Your “It’s A Dreary Saturday-What Else Are Your Gonna Do?” NFL Football Open Thread

We’ve got a small slate of four games to gorge on today. I’ll just go over some of the draft picks that you may see and take some cheap shots (as always) where available.

 

Seahawks/Chiefs-Seattle’s brain trust must have felt that both lines needed some strengthening so of their 8 picks they spent 5 at those positions. Petey loves his skill guys so the remaining choices were limited to 3 wr’s and an rb. The first rounder, ol Germain Ifedi has been duking it out with various defensive players on an on-going basis. Of course Head Truther Carroll loves his spunk. I’m curious about third rounder C.J. Prosise-he was recruited out of high school as a safety, was converted to wr for his soph and junior years and finished as an rb in his fourth year. That’s a unique Percy Harvin-ish skill set he has there. The Chiefs tripled-down on defensive backs and scattered the rest of their picks. The training camp star has been 5th round wr Tyreek Hill from West Alabama(?). He was drafted for his “world class” speed but lo and behold, it turns out he has hands and can run routes! Failed failure Nick Foles will fail under center for a while. Fail.

Colts/Bills-Indy seems to have done okay in the draft, having picked at least four full/part-time starters in center Ryan Kelly, safety T.J. Green, d-tackle Hassan Ridgeway and guard Joe Haeg. The success of the first two rounds of the Bills draft will manifest itself, uh, next year? Shaq Lawson celebrated his selection by opting to have shoulder surgery while second pick Reggie Ragland tore a ligament running down one of those pesky ball carriers. Let’s all hope that the injury bug that has devastated the Giants for the past three years has moved upstate.

Cowboys/Rams-Dallas qb/Simpsons caricature “Fat Tony” Romo will be watching 4th rounder DAK! Prescott and the undraftable Jameill “The Golden” Showers attempt to pull some talent out of the center’s butt. Keep an eye out for rook rb Darius Jackson who has been setting the Cowboy camp on fire which in a literal sense sounds like a right fine idea to me. Given that he’s got Elliott, McFadden, Dunbar and Morris ahead of him on the depth chart he probably should be slotted into the “preseason wunderkind ends up on practice squad” category. Rico Gathers finished up his basketball career at Baylor and then offered up his 6’8″, 276 lb. frame to NFL scouts. If you are an evaluator of NFL talent and say “I’M CRAZEEEEE!!!” quite a bit, the fact that Rico hadn’t touched a football since eighth grade is not a problem. The Rams draft was almost entirely offensive-qb Goff, te’s Higbee and Hemingway and wr’s Cooper and Thomas were chosen. Looks as thought nascent Triplet Gurley is going to find some other fellas to fill the remaining roles. Case Keenum gets the start but Goff should play into the 3rd quarter. By the by, more than 100k fans are expected to show for this. That’s a lot of disappointed people in one place.

Chargers/Titans-I’m willing to bet that rook rb Derrick Henry will out-score/out-rush DeMarco “Three Teams in Three Years” Murray. Take a peek-a-boo at fifth round wr Tajae Sharpe. The Umass grad led the nation in catches last year and has already grabbed a starting spot over the likes of [looks at Titans roster] hmm… Well, it’s impressive anyway. San Diego has yet to get Joey Bosa to put pen to paper. The third overall pick might improve the Chargers fortunes on the field, I don’t know. He is in good company though-both LT and Marmalard started their careers by holding out.

Now that’s done with…GET IT ON, BANG A GONG, PEOPLE!

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
566 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brocky

Evening Gents, random thought:

The fact that I find myself looking up random chiropractor videos probably says more about my laziness of treating my own ailments rather than any actual interest in alternative medicines.

http://i413.photobucket.com/albums/pp217/C_KISSEL/fubar/chiropractor.gif

...

Yeah, well is it so ridiculous if SQUIRRELS are doing it?

Sill Bimmons

The squirrels are doing massage.

Massage is one of the best things you can do for your body.

The squirrels are smarter than chiropractors.

Brocky

I know its bs, but…… if cracking my knuckles feels that good on my hands….. imagine on my back…..

Sill Bimmons

My main problems with it are that it is addictive and it is expensive.

It can’t hurt so explore it if you want, but I’ve met very few people for whom chiropractic has been a long-term success.

litre_cola

Weed and stretching. Had really bad back problems, weed and stretching or if you want to get centred or whatever go to yoga, but for the love of god siti n the back row.

King Hippo

This “90K” includes how many C-list celebrities and/or homeless people?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun Fact: 90k is the “discount” retirement plan that Ash Narayan convinced Mark Sanchez to invest in.

