NFL late-Friday News Dump:
- The Cardinals have extended Fitty through 2017 and Carson Palmer through 2018.
- Mike McCarthy vows to never give up play calling again. So get ready for more Packer field goals from the three.
- Brandon Marshall threw a punch at Darrelle Revis in practice Friday. Looks like the Jets are in mid-season form.
- Third-year Titan’s safety has been suspended for opening day for violating the League’s substance abuse policy.
- Aaron Rodgers is expected to miss the Hall of Fame Game Sunday. Because, reasons.
- Maybe they can get Brett Favre to play. Some idiot at the NFL Network asked him whether he’d like to get paid to back up Tony Romo. Fortunately, he implied no, which is more truthful than when he says no.
Finally, with Gisele out of the country for the Olympics, Tommy was free to say some things about his suspension.
Since the video won’t embed, here’s a brief transcription from For The Win:
“I think it’s just personal, and I try to move on from it. I try to, like I said, focus on the positive and being here with my teammates and getting better. You know, you don’t want to go out and do anything besides being a great example for your teammates, and we’ve got a lot of competitive guys that have been out here on the practice field. And I think that’s where the focus needs to be.”
I wanted to go further down the delusion rabbit hole, but Barstool Sports made me want to remove my eyes with a stick. This shot at right from their Patriots page should give you an idea. I can’t wait for Peter King on Monday.
It’s Hall of Fame weekend. In honour of that, here’s Brett Favre’s final pass as a Packer, from the seat I watched it from.
Nothing worse than sitting in that cold only to watch the Giants win because of some Hall of Fame stupidity. Which he totally didn’t commit again in Minnesota three years later.
Enjoy the coat, Gunslinger.
As a Canadian, whenever an Olympics comes around I’m expected to recount the few good times and the plenty of bad this quadrennial festival brings to the fore. Canada has hosted two Winter Olympics – Vancouver & Calgary – and the Montreal Summer Olympics. The Winter Olympics were great successes, if you overlook the winning-no-gold in Calgary and the oops-a-luge-guy-died from Vancouver. But if Rio turns out to be a shitshow, all Canadian news will focus on is how it will have been the worst Summer games since Montreal.
Montreal was the gold standard for boondoggles. The Olympics were awarded to Montreal after the 1967 Centennial, when the Montreal Expo gave visions of Canada competing on the world stage with more-traditional powers. What they hadn’t counted on were the corrupt nature of Quebec politics and the heavy hands of Quebec’s labour associations & unions. The federal & provincial governments gave money to the Montreal committee with no oversight, until in 1975 the upper levels finally forced the city to accept their control. Major contracts were given to construction companies with ‘alleged’ mafia ties, and unions held up construction until the were forced to be paid overtime to ensure completion. The Guardian recounts that out of a total of 530 potential working days between December 1974 and April 1976, the workers would be on strike for 155 days – 30% of the work time available. They didn’t finish building the Olympic Stadium until the morning of the opening ceremony, and rumours still abound that they were installing seats during the March of Athletes.
Speaking of athletes, there was a boycott by most African countries, because New Zealand was allowed to attend Montreal despite violating the international sporting ban on travelling to South Africa by going there on a rugby tour.
Here’s what it came down to, and is one more reason the IOC continues to anger Sill by not having full-15 in the Olympics.
They didn’t finish paying off the stadium until 2006. Adjusted for inflation, the cost of “The Big Owe” was $1.6 billion. BEAT THAT, NFL OWNERS!
This month’s “Malt of the Month” is Cardhu Distilling’s 12 Year-Old with Two-glass pack. Hmm…let’s see what your transcript says:
- APPEARANCE: Golden honey.
- NOSE: At full strength, heady, nose prickle, pear drops and tightly integrated heather, resin and sweet honey-nut notes. Enticing. Intriguing. With a little water, still harmonious but less pronounced, allowing some malt-cereal, soft, spicy wood, moorland and faint traces of wood-smoke to appear.
- BODY: Soft, pleasing, medium.
- PALATE: Palate Well balanced, smooth mouthfeel; short punch, sweet and fresh, then a pronounced drying effect. Enjoyable at any time, with little or no water.
- FINISH: Quite short. Some lingering sweet smoke in the attractive, drying aftertaste.
Brief research on Wikipedia tells me Cardhu is “a Speyside distillery near Archiestown, Moray, Scotland, founded by the whisky smuggler John Cumming in 1824. The distillery is currently run by Diageo and the distillery’s Scotch whisky makes up an important part of the famous Johnnie Walker blended whiskies. The word “Cardhu” derives from the Scots Gaelic Carn Dubh, meaning “Black Rock”.”
