NFL Roundup:
- Nick Foles asked for, and got, his release from the Rams. He gets to keep his $6 million roster bonus paid in March.
- No word on if it counts against the cap, but it would just make something laughable even funnier.
- The good news keeps coming for the Cowboys. As a result of having three players on the suspended list, they are forced – by League rules – to pay a $250,000 fine.
- Mike Wallace failed his conditioning test with the Ravens. He’ll get another chance later in the week.
- According to Florio’s Funhouse Follies, Greg hardy tried to join the Roughriders in the spring, but the CFL shot down his attempt to cross the border.
- Here’s the takeaway line: “[I]f the CFL won’t touch you, it’s reasonable to wonder who will.”
- Your of-note PUP list update:
- Jamaal Charles (Chiefs)
- Ryan Matthews (Eagles)
- Pernell McPhee (Bears)
Here’s for Chargers commentists like the Low Commander, Big Daddy Drew gave the Chargers the “Why Your Team Sucks” treatment today.
Finally, as the banner image indicates, 80s & 90s poster legends the Costacos brothers have teamed up with Russell Wilson on a fundraising campaign for Wilson’s “Why Not You” foundation. Here’s a link to the site, and here’s a link to SBNation’s fantastic story about the brothers and their rise to fame.
Last night sold me on another Bill Clinton presidency. (Looks up 22nd Amendment; shakes head) Well, tonight is a veritable who’s who of Democratic luminaries on the speaker’s podium:
- Civil Rights Leader Reverend Jesse Jackson
- Actress Star Jones
- Former Governor of Maryland Martin O’Malley
- Actress Sigourney Weaver
- California Governor Jerry Brown
- Director Lee Daniels
- Actress Angela Bassett
- Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly
- Dr. Jill Biden
- Vice President Joe Biden
- Michael Bloomberg
- Lenny Kravitz
- Democratic Nominee for Vice President Tim Kaine
- President Barack Obama
Plus associated folks talking about tragedies in Orlando, Charleston, Sandy Hook and Iraq. I’ve broken up the list a bit, but the descending order is essentially correct. Lenny Kravitz goes between Joe Biden and Barack Obama. Fucking Star Jones? What – was Whoopi unavailable? Also, I guess Jesse knows where he stands with the modern party now; it’s been, what – 30 years since the “Hymietown” crack? Finally, where’s the modern equivalent of Rosey Grier?
There look to be about 25 speakers in total, once they began things about 4:00 EDT. I’m willing to bet Joe Biden gets a “You should have run” type of chant before or during his speech.
Tonight’s sports:
- International Champions Cup – on ESPN2
- Real Madrid vs Paris- St. Germain – 7:30 (Columbus, OH)
- Bayern Munich vs AC Milan – 9:30 (Chicago, IL)
- MLB: White Sox @ Cubs – 8:00 – ESPN
I can’t believe (well, maybe I can) Trump actually asked Russia to hack America and find Hillary’s missing emails. That should just about put the nail in the Reagan Revolution. DUTCH WOULD NEVER DO THAT!
This “believe me” rhetorical tool is awful. Kill it with fire.
Oh fire can’t kill abstract ideas, believe me.
THEY JUST ALL SUCK SO BADLY
hngh
http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/walt-lie.gif
Whenever I listen to a politician praise another politician, I substitute the name BRICK MEATHOOK in place of the politician being lauded.
I will be re-elected in a massive landslide to win my 12th term as President and Chief Justice.
DON’T BLAME ME I VOTED FOR ME!
I’m Brick Meathook and I approve of this message
“I mean, I tried.”
– William Howard Taft
This attempt at a joke was bad and it deserves to remain as a monument to be un-funny-ness.
Wait, I laughed. What did I do wrong?
I mean, I just assumed you thought of the Taft and chuckled at his rotundness, which is fairly chuckle-worthy.
As a boy, I used to ride my bicycle past William Taft’s grave in Arlington Cemetery. Sure, John Kennedy has a sexier grave, but you can’t ride your bike past it. Bill Taft? You can ride your bike by it. Sure he was fat and was buried in a piano box, but he was also…. I’ve completely forgot what I was talking about…
Whenever I see you post I replace your name with one of the many other names from where you got your name, you are Fridge Largemeat at this moment
My name is original and from a comic I drew in high school, years before the movie on MST3K.
“Yeah? Well can YOU get stuck in a tub?”
– William Howard Taft
He replaced that tub almost immediately, and as someone over 6 feet tall tubs are the fucking worst at being designed for people 5 feet tall and tiny
I am watching Lethal Weapon and it’s still as good as it was when I was in college.
Shane Black is dadgun genious.
There’s a 6-3 Bears-Vikings game coming this season that is going to entertain me more than this speech
Cooking for myself tonight.
Maple-glazed pork chop with country potatoes and corn on the cob.
See you guys after dinner.
