Pictured is Ronald Koeman, in a rare smiling pose. Despite being unbeaten on the young season (with three wins on the bounce, after humiliating David Moyes on Monday Night Footy with some help from Big Rom), Big Ron is something of a perfectionist, always urging his players to strive for the very best they are capable of delivering. It’s been a refreshing change from the delusional optimistic bullshit of Roberto Martinez, and if the early returns are any indication, exactly what the Blues needed.
Everton get Middlesborough at home this week, spotlight dance on big NBC (12:30 EST), though my local affiliate is showing Georgia Tech/Vanderbilt because North Cakalaky is still a cultural wasteland in many ways. Anyway, I will fire up the laptop in hopes for points 11-13 out of 15. Come on, you Blues.
There are no early games this week, in honor of my daughter’s 8:30 cross country meet. How fucking nice (and what foresight that she would qualify!!) of the FA to think of me like that ,, smgdh. Arsenal and Hull make NBCSN out of the 10:00 window pack, with the battle of the Wests (Brom and Ham) meriting some attention on Extra Time. Seems like Spurs should somehow be involved, no?
Speaking of Spurs, they get Sunday Funday feature treatment as the only NBCSN fixture (11:30), in what should be a home throttling of Sunderland. CNBC “boasts” the doubleheader of Watford hosting Manure (7:00) and Palace hosting Stoke (9:15). Extra Time offers Swans at Saints as alternate viewing at 9:15, but…meh.
That seems like some teams got left out, because the Redshite won 2-1 at Stamford Bridge Friday night. Christ, the knob slobbering won’t end, even if Everton keep winning to stay above them in the table. Which they must and will.
Hey want to talk about some jayvee stuff? Thought you’d NEVAR ask!!
Florida State at Louisville (Noon, ABC)
Talent vs. coaching, watch the argument play out before your eyes. Except that the “coaching” side of the argument also has a legitimate Heisman candidate in Lamar! Now away from the bright lights of Washington, DC that once hounded the young, flannel-clad GOP Presidential hopeful (and also now black), Lamar! is putting up video game numbers with his arm and legs for the Fightin’ Petrinos. Jimbo Fisher couldn’t coach his way out of a wet paper bag, but some years they so good it no matter. Is this one such year? Today will be quite telling in that regard.
Oregon at Nebraska (3:30, ABC)
This is an interesting inter-sectional matchup between two teams we really know nothing about. They could be sleeper-ish good, they could be shit, they could be 6-7 win pudding again. It’s September, the fuck do you want from me??
Alabama at Ole Miss (3:30, CBS)
Ah yes, the Katy Perry boob sweater memorial classic! The juju is strong with this one, and Nick Saban will want revenge for the last two defeats more than he thirsts for the blood of a newborn puppy. Johnny Reb done got him a loss on his’n resume, so he can’t afford no more if’n he fixin’ to contend all national-like.
Mississippi State at LSU (7:00, ESPN2)
The Cowbells got their shit back together last week, and now take said shit on the road. To face the Bayou Bengals, who look to be, well, shit. But that’s why they play the games, yeah? This fixture has made for entertaining 4th quarters in recent vintage, FWIW.
Texas A&M at Auburn (7:00, ESPN)
Another SEC West tilt, with the better team being the road side. That can make for an even contest and multiple overtimes. Not predicting, but if it happens…betcha it happens here! Both of these defensive units are solid.
Michigan State at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)
Thankfully, nobody will need to watch this shitburger tonight. Huzzah, schedulemakers!
Ohio State at Oklahoma (7:30, Fox)
They don’t see any horns on your head, so you wouldn’t mind if…
This game has the advantage of Gus Johnson, so I will watch quite a bit so long as Boomer Sooner maintains a working margin throughout.
