We’ve got a small slate of four games to gorge on today. I’ll just go over some of the draft picks that you may see and take some cheap shots (as always) where available.
Seahawks/Chiefs-Seattle’s brain trust must have felt that both lines needed some strengthening so of their 8 picks they spent 5 at those positions. Petey loves his skill guys so the remaining choices were limited to 3 wr’s and an rb. The first rounder, ol Germain Ifedi has been duking it out with various defensive players on an on-going basis. Of course Head Truther Carroll loves his spunk. I’m curious about third rounder C.J. Prosise-he was recruited out of high school as a safety, was converted to wr for his soph and junior years and finished as an rb in his fourth year. That’s a unique Percy Harvin-ish skill set he has there. The Chiefs tripled-down on defensive backs and scattered the rest of their picks. The training camp star has been 5th round wr Tyreek Hill from West Alabama(?). He was drafted for his “world class” speed but lo and behold, it turns out he has hands and can run routes! Failed failure Nick Foles will fail under center for a while. Fail.
Colts/Bills-Indy seems to have done okay in the draft, having picked at least four full/part-time starters in center Ryan Kelly, safety T.J. Green, d-tackle Hassan Ridgeway and guard Joe Haeg. The success of the first two rounds of the Bills draft will manifest itself, uh, next year? Shaq Lawson celebrated his selection by opting to have shoulder surgery while second pick Reggie Ragland tore a ligament running down one of those pesky ball carriers. Let’s all hope that the injury bug that has devastated the Giants for the past three years has moved upstate.
Cowboys/Rams-Dallas qb/Simpsons caricature “Fat Tony” Romo will be watching 4th rounder DAK! Prescott and the undraftable Jameill “The Golden” Showers attempt to pull some talent out of the center’s butt. Keep an eye out for rook rb Darius Jackson who has been setting the Cowboy camp on fire which in a literal sense sounds like a right fine idea to me. Given that he’s got Elliott, McFadden, Dunbar and Morris ahead of him on the depth chart he probably should be slotted into the “preseason wunderkind ends up on practice squad” category. Rico Gathers finished up his basketball career at Baylor and then offered up his 6’8″, 276 lb. frame to NFL scouts. If you are an evaluator of NFL talent and say “I’M CRAZEEEEE!!!” quite a bit, the fact that Rico hadn’t touched a football since eighth grade is not a problem. The Rams draft was almost entirely offensive-qb Goff, te’s Higbee and Hemingway and wr’s Cooper and Thomas were chosen. Looks as thought nascent Triplet Gurley is going to find some other fellas to fill the remaining roles. Case Keenum gets the start but Goff should play into the 3rd quarter. By the by, more than 100k fans are expected to show for this. That’s a lot of disappointed people in one place.
Chargers/Titans-I’m willing to bet that rook rb Derrick Henry will out-score/out-rush DeMarco “Three Teams in Three Years” Murray. Take a peek-a-boo at fifth round wr Tajae Sharpe. The Umass grad led the nation in catches last year and has already grabbed a starting spot over the likes of [looks at Titans roster] hmm… Well, it’s impressive anyway. San Diego has yet to get Joey Bosa to put pen to paper. The third overall pick might improve the Chargers fortunes on the field, I don’t know. He is in good company though-both LT and Marmalard started their careers by holding out.
Now that’s done with…GET IT ON, BANG A GONG, PEOPLE!
Evening Gents, random thought:
The fact that I find myself looking up random chiropractor videos probably says more about my laziness of treating my own ailments rather than any actual interest in alternative medicines.
http://i413.photobucket.com/albums/pp217/C_KISSEL/fubar/chiropractor.gif
http://scienceblogs.com/whitecoatunderground/2008/01/18/why-chiropractic-is-patently-r/
Yeah, well is it so ridiculous if SQUIRRELS are doing it?
The squirrels are doing massage.
Massage is one of the best things you can do for your body.
The squirrels are smarter than chiropractors.
I know its bs, but…… if cracking my knuckles feels that good on my hands….. imagine on my back…..
My main problems with it are that it is addictive and it is expensive.
It can’t hurt so explore it if you want, but I’ve met very few people for whom chiropractic has been a long-term success.
Weed and stretching. Had really bad back problems, weed and stretching or if you want to get centred or whatever go to yoga, but for the love of god siti n the back row.
This “90K” includes how many C-list celebrities and/or homeless people?
Fun Fact: 90k is the “discount” retirement plan that Ash Narayan convinced Mark Sanchez to invest in.
It’s LA, so there’s probably a ton of actors filling the role of “Mildly Interested Football Fan #3.”
Chris Gragg: Preseason MVP
Honduras 1 — 0 South Korea
http://www.honduras.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Papgayos-Tilapia.jpg
South Korea got jobbed out of at least two minutes of injury time.