Senor Weaselo

It’s LA, so there’s probably a ton of actors filling the role of “Mildly Interested Football Fan #3.”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Chris Gragg: Preseason MVP

Sill Bimmons

Honduras 1 — 0 South Korea

http://www.honduras.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Papgayos-Tilapia.jpg

South Korea got jobbed out of at least two minutes of injury time.

King Hippo

How do they have Lesser Footy at these here Olympics?? They just played the Euros and South American Euros, and all the worldwide pro leagues are starting back up (MLS doesn’t count). Are these high schoolers and pub siders?

Sill Bimmons

U23

Sill Bimmons

Neymar is playing for instance.

King Hippo

Neymar?? Shit. I guess the La Liga schedule must be easy early on.

litre_cola

No classico for miles amigo 3/4th of december.

Old School Zero

Wait, the Seahawks just won… by running it in from the goal line?

King Hippo

you missed MAXIMUM CHEFS leading up to that point…

successful Hail Mary? Check.
WR was single covered? Check.
by a shorter CB? Check.
Chefs’ too many men on the field penalty before the 2-pointer? Check.
COMING OUT OF A GODDAMNED DEFENSIVE TIME-OUT?? Check.

You stay you, Andy and the Chefs. MIDSEASON FORM.

Old School Zero

That won’t stop the Chargers from trying to show them how to truly fail, though. You just wait and see.

King Hippo

Nah, you’ll get ’em at least once, especially if it’s meaningful. Anybody can just suck, it takes a special side to almost always be north of .500, yet the laughing stock of the league.

Old School Zero

D’oh. Poor Spike.

Gratliff

Before seeing that gif, I had forgotten why he disappeared

Redshirt

Yeah, put the table 6 feet from the ring. We can throw an adult human that far.

Old School Zero

Especially when they don’t let his feet clear the ropes.

Gratliff

I feel comfortable saying I could throw Spike Dudley that far

Sill Bimmons

Wait, that guy’s not dead?

...

EEE CEE DUBYA EEE CEE DUBYA EEE CEE DUBYA

Redshirt

Watching True Lies now. Seeing teenage Eliza Dushku is feeling me with the same strange feelings I get by watching the first two Addams Family movies and Who’s the Boss reruns. Should I be concerned?

Sill Bimmons

Can you travel back in time?

Old School Zero

TOUCHDOWN C-HOX*

*3rd stringers

Sill Bimmons

GEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Gratliff

Camping is different in Japan.
comment image

Sill Bimmons

Now we know what Japanese bros do for fun.

King Hippo

Tonight’s Nationwide jingle brought to you by…

“Fat Ro-mo’s Bo-di-ly Shame!”

Gratliff

Goddamn, Czech track & field athletes

Gratliff

comment image

Old School Zero

comment image

Old School Zero
Redshirt

Just did a image search for “pony wwe” and it appears some bronies are WWE fans.

As I did an image search with “pony” in it, I was afraid to look past the first page.

litre_cola

The confederate flag means its real right?

herodotus450

Pudge!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, neat, the Chinese diver He Zi is apparently named for the state of the water in the diving pool.

...

Eugh. Berman.

Old School Zero

comment image

herodotus450

Do you want DFO to get sued?

...

Bizarrely, GIS suggests this is a picture of Randy Johnson accidentally killing a bird with a pitch.

herodotus450

Somebodies’ killing it in this gif, that’s for sure

Horatio Cornblower

Kid from the New York Little League team just said his favorite baseball player was Dustin Pedroia.

Fucking heretic.

Senor Weaselo

Are they eastern upstate? The place I was a bit of disputed territory.

Unsurprised

I wish I could remember where I found that Aly Raisman gif.

Unsurprised

Never mind. I just didn’t want to remember because it was Deadspin.

comment image

...

bounce

bounce

bounce

bounce

Unsurprised

comment image

Old School Zero

I’d like to apologize for my previous comment in which I abbreviated the name of The National Football League, instead of properly saying The National Football League, as preferred by The National Football League, who will not abide by pronouns or truncations of their one and proper name, The National Football League.

Unsurprised

I got a job, so hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to put together a PDX meetup in a few weeks.

Old School Zero

Awesome! PirateSloth said something about that as well, so we’ll figure it out. Looking forward to it!

Kungjitsu

ESPN was trying so hard to sell that LA gives a shit about the NFL.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So, the divers are the hottest female athletes at the Summer Olympics, right?

herodotus450

Maybe, but they’re probably all pruny after swimming all day.

litre_cola

Some footy players are fairly smokeshow.

