/Inside DFO Headquarters Monday Morning
Me: Guys, I’m at a loss here. The Bears and Eagles played just last night and now they’re playing again tonight! How do I spin this? How comes no one is talking about this?
Hippo: [shakes his goddamn head] What are you talking about?
Me: The game. Tonight. It’s the exact same tilt as last night.
OSZ: You screwed up.
Me:[rolls eyes] Thanks for the input, Oldie-but I’ve been doing this for over a year now. I think I’ve got a handle on it. Seriously, any ideas? The NFL has sunk to a new low.
Horatio: Scotch, the Bears and Eagles didn’t play last night. Are you okay?
Me: What is with you guys? Just check last night’s preview post. It’s right there! They played!
Low Commander: Did you watch the game?
Me: Of course not! I’m wayyyyy too hammered by that time. Just like all you guys. Am I right? [raises hand looking for a high five] Nobody? What is wrong with you guys?
Everybody– YOU FUCKED UP!
Me: Ohhhh, I get it-this is some sort of, “Let’s pick on the Canadian guy” thing. They never give us a break, right Beer Guy?
BeerGuyRob: [looks the other way, whistles]
Me: Fine. Whatever. Not funny, guys. Not. Funny. I bet Magary never had to put up with this sort of lack of respect. I’m out of here. I’ll be back when I’m not taken for granted! [slams door of conference room/broom closet]
DTZM: Guh. Let’s take a vote-everyone that wants Scotchnaut barred, raise your hand.
Dok Zymm: Can I vote with both hands? It’s twice as many as one!
FIN
Enjoy the game [spits on ground] “Friends”.
“They want to keep Cox fresh…”
Paging Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show!
Damnit, this is what happens when you don’t draft 12 feet tall receivers.
“I don’t recognize this Bears team. Cutler’s grown his hair long. Royal has a beard now. Trevathan lost like 20 pounds. Zach Miller’s leg has been amputated.”
The Bears offensive line is playing like their ability to keep Cutler on the bench depends on it
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Good shit, ppl!
They are phenomenal live.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/8156e1c95cbe50f66e2298726efab8da/tumblr_muyy4bF3r61qezx74o1_r1_1280.gif
Not unlike me when I was single, Jay Cutler injured his right hand
http://66.media.tumblr.com/32ff1e0f0ffe5011c05e67633d726778/tumblr_o7xn6cHmvP1txihrro1_400.gif
Pretty pleased with 2-0, looked at who the Iggles play next week. Pretty pleased with 2-1
The new 12 comments per page system hides where you replied to my Cutler comment so I am posting a new on. I actually don’t disagree about potentially getting rid of him for value when he has value. I just was commenting on the hate he gets even though he owns most Bears QB records
@rod and bfc*
Just like Romo, McNabb, and a slew of others that will always be hated by a portion of the fan base, blamed for everything not going right on a 53 man team, and then sorely missed by everyone when gone.
Oh yes, he’s been quite good in historic terms. The reaction to him supports my general theory that it doesn’t ever matter in life what you do but you’ll be liked/disliked based on whether you not you personally rub someone the wrong way.
Yup. And as you remember from my preview post you didn’t read, I’m pro-Cutler. But the team isn’t there and the fans hate him, so jettison him, let him win elsewhere, and get some value for the rebuilding process.
This implies that there’s some remaining value to get from him though. I stood by him for like six or seven years here, but now I think the Bears would be pretty hard pressed to even get a half-assed draft pick for him.
It’s just fun to make Cutler going to random other teams jokes since the fan base has such a strong irrational hatred of him
Has there ever been a modern era Superbowl winning team with a bad owner?
I think the closest we got was the 49ers before they got the stadium deal and intentionally imploded the team.
St. Louis Rams — Georgia Frontiere?
Ah yeah.
Great example. But generally it seems like ownership is the most critical thing in football. Its surreal to me some of the stats with teams going almost decades between playoff appearances. I would argue its easier to go to the playoffs 5 years in a row than to never go in 10 years.
Wait, what happened? I thought the Eagles got stopped?
BLEERGH
BLEERGH intervened.
a phantom neautrul zone infraction.
I didn’t see a flag until a good 3 minutes after the whistle
My DVR just changed the channel to record Bob’s Burgers, immediately after that Eagles TD. I think I’m gonna roll with it, it seems to know what’s up.