UCLA at BYU (10:15, ESPN2)
Late night DVR/tweaker/insomniac pick is IN! The Bruins impressed me on their trip to College Station (well, apart from their butterfingered WR/TE corps), and they will get the chance for a solid road win in Provo against a Mad as Heck!! Team Big Love. I hear Brice’s mom let him have TWO Sprites the day after the loss to “the U” last Saturday night, the family was so shaken up about it.
Everything’s riding on Peterman.
http://kramersapartment.com/wp-content/uploads/j-peterman-the-chicken-roaster-seinfeld.jpg
They were, and still are, a real company
http://www.jpeterman.com/
I know.
I used to wear their clothes in high school.
This place was my nirvana:
http://www.kyphotoarchive.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/930915PetermanA.jpg
I was not a good person. I’m still not, but for different reasons.
“Then, in the distance, I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately, I was wearing my Italian cap toe oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men’s whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price: $135.00.”
Yep.
/travels back in time and punches 18-year-old self
Looks like Satan’s off the toilet, Bama back in charge.
Double reverse flea flicker by colorado; still throws it into tripple coverage
If there was a beer tv channel, I would expect it to have a show called Trippel Coverage
Might be my favorite beer:
http://www.thethirstymuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/DSC8449-1.jpg
This is what happens when you leave Hot Dog Boy off the roster.
http://cdn1.bloguin.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/2015/09/Hot95Dog9501.gif
Torts: Still failing upward.
Scotch et al. interested in hockey. John Kordic, the tragic fighter.
http://www.nytimes.com/1992/08/17/sports/hockey-he-skated-on-the-ice-then-fell-through-it.html?pagewanted=all
FatGuyDOWN and it 24-all
http://cdn2.vox-cdn.com/imported_assets/2382148/tumblr_mjm6u5fRzG1rj1d5oo1_500.gif
EVERY TIME I flip to Oregon/NE, it’s at commercial. Stupid secondary option failure.
Submitted for your approval: it is now possible to buy puppy chow, the chex mix based human food, pre-made directly from the store. It is slightly below average in quality. That is all.
Whale-a-canes are the real threat to our capitalist paradise, when will you sheeple learn!
You just opened Pandora’s Box bro…
Obviously, you ignore the Tarantasaurus Rex that are roaming the southwest.
Facebook just told me that Mel Gibson is expecting his 9th child by his ‘who gives a fuck what number she is’ partner. Good for them!
He’s always been a great catholic.
http://cdn.historycommons.org/images/events/a999armyofgod_2050081722-34690.png
Hockey is back!
https://youtu.be/rRkIRluEbSs
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/3676133/we-re-going-streaking-o.gif
Wife of best friend went to school with the guy-she claims that he bullied younger kids regularly.
/couldn’t be not more surprised
And once made fun of Dan Kordic’s recently deceased brother John in the mid-90s!
Seems as though skipping class came naturally to him.
http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18tuhsl38p3dygif/ku-xlarge.gif
USA 0 — 3 EUR HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU TORTS
The guys in the studio just went down on Nick Saban’s special teams genius because the Tide got a punt return TD, a play that has almost nothing to do with coaching and everything to do with individual talent.
Yep, Saban’s a ST genius all right…
http://dailysnark.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/auburnalabama.gif
31–24 in Stillwater at the half.
http://www.aaanything.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/attention_shit_could_be_wporse_youre_not_dead.jpg
FALSE
I’d forgotten how fun it is to watch the reactions of drunk sunburnt college kids who show up on gameday in their university best and, especially the chicks, get way too emotional about an amateur sporting event.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/f684b2d01810c50f900980e70ef94aff/tumblr_mvzl95sAid1s2gg27o1_400.gif
hmmm, didn’t expect THAT call sequence
http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/229/files/2013/11/fsu.gif
THIS GUY LAMAR JACKSON I CALL HIM STAND YOUR GROUND BECAUSE HE MADE A LOT OF FLORIDA PEOPLE CONFUSED AND ANGRY
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/cut_off_florida.gif
The more things change…
Hey dads…
Don’t ever let your daughter become a trainer. In fact, if she ever mentions the word “trainer” outside the concept of a UK athletic shoe you’ll need to have a little sit-down.