If you like curves then shot put is for you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I cannot make a generalized judgement like that without seeing the female pole-vaulters, medium distance runners, and divers naked, because that would be sexist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Kungjitsu

They have some stiff competition from volleyball and some track & field

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…stiff….

Unsurprised

comment image

litre_cola

Everyone ready to “RAM IT”?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GAAAHHH! I just got a look at the diving pool in Rio. Kill it with fire!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No, that just makes it worse!”

– Cleveland residents

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Could actually happen.

indieguy

It apperently smells like farts

litre_cola

Yep, he is the best.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I hope he crushes it.

Old School Zero

Hey. There’s football on my TV. Anyone else seeing this? I think it’s a glitch in the matrix. Because it’s not the end of summer yet. I will not hear otherwise. The summer just started. Yup. Just. Started.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Old School Zero

Nothing exciting. Mostly just busy adjusting to a new job and home since the beginning of the year. Which, as a procrastinator, means I took my damn time. But I’m getting back into the swing of things and trying to emerge from my hidey hole of introversion and naps.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just so you know, we gave your office to Senor Weaselo.

Old School Zero

Did he tear up the carpet? Because… well…

Also, I hope he didn’t open the bottom left drawer on the desk. And if he did, I hope he didn’t look in those jars.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

I haven’t posted this often enough.

comment image

Unsurprised

“Carson Wentz suffers hairline fracture in ribs; no timetable for return”

HAHAHAHAHAHA

litre_cola

Unsurprised.

/Puts on sunglasses.

It’s the Iggles, are you now Surprised?

YEAAAAHHHHHHH

I didn’t think he was going to play instead of crosseyes but shit, the reps would have been invaluable.

Unsurprised

I’m not surprised. It’s still hilarious though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Too bad we can’t down vote comments.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“From whence am I beset by such misfortune?”

– Carson, shaking a fist at the sky

Unsurprised

The collective self-loathing of eastern PA and south Jersey

litre_cola

Have you ever been there? Scothy I am 6’2 and each time i am there I marvel at their statuesque women. So ggood. Their men are monsters.

Unsurprised

Tallest people in the world

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Reminds me of the time I went to Japan!”

– Danny Woodhead

Unsurprised

The Hobbit was a documentary; the Woodhead family reunion

litre_cola

My recent jerseys.
D. Murray
N. Asomugha
K. Kolb
J. Maclin
L. Sheppard
Dawk (excluded from this)
M. Mamula
Cunningham (excluded)
and this year I bought a Wentz jersey, 1st game, injured. The missus said today, see, told you that you should have bought one of a guy you wanted to get cut.

herodotus450

No Ricky Watters?

litre_cola

Funny enough at a bar night I won a Watters jersey but it was a Seahawks jersey, to go along with my Cards Seth Joyner jersey.

herodotus450

I thought Watters was kind of a bust, but upon looking him up to figure out how to spell his name it looks like at least his years in Phi weren’t too bad; average 1300 yards and 10 tds

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m bummed about my Bills’ injuries. Then I think about the Iggles’ brand new Lamborghini getting dented on the way home from the dealership, and I feel a little better.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17294257/carson-wentz-philadelphia-eagles-suffers-hairline-fracture-ribs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DFO surgery.

DFO: I refuse to treat the patient unless his name is Mike.
Nurse: Why the hell?!?
DFO [secretly thinking about the pun “open mike night”]: Personal reasons.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Stolen from a random tweet and rephrased.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

“You want I should cook it, or hold it so’s you kin fuck it?” – Every West Virginian

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently they are remaking that with Channing Tatum and Jillian Workaholics.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Waaaaah?

I guess it figures.

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, check out the sign in the background – Barlow and Straker were the names of the vampire and human thrall team in Salem’s Lot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is anybody else regularly getting posting errors? In essence kicking you off the site?

No?

OK, maybe I should take the hint.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma94hfW5Zy1ql5sc1o1_500.gif

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I was going to say no, then got booted.

So, yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Russian men are doing better; many more of them got banned for doping than the women.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Otto’s Brain: Just like the Super Bowl!
Pirate Sloth (unhappily): Arr…

...

I’m going to throw some baseball in your football.

Fuck the Cardinals.

That is all.

indieguy

Do you work for deadspin?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Otto’s Brain (spinning happily): Wheeeee!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Be…

(puts on sunglasses)

Ware.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Abs….olutely.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I DID read this in my van.

Fronkenshteen

Chris Rock said this sketch was the beginning of the end for Farley.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Interesting; because it really showed his comedy chops… so to speak. It is one of those SNL moments everybody remembers, and still chuckles at.

Fronkenshteen

I saw him speak about it in that heartbreaking documentary. I didn’t even know Bob Saget could cry.

1 2 3 5