Evenin’, y’all. Mom’s on her plane, so it’s back atcha with the north-of-the-border open thread topics.
NFL News:
- Arian Foster landed in Miami. It’s reportedly a one-year deal worth $1.5 million with $2 million in incentives.
- Justin Durant landed in Dallas, thanks to Rolando McLain’s suspension. Even though it’s most likely a minimum deal with incentives, it’s still one more year towards pension eligibility.
- The Bills are reportedly talking to Reggie Bush. Given Karlos Williams’ suspension, it makes sense to have a solid veteran on staff, and is a much more plausibe excuse that simply signing him so Rex could ask about Kim’s feet.
- A fairly long piece on Matt Forte talks about a lot of things. What I find fascinating is that, even now, he stands by Jay Cutler.
- Eddie Lacy has had to go back on the P90X just before training camp opens. My question is, Is he taking weight off to make the team, or making room for his Green Bay diet?
- Charles Tillman retired today after 13 seasons. He will probably get some votes for a gold jacket.
It happened during my time off, but I’d like to think that John Elway tricked Pat Bowlen into saying, “This one’s for Von!”
Finally, not football related, but definitely geared towards the Patriots, St. Louis Cardinals former scouting director Chris Correa was sentenced to 46 months federal time in Houston for accessing the Astros computer network while working for the Cardinals. It would only be a better story if it happened to the Yankees or Red Sox. Florio chooses this instance to remind his loyal “readers” that the NFL has warned teams and employees to never, never do this, because it might result in more federal scrutiny of League practices. And we all know how Rog treats people who bring The Shield into disrepute.
There’s no sports of note tonight. Mets vs Cubs is the national game on ESPN. There’s only the Republican Convention, and all the earnest ridiculousness that goes along with it. There has already been one attempt to free delegates to vote freely, but that was suppressed. Procedural arguing – the hallmark of the Republican Party!
And such presences. Live broadcasts! Colbert + Jon Stewart! The Daily Show all four days! If you want the mud, Gawker has you covered. Their story on “Bikers for Trump” has a decidely ‘Altamont meets The Factory’ flavour to it.
I enjoy the fact that the police are so spooked, they actually asked the Governor (who, remember, was once a candidate for this fiasco) to suspend the state’s “open carry” laws. But tennis balls have been banned, so the WTA won’t be able to attend.
A sideshow I’m watching – what will Fox promote? They haven’t been totally pro-Trump, but with Roger Ailes reportedly on his way out, how will that tint the coverage? So much drama.
Yessir – it promises to be a fun five days.
“You really can’t make the case for embezzlement; 93% of the company’s funds were completely untouched!”
– Chris Christie
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS?
Doing well. Watching people shit themselves over nothing.
Underpaid and over worked.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/adcd1fb0bcbfb70e174275493591d818/tumblr_ndtk6veBjm1qhgo13o2_400.gif
http://65.media.tumblr.com/ee9b4aea232c66a7e1cb9c4885aaece3/tumblr_oa8dasKFAA1s4ot3no1_1280.jpg
Oddly enough, I once randomly strolled across this particular scene. It was funny.
An interesting thing is seeing which news sources avoid using the word “plagiarism”.
WHICH ONES?
http://www.worldwidehippies.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2142gjl.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0d76a80ffec8f15dcbc11be27a125f36/tumblr_muoctd4kCQ1qgapm9o1_400.gif
Flagging this piece one more time before I go to bed:
http://www.vox.com/2016/7/18/12210500/diagnosed-dysfunction-republican-party
http://66.media.tumblr.com/cabb48a1b0bcde702e6bd8227e475693/tumblr_n6rnzsRNwz1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
“A Clinton victory could inspire a return to the old playbook”
No, it won’t. The old regime is dead and it will never return.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6703ce7d717086ae032e90ec5b2d7f2a/tumblr_nl666iiuiC1r7u166o1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/aebf4d6f11bc62b048ea1bc3a6823119/tumblr_nbx6ca4fYk1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
Do you think Melania Trump just googled “first lady convention speech” and just used the very first link?
“Sounds like a good plan to me!”
– Russell Wilson
“Sounds like a good plan to me!”