First and foremost, it’s honestly a disgusting job. I can’t imagine the constant football player sex is worth the indignities.
Second, the constant football player sex. Yup, this is a real and spectacular thing all the way from a pissant suburban Philly high school right up to AlaFuckinBama. Football is an exclusive combat sport played by physically dominant dudes wearing tight, brightly colored uniforms. It’s the closest thing we have to the peacock tail as a species. And it works. Lord, does it work. And the girls/young women who want to be trainers want to be peacocked all day every day. At least during football season. Is this a gross generalization? Yes. It is a generalization and it is gross.
Finally, and most painfully, what wanting all that football sex says about you. Odds are good that if you’re reading this you didn’t play organized tackle football past 10th grade and that you’re a man of average build regardless of your height. Your IQ is higher than your bench press and your 40 time is higher than your shoe size. In short, you’re a regular guy who didn’t punch his way through high school and college. Your young adult daughter does not want to have sex with you. She wants to have sex with Rob Gronkowski. And if she wants to be a trainer, that means she wants to have sex with all the Gronkowskis all the time, including the mom.
The good news? She’s eventually going to get sick of banging the Gronkowski family and she’ll settle down with a nice guy like you.
But as much as it’s your responsibility to keep her off the pole it’s even more imperative that you keep her off the sideline.
THIS POST MAKES ME WANT TO SAY SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE THINGS BECAUSE I AM, AT ROOT, A SHITHEAD WHO IS LESS RACIST THAN HIS ANCESTORS BUT IS STILL MORE RACIST THAN HIS SON WILL BE.
Or Vernon Davis.
/
Papas, don’t let your baby girls grow up to be trainers
Don’t let ’em pick peckers or ride them young Gronks
Let ’em be teachers and lawyers not wonks
Papas, don’t let your baby girls grow up to be trainers…
Monkeys fucking hate low flyin’ saucers.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a2d1b53f9f4289a33ca5eeb969d98090/tumblr_o9be5bw0uW1sndzdgo1_1280.jpg
HAIL JV BLEERGH
Make do with your situation.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/aa6a286efe569ba6eef67603ef0768bd/tumblr_o5vw6qWpRT1tlb56zo1_400.gif
Good hit. Lofty hit.
WOOO TEAM PANGEA
Have they replaced all officials on CBS games with Mike Carey?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/1388f63ff5ec6e0cc4da7743a812d5b6/tumblr_ob14clKrym1qlz1v3o1_400.jpg
More realistic than the Creationism Museum
He’s still in the East conference room.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/georgia-football-player-runs-into-ref.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/6a0ca435d3d591382a218f34bed09bdc/tumblr_ob7fioFGq21qlz1v3o1_500.gif
“Everybody hurts Hurts …sometimes.”
-REM remix
Danielson must have big money on Bama.
If that’s a hit to the chest, I’d have to assume that the refs learned anatomy at an SEC school.
“They aren’t going to class so, screw it, LET ‘EM PLAY!” -SEC Refs
I like that SEC officials are like, “Dude was at the ten and no one was gonna catch him so that play really was over.”
The South doesn’t care about facts or logic.
Mississippi’s burning tonight!!!
They are not smart enough to get the right medicine for that either.
Ole Miss? What happened to New Mi-
/simultaneously shot by everyone in the county
Hahhahaha Bama
24? 24!!!
deep ball killing the Tide secondary, long live The Curse of the Katy Perry Boob Sweater
Rearranges; balls deep in Katy Perry.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/ccd7c92c6f83c7c1f90096f1a46334af/tumblr_obawlkn81b1qlz1v3o1_500.jpg
“Nothing good ever happens in Mississippi.”