How do they have Lesser Footy at these here Olympics?? They just played the Euros and South American Euros, and all the worldwide pro leagues are starting back up (MLS doesn’t count). Are these high schoolers and pub siders?
U23
Neymar is playing for instance.
Neymar?? Shit. I guess the La Liga schedule must be easy early on.
http://www.espnfc.us/mens-olympic-tournament/story/2855154/barcelona-confirm-that-neymar-will-play-only-in-rio-olympics
No classico for miles amigo 3/4th of december.
Wait, the Seahawks just won… by running it in from the goal line?
http://image.brommando.com/image/upload/w_728,c_fill,g_face:center,q_60,/v1442332539/mtsvfq737kea7c3ksomc.gif
you missed MAXIMUM CHEFS leading up to that point…
successful Hail Mary? Check.
WR was single covered? Check.
by a shorter CB? Check.
Chefs’ too many men on the field penalty before the 2-pointer? Check.
COMING OUT OF A GODDAMNED DEFENSIVE TIME-OUT?? Check.
You stay you, Andy and the Chefs. MIDSEASON FORM.
That won’t stop the Chargers from trying to show them how to truly fail, though. You just wait and see.
Nah, you’ll get ’em at least once, especially if it’s meaningful. Anybody can just suck, it takes a special side to almost always be north of .500, yet the laughing stock of the league.
http://static2.thesportsterimages.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/ezgif-2079607002-anim.gif
D’oh. Poor Spike.
Before seeing that gif, I had forgotten why he disappeared
Yeah, put the table 6 feet from the ring. We can throw an adult human that far.
Especially when they don’t let his feet clear the ropes.
I feel comfortable saying I could throw Spike Dudley that far
Wait, that guy’s not dead?
//Natural Born Killaz plays
http://static3.thesportsterimages.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/newjack-anim.gif
EEE CEE DUBYA EEE CEE DUBYA EEE CEE DUBYA
Watching True Lies now. Seeing teenage Eliza Dushku is feeling me with the same strange feelings I get by watching the first two Addams Family movies and Who’s the Boss reruns. Should I be concerned?
Can you travel back in time?
TOUCHDOWN C-HOX*
*3rd stringers
GEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
hey guys
Camping is different in Japan.
Now we know what Japanese bros do for fun.
Tonight’s Nationwide jingle brought to you by…
“Fat Ro-mo’s Bo-di-ly Shame!”
Goddamn, Czech track & field athletes
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b687942f1303a799b3dc2f95f6b99cd4/tumblr_mxs9jcDHjh1qeuiqyo2_250.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/237d9fe4d7a114536f1df69685b0f394/tumblr_mxs9jcDHjh1qeuiqyo3_400.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/fc9d7e18edf3519f3d2fc156b5a7d1dd/tumblr_mxs9jcDHjh1qeuiqyo5_400.gif
http://giant.gfycat.com/TiredSatisfiedEsok.gif
And one more…
http://i40.tinypic.com/2hhdfgl.gif
Apparently, Redshirt has been busy.
http://img07.deviantart.net/35e4/i/2013/214/1/a/el_generico_by_hindsightis2020-d6gbclb.jpg
Just did a image search for “pony wwe” and it appears some bronies are WWE fans.
As I did an image search with “pony” in it, I was afraid to look past the first page.
The confederate flag means its real right?
Pudge!
Hey, neat, the Chinese diver He Zi is apparently named for the state of the water in the diving pool.
Eugh. Berman.
Do you want DFO to get sued?
http://mlb.mlb.com/images/1/1/2/138487112/072415_chc_handstands_med_adi0uaq0.gif
Bizarrely, GIS suggests this is a picture of Randy Johnson accidentally killing a bird with a pitch.
Somebodies’ killing it in this gif, that’s for sure
Kid from the New York Little League team just said his favorite baseball player was Dustin Pedroia.
Fucking heretic.
Are they eastern upstate? The place I was a bit of disputed territory.
I wish I could remember where I found that Aly Raisman gif.
Never mind. I just didn’t want to remember because it was Deadspin.
bounce
bounce
bounce
bounce
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4fe347e0f23813cc08bd06e00a2ada3a/tumblr_oa8eswUUjJ1u7t71ro1_1280.jpg
I’d like to apologize for my previous comment in which I abbreviated the name of The National Football League, instead of properly saying The National Football League, as preferred by The National Football League, who will not abide by pronouns or truncations of their one and proper name, The National Football League.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1e23c1eb993422e80f52a6b2470d2836/tumblr_oa6c9xsNtn1s9l6yxo1_500.gif
I got a job, so hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to put together a PDX meetup in a few weeks.
Awesome! PirateSloth said something about that as well, so we’ll figure it out. Looking forward to it!
