[continues to wonder if pouring those female gymnasts into those absurdly tight outfits constitutes some form of child abuse]
Oh hey there! And so it begins-The Circle Of Football Life. The last time we gathered together to comment during a live game was like, 27 months ago (it seems longer than that to me). We were grizzled veterans back then. The hell of an overly drawn-out season had taken its toll-Horatio could barely stuff his Tony Romo sex doll back into his locker during the playoffs. Dok had sunk so low that she was banging something called “Pat From Jersey” on the reg! Yeah Right? He was having take-out buttered toast for the big game. But now we’re all rested up.
Like many of you, I’ve tried hard to work on my commenting game. While the players were attending camp, I was commenting from camp. When they were warming up, I was stretching my analogies. When some rookie was tackling a football dummy, I was tackling Football For Dummies. I’m sure that more than one of my brethren were conjugating their verbs daily or taking their run-on sentences for a jog. Sure it’s hard work-but if you want to be at your best you’ve GOT to study that playbook, er, thesaurus every night.
TO THE GAME!
Packers @ Colts: Bad news for all you Brett Hundley fans out there-he’s got an ankle owie. You know what this means, don’t you? Oh yeah, it’s all kinds of Joe Callahan action-he’s the undrafted Division 3 fella from Wesley Crusher College that’s somewhere in The Delaware. Others to keep an eye out for Packers-wise are draft picks Kenny Clark, Jason Spriggs, Kyler Fackrell, Blake Martinez and Trevor Davis. On the Colts side you may want to ogle T.J. Green, Le’Raven Clark, Hassan Ridgeway and Antonio Morrison.
*a brief note to lurkers out there
If you’ve been wondering when would be a good time to jump into the fray, this is a great spot. We never bite unless expressly asked to do so in no uncertain terms. Personally, as a non-lawyer, I’m begging someone/anyone that has some sort of understanding of ethics to get in here. The user-name “Eddie Lacy’s Cleavage” is there for the taking, by the way.
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, SCOTCHNAUT! YOU SAID IT WAS NOT A DRILL!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZroOIE8lkQ
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6af39f128a2d1519defa09114ac12e0f/tumblr_nls37c6HWd1rzthl7o1_500.jpg
In future years we’ll find out that the Olympic committee paid the NFL a fuck-ton of money to screw up this game so that the Rio games wouldn’t look like such a clusterfuck.
I’m thinking more along the Putin-Trump lines…
The NFL is Putin, right?
“Nyet, Fucking Liberal!”
-Putin
Jesus christ. They cancelled it. What the fuck.
Of course they did. You know the coaches probably weren’t wanting to play this game anyway and jumped on this chance to get out of playing.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/06427103d18532defa38f3065fed9b5b/tumblr_o1c9v0Rk1K1u1qkb1o1_1280.gif
http://replygif.net/i/1505.gif
I missed this episode I guess.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/9417cc9a219e46ba1881229309f7c49a/tumblr_o0i8lc20N31qlz1v3o1_500.gif
Stoned, done a bottle of wine, and now this. My soon to be mother in law is here, fuck me.
My soon to be mother in law is here, fuck me.
Never before has a comma been so crucial
All about syntax.
[Door Flies Open]: sign up now to become a member of the Commentist Party and take advantage of our limited-time, exclusive offer, which includes a free pitchfork and jug of bourble! (Jug can also double as a Molotov cocktail.)
Just click the link below and get your premium “Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace” package now!
Fans have come from far and wide
oh fuck off berman.
Indy is at most a five hour drive. Packers fans spread like locust and willl get no sympathy from.
Off to drucken Overwatch.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e9868dddab23f74efa763d5ab1867466/tumblr_o1pxd5uyjF1td9f37o1_1280.jpg
Do people foresee themselves drinking more or less now that we’ve been reduced to corduroy frottage?
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/003/866/nfNeT7YvTozx0cv7ze3mplZpo1_500.gif
How did this ever make it past the censors?
http://i51.tinypic.com/2agq8sw.jpg
Seems legit
FIE! FIE! ON YOUR DEVIANT IMAGININGS!
“And lo, it was that day when the lords of the league declared ‘There shall be football.’ But there was no football, and thus the world fell into anarchy, darkness and despair. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse did tread the earth then, misery and chaos reigned throughout the land, and it was the first sign of the End Times.”