Well, that rules me out. Not a Speyside fan.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics: Opening Ceremonies
- NBC: 7:30 EDT, 6:30 CDT, 7:30 PDT (tape-delay)
- CBC: 7:00 EDT, 4:00 PDT (tape-delay)
- TSN: 6:30 EDT, 3:30 PDT (live)
- Boxing: Premier Boxing Champions – 9:00 (ESPN)
- Benavidez-Douglin (light heavyweights)
- TEH KITTEZ: Kitten Summer Games – 8:00 (Hallmark)
Remember that even though the Hall of Fame Game is terrible, terrible football, it IS football, and it’s just four short weeks until the regular season. WE CAN DO THIS!
Anyone not paying attention to twitter is missing Brazillian Flight truthers wreaking havoc.
In Portuguese!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2012/01/dismissive_wanking.gif
Chile stole the Texas flag! THOSE BASTARDS!!!
When Argentina tried to kill the Top Gear guys they wore Chilean flags for a while because Chile didn’t try to kill them.
I was watching an episode with family and the first thing my dad asks is “Why are they wearing Texas flag pins?”
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/000/928/481/ec2.jpg
So Donald Trump is doing an amazing job of recreating the ending of the Satan-Jesus fight from South Park.
C-A-N-A-D-A-EH
237 Nepali workers died making the uniforms worn by the Qatar delegation…
How many Pakistanis and Indonesians?
So Matt…the Cameroon flag bearer made it to the Olympics for revenge? That was the point of that story?
“You know the fantastic story Ali told about how he got into boxing? Well let me tell you a completely unrelated story where a kid wanted to hurt someone who beat him, and make it as awkward and uninteresting as possible.”
There’s giants everywhere!
/drugs may be kicking in
You lucky bastard.
/didn’t make enough stops in Colorado
KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THE FIREWORKS
You know…there is SOOOOOO much sex going among the athletes.
Pretty much the IOC hands out condoms everywhere.
Its pretty much the ONLY think they do right.
Gon’ be so much zika
I think about how much sex went on at the convergence of the Pennsylvania Junior Classical League convention and this huge girls’ volleyball tournament at the end of my senior year of high school and the mind boggles.
Excuse me while I go kill myself.
Belarus delegation with an 80’s vibe…working sports coat and t-shit look.
http://images.closerweekly.com/uploads/posts/image/41046/don-johnson-miami-vice.jpg
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/stop_penis_erect_archer.gif
I know you’re going to say “What pistol?” but HOLY FUCKBALLS HIS PISTOL MATCHES HIS SHIRT
People make fun of that show…but seriously, the first episode ever was fucking amazing. The soundtrack was brilliant and it was a pretty innovating concept at the time.
Seriously, no joke. Track down the first episode of Miami Vice and it will blow your mind how good it was, especially compared to modern police procedural shows.
I remember.
I didn’t miss an episode for like the first three seasons.
I watch repeats any chance I get. Even the shitty later seasons were as good as anything on network tv these days.
It was family watching in my house growing up.
Mind you, I was 4 when the series began.
Did Manu Ginóbili really need to flop during his country’s entrance?
Just call them “cannibals” Hoda, you know you want to.
Phase One: Play Nazi so convincingly it creeps the whole fucking world out
Phase Two:
Phase Three: Profit!
http://www.mobilescout.com/img/width660/height342/id176636.jpg
They don’t look Aryan at all.
/they so totally look Aryan
http://31.media.tumblr.com/e1c7ddbedd84055281e2c14734cd18c0/tumblr_n3fs0rMqb41qm2l53o2_250.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrrvvdAQib1r22325o1_500.gif
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b160/Oliver_Taylor_Hawkins/DAVE%20GROHL2/Dibujo.jpg
http://dpi.studioxx.org/sites/dpi.1.sxx.kommun-it.org/files/4-dimantle-patriarchy.png
SO WOKE
Neither side of this Hyperfeminism v MRA clusterfuck really attempts to make an honest argument, so I’m going with aesthetic of presentation:
http://t07.deviantart.net/-FMWXypGe6sa4FsbCsSV8b1Gy-Y=/300×200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre10/2a56/th/pre/f/2013/150/d/e/amazing_atheist_demotive_by_sonicguy15-d6781c4.jpg
Yep, goin’ with the ladies on this one.
The fuck is the “Fred Pledge?”
Fred Phelps.
http://www.theastronauts.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fry.jpg
Is there an avowed atheist online who isn’t a shithead?
potholer54, The Living Dinosaur, nonstampcollector, and the Bible Reloaded guys.
Of course, two of them haven’t made any videos lately…
When being tongue in cheek is so hard for 99% of people to comprehend that it’s honestly better to just say nothing.
Portuguese sounds like Spanish spoken by a deaf person
–Russell Peters
Apparently, Ape has made an enemy of the brazillian state. Only interesting thing so far.
THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE CIVIL ENGINEERS FOR PEOPLE DRILL BABY DRILL
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/3509580/rollin-coal-o.gif
Let me check…
http://i.imgur.com/2dLrQ22.gif
Yep…taste like FREEDOM!
The fucking IOC and the Olympics games talking to me or anyone else about global warming makes as much sense as NAMBLA giving advice on child care.
This Maya Angelou Apple Commercial is really depressing.
I mean it would be a akin for you white folks to see…um…Jeff Foxworthy I guess…shilling I guess a budget all you can eat steak joint…
I just spit up my water. Mmmmmm, water.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it once: Fuck the Québécois
http://cdn.quotesgram.com/small/81/35/1846810097-tumblr_mqyxufTtqC1sda042o6_500.gif
I lost my virginity to a Quebecois. You wouldn’t know her.
Niagara Falls isn’t in Quebec, you know…
Fucking colonialism.
I will fucking fight you. And if I lose, I’ll bitch about it incessantly for the next 250 years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzioCMX4_J4
Nice of Brazil to give each country their own Baron Samedi for the parade. No snakes is good.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/jamesbond/images/a/a6/Baron_Samedi_(Geoffrey_Holder)_-_Profile.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130506214018
I got a bunch of foreign coworkers in my apartment, all excited to see the Olympic opening game.
I have had to stop them from breaking my TV. The NFL doesn’t even have the balls to shove this many commercials into an event. Its almost breathtaking.
Oh and the announcers interjecting obvious and unnecessary commentary reminds me of why I stopped going to the movies with my mother once I hit 13.
I haven’t seen this much fake dancing and excitement since the last Mass Games in Pyongyang.
Alright, Mint Cookies ‘N Cream. You’re going down!
Yes, I know the picture is Cookies ‘N Cream, but apparently Mint Cookies ‘N Cream is so beautiful that no picture of it exists on the internet apparently.
Apparently!
Opening Ceremonies in a nut shell
GIFSoup
Anchorage is considering a bid for 2026 winter games. I really hope they do so they can put forth an aged, dementia-ridden Sarah Palin as their ambassador just to see the rest of the world aghast at how many stupid people we can elect to office.
I’m trying to imagine Chicago being an absolute fucking mess right now due to the Olympics and I have to say I’m glad I’m just imagining it.
Kinda funny watching these guys in the background mug for the camera during this interview. It’s like watching those dudes sitting behind home plate during Cubs games back in the 80’s.
BTW, I LOVE the Psych gifs!
http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/33400000/Psych-psych-33483041-245-300.gif
s
Why is Brady’s woman walking towards a giant picture of a young David Cross?
As much as I would like to watch the Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics, I got a 24 year streak of not watching Opening Ceremonies and I don’t want to break it up.
Besides, I want to watch a Girl Meets World rerun where a Disney Channel produced has a Countdown to Legal relationship between a 17-year old College Freshman and a 14-year old High School Freshman.
I prefer to watch in metaphor form, so I just filmed a video of myself opening the toilet lid and watched that.
But you’re missing interpretive parkour.
How do we feel about Selena Gomez? She’s legit 24 years old but looks 15. Asking for a friend.
You know what? I don’t eem know no Selena Gomez.
I am saluting her right now.
I see what you did there.
And I approve.
When do they get to the druglords?
Nah, they’re all watching from their private boxes they purchased ages ago.
/finishes fourth beer
//burps for a good five seconds nonstop
“Fuck, I’m sure if I started tomorrow I could make the next Olympics in like shooting or archery or some shit like that probably.”
///nobody around to rebut remark
////stares off into abyss
I’m just a shitty teaching pro, but I’m seriously thinking about inquiring into trying out for the Greek golf team in four years. I think as long as one of your parents is full-blooded Hellenic you’re eligible.
Wait…wait…wait….
You’re a teaching pro?
As someone who has delusions of Senior Tour greatness in a couple of years (delusions being the key word), I might need to seek you out and give you money.
For about twelve years now. My best playing days are behind me, but I think I’ve got a decent eye for it. Coached a college women’s team a few years ago too. If you’re ever in the Salt Lake area, give me a shout.
I was just out west. You couldn’t have mentioned this before?????
And…women’s college team, you say?
/asking for a friend
In all seriousness…
I was just above scratch as a youngster. But not quite good enough.
I go about +6-8 these days on my better days. Though if I’m being honest, I barely broke 90 yesterday.
Bum left shoulder makes it more difficult. Been trying to rework stance and downswing to minimize it, but so far no joy.
Getting old sucks.
My friends asked that question a lot at the time too. You never felt like a bigger scumbag driving five 18-21 year old ladies around a strange town in a rented minivan looking for food late at night. And I was 32 at the time.
And?
No really…and?
At least make up a good van/orgy/Carl’s Jr story.
Hang in there man. The equipment these days is turning into the great equalizer.