– Melania Trump
FTFY.
NICE!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/1b3f08736db49ef524f6b85cd74b6b51/tumblr_oag7ktueVr1u7t71ro1_500.jpg
CLOSE THE DOOR POT! YER LETTIN’ ALL THE SMOKE OUT!!
http://mediamattersforamerica.tumblr.com/post/147399278098/cringing
So?
There were so many direct lies that Bush himself made that were used against him in 2004 and no one cared.
It is just a fucking link to some fucking information. Jesus.
Well, C. S. Lewis? NO WONDER!
https://mic.com/articles/148519/this-black-man-was-stopped-by-police-for-sitting-in-his-car-reading-c-s-lewis?utm_source=policymicTBLR&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social#.5x9KzD9Vg
http://imoviequotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/10-Wedding-Crashers-quotes.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9f9467d687718455f464a99c7c2b286b/tumblr_mv47g0NttU1qgapm9o1_400.gif
Closing ass is the last thing you want
Went digging through my laptop bag for an extra pair of contacts. If I ever tell you guys I’m not an optimist, tell me to check how many condoms I packed for a short trip.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4841438a9066dba82a90c15b623e983d/tumblr_o72woqO3Fi1sp7wwuo2_500.gif
“Don’t fucking judge me! I LIKE to watch myself do math in the mirror!”
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5031/7398591582_37bf3c956f_z.jpg
Wow, Moose & Mr. Ayo post it twice, and I can’t post it once. I wan’t all inquiries to be had.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e84a2dd1d2b1097120454b343c757562/tumblr_mv69d3hp8G1qgapm9o1_400.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/28f9580c3dab11f5b940a8ca16c62d41/tumblr_nj0cg6eBOO1qzfebyo1_400.gif
wan’t?
i’m a better speller than that. must be the drugs.
[url[/img][/url]
I am going to kill the fucking internet
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a9caad29a0c985c5eceb9e7a9cc6dd33/tumblr_o5c8u7bTxs1vqnzpgo2_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0e34b0b0e4ba84ea33d27d3699eb02af/tumblr_o5c8u7bTxs1vqnzpgo1_400.gif
https://postimg.org/image/f9fvmj59v/
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a6218aa959587dc19506bd9655a68c8d/tumblr_mu7xqmCAEV1syvph5o3_500.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/95abea8be67b654fedfc7469e53fe3e6/tumblr_ncir7t1AGI1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
Keep it smooth….
http://65.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9v2zraj4r1r3z5lio1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/cebc8063563b82c6e1061026108858ed/tumblr_mw95pxp05s1qgapm9o1_400.gif
Fuck! It’s only
http://66.media.tumblr.com/b89442197bdbe0a476ee133a6b8eae68/tumblr_mymlbvlktw1qgapm9o1_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a59c99cda990a322c93b4ea13b1861da/tumblr_inline_mqhj1iqVts1qz4rgp.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/b1bef204e31e3115064a315b4b2ad3e6/tumblr_nea5gybF471tr6ni8o1_500.gif
Oh. This is wonderful. Melania stole chunks of Michelle’s speech.
https://twitter.com/ChrisWarcraft/status/755247202214285312
See, Trump is right about immigrants, all they do is steal from Americans
http://www.coreystapes.com/images/fpgvadercritical.gif
Welp. /boots up SFPX
That’s got to be the banner quote.
Holy fuck.
DFOers may be interested in the last “winner” on this list: http://www.vox.com/2016/7/18/12212612/winners-losers-rnc-day-one
“Trump is an unusual candidate, and he’s organizing an unusual convention — one featuring fewer politicians and more C-list celebrities than America is used to out of these events. ”
People will watch the celebrities. Everyone hates politicians and no one wants to watch them.
YOU’RE IGNORING THE BENGHAZI ACROSTIC JOKE!
/Sorry, Brick, all caps is your thing
Benghazi jokes are so fucked out
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdy6wgVV511rfrmnfo1_500.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LXX74PaKvi0/S9m-4xif3SI/AAAAAAAAB3w/l668y6G1LZw/s1600/fya+alcoholmap.png
“Desert Thirsty” is the name of my garage-rock band.
