All, I have a general question:
Has anyone else gone through half the day feeling horrible only to realize you’re deathly sick and should have stayed home? Like you’re so used to resolving to not be compromised in any way that you don’t stop to think you’re doing more harm than good?
My mind after lunchtime: “Brocky, what you say about someone who is tired as hell, has had a pounding headache all day, the back of their head hurts every time they cough, and are sweating profusely, most likely due a high fever?
Me: “Sounds like someone has the flu”
Brocky’s mind: “That is correct, now seeing as you have all those symptoms how long before you drag your dumb ass home?”
Brocky: “….huh”
keep in mind my brain is voiced by Dr. Cox from Scrubs
YES. Followed by the secondary “Jesus, can you really drive home without nodding off and killing someone?”
Quickly hushed up by inner “FUCK YOU, you’re a man, and we don’t ask for help!!”
I nearly lost my left leg once. I had broken the Tibia and walked on it for a month. I had to get it re-broken and pins put in.
In my defense…spina bifida makes me pretty fucking numb from the waist down.
NOT GOOD!
Cool story bro alert!
The place I worked was closed Friday afternoons, with just a few people working. I got food poisoning from an Arby’s and was so sick all I could do was lie on the floor and lift my head to puke in the trash can. The cleaning guy came in and asked if he could call someone, but me being an idiot and thinking it would pass soon just asked him not to vacuum. I finally was able to go home at about five in the morning. Fun times.
The last time I went to the doctor: “You really should have gone to the emergency room”
2 weeks of strong antibiotics later, good as new! Kidney infections blow, btw.
Libertarian Candidate looks way he’s over their head. His face says, “I only wanted to get name recognition to run for Comptroller, now holy shit, I’m on CNN!”
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2a97afff4852df4e430638f31b865bc5/tumblr_nptlt7olu81u1pgiao1_400.gif
Don’t hate on Martha Ford. Who else is going to give you your Handbook for the Recently Deceased when you die?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/243c5c3e3da4302614014286570841a8/tumblr_o3626g7J4y1qd479ro1_250.gif
My strategy for when I die:
http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Beetle+juice+source+community_238c25_5513680.jpg
If I say elbat three times will it make that table disappear in panel two?
The Jim Caldwell meme brings me so much joy. If we ever get sued and have to rebrand, I suggest “Finding Jim Caldwell” as a new sobriquet.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/25d3dfb447d42b808412a4d07fddcf91/tumblr_mstrnc53aa1rxam8fo1_250.gif
A car is a weapon of mass destruction? This is a weird year.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m889e6R6Ub1qingg5o1_540.jpg
“I DO COCAINE!”
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2e78382b958e235ed310d943b8712972/tumblr_mzu1tahsW91rx1h2ho1_250.gif
So the Libertarians send out two old guys? What’s their slogan: “Replaced the old old with the new old.”?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6131ea6c872b342089171845a1e81114/tumblr_noshqag4Yb1roa7c8o1_500.gif
Libertarian Town Hall is going to start. Its going to be the political equivalent of this…
http://satireworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/kwanza-500×375.png
So I work in a warehouse run by an asshole. They’re a terrible leader, who only cares about themselves and not the company or coworkers. When stuff arrives from either production or deliveries, she never tells people where to put it, so people just put it where they’re room. Plus their attitude is just terrible. Everytime someone talks to them, they get snapped at. They’re the type of person where I don’t know how they stay employed; they don’t do anything.
So anyway, I walked into work seeing that because of materials being placed in aisleways and cramped in there, several pallets were knocked down, tens of thousand of dollars of materials were spilled on the floor and upper management pissed off at them.
So my day started out with a heaping glass of Schadenfreude.
Honest to god…dude further down the bar, during the pre-game show, asked out loud “Why those Mexicans waiving the Texas flag?”
Holeee shit.
terrifying, yet not at all surprising
/MURRIKA!!!
h
ttp://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7157xOS5o1qzlnx8o1_1280.jpg
Almost SFW.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wxhrgjC21qz7zago1_500.jpg
Some red beans and rice, and a call to the pager? Some life in #TeamDrugsAndAsses
http://66.media.tumblr.com/fea313a354cb0214921621bb143a4bda/tumblr_mlsn3vr6161rtg76ko1_400.gif
Soooooo many hot taeks on the USTMNT performance last night.
All thinks considered, I don’t think it was a bad showing considering how over matched the US was. I mean at least they didn’t just stop giving a fuck like El Tri did.
This final is going to look fucking awesome…
Also…no love for the Icelanders winning over Austria and knocking them out?
I think we all loved it. Did you read Litre_cola’s report?
Looks like this red Chile is too hot to handle for Colombia.
/gives self a wedge
Once again, here’s proof that any idiot can be a sports analyst:
Euro 2016 Analyst: “Nobody would have guess Ireland to upset Italy”
Wakezilla in the Open Thread preview: “With Ireland playing an over-rated team who are dressing their bench warmers (in all likeliness), and with the Irish being desperate for a win, I think there is a possibility for an upset. . . Ireland also have guys named Brady, Seamus and Quinn in their starting lineup. Those are some strong, recognizable names to North American fans. Did they have these names in their starting 11 before? Maybe. But now that you know those names are playing, consider that an extra sign that an upset is happening!”
And who scored?
(Tawmmy fucking) Brady!
Marilyn Uribe is an attractive red head
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vD1fdxj6xtQ/URPCOCe8gnI/AAAAAAAASMA/FLD9-4_NUHU/s1600/hot-redheads-12-700876.jpg
OK, one more Marilyn Uribe
http://www.findhername.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/marilyn-uribe-1.jpg
The DFO EDGE!
