Your “Not Tonight Denver, I’ve Got A Headache” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

The internets are telling me that NFL viewership is down. How much? Enough to worry some wonks, that’s how much. My solution to this problem of team owners only making hundreds of millions instead of billions involves razor blades and butterflies. Now hear me out!-it goes like this. Uh…umm… Okay I’ll be honest, this is a sort of reverse-engineering thingy whereby I come up with an answer and then try to figure out a way that makes sense of that answer. The reverse-engineering analogy is weak but none of you outside JustStopDude could give a damn. TO THE GAME!

Den/SD-The Broncs are down their HC so it’s “Next Coach Up!” The fella that isn’t being held back by The Migraine Protocol is one Joe DeCamillis. He’s the Special Teams Coordinator that smirks at Wade Phillips every time they pass in the hallway and says, “I wonder why they didn’t make YOU the head guy tonight!” Speaking of coaching changes, it’s a bad sign when you come across more than one article that itemises who the interim coach of the Chargers will be come Monday. I’m guessing it won’t be the personification of failure that is the Chargers DC. Them Bolts give up 28 points and nearly 300 yds. passing on a weekly basis. That’s added up to 17 TDs so far. I guess it’s up to de Bosa to stop the 10 game-strong division losing streak that the other teams out west AFC-wise currently enjoy. In limited play last week he put together 2 sacks and 5 tackles. As far as quick starts by de’s are concerned, he’s got nothing on the Bronc’s Von Miller. The best defensive end in football (suck it, JJ Watts) has 6.5 sacks and will no doubt add to his total ce soir. It looks like Trevor Siemian backers are strutting around after qb Lynch’s play last week. That QBR of 11.7 last week against the Falcons speaks volumes about where he is in his development.

They say that the sincerest form of flattery is typing-SO TYPE!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh STFU…you were picked to win your division by just about everyone other than me. Don’t give me this “We’ve been underdogs all year” bullshit you squirrel fucking dicknut.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you.
Every time I’m trying to be bitter and hating the world over here, you just have to be Mr. Funnyman. I want to be pissed off right now….stop that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

GODDAMMIT YOU FUCKER. WHAT DID I JUST SAY???

But you’re right. That little bovine fuck gotz some damn impressive body and sheen. Wow.

(g’night)

theeWeeBabySeamus

😉
Really gone now. And I do appreciate the laugh. They’ve been and far between this week. (Don’t expect many this weekend either)

theeWeeBabySeamus

So…
Blackout drunk?
Cartoons?
or Masturbation?
I can’t decide….I think I’ll go for the trifecta.

Night dudes. 😉

Mr. Ayo

I’ve never been able to masturbate to cartoons, but more power to you!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He watches Japanese “cartoons.”

Mr. Ayo
Senor Weaselo

Japanese cartoons are weird, man.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I didn’t mean to imply the cartoons and tugging would be simultaneous. But the drinking will likely overlap both.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

May as well be efficient and combine things.

h

ttp://68.media.tumblr.com/0149c9aa05c2e8d0e3601586e8702257/tumblr_oexi18usal1rlbdfto1_1280.jpg

Mr. Ayo

If you need an efficiency consultant, I know a guy.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

TWO FER ONE:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Senor Weaselo

I had to transcribe the ending riff once so it’s permanently stuck in my head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmOLtTGvsbM

WCS

Pete Rose has gone past drunk-drunk to snorted-two-grams-of-blow-downed-three-Percocet-and-drank-two-quarters-of-rum-drunk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it!

theeWeeBabySeamus

No worries. I’d totally be willing to climb up that twice.
😉

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

VERY specific fetish AND he (or she) is pretty good at photoshopping.

Senor Weaselo

So from mellow Pete Rose to… regular Pete Rose?

theeWeeBabySeamus

But at least his hair looks fabulous.

Brocky

so…. are we allowed to hope the cubs could win the league?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, allowed. But you risk being shunned.
😉

Seriously, I really do think I’ll go Cubbies over Dodgers. It’s close, but definitely the lesser of two evils I think.

Senor Weaselo

I still don’t know what Donnie Baseball did to piss off the baseball gods that all the teams he’s on win the year AFTER he’s gone.

Beerguyrob

Shoulda cut them sideburns.

Beerguyrob

That curve ball was sick.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It was. But he could have thrown anything to that kid that wasn’t center cut and he’d have missed it. Kid was trying to be a walk off hero instead of just going the other way and getting the tying run in. Somebody (looking at you Dusty Baker you fuckwit) should have told him that.
YOU DON’T DO THAT SHIT IN THE POSTSEASON BCUZ NOW YOU GET TO GO HOME.

Jeebus Christmas.

Beerguyrob

I agree. Trying to hit a 5-run homer wasn’t the best strategy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too many managers forget that postseason baseball is totally different than the daily 162 season. Hippo and I were talking about this very thing the other day.

Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fucking Dodgers, man.

Senor Weaselo

Aaaaand the Dodgers win the pennant.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude, stop swinging for the fences. You don’t have to park one, you just need to poke one the other way right.
Goddammit these fuckers are pissing me off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

*to right

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s going thru his head?
Oh fuck.

Mr. Ayo

This isn’t the appropriate time for JFK jokes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m ashamed that this made me laugh.
Well no, I’m not. But I am aware I should be.

Beerguyrob

Dusty Baker sad face makes me smile.

Brocky

so if both national teams have to win in the 9th.

so much narrative!!!