Colbert Report is back!
Why is wordpress making me prove I’m a human with math? Can’t discriminate against the GOP by trying to make me prove it with science?
I had to add to 13.
I barely got in here.
Hey, I already blew my wad on a Mark Chmura joke
That’s what comes after orange.
-Trent Green
Jon Stewart made a trump mouth eyes joke! Nightmare fuel time.
MAH BOY JON STEWART
Oh, God. Once the bar exam ends next week I need to desperately get a job and do so immediately.
Well, that’s assuming you pass the bar.
/probably not helping
I still need a job regardless
Good buddy of mine took his law degree and went into government. Great benefits, and he really seems to enjoy it.
MOB LAWYER PAYS BEST
Well, don’t look in the legal field.
I’d rather not, but I don’t think I have much choice.
I just finished watching The Shining. I didn’t notice before that Lloyd the bartender was Tyrell in Blade Runner.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/bcfa8f251307f1fbaae319609340154d/tumblr_mo4werCfMS1qa70eyo2_r1_500.gif
Just finished some terrible work product. Time for a beer.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfzgzdrH8d1qziwcjo1_500.jpg
That picture is probably a big hit in Oregon, Colorado, (or Wyoming, fuck the both of them) and South Dakota.
I honestly don’t know which part of this photo I like best.
For me it comes in at four fetishes.
if any of you have ever seen “Gone With The Wind” before, please don’t spoil the ending for me, but I’m pretty sure that Rhett, Ashley, and Scarlett form a threesome and fight crimes in Europe for various royal families, with an intoxicating mix of intrigue and sexually suggestive situations. Co-starring Ward Bond and a young Chad Everett as “Captain Johnson.” (In color)
Not quite. It has a couple twists involving Rhett’s sexuality that really keep you guessing!
Frankly Brick, you won’t give a damn about the ending.
/Also the North wins.
/looks at current state of the Congress
Did it…?
Won the war. Lost the peace. Thanks in large part to Andrew Johnson being a useless piece of shit who should’ve been removed from office.
Fucking Edmund G. Ross
Aww yeah, Reconstruction jokes! That’s the stuff!
Reconstruction jokes are NO MATCH for Indian War jokes. Philip Sheridan had comic timing, and that’s the important thing.
People in the NE are either efficient or can’t hold the tapioca.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–R6_6soQe–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/18ybtj2mdhtihjpg.jpg
Where IS Waldo?
Wow
No surprises in Kansas anyway.
OK, the GOP convention has driven me to drink.
/likes having an excuse
Off topic but…. TIM FUCKFACE ALLEN?!?!?!
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/9/5/16/enhanced-buzz-wide-28579-1378412020-17.jpg
Who the fuck is Justin Long?
The hipster Mac guy from Apple’s Mac vs. PC ads. He made John Hodgman seem adorable by comparisom/
Jesus. This fucking state.
John Travolta…
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FINZMzfTV-w/U9K0CHToBlI/AAAAAAAAUnc/QypXntoGDCU/s1600/Seems+legit.jpg
Poor Wyoming. Poor South Dakota.
Rainn Wilson?
OK, I did like him in Cooties.
http://i.makeagif.com/media/10-10-2015/OWBVY-.gif
http://www.gaystarnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/pornhub-insights-gay-relative-categories-united-states-map.png
Makes sense given the kinds of porn I found out they make here.
There’s a bunch of hunters in Colorado who were awfully surprised.
that’s wyoming
Oh goddammit.
No; he’s right: FETISH HUNTERS!
The next great national debate.
http://cdn.phillymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/pornhub.png
I’m a Dick man in a Cock state.
What? No schlong? That is one verkakte graph!
Sorry, but this shit is funny.
http://maisonbisson.com/files/2014/07/porn-subscriptions-per-capita-by-state.png
Who pays for porn?
Idiots in this state.
Fetishists.
I’ve seen some freaky ass shit on streaming sites, so that kind of scares me.
So here’s a small slice of my night. I get back from the gym and decide to take the dog for a walk, because after all he’s getting neutered tomorrow and probably won’t be walking anywhere for a couple of days.
