YEEEAAAHHHHH BOOOYYYEEEEE! I AM SO FREAKIN’ PUMPED FOR THIS GAME! (it’s midnight somewhere, right?) And I don’t even have a dog in this fight. I imagine Bronc/Panthers fans have spent the day peeling themselves from various ceilings much to the consternation of their co-workers/loved ones/friends. I liken this feeling to when I was younger and anticipated playing in a championship baseball or basketball game-giddy and excited and revelling in the anticipation itself.
Sure there’s a shit-ton of detritus that surrounds the sport and there’s no need for me to go on about it here. We tackle that shit on an on-going basis the same way that a certain coach from Kansas City tackles the “All You Can Eat And Rub On Your Face Innards Special” at The Offal House. There’s…Just…Something…About…This…Game. Whatever it may be, it is my master tonight. TO THE GAME!
Panthers/Broncos: There’s tons of hand-wringing out there in Denver fandom about this Siemian fella. The qb’s CV is thinner than the audience at an “Anne Coulter Appreciation Night”. He’s got all of three quarters of exhibition play under his not-onion belt. No one seems to know anything solid about his arm strength but he is said to be a fan of the slant route but crap, what qb in the league isn’t? Kubiak, a big fan of the Northwestern grad, and the coaching staff will do their best to keep Trevor (Trevor? Who names their kid Trevor?) out of 3rd and long spots because that talented Panther lb crew will be jumping those slant routes looking for an easy pick-six. In useless stat news, Denver has won 15 of their last 16 home openers.
Possessor of 16 career sacks, dt Kawaan Short is only 121.5 short of the record at his position. My money says he doesn’t get it tonight. Cam has a paltry 11.1 QBR vs. Denver in two meetings and Von Miller aims to drive that rating down even lower. In related news, Michael Oher’s ears are burning. Wr’s Funchess and Benjamin have to be the biggest pair in the league, right? No, I don’t acknowledge the existence of one year wonder Ted Ginn Jr., thanks for not asking. Both teams are relatively injury-free right now although I just learned that wr Bennie Fowler is out. Thing is, I don’t know which team he plays for.
And there you have it-one of the most comprehensive, salient, insightful game intros that you’ve ever just read. Of course you’re welcome! NOW LET’S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!*
*in an orderly, respectful manner
Eeesh, that ball moved a bit.
GINN DID A GOOD
Ron Rivera DOES come from the Andy Reid coaching tree, so it kind of makes sense.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Because it gets eaten directly off the branch.
If there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that a guy named “Riverboat Rom” is not gonna play it safe. He will draw to that inside straight!
Denver deserves to lose this one anyway.
Michele Tafoya: “So Luke, what the key to winning that game?”
Luke Kuechly: “Sometimes I see his face haunting me at night singing a despairing, lyricless jangle that lasts exactly 4 minutes and 32 seconds each time. That apparition comes about three times a month… oh, and we made the adjustments necessary to win the game.”
THROW IT TO…
/checks roster
…C. BROWN
http://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/images/brain_xray158w210h.gif
Worst unpenalized head shot on a black Panther since Fred Hampton.
DAAAAAAMN
I got here late but this seems very banner-like to me.
If I’d have picked how the Broncos melted down, defensive fuckups would not have been high on the list
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooope
Grounding and a blow to the head cancel each other out?
THE ARISTOCRATS!
A helmet spear offsets an intentional grounding. Oh, okay, then.
YUUUGE
GET HORSEBALLS ON ALERT ON RED FIVE
Can you really call grounding if he failed to get it to the line of scrimmage BECAUSE he got jacked in the head?
YES
HEAR WE GO
How many times has Cam taken a shot to the head tonight with no flag? At least 3, right?
Donks gon’ lose
Horatio, for you:
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/47916/308832479158026.jpg
PRAISE BE TO BLEERGH
Maybe not the best time to lead with your head dipshit.
That has to be grounding…no?
Oh yikes…Cam takes another shot to the melon.
Like I said, I hope he invested well.
BLEERGH WINS AGAIN
Oh damn
IT’S THE GREAT FLOOD OH BLEERGH PITY US
grounding
Nice catch by the Imperial Wizard or Grand Dragon or what the fuck ever.
WELCOME TO YOUR NFL 2016 SEASON EVERYONE
http://114.imagebam.com/download/xrh0UWXh4_n3u3QJ0ndgNw/47676/476752842/finger.gif
thanks for the useful and insightful story Michele
ALL GLORY TO BLEERGH THE MIGHTY AND CAPRICIOUS
This clock management is Andy Reid’s wet dream.
“Oh yeah, yeah, sit on that lead baby. No two minute warning here we’re going through!”
This is bullshit
http://images1.tickld.com/live/postimages/248e7a6f42706af8565349b73b2e89a2.gif
Ron Rivera looks like Dan Snyder is going to give him a free backhoe.
there has been a lot of stupidity in this fixture, that’s fo sho
Playing the role of Cam Newton tonight:
Andy Reid
All these flags. It’s like a goddamn UN summit.
Except when Cam gets hit in the head.
Andy Reid is uploading all these timeouts on his redtube account
Jerry Richardson is very upset about 3 out of 5 of Carolina’s time-outs.
Jerry Richardson is very upset about 3 out of 5 of Carolina’s time-outs.
Someone needs to photoshop “Hail Bleergh” into the infamous Captain America “Hail Hydra” panel.
Well, I hate these two teams all over again.
ELEEEEET clock management!
Pick 6 please?
How is that not a blow to the head?
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
That is the 4th one tonight. They aren’t calling it.
HAIL BLEERGH
Hail Bleergh? Yes, hail Bleergh.