Aren’t breasts of all kinds completely amazing in every way? Let me tell you about my latest experience that occurred just hours ago. I was at the grocery store and I was completely blown away by a perfect set. They were sticking out like a sore thumb at the deli counter. Needless to say, I bought that wondrous pair as soon as I got to the front of the line. They’re cooling in the fridge right now and I can’t wait to smother them in mayo, pepper and top them with lettuce and cheese. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah.
Jets/Redacteds-Nate Sudfeld, all 6’6″, 235 lbs. of him, was a scintillating 10/15 for 89 yds. last week. Scouts just lurv the hell out of these big body types. “He’s got the height to see over the line, the frame to withstand punishment, half-decent mobility and a cannon for an arm!” [Coaching staff gives him a script of plays that don’t involve any throws over 5 yards] “But, uh, but…the defence has to THINK that he might go long AT ANY TIME!” This is your NFL at the moment, folks.
Jets 2nd round qb pick Christian Hackenburg didn’t see any action at all last week. I guess when you’ve got a logjam of mediocrity at the position you don’t want to…expose the heir apparent to playing time? I’m just riffing here. There’s a position battle going on at the te spot. Jace Amaro and Kellen Davis won’t be deciding it on ability, that’s for sure. Maybe a chicken wing-eating contest? “Hey Jace, there’s too much meat left on that drumstick, that one doesn’t count!”
Fins/’Boys-DAK! Prescott’s light might shine a wee bit less due to a certain starting qb’s first appearance in the preseason. Chants of “Romo, Romo-how fat art thou?” will not be ringing through the upper levels of AT&T Stadium, not because it’s a home game but because Cowboys fans aren’t literate. First round rb Elliot is a no-show tonight because his slight hamstringy thingy is being baby-ed by training staff. [makes note to read Ezekiel chapter of bible in order to make more salient references]
Arian Foster will make a small debut for Miami tonight. Ill-informed dudebros everywhere will make references to his veganism but partially-informed open thread-makers like myself will make light of the fact that he is a yoga practitioner. Here goes…”All the women in Arian’s hot yoga class think that he’s a poser”.
Ari/S.D.-In non-sequitur news, David Johnson won me my auction league last year. In further non-sequitur news, I like Bruce Arians’ head gear. That’s about all I have for the Cards this week.
If Melvin and Gordon put it together this year, being offensive won’t be a problem for the Chargers this year. In a perfect, injury-free scenario, I can picture Marmalard tearing through defences the same way that Sarah, Gunner, Halle, Grace, Rebecca, Caroline and Peter have torn through Tiffany’s vagina.*
*Alanis Morissette thinks that comment is ironic
http://i.imgur.com/X7M5J8j.jpg
Sulu Dance
https://youtu.be/lFzRNWf7Gi0
Balloon Knot. OH MY!!!!!!
Bucs opening up a can of whoopass in the 7th: 2 on, 2 out, 5 — 3 good guys.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9c4d212d8b92f43d8af5cd6d1ff29e71/tumblr_mhr16rUqwq1rmnzhro1_500.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/1f0eb006b674ad8880905ebd199afedf/tumblr_o2bqw7HL5L1u19ezpo1_400.jpg
http://img.pandawhale.com/115416-macgruber-laughing-gif-Imgur-K-YLWs.gif
http://cdn.fishki.net/upload/post/201404/09/1259240/fungif_03.gif
The Cubs are in rain delay so Comcast is showing me the A’s thunderfucking the White Sox instead. Can’t we just watch infomercials instead?
YOU WANT THE PENDING CARDS 9TH INNING COMEBACK WOO!!!!
Usain Bolt: Fast man.
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!
/disappointingly
Only 9 “This is great” for this amazing post? [shakes his motherfucking head] What do I have to do to make you whores as appreciative as I think you should be?
/the wife left me today
//to go out to our place at the lake
Gave up on your son, eh?