ESPN was trying so hard to sell that LA gives a shit about the NFL.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/a2418ee78e73c47facacd2ceae01720d/tumblr_oaowpueb181sqf5tdo2_400.gif
So, the divers are the hottest female athletes at the Summer Olympics, right?
Maybe, but they’re probably all pruny after swimming all day.
Some footy players are fairly smokeshow.
If you like curves then shot put is for you.
I cannot make a generalized judgement like that without seeing the female pole-vaulters, medium distance runners, and divers naked, because that would be sexist.
I also like women with clubs….. so
http://media.nbcchicago.com/images/1200*675/womens-field-hockey.jpg
They have some stiff competition from volleyball and some track & field
…stiff….
Everyone ready to “RAM IT”?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ae37a8f19f58cce8135539159bac1200/tumblr_nc2y0xDo4S1so0sfmo1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/05cc4ab44b4f78dc39124cfef3099bfa/tumblr_o5srusXm7J1s5rhdao1_500.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c975ff8f307effa171904c1333bc5982/tumblr_o2rqx7jmU41riftaxo3_500.gif
GAAAHHH! I just got a look at the diving pool in Rio. Kill it with fire!
“No, that just makes it worse!”
– Cleveland residents
*Could actually happen.
It apperently smells like farts
Unsane Bolt is going to win the 100 again, isn’t he?
Yep, he is the best.
I hope he crushes it.
http://www.lunchmeatvhs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/NEMESIS_unsane.jpeg
Hey. There’s football on my TV. Anyone else seeing this? I think it’s a glitch in the matrix. Because it’s not the end of summer yet. I will not hear otherwise. The summer just started. Yup. Just. Started.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/4198ba27f6aa92095793a98c67c06e7d/tumblr_nt05s8RhEW1uxblc5o3_1280.jpg
BTW; where the hell have you been?!?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/587d4424444c0f1016351ac36d398bb3/tumblr_o8qm4nK2Sd1ra2p3go9_r1_250.gif
Nothing exciting. Mostly just busy adjusting to a new job and home since the beginning of the year. Which, as a procrastinator, means I took my damn time. But I’m getting back into the swing of things and trying to emerge from my hidey hole of introversion and naps.
Just so you know, we gave your office to Senor Weaselo.
Did he tear up the carpet? Because… well…
Also, I hope he didn’t open the bottom left drawer on the desk. And if he did, I hope he didn’t look in those jars.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6fb13a48907b7d65f79a07afdc9c5ebe/tumblr_nhlytoREfQ1rvsh0oo1_1280.jpg
I haven’t posted this often enough.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1cc9efab7fb759f8e6e75c23974ea678/tumblr_obszrmXOMC1qkimn0o1_1280.jpg
“Carson Wentz suffers hairline fracture in ribs; no timetable for return”
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Unsurprised.
/Puts on sunglasses.
It’s the Iggles, are you now Surprised?
YEAAAAHHHHHHH
I didn’t think he was going to play instead of crosseyes but shit, the reps would have been invaluable.
I’m not surprised. It’s still hilarious though.
Too bad we can’t down vote comments.
“From whence am I beset by such misfortune?”
– Carson, shaking a fist at the sky
The collective self-loathing of eastern PA and south Jersey
The Canuck men seem out-matched against The Featherlands in beach volleyball despite the fact they waxed the Brazilians earlier.
Have you ever been there? Scothy I am 6’2 and each time i am there I marvel at their statuesque women. So ggood. Their men are monsters.
Tallest people in the world
“Reminds me of the time I went to Japan!”
– Danny Woodhead
The Hobbit was a documentary; the Woodhead family reunion
My recent jerseys.
D. Murray
N. Asomugha
K. Kolb
J. Maclin
L. Sheppard
Dawk (excluded from this)
M. Mamula
Cunningham (excluded)
and this year I bought a Wentz jersey, 1st game, injured. The missus said today, see, told you that you should have bought one of a guy you wanted to get cut.
No Ricky Watters?
Funny enough at a bar night I won a Watters jersey but it was a Seahawks jersey, to go along with my Cards Seth Joyner jersey.
I thought Watters was kind of a bust, but upon looking him up to figure out how to spell his name it looks like at least his years in Phi weren’t too bad; average 1300 yards and 10 tds
I’m bummed about my Bills’ injuries. Then I think about the Iggles’ brand new Lamborghini getting dented on the way home from the dealership, and I feel a little better.
http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17294257/carson-wentz-philadelphia-eagles-suffers-hairline-fracture-ribs
http://66.media.tumblr.com/a527c271520f59b1e854ced7cfb2aff0/tumblr_oajgzbCAi01u1jz68o1_500.gif
DFO surgery.
DFO: I refuse to treat the patient unless his name is Mike.
Nurse: Why the hell?!?