Yeah, that jerlface at GolfSmith keeps telling me that. And I keep giving him money.
/perhaps the two are related
*jerkface
Wait, wait, wait. I thought a teaching pro was a very attentive hooker focused on improving your :ahem: short game.
Montréal were the first Olympics that I remember vividly. I was turning 7. I thought it was the coolest thing ever.
I thought Nadia was cute and around my age.
I was 8, and wanted to be Bruce Jenner.
/was sad Canada sucked at sports
//wonders what happened to that guy
///stares off into distance
was 9. Ate Wheaties for like the next four years.
Back then I thought Jenner was an asshole.
I stand by my assessment.
Is football back yet?
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-19890-Cartman-pacing-come-on-come-on-9VTm.gif
When did Muricans start calling Florence “Firenze”, which is what the Italians call it, but nobody says their Honda is from Nippon or I learned 中文 Kung Fu from Bruce Lee.
The letter Z?
Related; I can’t stand it when I hear “Bayern Munich.”
No, it’s either Bavaria Munich or Bayern Muenchen. Why the hell are we retaining one German word and not the other?
My wife has a problem with Grand Pree. If you’re going with the pree you need to go with the Grawn
Aw, I thought they were about to play Jane’s Addiction
http://media.tumblr.com/754c4b825215953f41248a14870ac5f0/tumblr_inline_mvpeo0cbbC1qcyflk.gif
Am I watching Sleeper?
Oh yeah, that doesn’t look like death in water form
So I’m driving home from a solo post work matinee of suicide squad. Matinee was the right price to pay, but I’m a sucker so I’ll probably see it again.
I got the feeling after BVS and this movie confirms it: Marvel is adapting comic books into films. DC is putting comic books on film. Since superhero comic books (which I do like a lot) are inherently kind of stupid, there is going to always be a critical problem out of the gate with the DC movies as long as they continue this approach. But since we already have the more sensible Marvel movies I don’t really mind.
I watched The Avengers last night, again, for the umpteenth time.
Spoiler alert….Loki was still a huge penis.
Suicide squad worth the matinee ticket is the msg I’m getting here.
Which one is Deadpool?
The good one.
/comment based on the opinions of others
//hasn’t seen it yet
HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU NOT SEEN IT? !?!?
DO IT NOW!
I know, I know.
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/14800000/Psych-gifs-psych-14850042-350-197.gif
Barry could’ve used a visit to the barbershop before that interview.
I like that banner image way too much I think.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lFhURXTFCX8/Ub9gICXp72I/AAAAAAAAYkg/iS5nHeWUMbg/s1600/nice_beaver.jpg
komm susser tod
Yes, let’s enjoy eachother’s things
Jesus Christ, can someone over at Ubisoft sue Barstool over this shit? Or at least require them to expunge it from the universe?
I do, however, find the association with tyranny to be quite apt.
The rational/sane dude inside me despises the Olympics. The Canuckian/Sports Underdoggian fan adores these games.
/when The Canada starts winning gold medals on the reg-that’s when I can ignore the whole thing
//does this make sense to you?
///it barely makes sense to me
All 314 just walked in. The national pride just kicked in.
They should just build a giant sporting complex in Mauritius and have all the major international sporting events there.
It used to be that you could overlook the rampant corruption at all levels of the process of awarding these shitshows, but now that Rio has fucked up so badly and is still nothing short of saintly considering the murderous Qatar World Cup preparations, it’s going to be kind of hard to ignore that degree of fuckuppery going forward.
Yeah, the citizens of developed, democratic nations realize what a money pit the Olympics are don’t want them anymore. Hell, Beijing got the *winter* Olympics because the only other country that wanted the games was Kazakhstan.
The only countries that will be host the games going forward are the poorer ones whose citizens can’t stop the governments from bleeding the tax base dry to host them.
*goes to totally legal stream*
“Opening ceremony starts at 7:30”
*goes to slightly less legal stream*
“Check out these scenes from the opening ceremony that started 45 minutes ago!”
http://i.makeagif.com/media/4-28-2016/6q45To.gif
I’m not angry about XVs not being in the Olympics, nor am I angry about VIIs being an Olympic event.
The XV schedule is too full as it is to allow another global tournament the year after the World Cup.
And VIIs is a great game, it just has very little in common with either major rugby code and would not be my choice as a global ambassador for the sport as a whole.
But, my narrative?
In honor of one of the worst contests I’ve ever seen, I think I’ll go with the theme of “TNA’s Rebel” tonight.
http://dailywrestlingnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Rebel-booty-gifs-001_001.gif
So yes, it’s only 7:00 and yes, I’m already on my third beer, but goddamn if those Olympic montages don’t know how to tug on your heartstrings.
Despite the corruption, death, pollution, poverty, and Zika, I’m somehow still excited for these Olympics.
That’s what beer does for you.