0 — 2
The drugs and asses seem to have given out…
Whoa….undergrad flashback.
Chile’s bltzkrieg continues unabated, even without the spikey-haired guy.
0 — 1
http://www.suntrib.com/images/Chilean-food.jpg
If you are surprised by any of the Michael Jackson shit, please jump in the nearest lake because you are too goddamned stupid to live.
Although that particular source makes Gawker seem credible.
I just assumed way back when during the trial he was just going to join the priesthood.
Who knew there were so many soccer derp gifs?
OK, I’ll stop. But the cleated ballsack tho.
My favorite was the video game simulations of on field homohumping.
Huuuummmmmmmm……
Ha. Facebook has suggested I join both a Clinton and a Sanders Facebook group.
LET’S SHARE SOME DANK FUCKING MEMES.
http://www.netanimations.net/soccergif02.gif
offsides?
But still funny.
The Las Vegas news broke when I was in Sweden, so I didn’t get a chance to read much about it. But after reading the reasoning behind this move, I’m now rooting for the league to fail.
First off, they add one team and not two. It’s bad enough they adopted a stupid realignment (which telegraphed their intention to expand west), but it’s even worse to read comments about adding a team out east creating “balance” problems. You fuckers approved a number of teams that is *impossible* to balance.
Second of all, they passed on Quebec City due to concerns about the Canadian dollar just a few years after letting a team leave the United States (a Sun Belt team, no less) to go to a city that lost its previous team to a goddamned desert city. Also, we can’t put Detroit in a division with Central time zone teams for some reason.
Meanwhile, they’re doubling down once again on the Sun Belt strategy that’s proven difficult to make work. Plus you know if this team actually succeeds, they could end up with a Las Vegas-Carolina Stanley Cup Final which would have them all grousing about shitty TV ratings. I think they live in some fantasy world where Sun Belt teams just sell out but are never good so big market teams can play the meaningful games. Guh.
Seriously, if I were a hockey fan, I’d seriously hate the NHL.
http://s1.dwstatic.com/group1/M00/71/09/d439fde406585b30ba2c6e960a355aef.gif
Yup.
I love hockey and I hate the NHL.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcz2pnaS8N1r7ikv7o1_500.jpg
But Las Vegas? Do they seriously think a team would succeed there or is this just a cash grab to cockblock the NBA which probably has a much better chance of succeeding there?
This is the same man who left ESPN for the Outdoor Life Network.
I’m guessing magic beans were involved.
Time for the facial.
http://media3.giphy.com/media/5R4HG6wUUFh6g/giphy.gif
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4093229/funny-football-o.gif
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qa4D1OvJsm0/TadFif7F8EI/AAAAAAAABOU/dbiSZixIcN8/s1600/funny-gifs-soccer-goalie-fail.gif
http://ballinnn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/deez-nuts.gif
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xjxRSY-z96w/TfCJrdEzZII/AAAAAAAAAIQ/caxrvvo5vMY/s1600/funny-sports-nut-shot.gif
Reading fans hate MURKA
Even Joe Flacco thinks that Will Arnett could probably benefit from a little more mayo on his American cheese sandwich.
You missed this GRITATRON vs. Florihole Twitter slapfight:
http://deadspin.com/j-j-watt-made-mike-florio-mad-online-1782398812
There’s a fine line between “missed” and “wilfully ignored”.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1889586/no-doubt-hey-baby2-o.gif
Do I have to pick between those two? Because I will not pick between those two.
“Selfies are stupid, but let me stand here and pose for this picture that some one else takes of me. Totally not the same thing at all.”
http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Funny-GIF-Luck.gif
News of the basketed ball variety: The Bulls traded Derrick Rose to the Knicks.
I was listening to the commentary on the drive home and one guy went on for two or three minutes about how he hated the move even though he casually tossed in the Bulls could have traded him midseason or just let him walk. So I guess the guy was perfectly okay with getting absolutely nothing in return as opposed to something. He also kept complaining about now trading Jimmy Butler even though the shit for brains host even pointed out the moves were not mutually exclusive.
Why the fuck am I listening to sports talk radio again?
Oh and the same guy had a huge boner for the acquiring the 3rd pick in tonight’s draft even though it’s clearly a two-player draft and it’s possible Butler could get back a better return.
http://www.pctechnical.com.ar/Varios/Gif/Imagenes/Animadas001/animadas028.gif
Listening to sports radio is slightly better than cutting yourself on a daily basis.
But if you listen you will want to cut yourself; TR is a gateway to self-mutilation.
Except for Alex Jones. That’s a gateway to a supersized brain hemorrhage.
Good point, also the cutting may tend to be deep and more toward the carotid artery…..
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Q1zTJml4J14/Um_OOvoQmEI/AAAAAAAABEw/0yrHa6JsKDU/s1600/1333562994_soccer_humping.gif
http://www.pmslweb.com/the-blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/36-Funny-football-soccer-meme-fifa-14-gif.gif
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/012012/1328724353_soccer_goalie_owned.gif
http://s3.amazonaws.com/readers/2011/03/25/soccer-accident_1.gif
Can’t tell you how long I’ve longed to look at The King of Pop’s animal torture pics.
/it’s about goddamn time!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TJN_u-v8AWg/T2Qh2F84M5I/AAAAAAAATsc/ntggn5bu6vQ/s1600/FUNNIEST-SOCCER-GIF.gif
Is Jim Caldwell wearing an official NFL Lions watch?
http://images.japemonster.com/2012/03/funny-gfis-soccer-fail.gif