So this is a great read
http://www.vox.com/2016/7/25/12256510/republican-party-trump-avik-roy
A good line:
“This revisionism [on civil rights], according to Roy, points to a much bigger conservative delusion: They cannot admit that their party’s voters are motivated far more by white identity politics than by conservative ideals.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAVVy_x3Erg
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/supernatural/images/6/65/Markofcain.jpg
Who was Cain afraid of? The only two other people on earth were Adam and Eve. Who is he afraid is going to find him and kill him after he’s cast into the Land of Nod?
And who was his wife?
And for whom did he build the city of Enoch?
These are the questions this guy really has to answer…
Adam and Eve were boning like rabbits yo
They never mentioned that in Sunday School…
Why do the democrats go back to Lincoln to say how out of touch Republicans are with what they used to stand for? Go to fucking Nixon, he couldn’t last a week in the Republican primary now without being called a socialist with his environmental and tax policies
Fuck, they moved the line so far that Democratic tax policies are as bad as Reagan
Yup.
You know how you fund the Vietnam War and the Apollo Project at the same time?
A 70% top marginal tax rate.
You know how you fund the War In Europe and the War in the Pacific at the same time?
A 90% top marginal tax rate.
You know how you let the richest industrial society in world history slide into irrelevance and oblivion?
A 39.6% top marginal tax rate.
You can basically go back to Reagan at this point, or George H.W..
“When in doubt, make it a park” – Richard Nixon
“When in doubt, blame someone with brown skin.” – Modern Republican Party
“When in doubt, blame the weak.” — America
Well Republicans are so out of touch with history that they cant remember that the Black Crow Dixiecrats were Republicans by the end of 1965.
I am convinced that they are intentionally avoiding researching anything before 1980
No shit.
Kaine made a great mistake not coming out to “My Name is Cane.” Could’ve built some good bipartisan support with that choice, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-0kimu0qEI
Why is Bruce McCulloch talking at the DNC?
I would be more passionate about voting for a Hillary/Bruce ticket
“These are the Daves I know” could be the inauguration anthem.
Because we truly all have our own hands, but we come from different moms.
Tim Kaine is the living embodiment of every white politician.
OK, he just explained everything with the Minnesota/KC nexuses.
Is he the statistician?
He’s a different kind of mathematician.
I just got carded buying beer. Those of you who know me realize how fucking hilarious that is.
But still….
/suck it world
Kaine needs to stop doing that thing with his eyebrows. It’s creepy as fuck.
That pillow looks just like a puppy dog.
Super dumb-drunk in the middle of an insanely busy week.
/off to bed!
Hoo boy. We’re gonna see this so many times over the next 3 months
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD6gKjtpkFM
I am listening to this instead of intro/speech by bland VP. This is actually a good song. I only really know Megadeth based on jokes about Megadeth
I never thought I’d be one of those people, but (some) old songs just do sound better. Even if you’re hearing them for the first time 30 years after they were recorded.
Has the media always reported on speeches before they happen but phrase it as if they just got back from the future? Didn’t they used to say, ‘The President is expected to say’ or the ‘Obama is planned to remark on…’?
“Until you’ve sat at that desk, you don’t know what it’s like to manage a global crisis or send young people to war,” Mr. Obama said, according to his prepared remarks. “But Hillary’s been in the room; she’s been part of those decisions.”
No this shit has been turned out like its the damn NFL Draft. It used to be a couple of days that no one cared about 90% of it except a few speeches.
An ounce of 12% THC indica cost me $118 and I just walked out front of my hotel and smoked it.
Denver’s fun for tourists!
Which dispensary did you hit?
Medicine Man on Havana.
When I was a boy an ounce cost thirty dollars!
/hasn’t smoked pot in a long long time
On the East Coast that would have been $450-500.
It’s insane.
God damn. It’s usually $55 for an eighth around here.
“How is this the same guy who did ‘Are You Gonna Go My Way?'”
– Me, every time I hear Lenny Kravitz do anything else
There is seriously NOTHING less appealing to me than humor in a political echo chamber. If politics are serious, give it the respect the issues deserve. If not, then don’t sit here and tell me my kids are dead if your guy doesn’t win.
But when I see fucking Bill O’Reilly’s smug grin whenever Obama does something hypocritical or I see an unfunny sketch like that get this “we sure stuck it to Donald’s EGO” response, it screeches at me like the forced laughs of a billion art-house patrons.
Humor is a bad thing to judge people on. Remember, many of these people think The Big Bang Theory is hilarious, and I hate every one of them for it.
People think BBT is funny because, “NERD SAYS FUNNY WORD IN NERD TONE”. There’s no substance to that joke but people laugh because the show is a comedy. Yeah, the joke isn’t inherenty humorous but it’s neutral. This “Drumpf must be concerned about his small hands” or “$Hillary must have forgotten about it….like she forgot about BENGHAZI!” is equally without substance and it’s just mean. Hearing convention crowds laugh because the person on stage says something that registers as a [joke] is disingenuous and drags humor down to the level of politics — and I just feel humor should be above all that.