-Bloviticus 4:11
Swear to fuck if Hasselbeck is that fucking prophet…
The NFL Network replayed Packers-Lions in the playoffs from ’93 a few days ago. I watched the whole thing.
Twice, my friend. Twice. Who knew Buckley was such an amazing badass?
SO. MUCH. DERP.
http://images.catchnews.com/uploads/images/2015/07/29/derp-lead-gif-hurr-durr-derp-face-err-nurrr-terrnnis-burrrll.gif
Feels right!
http://24.media.tumblr.com/c23265bd6d0888023da91b26ba299d6f/tumblr_mtlth8AuZE1s960j8o1_250.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bc32565419b77ba77a26b336630e4738/tumblr_n69g7bygoC1tc30tvo1_1280.jpg
Did Satan just get Crying Gamed?
According to the restroom government republicans he is used to that.
Looks like the groundscrew was responsible for image hosting as well
Walk in the door as giddy as a school girl. Turn on the TV…. depression.
Is this what blue balls feels like?
Nah.
You can relieve blue balls.
Footballus interruptus is an entirely different form of disappointment.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/3e85ab58cdedcaa12eb10748bb6a1849/tumblr_o1qa99QiK41td9f37o1_1280.jpg
AFL is on. That’s like a dry hand job.
Just because it’s a replay.
Shut your whore mouth! Ugh. Back to more How Shit’s Made on the Science Channel.
After this debacle it looks like the unemployment rate in Canton Ohio is going to go up by at least 1%.
The Williams sisters, obviously upset about the Hall Of Fame game, just lost in the Olympics.
If they were related to Sherwin-Williams…. they at least won this game before it even started.
Rodgers just wanted to see all the cute swimmers compete tonight.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/aa2d2afffa983d3db0c22739e95ca112/tumblr_oah9fiSqlP1u4xc0jo1_1280.jpg
The cross…then the haymaker…while rushing to hug Daddy first…so much awesome.
I came
It’s not like they had 6 months to prepare for this game.
The Rio Olympics had 7 years, so…
Fuck you off season!
Can we get the dipshit HOF Game grounds crew to do all the Jags games this year?
Dan Snyder has already hired them and backed up the dumptrucks full of money to their houses.
Somehow, this is all Goodell’s fault.
National. Disgrace.
Well, this was a last minute thing, and the NFL is on a shoestring budget. It’s not like they make billions of dollars every year and had a year to get the field in shape.
Or, you know, NOT HAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING INDUCTION CEREMONY ON A FUCKING FIELD THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO ANY ACTUAL GODDAMN GAME OF FOOTBALL EVER
GODDAMMIT I WANT MY POINTLESS FOOTBALL!
I looked forward to the banter and bad football.
So both teams just forfeited to the Behr’s ?
I would say that’s a banner quote, but that Favre joke should never come down.
Let’s get sloppy drunk!
http://media1.giphy.com/media/pgHJTBBlrNXEs/200.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/22eedde40b5524f6d191e31cad6455ed/tumblr_o23gnxpZXa1r8brruo1_500.gif
That’s Rachel Riley.
I talked to her once for five minutes and she was one of the nicest, loveliest people I’ve ever met AND I ABSOLUTELY FORBID ANY OF YOU TO HAVE ANY SORT OF UNCLEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT HER WHATSOEVER
http://s.telegraph.co.uk/graphics/TimelineGenerator/bin/img/1430208676210/ad_120401269.jpg
Oops! Too late. They weren’t too horrible. By my standards anyway. You might want to bleach the scene just to be sure.
Interesting combination that she had a ball gag AND a whip. That show she has an eye for unexpected juxtaposition.
http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/79/590x/-518442.jpg
They MELTED THE GODDAMN FIELD!!! NO GAME. CANCELLED.
http://memecrunch.com/meme/1KOLN/if-you-could-get-the-fuck-outta-here/image.jpg
Quick version: Took too long cleaning up from last night’s induction. Painters didn’t get going until 2 or so. In order to help dry it quicker, they turned heaters on. Which MELTED the field turning it into hard plastic that not even cleats can sink into.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/dbaa314952cedd4c068634586de781c1/tumblr_o9d0mj7AKE1u94f78o1_1280.png
What the fuck kind of paint doesn’t dry in 18 hours ?
http://www.bucksketball.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/simpsons-villagers-pitchfork-torches.jpg
According to ESPN, the teams are concerned about the paint applied to the field today!? What? Did they not use Sherwin Williams or something?