You have 11 asshole. And I am terrible about favoriting individual comments so don’t expect me to love your post
Dak may be the GOAT, but Tony Romo’s smile will melt your heart.
imgur pic so it won’t work by default but it is also NSFW so the link is gonna be broken anyways
h
ttp://i.imgur.com/P1Hw2DP.gif
Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals are losing. I know all are heartborken along with me. I mean AMERICA IS BETTER when STL is in teh playoffs ,, amirite???
http://31.media.tumblr.com/b702cef6131e7b4d82f3c86905d26cdb/tumblr_mliw9cJ7E51ronhn5o1_500.gif
I have oft wondered…exactly WHY was Jerry a shogun named Marcus??
Jerry Was A Racecar Driver-Primus
+
A Shogun Named Marcus-Clutch
=me
He did drive so goddamned fast ,, smgdh
Never did win the checkered flag, but he never did come in last.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/02/nope.gif
“WE DON’T CARE ONE FRICK ABOUT YOUR FRICKING CARDINALS.”
-99.9% of the commentariat
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
HOW BOUT THEM (former) COWBOYS!?!
http://sportsday.dallasnews.com/dallas-cowboys/cowboys/2016/08/19/report-ex-cowboys-rb-joseph-randle-pleads-guilty-nine-felony-charges
http://67.media.tumblr.com/2903d9e56e415db99cae2cb17917cdf2/tumblr_obpd6bl4tj1ukwmixo1_1280.jpg
holy shit…2 FOAR 2 again
/moose doing teh Lord’s work tonight CHUH CHUH
http://65.media.tumblr.com/489aed58e091ea415b49983c17e0910f/tumblr_ob7kobnxZS1v4pmtxo1_1280.jpg
http://media.giphy.com/media/qXKvltYyuEPXa/giphy.gif
[Proceeds to get pegged senseless.]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsUccmCdIvo
Cowboy D looking somewhat decent
I have a feeling the US of A is about to get dusted again by the Jamaicans in the 4×100
So coke shipped through Jamaica?
Vai Japan. #NewTriangleTrade
http://65.media.tumblr.com/2dae2eeaa1eba2e05e401302078d0f96/tumblr_nyfu01qhWV1u1utbho1_1280.jpg
TannyFanny is READY FOAR the season!!
Holy shit. Is this still the first half?
they would rather we not sleep
This is a very fitting comment.
NSFW Redhead
h
ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/b9432bc1e0e0ef0534dd05d485e1a2a4/tumblr_nzkey9kUKu1uemat9o2_1280.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KLZm6XC4oCU/U_zTASYAKKI/AAAAAAAABjY/dBpwWHRQ9ow/s1600/muscles.gif
Let’s ban flags for the second half.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/e456dc436f0dbf157482fba302478bf2/tumblr_nz871bbKq41s6pefio1_1280.jpg
GINGER ALERT!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d19bad201c60803302e61dcc8b60737e/tumblr_ns5fnbvpsQ1r8th6po1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/7bdeb8d8fb0864d698803e67486410e9/tumblr_oa9l2ijQRp1rhn31io4_400.gif
http://cdn.acidcow.com/pics/20110829/awesome_classic_movie_gifs_17.gif
She seems nice.
SMART TOO!!
Engage Hippo’s shoulder fetish AND his leg man base nature? Check and CHECK!
Even more impressively, the Google was unable to inform me of her identity.
I’m so bored that I’m going to pay bills and estimate whether I owe income taxes for next year. (This year was very good to me and I’m afraid I’ll have to cut a check to the Feds to make up for it.)
Should try a spreadsheet bro, they’re pretty dope.
Oh, I’ll spreadsheet. I’ll spreadsheet so fucking hard.
Heh, yeah. Spreadsheets are ok, but you ever try a macro-enabled spreadsheet? I got one right here, I could let you try it for free…
This feels like the time a prostitute cornered me in Berlin trying to get me to spend way too much money on something I’ll regret later.
If you want to allow editing of any of my spreadsheets it’s $50 extra.