WCS

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Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Reminder: this would be a different game if the third base coach had t sent Werth to an easy out at home

BrettFavresColonoscopy

*hadn’t

theeWeeBabySeamus

It would also be different if they hadn’t called for a goddamned hit n run, and made werth protect the plate when this fucker can’t throw a goddamned strike. Dusty Baker needs to go sit in the goddamned corner with Buck and Harold. Jeebus.

Well it turned out OK, but the hit n run was still a stupid as fuck call in this situation.

Senor Weaselo

There possibly wouldn’t be a bottom of the 9th.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Green light my ass. Dude can’t find the fucking strike zone.
Nobody in their right mind would green light him here.

See Harold? And you guys are supposed to know baseball n junk. Go sit in the corner with Buck Showalter RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, the closer is struggling after 40 pitches? ORLY?

Senor Weaselo

Wait… they’re not bringing in Kershaw?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Worse yet, I gotta root for Harper to do a good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why the fuck are you set up so far back from the plate Trea? FFS!!!!!!
Jeebus wept.

Senor Weaselo

Revisal of yesterday’s “Will someone please get me a zamboni” proposition: Can I get a T-shirt cannon turret on the aforementioned zamboni? Is that an option?

Senor Weaselo

That was my favorite scene of the movie.

Beerguyrob

I’m curious how Dusty Baker will try and change Dodgers pitchers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rob I might be leaving later tomorrow than I thought. If I’m able to take care of my own sexy friday mess, I let you know.
(PHRASING)

Senor Weaselo

Looks like they’ll have Kershaw going for the Bumgarner.

theeWeeBabySeamus

yup

theeWeeBabySeamus

Calling it now….Turner gonna reach to leadoff the 9th…steal 2nd and 3rd, then score to tie it when the Dodgers get all Dodgery and fuck up somehow.

Assuming the Nats don’t go and get all Natty in the top half and allow an insurance run.

Senor Weaselo

What if the Nats then Nat in the 10th?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, shit happens. I just wanna see Turner shine.
(yes, I know him personally to a mild degree…NCSU baseball season tix holder thus get to interact with those dudes some…Turner is a great guy)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus fuck. I could bunt better than that when I was in little league for fuck sake.

Brocky

Pretty sure I bunted like that in T ball

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO
That was funny.

Senor Weaselo

Nobody can bunt. In fairness, neither could I but that was probably partially due to my eye injury.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Turned on it just a little too soon.

packman_jon

Heh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow Harold, really? The intentional pass is going to set up force plays at more bases? Thank god you pointed that out for people.
/might be bitter about some things
//sorry Harold…you dimwit

Brocky

So between the dodgers and Washington, who’s more hateable, and why?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I like the Nats, in spite of Baker and Harper.
Also, I’d love to see Trea Turner get a ring…but that’s an NCSU homer thing.

O’s and Nats have a friendly rivalry, plus I get to see Nats regularly on MASN.

Plus the Dodgers can suck my ass.

Senor Weaselo

I’d take the Nats too although Kershaw deserves to have a dominant postseason en route to a ring one of these days. Donnie’s not managing the Dodgers anymore (and Dave Roberts hup-tooey is) so there were all my good graces. I’m less caring about the NL at this point, as long as the Indians knock out the Jays.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I second that emotion.

Beerguyrob

As a Canadian, I hate the Nats because they should still be the Expos.

http://content.sportslogos.net/logos/54/66/full/8183_montreal_expos-jersey-1989.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

How in thee hell did Harold Reynolds get assigned to do color for this game?
And by color, I don’t mean color, I mean color.

Senor Weaselo

He said the Nats needed to score some runs because the Dodgers had the advantage. Up 4-1.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I actually like him, but voicing in game analysis ain’t his strong suit. He’s much better in the studio where he has time to think about shit before opening his mouth.

Fronkenshteen

How much shittier do these Thursday night games have to get before they do away with them?

Senor Weaselo

3-2.

WCS
theeWeeBabySeamus

Mrs. Rivers just conceived twins.

Senor Weaselo

IT DIDN’T HAPPEN

blackroseMD1

We…won?

Sill Bimmons

YA BETTA IMPREGNATE SOMEBODAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY

Old School Zero

CHAOS

REIGNS

theeWeeBabySeamus

Where the fuck was that dimwit throwing it?

King Hippo

Gonna be a Hail Elway anyways, who fucking cares if you get a 1st down.

King Hippo

oh, he can’t throw it that far. JESUS.

King Hippo

IT’S NOT LIKE ANY OF US HAVE WORK TOMORROW OR ANYTHING, DICKHOLES

the Alpha and the Amoeba

jokes on you, i’m a grad student

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

You should be writing your dissertation

hippofant

I hope this game goes on forever so I never have to confront the fact that I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, nor overcome my deeply rooted imposter’s syndrome and my overwhelming fear of failure.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Here, have another free timeout, Denver!

Sill Bimmons

OH FOAR TEH LOVE OF JEFF

Brocky

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

I haven’t seen a man squeeze a long brown object between his thighs so hard since my last fap session

theeWeeBabySeamus

For a moment, I thought that dumbass was gonna stay inbounds.

Sill Bimmons

LET IT END

King Hippo

christ, CJ. Nobody within 12 yards of you

Brocky

relatively inexperienced qb.

at least that sounds good in my head

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s the look of a dude who’s getting canned tomorrow if I ever saw one.

makeitsnowondem

Good Christ this game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You think Mike McCoy gets fired even if they win?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Totally within the realm of possibility.

Old School Zero

IT’S POSSIBLE

Brocky

I want to bring up a bit defending marty schottenheimer, but lol