Your “This is not a drill! I repeat! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!” Hall of Fame Game Open Thread

[continues to wonder if pouring those female gymnasts into those absurdly tight outfits constitutes some form of child abuse]

Oh hey there! And so it begins-The Circle Of Football Life. The last time we gathered together to comment during a live game was like, 27 months ago (it seems longer than that to me). We were grizzled veterans back then. The hell of an overly drawn-out season had taken its toll-Horatio could barely stuff his Tony Romo sex doll back into his locker during the playoffs. Dok had sunk so low that she was banging something called “Pat From Jersey” on the reg! Yeah Right? He was having take-out buttered toast for the big game. But now we’re all rested up.

Like many of you, I’ve tried hard to work on my commenting game. While the players were attending camp, I was commenting from camp. When they were warming up, I was stretching my analogies. When some rookie was tackling a football dummy, I was tackling Football For Dummies. I’m sure that more than one of my brethren were conjugating their verbs daily or taking their run-on sentences for a jog. Sure it’s hard work-but if you want to be at your best you’ve GOT to study that playbook, er, thesaurus every night.

TO THE GAME!

Packers @ Colts: Bad news for all you Brett Hundley fans out there-he’s got an ankle owie.  You know what this means, don’t you? Oh yeah, it’s all kinds of Joe Callahan action-he’s the undrafted Division 3 fella from Wesley Crusher College that’s somewhere in The Delaware. Others to keep an eye out for Packers-wise are draft picks Kenny Clark, Jason Spriggs, Kyler Fackrell, Blake Martinez and Trevor Davis. On the Colts side you may want to ogle T.J. Green, Le’Raven Clark, Hassan Ridgeway and Antonio Morrison.

*a brief note to lurkers out there

If you’ve been wondering when would be a good time to jump into the fray, this is a great spot. We never bite unless expressly asked to do so in no uncertain terms. Personally, as a non-lawyer, I’m begging someone/anyone that has some sort of understanding of ethics to get in here. The user-name “Eddie Lacy’s Cleavage” is there for the taking, by the way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, SCOTCHNAUT! YOU SAID IT WAS NOT A DRILL!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beastmode Ate My Baby

In future years we’ll find out that the Olympic committee paid the NFL a fuck-ton of money to screw up this game so that the Rio games wouldn’t look like such a clusterfuck.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m thinking more along the Putin-Trump lines…

Unsurprised

The NFL is Putin, right?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Nyet, Fucking Liberal!”

-Putin

Gratliff

Jesus christ. They cancelled it. What the fuck.

ArmedandHammered

Of course they did. You know the coaches probably weren’t wanting to play this game anyway and jumped on this chance to get out of playing.

Sill Bimmons

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litre_cola

Stoned, done a bottle of wine, and now this. My soon to be mother in law is here, fuck me.

Brocky

My soon to be mother in law is here, fuck me.

Never before has a comma been so crucial

litre_cola

All about syntax.

The Maestro

[Door Flies Open]: sign up now to become a member of the Commentist Party and take advantage of our limited-time, exclusive offer, which includes a free pitchfork and jug of bourble! (Jug can also double as a Molotov cocktail.)

Just click the link below and get your premium “Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace” package now!

Brocky

Fans have come from far and wide

oh fuck off berman.

Indy is at most a five hour drive. Packers fans spread like locust and willl get no sympathy from.

Spur

Off to drucken Overwatch.

Sill Bimmons

Do people foresee themselves drinking more or less now that we’ve been reduced to corduroy frottage?

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/003/866/nfNeT7YvTozx0cv7ze3mplZpo1_500.gif

herodotus450

How did this ever make it past the censors?
http://i51.tinypic.com/2agq8sw.jpg

John Difool

Seems legit

Sill Bimmons

FIE! FIE! ON YOUR DEVIANT IMAGININGS!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“And lo, it was that day when the lords of the league declared ‘There shall be football.’ But there was no football, and thus the world fell into anarchy, darkness and despair. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse did tread the earth then, misery and chaos reigned throughout the land, and it was the first sign of the End Times.”

-Bloviticus 4:11

Covalent Blonde

Swear to fuck if Hasselbeck is that fucking prophet…

Kungjitsu

The NFL Network replayed Packers-Lions in the playoffs from ’93 a few days ago. I watched the whole thing.

Covalent Blonde

Twice, my friend. Twice. Who knew Buckley was such an amazing badass?

ArmedandHammered

Did Satan just get Crying Gamed?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

According to the restroom government republicans he is used to that.

Brocky

Looks like the groundscrew was responsible for image hosting as well

Covalent Blonde

Walk in the door as giddy as a school girl. Turn on the TV…. depression.

Is this what blue balls feels like?

Sill Bimmons

Nah.

You can relieve blue balls.

Footballus interruptus is an entirely different form of disappointment.

Spur

AFL is on. That’s like a dry hand job.

ballsofsteelandfury

Just because it’s a replay.

Covalent Blonde

Shut your whore mouth! Ugh. Back to more How Shit’s Made on the Science Channel.

ArmedandHammered

After this debacle it looks like the unemployment rate in Canton Ohio is going to go up by at least 1%.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Williams sisters, obviously upset about the Hall Of Fame game, just lost in the Olympics.

John Difool

If they were related to Sherwin-Williams…. they at least won this game before it even started.