Mine changed it to Seinfeld, but the baseball must have run late because the news is still on.
I could never get into Bob’s Burgers. It has a lot of things I like; H. Jon Benjamin … well that should be enough on its own.
I could never get into Bob’s Burgers. It has a lot of things I like; H. Jon Benjamin … well that should be enough on its own.
I’m keeping with it on the outside chance I’m able to catch up in the yahoo league,
odds last reported as: Cutler
John Fox: “If I blink rapidly enough, this will all be a dream…”
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4e6aaa8027e49cdef5bfb14643935463/tumblr_oa6n29wvum1va0aeao5_400.gif
This should make going 2-14 easier and more digestible. I eagerly look forward to next year’s draft where the Bears end up reaching for a QB that Bears can invest undue hope in before turning on him as he fails to be perfect.
That should say “Bears fans” but I have such contempt for them that I won’t sully my tongue with their name.
At least the baby Bears won.
I have a slightly used Jimmy Garoppolo if you’re interested…
The people leaving soldier field in that mass exodus will wander Chicago for 40 years while they hope to find a respectable offense.
What’s that thing the injured player is riding on?
-Adrian Peterson
This would be more apropos for a Bears player being carted off tonight…
It’s like a Roomba for downed Bears.
http://img.memecdn.com/Troll-runaway-golf-cart_o_130060.gif
If this isn’t Gruden’s last year doing MNF the only conclusion one can draw is that ESPN hates their NFL fans.
nobody asked, but…HIPPO ANTHEM!!
I’M OFF MY MEDS!!!!!!
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I made Redshirt proud. I got really drunk during the game. And fuck, another Bear is down.
me too. And there is a Bojanagles comercial on teevee box, and despite TWO bouts of past food poisoning…I really want some goddamned fried chicken now.
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http://66.media.tumblr.com/51fc61c8f30e568cfdbf1f9e49037766/tumblr_nazu6iFGkM1s1v3r1o1_400.gif
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Oh For fuck’s sake. This isn’t funny anymore!!
http://zippy.gfycat.com/IllEuphoricAnole.gif
I dunno. I laughed.
Real classy Pederson. Insurmountable lead and you give us the ball back so we can get a safety and give you the ball right back.
http://i66.tinypic.com/2f055aa.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/370bc7321969b5d76875485fd83394ca/tumblr_mp5a0f95b51rmk2iso8_250.gif
Eagles are pushing for 50 if Agholor and Matthews weren’t such fuckhands.
Just got off the phone with an irate customer. He called our help line which is being manned tonight by a coworker we call “Webber”. We call him that because as a child, he was a classically trained pianist. When the cultural revolution happened, his parents were murdered in front of him and the students broke every bone in his fingers. The way his hands healed, his fingers basically are all scarred up and they look like he has webbed fingers.
He somehow made it to Canada as a refugee and got his degree in Electrical Engineering. He is a brilliant engineer and if you ever hear him on the piano, it would make you cry. The passion and beauty of his playing is amazing and he can play any song you ask him to if you by ear. Just an utterly fascinating dude and really patient. He taught me everything I know about drives, motors, and electrical engineering.
Anyhoo, the shitheads on this site were pissed off because they “can’t understand Chink” per their initial inquiry into my nationality. I never know how to respond in these situations and its always difficult not to just tell the idiot to piss off. Webber, while he has an accent, speaks English better than I does.
It takes me like 20 minutes just to get these guys to tell me where they are located and what type of drive they have. The drive is not getting the “ready” signal (which tells the drive it is safe to run), or the “run” command…which is pretty self explanatory.
I ask them what the status of their PLC is. Turns out the panel is secured and tagged out for maintenance in said panel for another unrelated PLC.
“So sir…your question is why is the drive not running, when the PLC which tells it that the conditions are safe for it to run, gives it the run command, and controls the references to run said drive, is secured and de-energized”
“Yeah…why isn’t your fucking piece of shit not wor-….oh fuck”
“Have I answered your questions?”
Click.
The asshole, who was utterly rude and unprofessional proceeded to just hang up on me. Needless to say, this entire exchange is going to be documented.
