Your Early Afternoon/Late Morning NFL Games Open Thread

KC/Ind-The last time these folks met (January 2014) KC was up 28 points before qb Luck was channelled by the memory of Frank Reich (history!) and pulled out a ridiculous 45-44 playoff victory. KC needs this one to keep pace with Oakland and Denver. Indy could lose this one and still be in the mix of things in the mire that is the AFC South.

Oak/TB-The Raiders stayed in Florida after last week’s win over the Jags. They’re trying to acquire an identity as a team that wins on the road and are doing quite well in that regard. Congrats to those of you that picked up rb Rodgers just before he racked up his first two career 100 yard games. All it takes to be successful in this league is to not be liked in both Atlanta and Chicago. Wr Evans is a beast but he has to rely on a gang of not-Who’s Who to take the pressure off. Good luck, guys like Shepard, Shorts, Humphries and Martino-it’s not as though you’ll get by on talent. [I’m well aware that I am an old white guy laying on a couch]

Sea/NO-Many a te Graham owner wishes oh-so-dearly that this one turns into a shoot-out. Here’s a line you don’t see often-Seattle is 1-1-1 on the road. No, that isn’t a fan sign missing the “D”. I’m guessing this is another game where the road team does anything they want on the ground/through the air and Bree does his best to cauterize the gaping wound.

Det/Hou-Texans fans (wha?) are hoping that rb Miller can go today otherwise they’re gonna get The (Alfred) Blue (‘s). Lions qb Chunky von Suetpants has put on his big boy apron and will most likely get a big-ass contract at the end of this year. His 15/4 TD/INT stat speaks volumes as to how well he’s playing-and that’s with no run game to speak of. Who would have guessed that feeding the ball to Megatron 15+ times per week might limit your game? Yes, I’m sure all you Lions fans out there [sound of a soundless vacuum] will tell me of the myriad reasons why he’s upped his game. [waits] Okay, perhaps qb Osweiler could learn a thing or two from Chunky by not targeting wr Hopkins so much. As things are, Hopkins ends each day with the following prayer-“Dear Lord, help me to grow 8 inches overnight so that I might have a chance to catch all the balls that sail over my head. Amen”.

NYJ/Cle-If you’re currently incarcerated in a CIA “black site” in the northern part of Yemen, this is the game you’ll be seeing as a non-stop loop of Carly Rae Jepsen’s greatest hit plays. I advocated for something from the Insane Clown Posse’s early work but was out-voted. Sorry for your luck.

NE/Buf-Will the Billys bounce back or do they show their Cindy Lauper-approved True Colors? (timely reference, huh?) They’ll have to do it without rb McCoy so that makes the next man up someone called Mike Gillillesseealyho. Hmm, sounds Somoan or something. The stupid Pats will likely roll over Buffalo using some tactic that they’ll be punished for two years from now.

Ari/Car-THIS IS ONE HELL OF A GAME!…last year. Now it’s a battle to see which team can fall the furthest from pre-season expectations. Carolina is in the lead but I wouldn’t count out a coach that can’t figure out how to get his best player (rb Johnson) 25+ touches per game.

Alright…LET THOSE FINGERS FLY!!!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
194 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Quincy Enunwa… balls

blaxabbath

David Johnson really taking advantage of the Carolina defense being exhausted from sacking Palmer for the last 2 and a half hours.

Doktor Zymm

I see we’ve entered the portion of the game where the Bills say fuck it and just praise Bleergh

Brocky

I know it’s dumb, but I really want the browns to win just 1 game.

Detroit’s record must remain unchallenged

comment image

blaxabbath

But I want to fill the offseason with, “Who is really the worst 0-16 team ever?!”

Doktor Zymm

How funny would it be if Brady sprained his knee by sliding awkwardly?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

comment image

King Hippo

Not to be outdone with this Brady and palz assfucking, Theo Riddick scores? JEEBUS

King Hippo

Factory is trying to Factory to Bryce Fucking Petty…

Doktor Zymm

I miss the free booze, but football is SO MUCH BETTER than listening to fox news go on and on about Hillybob’s emails.

Going back to the earlier conversation, another reason bad football is better than no football, THE ALTERNATIVE IS SO MUCH WORSE

ThePirateSloth

Well, I wasn’t going to drink today because of how much we drank last night… but this game is causing me to pour a scotch. At noon.

I think that’s a wrap on the day.

blaxabbath

NFL Memes called that a bourble.

Doktor Zymm

Another Rusty Nail in the coffin

Gratliff

Vick-esque from Tyrod

Romonobyl

My local mega-mart has a sports paraphernalia section. There’s about 1 Texans item for every 10 Cowboys. That pretty much sums it up.

Doktor Zymm

That’s about the ratio I saw in Galveston, and what I’m seeing at IAH

Gratliff

THE NICK FOLES EXPERIENCE IS BACK

King Hippo

shit, is Nick Foles, like, an UPGRADE??

Doktor Zymm

It’s like being upgraded from locked in the lavatory to Ryanair

LemonJello

Back from watching OrangeJello’s U19 el futbol match, 3-0 victory, and she got an assist on the first goal. So what did I miss?

\checks posts and scores

wow.

Horatio Cornblower

I really hope there’s a limejello, a tangerinejello, just right through the whole citrus family.

blaxabbath

“U19?! No thanks!”

comment image?quality=80&strip=all&w=1600

Brocky

Perception Vs Reality:

Perception: I’m not a kid anymore, but I should be able to handle a few drinks. It’s not like i’m going to be super sick or hungover tomorrow

Reality: I’ve never been good with the morning after. Hungover as shit, and my stomach is bubbling like the damn La Brea Tar Pits.

hope everyone else’s morning is better

how the

Horatio Cornblower

I have largely stopped drinking because I feel so much better the next morning.