DFO [secretly thinking about the pun “open mike night”]: Personal reasons.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/865a2245be8e26659679eba4e8a4f6ae/tumblr_oail8svCge1ru67qro1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/7e84483ebdbc486f6acecdb2c5088d66/tumblr_o3ygozrnEV1qzh2nio1_1280.jpg
*Stolen from a random tweet and rephrased.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/21878a33e63b3081a6e7bfdcfcd53b87/tumblr_o8qm4nK2Sd1ra2p3go1_250.gif
“A little help here, please….”
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1bc6a98e48ec872d6d6b73fb27608a7b/tumblr_n1srrgMcvk1qzjw8go1_500.jpg
“You want I should cook it, or hold it so’s you kin fuck it?” – Every West Virginian
http://67.media.tumblr.com/7863a45cfc72114d854c889194337f07/tumblr_oaouhcVvLl1rsbo1mo1_500.gif
/Scottish announcer on BBC talking about an exchange between boxers from The Virgin Islands and France
“He smrked at im, as thoe to say, ‘A’ve got yer measure’.
/Fuck you so goddamn hard, NBC
http://66.media.tumblr.com/173326fcbced806af7d5dedef21e55fc/tumblr_o1pxlxeCBh1tvm489o1_400.gif
SPLOOOOSH.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/868d87ae7046b6bcee68530dac3c4e71/tumblr_oa4m3sGpUv1tf3kdvo10_1280.jpg
“Uh, no…it’s spelled S-P-L-A-S-H.”
-Daryl Hannah
/come join me in the “Way Back Reference Machine”
http://67.media.tumblr.com/612eb3bbf296529707dcc3b0259bf339/tumblr_o37pjo21n01rfd7lko1_500.gif
Apparently they are remaking that with Channing Tatum and Jillian Workaholics.
Waaaaah?
I guess it figures.
Ooh, check out the sign in the background – Barlow and Straker were the names of the vampire and human thrall team in Salem’s Lot.
Javid Best (remember him?) failed to qualify for the semi-finals of the men’s 100 metres. He is right (in some sense) to blame Matt Millen.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/8db530b52228a0d9688fab9854421f44/tumblr_mfd1nayXai1qzjw8go7_250.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4wkznXbC11qzokaso1_1280.png
Is anybody else regularly getting posting errors? In essence kicking you off the site?
No?
OK, maybe I should take the hint.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma94hfW5Zy1ql5sc1o1_500.gif
I was going to say no, then got booted.
So, yes.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6ea7e22ccbda98340c104f5079ee7a1f/tumblr_n2t48rx4o91rzbj5mo6_250.gif
Canuck women win a bronze in cycling team pursuit. Medal-wise, the women are kicking the men’s team’s asses.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me810dHAZR1qzjw8go1_500.gif
The Russian men are doing better; many more of them got banned for doping than the women.
Otto’s Brain: Just like the Super Bowl!
Pirate Sloth (unhappily): Arr…
http://66.media.tumblr.com/42cbe2f264229eb9b54c58dd280613b7/tumblr_oannnd4ULP1uxbwf5o1_400.gif
I’m going to throw some baseball in your football.
Fuck the Cardinals.
That is all.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bc8e9d77d4b5a67315410b4bb4766bf0/tumblr_oadqgcSeA01qh59n0o2_540.png
http://67.media.tumblr.com/ea0b077f52206c7a46bf7c8f0f72deb6/tumblr_oadqgcSeA01qh59n0o3_540.png
Do you work for deadspin?
Otto’s Brain (spinning happily): Wheeeee!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3s8tlGHoO1r8dy8go1_500.gif
WAREDOWN!
[congratulates self for being in mid-season form]
Be…
(puts on sunglasses)
Ware.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f071241bb937fdc3186342f93a0dfc60/tumblr_inline_oafrj45bBy1redd76_500.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c7cd105e0b4fcf6963a1f8c09d07ff49/tumblr_inline_oafrsoRtM61redd76_400.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/06bcf39ecd4a9182b2012501f67d18cc/tumblr_ni7k52EUra1rdutw3o1_400.gif
Those guys are both dead.
/sad face
http://67.media.tumblr.com/25e24694a144b63a28c972b2b76e27b6/tumblr_ni7k52EUra1rdutw3o3_400.gif
Farley’s ability to not be embarrassed by anything he did was NOT human.
Abs….olutely.
+1 fat guy in a little coat
/not really a +1-I just wanted to make that reference
Well, I DID read this in my van.
Chris Rock said this sketch was the beginning of the end for Farley.
Interesting; because it really showed his comedy chops… so to speak. It is one of those SNL moments everybody remembers, and still chuckles at.
I saw him speak about it in that heartbreaking documentary. I didn’t even know Bob Saget could cry.