Alfred Morris is looking pretty goo
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6793b76272cda82b07738e1e055c9544/tumblr_oc4fe6hKne1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/5bc7b3ada59faf536c0275467e7b472c/tumblr_obl9kosNMQ1sfhc53o1_1280.jpg
My God, that is just heart-stoppingly beatiful. I honestly mean nothing prurient by that. Just in awe of her beauty.
I should be just posting gifs of her
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRa_PwL2aws
I hope you step on a fucking lego
http://img2.izismile.com/img/img6/20130502/1000/bikini_beach_babes_in_animated_gifs_04.gif
http://65.media.tumblr.com/b8941f3d17cda436d3db671653db2870/tumblr_obywt1iLay1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6c7f8ccaf9d7b6dcf67a89a648d4c6e1/tumblr_inline_o41hryCAAx1rc6x0b_500.gif
Zeke is like “hey guys remember when I had a hype train?”
http://guyspeed.com/files/2016/05/Charlotte-McKinney-nip-slip.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ced37a9f3e5230457750ce3d977f9ba9/tumblr_ncsjkhPulY1rsxqqio1_500.jpg
GOD DAMN IT CHARLOTTE!
HAPPY FUCKING SEXY FRIDAY BITCHES AND BITCHETTS!!!!!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/31ef2ad0656f6e6136e5e9c7b443af6d/tumblr_obyw193WQB1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/50ac88d4b017bc64151cca5da9eb9887/tumblr_obt40o8CNX1r9qhhio1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/fd53c5fb8ec1f5557fcbc9154a4f638b/tumblr_nx9w1ycvPS1tdee72o1_1280.jpg
The Orioles hit four homeruns before making a single out in their game tonight.
They trail 12-8 in the 6th.
Don’t remind me.
Cockiness and shitty pitching will do that.
Why is Tannehill still out there?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_megmxibKuO1rl6hcqo1_100.gif
mc chris – I want Candy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPpFL4B2ovU
The Jamaican 4X100 team is fucking sexy.
Over/under on how long until Jerry Jones ruins this quarterback’s health?
Que it up Dak!!!!!!!!!!!
https://youtu.be/GAN_O9xRkf4
Watching Dak run makes my nips hard.
/no homo
http://37.media.tumblr.com/a436d2e4b1e33ac170b05a385818eb98/tumblr_n4gkaaSifC1rtuqolo1_500.gif
Shit, looks like the Cowboys might have a decent QB again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_e6eKMo-c4
Shit, I forgot to eat again. You funny MR’ers are gonna get me in trouble.
Back later.
MF’ers, is of course what I meant.
Damn my typing.
Its official. Dak is blessed.
He’ll be bigger than Quincy Carter!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f8af4a963a2a6e184c1992e28bace720/tumblr_oc19zaAywu1rj4j4jo1_1280.jpg
http://www.gifwave.com/media/402644_adult-swim-sealab-2021-sealab-hesh.gif
Hee hee, I was hoping you’d pick it up.
I had to post an mc chris song after a Hesh reply. We are going with Fett’s Vette
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0BIazf-7j4&list=PLFC25E60F3977B1CB
http://www.gifwave.com/media/402650_cartoon-network-adult-swim-sealab-2021-bizarro.gif
http://i.cdn.turner.com/asfix/repository//8a25c3920ef15683010ef214f9770177/thumbnail_10332.jpg
Did I tell you guys about the new navigation system I had installed in my truck?
http://www.gifwave.com/media/402648_adult-swim-sealab-2021-adultswim-sealab.gif
Had to get Debbie a look before ending this theme.
Does it sound out the directions in Morse drumming?
They have that?
/buyer’s remorse engaged
MacGruber kicks ass. Fuck you if you don’t “get it”
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/2218488/macgruber-o.gif
I got the DVD as a gift like 5 years ago. I still have never watched it
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1631a1db31b9cbc7c8e4c6198ff7574c/tumblr_o2ttbqSyAE1rrc1kpo1_1280.jpg
She looks bouyet.
buoyant. I can’t edit my shit!?!
Fat ass 2/10 WOULD NOT BANG