As I’m getting back I see a pick-up pull into the school parking lot next to our house, turn around and then “roll coal”, that’s redneck for “make the diesel make a loud noise”, into my driveway.
Naturally I figure it’s one of my son’s friends stopping by, but it’s dark so I can’t be sure.
I get to the driveway and it’s one of MY friend’s trucks. I get into the house and my son leaps out to whisper that two of my friends are down in the basement stealing my beer. So I hide in the back of the truck, planning to rise up and yell “HEY FUCKERS! WHERE ARE WE GOING?!?” as the pull away and probably kill us all, which will at least let me avoid the rest of this election.
I’m out there for about five minutes and my kid comes out and says “Forget it, they started playing pool. But they’re still drinking your beer.” I won two games, drank three beers and am considering a fourth, even though it’s fucking Monday.
I am 47.
Make sure losers pay
“Poverty? Drug abuse? Liberals? Who do we drone to end the homeless issue for vets…OH MY GOD ITS SO SIMPLE! We drone the homeless!”
r/Portland is all over that shit.
http://thismodernworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/droney3.jpg
I’m not kidding. I’ve never been in a more toxic, antisocial community than the few times I posted in that subreddit. They would just as soon round up all the homeless and ship them to death camps (or maybe just dump them into the river). It turned me into a fucking anti-homeless shithead for a couple of months before I came to my senses.
Oo, Colbert is going all in
http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/2013_08_PornSearch_0.png
Everyone in the SE and MW was searching for an entirely different sort of cream pie.
But they still jerked it before going back to the fridge.
That’s damn funny.
Pictured: actual trump supporters
http://www.prosebeforehos.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/red-state-porn.jpg
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-04/enhanced/webdr08/11/10/enhanced-buzz-10960-1397225826-4.jpg
So. Much. Irony.
Oregon’s one of the states where actual lesbians are dominating the use of the search term.
What’s a “lesbian?”
Wait, I’ll just Google it….
Let us know what you find out!
https://consumerist.com/2009/03/05/which-state-consumes-the-most-online-porn/
Some male and trans escorts are going to be able to retire (at least for the year) off this week in Cleveland.
I’m watching “Gone With Wind,” an obscure film from 1939 produced by David O. Selznick, directed by George Cukor and Victor Fleming, with cinematography in three-strip Technicolor by Ernest Haller ASC and Ray Rennahan ASC.
Is that the one with the tornado and the little dog? I always liked that one!
Wait, I thought it was the one with Lenny and the rabbits.
No, the other 1939 Victor Fleming movie.
Be sure to close the curtains.
http://tethered2home.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/tethered_cscc6_gone_with_the_wind_dresses.jpg
Pretty tepid response she’s getting. I think they’re still trying to figure out who the fuck she is.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/887a8934536917e0060d17b67f992be5/tumblr_nebjjqqfrn1tr6ni8o2_r1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/b2a6912641641bc12ae0a90b5fb1b98f/tumblr_mz8yj4FOY61qzhnmco1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2fe119e75afc7dd441240db90d401079/tumblr_oa23735fDC1sqf5tdo1_400.gif
http://l.yimg.com/os/publish-images/tv/2013-09-11/0cd02901-6a08-4c3b-9ef3-48f488c774e4_Jack-Credits.gif
So the hookers in Cleveland (male, female, trans) this is god ($) / (RNC) thing?
While for the local goats and sheep it is just going to be a terrible week all around.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/73706fd2cf6eb02c326f3742b01ad0d1/tumblr_n17tv4JYlf1qgapm9o1_400.gif
Wanna see funny? The Cleveland craigslist for gay hookups and escorts is undoubtedly busier than it’s ever been.
Need big anon cock. BNG facefuck me. I host
Want some dick–men in blue take a break
RNC TOPS-Seed a Democrat – m4mm
Masculine Visitor hoping to make a pit-stop at your place – DL/Bi+++ – m4m
Looking 4 A Fuck In A Downtown Hotel – m4m
1 MM Seeking 1 MF in for RNC for Play – – m4w
DOMINATE REPULICAN VISITORS LOOKING FIR SUBMISSIVE (Come the fuck on …)
bi curious college+ GH OPEN
Going for the cheap pop there.