I may be rather hungover from going to Chargers Fanfest and a Padres game last night, (they won!) but that will not stop me from having an Enjoy By or 2 during the game tonight.
http://www.stonebrewing.com/sites/default/files/021416_ejbbunf_bottle.png
You’ll feel better.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/301124e004a61a9ee413b8c462d653fb/tumblr_oa7kt7TvgJ1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
My Directv program guide says Andrew Luck will lead the Colts against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers.
I haven’t seen a bigger lie since Chris Rock said there was no sex in the champagne room.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/79742da4d45762964625dc346118cb6e/tumblr_o9glbaC5bz1qzzk3fo1_1280.jpg
ESPN now employs both Hasselbeck slapheads? Ugh.
Is the wife in there yet? Is ESPN schilling for Big Flat Earth?
Oh god, she might be on her way. I think she got shitcanned from Faux News a while back.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c4cb9d361b8db6fd6fb641aabb7fcc9f/tumblr_ob32tosZVQ1v1imkwo1_400.gif
http://65.media.tumblr.com/1d2024c90d55b8646578609b7366293e/tumblr_nbukkmSe6Y1s0jo89o1_500.jpg
That’s a good one. I’m going to use that!
http://ll-media.tmz.com/2016/08/07/0807-german-field-hockey-butt-fuchs-reddit-4.jpg
That would be a great title for a ‘buddy cop’ movie.
The depressions in the surface of your iris are called the Crypts Of Fuchs:
I’ve been watching boxing for the last 3 hours. Good shit. Fun watching the Italian and Belarusian attempt to murder eachother at the end.
Noooooo. They are saying they may not play the game due to field conditions! How can it be worse than FedEx field?
It’s not like they had 6 fucking months to prepare
Andrew Luck say it was too soggy for a barn raising ?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_5V0_dcHaVpg/TEDCEZChwVI/AAAAAAAAAKw/yB8gLIZZ-zg/s1600/sheila-broflovski-what-what.jpg
I’m on beach vacation with a bunch of “family” … please kill me.
yo
sucks bro
/makes drinky-drinky motion
http://static.ijreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/ad.png
The ad: https://www.youtube.com/embed/dARPOq5VPPA
HOLY FUCKBALLS! MY HARD ON COULD STAB THROUGH TO VINCE WILLFORKS HEART!
Open-air stadium? Don’t forget sunscreen.
http://forums.auscelebs.net/acnet-images/78570/michelle-jenneke-693659.jpg
I’m not this bad, but that I am still toasty is infuriating.
http://www.bettingsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-12-at-4.53.06-AM.png
Infuriatingly I can find no .gif of this event:
GET ON IT INTERNETS
Haven’t seen any pics of Luck and his beard since late last season. Will he come out looking like a typical Amishman or one of the Soggy Bottom Boys ?
http://cdn.phillymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jeff-langum-world-beard-moustache-championships.jpg
2 — 1
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/06/11/article-0-09F8727E000005DC-886_468x505.jpg
1 — 1
http://www.histerius.com/hs0115/algerian_food.jpg
I’ll admit it, I’m not in game shape.
We talkin Eddie Lacy not in shape or Jared Lorenzen not in shape?
Speaking of pouring women Olympians into absurdly tight outfits: Volleyball, bruh, volleyball! Both beach and original recipe.
Ohh original recipe, I love it so.
Come to think of it, liveblogging that last NFL game didn’t turn out too well.
GODFUCKINGDAMMIT
“[continues to wonder if pouring those female gymnasts into those absurdly tight outfits constitutes some form of child abuse]”
Not as much as the actual child abuse.
1 — 0
http://www.howsweeteats.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/flank-steak-with-chimichurri-I-howsweeteats.com-5.jpg
Not sure exactly what’s going on here but I approve.
Watching the second half of Argentina — Algeria in Olympic soccer.
Argentina scored, you got chimichurri flank steak.