But I still really love good beer.

It’s a conundrum.

blaxabbath

I woke up hungover (Halloween party had jungle juice AND Jello shots — two things I haven’t done since reaching legal drinking age) around 7:30. Took a couple hits, fell back asleep til 10:30 (Cards were already down 7-0) and am doing pretty good now.

Gratliff

Here I am trying to be the good sport and still fielding a valid fantasy lineup despite starting 7-0 and my reward is Tom Brady having his way with me.

Gratliff

That should be 0-7. This is symbolic of my fantasy performance.

King Hippo

I’m getting fucked in the ass by Dreamboat and palz too

Horatio Cornblower

I drafted Brady in the 4th or 5th round.

I’m kicking ass.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Doktor Zymm

Not as pronouncable, unfortunately

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This song has been on casual repeat since yeah right posted it last night. I really wish I had access to weed because I think it would be amazing to smoke a bowl to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGT4V6JmINA

laserguru

It truly is.

Spur

The Cowboys game can’t start soon enough. These games are all ass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, have to put on pants and go outside. The worst.

Senor Weaselo

The worst part is I can’t even drink watching this agony, my Saturday students have a concert tonight that I’m playing in and possibly conducting.

blaxabbath

Cardinals needs to phone it in and suck for Watson.

By which I mean, just leave Palmer in at qb.

The Maestro

69 touchdowns for Gronk, and the all-time franchise record in New England.

comment image

Lothar of the Hill People

You know some BU coed is going to be getting scored on tonight worse than that Buffalo DB.

Lothar of the Hill People

Dammit. BC.

Wait, who am I kidding? It’ll be a porn star celebrating Gronk’s 69, not a coed.

The Maestro

Gronk is way, way too much for coeds to handle, if we’re assessing his prowess based on the Bills’ D today.

Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he retired right now.

Lothar of the Hill People

Hey, Yeah Right, are you still looking for info on the meat grinder attachment for your Kitchen Aid?

laserguru

A little info couldn’t hurt.

blaxabbath

This is fucking ARI’s season in one play. Just everything is slightly wrong that they do.

laserguru

Since we’re running out of October, I’ve got an Oktoberfest menu for you.
If you were to run to the store now you could have this ready in just a little over 4 hours.
One of the early Sunday Gravy posts.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015/06/28/sunday-gravy-with-yeah-right-das-ist-gut/

Doktor Zymm

Lounge is playing fox news instead of football. Is free booze worth listening to this shit?

Senor Weaselo

Don’t they kinda cancel each other out or lead to a vicious cycle or something?

laserguru

I don’t think so. Alcohol causes enough loss of brain cells and Fox News would only serve to destroy the rest.
LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

NOPE! Flip tables on your way out screaming about how Rupert Murdoch has turned those SHEEPLE into conspiracy believing fucks who wouldn’t know good booze if it pissed down their throats.

Lothar of the Hill People

Wilson still doesn’t have an incomplete pass in the game.

Spanky Datass

Also, fuck you Schlotzsky’s commercial for making my warmed-over pasta look meh.
comment image

hippofant

That actually looks super-fake/plasticky to me. The cheese is melty, but the tomato is fresh and still covered with dew? And the heat distribution is all off, with hot stuff both on top and bottom, with cold stuff in the middle? Who the fuck designed this thing?

Spanky Datass

Sooooo you’ve never had a Schlotzsky’s original? IT IS MAGNIFICENT! NO ONE DENIES THIS! … unless you have food allergies or whatever…

They toast the bun open faced with the cheeses, olives and meats in place then add the veggies when it comes out of the oven. ENJOY!

Spanky Datass

Fuck you WordPress for making me do math while hung/drunk.
comment image

Senor Weaselo

Millionaire is still a thing, and apparently hosted by the guy who hosts The Bachelor.

ThePirateSloth

Seahawks trickery!

Lothar of the Hill People

FALSE FLAG PLAY

Senor Weaselo

If you told me the Jets would be down 10-0 after 1, I’d look at you and respond “And you were expecting something else?”

Lothar of the Hill People

Cleveland’s lead in that game is proof positive that you CAN, in fact, polish a turd.

Lothar of the Hill People

Jest – Factory on CBS. What kind of torture is this, Gooddell?

Lothar of the Hill People

Oh fuck. Yes, we here in central Ohio have a lot vested in the New Orleans – Seattle game.

Seriously? Can’t we get a game with ONE team from the Midwest?

The Maestro

53-yard Brady bomb, and I have an erection.

Lothar of the Hill People

Hasn’t someone sued Papa John’s for false advertising? “Better ingredients, better pizza” is clearly a lie.

King Hippo

the Bills are just THE WORST, eh?

King Hippo

oh yeah, I forgot I swapped my kicker to Lionel Hutz. GEAUX FG!!!

Lothar of the Hill People

That’s a shit-ton of quacamole. It would take 20 minutes to cut up that much avocado.

Old School Zero

YO LONDON WE HEARD YOU LIKE TIE GAMES SO HERE YOU GO

The Maestro

THE IMMACULATE TIE

King Hippo

Who’s as happy as a pig in shit? THIS HIPPO!!

HAIL CHAOS!!!

Gratliff

BEST HAIL MARY ATTEMPT

King Hippo

didn’t make the 20, 5 yards out of bounds.

Lothar of the Hill People

Hey, if London gets an NFL game, they get to suffer through the “kissing your sister” metaphors, too.

Redshirt

That’s a fair outcome. No one deserves to win this game.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Washington and Cincinnati will take that point.

King Hippo

oh my YES!!!