WAIT KIEFER SUTHERLAND IS THE NEXT PRESIDENT?
I AM CONFUSED NOW
beep…beep…beep…BEEP
YEE HAW I JUST GOT MY PATENT GRANTED FUCKIN WOO
At the beginning of next year when you start seeing a new eyedropper bottle everywhere, you can say you saw it here first!
http://www.critic.co.nz/files/article-3423.jpg
Were eyedroppers not adequate?
Congrats… is you and your partner want to celebrate by buying up Lauden County… I can help 😉 j/k
I think he already owns most of it.
Whereas I just recently purchased a four-year-old car for under $18K!
We’re in different phases of our moneymaking endeavors.
8 track or get the one with one of those upgraded cd players?
I went with the turntable option but the ride’s too hard.
Gonna see if I can fit an old Wurlitzer bubbler in the hatch.
Good news, Penny! They’re getting set up for Lenny Kravitz – that means it’s time for a walk!
Don’t forget to take a plastic bag, in case Penny leaves a Lenny Kravitz on the sidewalk!
Bloomberg is estimated to be worth 49.7 Billion
Trump “claims” he is worth 5 Billion
Mark Cuban is estimated to be worth 3 Billion
“A sane, competent person”
That should go on a bumper sticker.
The Joe Flacco Bible
So, Bloomberg’s speaking. Let’s see how anti-Semitic twitter is right now…
“Do people know he’s a Jew?”
-@DWS
What does this have to do with Dancing with the Stars?
They’ll launch the mirror ball trophy at Palestine.
Invest in out infrastructure!?
http://blogs-images.forbes.com/anthonynitti/files/2014/09/fingers2.png
So it was fun today reading a bit on Jill Stein and the anti-vaxxer claims against her. I don’t actually think she is one, but she basically used an anti-vaxxer argument that’s either a huge blunder or pandering to the left’s anti-intellectualism.
At least the Green Party dumped their endorsement of homeopathy.
I finally turned on the convention, only to be greeted by a suit with a scrotum poking out of the head hole.
Does anyone actually like Michael Bloomberg? And if not, has anyone told Michael Bloomberg this? He seems to under the impression people like him.
I have a sneaking suspicion Donald Trump is really Zaphod Beeblebrox
Biden Autobiography
https://www.amazon.com/President-Vice-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B00B1W7QC6?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0#navbar
“Those jobs are gone! NAFTA fucking killed them and the TPP is gonna take whatever you’re doing now!”
NOW THAT THERE IS A REAL BILLIONAIRE BOYS
http://pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF010-Instant_Bacon.gif
God, I just don’t give a fuck about Michael Bloomberg. BRING OUT POTUS
OK, I take back what I said about Bernie being self-indulgent. Jeebus, THIS motherfucker. Waiting for him to take his dick out and start playing with himself at the podium.
Why is Trump speaking at the DNC?
If Biden was the nominee or someone fearful and not kind of weak like Hilary would the Republicans have still rallied around Trump?
I can’t see any Democrat embracing the law and order confidence that Trump has, so yes.
Maybe? HillyBob almost surely still runs, so I don’t know how the Dem primary shakes out.
Survey: how are you watching the convention?
I’m doing the DNC livestream.
MSNBC. Annoyingly, my WiFi is all fucked, so I can’t watch Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals simultaneously.
And I can only talk to imaginary palz with my thumbs. smh
PBS / CNN International.
I cancelled all my news programming last year in exchange for more sports channels.
I am watching this thread, then re-enacting everyone’s comments out in a one man Kabuki play.
NBC online.
They keep teasing me with a clip at the bottom about a tiger pouncing on a tourist.
I’m watching the Cubs lose to little brother because goddamn motherfucking Cubs.
Come on, Bloomberg! Throw down a plug for Jill Stein!
[throws down an extension cord on the wet locker room floor]
– Gus Bradley
http://pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF275-The_Offenders.png
(Support your local PBF: http://pbfcomics.com/275/)
I know he doesn’t show as much shine having to follow Biden and all but this guy’s a really good speaker. I’d go as far as to say that he’s a Super Super Predator.
According to a bunch of speeches I’ve heard over the last few days, America has never, ever been better/worse off than it has been over the last few years.
“We really owe something to the next generation. NOW LET’S GET TO RUNNING UP THIS NATIONAL DEBT!”
That’s like the 12th time they’ve done “Come Together”. Do “Sell Out” again!
Don’t piss off Diamond Joe, motherfucker! You’d think Trump scratched his camaro or somethin….
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE
oh you beat me to it
Who did it better… Michelle or Biden?
I love Joe, but Michelle by a mile.
Trump hands Jerry Richardson a calculator:
(3/5) x 0.71
“Hit enter then flip it over”
….
BOOBS
Still Michelle, because like Joe said…class by itself. But he did a damned fine job and each did exactly what they needed and intended to do for the team.