The fucking worst part…after the phone call, I called Webber to give him an update on the trouble call and he apologized to me because I got bothered with this and he promised to work on his English.
“No dude…you don’t need to”
Again, the people in production are generally awful either because they are the awful types drawn to that sort of work, or ruined by being in it.
Pretty true. I have met some amazing people around the world…and I have met some fucking utter shitstains.
We have a bunch of new hires that I am training and I have to keep explaining to these kids that the majority of our job consists of preventing the customers from hurting/killing themselves and/or destroying incredibly expensive equipment.
It’s just not a truly efficient system until you disable E-Stops and tape down safety buttons.
“Webber, while he has an accent, speaks English better than I does.”
Are you sure that wasn’t deliberate?
http://celebslam.celebuzz.com//bfm_gallery/2012/05/Jay%20Cutler%20Douche%20Finger/gallery_main/gallery_main-jay-cutler-douche-finger-03.jpg
REALLY wanted to pull a Cutler over the phone…
I’m only here so I don’t get fined.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/67c4ed669a7ad8bba574a0b2ab7418b3/tumblr_o4bdb05hwe1ugjw2vo1_400.gif
Will Philadelphia fans over compensate for how good this team is after they completely blasted two FCS schools in consecutive weeks?
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/snl/images/c/c0/Da_bears_heart_attack.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150126040732
Maybe Cutler will get traded to the Browns. I saw an interview with their rookie 3rd string QB that will be starting next week. He looked justifiably terrified.
Fun Fact: 3rd string QBs are only around for DD duty during golf outings
DO NOT TAKE THE ONLY GOOD QB WE HAVE HAD EVER. Bears fans, If you disagree with me look at stats, your favorites are fucking shit.
You have to let old yeller go, son
I’m in full on “spite Bears fans and totally rebuild” mode so I want to trade him away.
This Eagles running back reminds me of Ryan Matthews, except, you know, good.
Chicago D going full Cutler
Fucking Cutler, even when he is gone he makes Langford run for 2 yards a carry and give up a fumble.
A real leader would have been on the sidelines when he was hurt and with the doctors
What’s a Bills tailgate have to do with this?
Today is the first day of your career with the Bears, Jeremy Langford. The rest was just prelude.
BostonPittsburghPhoenixClevelandHoustonChicagois Hoyer CountryNothing beats international hockey.
The end of that game was just incredible.
I’m unconvinced.
I MUST GO NOW, MY PEOPLE NEED ME
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/15/article-2604820-1D1E753700000578-89_634x572.jpg
Dumpster fire offense for Chicago
If hoyer completes two passes in a row they will want him to be anointed king like McCown a few years ago bc Bears fans are dumb. We definitely need to look at drafting a QB with our top 3 pick next years draft.
Bright side: I’m sure Hoyer will throw a pick six so I can get some sleep before I wake up at 4am for my flight.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/806f084a3da9ecc30a321b4524efd5c2/tumblr_obrp32RrbW1s1v3r1o4_1280.png
Fumble work for you?
Means I can start packing.
MNF presented by ESPN, bringing you a primetime game that ought to be the 3rd-rate game at 1PM on a Sunday since 2005.
I still love the theory that is long-term punishment for ESPN making Playmakers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–uRcXZQcoI
People know you don’t have to wait In a tent for a cell phone now a days like some kind of fucking peasant right? Who the fuck does that?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e65fb42f55595bd7ab1f39db3a4565d7/tumblr_nrdjgeyHsh1svlqpoo2_500.gif
I don’t have to watch.
I don’t have to watch.
Quiet! You’ll alert the others!
Another Bears game over after halftime.
Welp, I’m off to my happy place.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/cd0435d6fe7f57c99eb715f9fdd9d2d6/tumblr_o02k0mRTg41u7pgdeo1_1280.jpg
THIS BRIAN HOYER I CALL HIM ODIE BECAUSE HE’S TERRIBLE AND BRAINDEAD BUT YOU LIKE HIM COMPARED TO THE CAT
He hurt his paw!
you won’t have Jay Catler to kick around any MOAR!!
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WHY GIF NO GIF?!?!
No poise anyway. Fuck him.
Every news station tomorrow: “He just quit when they were losing, just like the time he tore his MCL and refused to come back into the game in the playoffs”
It’s Hoyer time!