-Nick Saban, James Earl Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner
you’ve really gotta feel for Saban. His carcass keeps gettin’ dragged BACK there every other year ,, smh
There was a funny graph posted on LinkedIn that I can’t figure out how to post here.
It was a bar graph showing the results of a study on surgeons swearing in the OR.
Long story short, orthopaedists outswear all other specialties combined and ophthalmologists don’t even make the figure.
Sounds about right.
Orthopaedists probably make the most jokes, too, especially at the expense of patients who are being operated on because they did something stupid. You guys just see horrible shit.
Harbaugh clearly isn’t throwing headsets at the right people today
Not a good day to be a Tide kicker, it would seem.
Nice job having no audio during the John Saunders tribute, you low-rent motherfuckers.
Chick fil a’s marketing campaign should just be: Do you hate yourself and/or the gays? Eat at chick fil a!
They lost.
My conscience is now clean…cleanish…a bit disheveled…rather messy…filthy…Andy Dufresne at the end of the sewer pipe FUCK YOU DONT JUDGE ME OH GAWD TEH CHICKEN IS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
Their chicken sucks
http://cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2012249/you-get-the-hell-out_medium.gif
Snarky Comment Win by CBS announcer-
“Michigan losing to Colorado-Brady attending the game but is ineligible.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrythD3kkoA
The cigarette makes this bit.
Watching Oregon/Nebraska. Do jet sweeps ever work?
I prefer a Swiffer.
Quick Kick!
I’m at the bar now! On my 3rd Old Dominion Vienna Lager. I’m alone in a huge room with (of all things) a real Alabama alum (’69-’73. Saw Archie Manning play for Ole Miss) watching Saban vs The Forces Of Good. Trying to maintain a façade of neutrality, but I tried to stifle my joy at that missed FG and accidentally farted. The jig is up!
The Tell-Tale Fart
I watched Alabama/NC State in 96 or 97 in my local sports bar when the Roll Damn Tide booster club apparently paid the “closed circuit” fee so the dive could show it. Quite an intense bunch of fuckers, they is.
Tried passing the hat to recoup some of the scrilla, but my one lone wolven buddy and I felt that the ass whipping was fair enough recompense.
It’s 10-3 and this guy is acting like Malcom McDowell is brandishing a giant ceramic penis at the Tide.
TOUCHDOWN!!!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
is he not?? He totes should be.
I haven’t been following the hockey tournament but a friend of mine told me that they have a USA team, a Canada team and a ‘North America’ team. A) Is this true? B) If A is true, what the fuck?
“North America” is U23 players from the US and Canada.
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg9k5q4OJx1qak0qdo1_400.gif
[wonders when the “Under 18” team is playing]
-Mark Chumura
If the dregs of Yurp beat this USA team I will laugh until I die.
I was wondering how they scraped together enough ice-friendly countries to manage a World Cup, even a faux-made-FOAR-teeevee one.
You got Slovakia and…Slovakia…also Slovakia…don’t forget about Slovakia…
USA hockey gripe:
Stop adding explicitly “Gritty” players to international tourney teams. It’s a lot easier for skilled players to get chippy than third liners to develop skill out of nowhere.
Justin Abdelkader over Bobby Ryan? Have fun with that shit, Torts.
But…it’s hockey…
How can they tell who’s truly gritty?
They’re all so…gritty.
PK Subban, for one, is ‘urban’.
I was thinking “ethnic.”
Instinctive?
Articulate!
Dunno about clean tho…hawkey
As white North Americans, no matter the circumstance, it’s important that we categorize.
Bobby Ryan ain’t done shit.
As opposed to Justin Abdelkader?
Whoa, Nellie! Do I ever miss Keith Jackson.
http://cdn.gijobs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/tumblr_moo0gzPlFn1rtuhaso1_400.gif
It’s so hot, the sweat in my undercarriage could irrigate a small radish farm!