Spur

Rodgers just wanted to see all the cute swimmers compete tonight.

Spur

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Sill Bimmons

The cross…then the haymaker…while rushing to hug Daddy first…so much awesome.

Unsurprised

I came

Spur

It’s not like they had 6 months to prepare for this game.

Sill Bimmons

The Rio Olympics had 7 years, so…

Spur

Fuck you off season!

Kungjitsu

Can we get the dipshit HOF Game grounds crew to do all the Jags games this year?

Unsurprised

Dan Snyder has already hired them and backed up the dumptrucks full of money to their houses.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Somehow, this is all Goodell’s fault.

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Shogun Marcus

National. Disgrace.

Kungjitsu

Well, this was a last minute thing, and the NFL is on a shoestring budget. It’s not like they make billions of dollars every year and had a year to get the field in shape.

Unsurprised

Or, you know, NOT HAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING INDUCTION CEREMONY ON A FUCKING FIELD THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO ANY ACTUAL GODDAMN GAME OF FOOTBALL EVER

Spur

GODDAMMIT I WANT MY POINTLESS FOOTBALL!

litre_cola

I looked forward to the banter and bad football.

John Difool

So both teams just forfeited to the Behr’s ?

Unsurprised

I would say that’s a banner quote, but that Favre joke should never come down.

Spur
Sill Bimmons

That’s Rachel Riley.

I talked to her once for five minutes and she was one of the nicest, loveliest people I’ve ever met AND I ABSOLUTELY FORBID ANY OF YOU TO HAVE ANY SORT OF UNCLEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT HER WHATSOEVER

http://s.telegraph.co.uk/graphics/TimelineGenerator/bin/img/1430208676210/ad_120401269.jpg

Shogun Marcus

Oops! Too late. They weren’t too horrible. By my standards anyway. You might want to bleach the scene just to be sure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Interesting combination that she had a ball gag AND a whip. That show she has an eye for unexpected juxtaposition.

Shogun Marcus

They MELTED THE GODDAMN FIELD!!! NO GAME. CANCELLED.

Shogun Marcus

Quick version: Took too long cleaning up from last night’s induction. Painters didn’t get going until 2 or so. In order to help dry it quicker, they turned heaters on. Which MELTED the field turning it into hard plastic that not even cleats can sink into.

John Difool

What the fuck kind of paint doesn’t dry in 18 hours ?

ArmedandHammered

According to ESPN, the teams are concerned about the paint applied to the field today!? What? Did they not use Sherwin Williams or something?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I may be rather hungover from going to Chargers Fanfest and a Padres game last night, (they won!) but that will not stop me from having an Enjoy By or 2 during the game tonight.

http://www.stonebrewing.com/sites/default/files/021416_ejbbunf_bottle.png

ballsofsteelandfury

My Directv program guide says Andrew Luck will lead the Colts against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers.

I haven’t seen a bigger lie since Chris Rock said there was no sex in the champagne room.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

ESPN now employs both Hasselbeck slapheads? Ugh.

Gratliff

Is the wife in there yet? Is ESPN schilling for Big Flat Earth?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Oh god, she might be on her way. I think she got shitcanned from Faux News a while back.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a good one. I’m going to use that!

John Difool

That would be a great title for a ‘buddy cop’ movie.

Sill Bimmons

The depressions in the surface of your iris are called the Crypts Of Fuchs:

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Gratliff

I’ve been watching boxing for the last 3 hours. Good shit. Fun watching the Italian and Belarusian attempt to murder eachother at the end.

ArmedandHammered

Noooooo. They are saying they may not play the game due to field conditions! How can it be worse than FedEx field?

Gratliff

It’s not like they had 6 fucking months to prepare

John Difool

Andrew Luck say it was too soggy for a barn raising ?

Spanky Datass

I’m on beach vacation with a bunch of “family” … please kill me.

Sill Bimmons

yo

sucks bro

/makes drinky-drinky motion

Unsurprised
jjfozz

HOLY FUCKBALLS! MY HARD ON COULD STAB THROUGH TO VINCE WILLFORKS HEART!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m not this bad, but that I am still toasty is infuriating.

Sill Bimmons

Infuriatingly I can find no .gif of this event:

comment image

GET ON IT INTERNETS

John Difool

Haven’t seen any pics of Luck and his beard since late last season. Will he come out looking like a typical Amishman or one of the Soggy Bottom Boys ?

Sill Bimmons
ThursdaySkyGoddess

I’ll admit it, I’m not in game shape.

litre_cola

We talkin Eddie Lacy not in shape or Jared Lorenzen not in shape?

Kungjitsu

Speaking of pouring women Olympians into absurdly tight outfits: Volleyball, bruh, volleyball! Both beach and original recipe.

litre_cola

Ohh original recipe, I love it so.

Unsurprised

Come to think of it, liveblogging that last NFL game didn’t turn out too well.

Unsurprised

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT

Unsurprised

“[continues to wonder if pouring those female gymnasts into those absurdly tight outfits constitutes some form of child abuse]”

Not as much as the actual child abuse.

John Difool

Not sure exactly what’s going on here but I approve.

Sill Bimmons

Watching the second half of Argentina — Algeria in Olympic soccer.

Argentina scored, you got chimichurri flank steak.

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