Your “Mind-Blowingly Amazing AFC North Tilt” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

I’m a huge fan of the underdog. The 1980 Olympic Men’s Hockey team? Fantastic. Boise State over Oklahoma in 2007? Wonderful. The Giants hand the Patriots an 18-1 record? Orgasmic. #14 Mercer (Mercer?) beats Duke in 2014? I laughed and laughed and laughed. Will I (or anyone outside Greater Cleveland) cheer for the 0-9 Browns? TO THE GAME!

Cle/Bal-The Ravens are favoured by 9.5/10. When was the last time they beat a team by more than single digits? That would be December 28th of 2014. Who did they beat by 10? Might be kinda obvious-it was the Brownies. I don’t often recommend starting Ravens O guys but damn, this Cleveland secondary is crap. Ravens te Pitta had his best game of the year against these fellas and wr’s Wallace and Smith Sr. should go for a TD each. Why? The Browns’ safeties consist of a undrafted/converted cb and a 4th rounder in his second year. Did I mention that starting cb Taylor is out tonight? I guess I just did. No wonder that Cleveland is dead last in defensive yards per completion at 12.7. Odds are, if qb Flacco completes a pass it’s a first down. If I could pile onto the Brownies just one more time-this colour rush game will feature them in white unis because it was determined that brown would clash with the Ravens purple outfits.

One last thing-be sure to check out Freeballin’ Football’s latest podcast below. Will Bill get the blood stains out of the carpet before his parents get back from vacation? Did Nick’s trespassing charges finally get dropped? Will Josh’s Baywatch-inspired musical finally get proper funding? Who will Tim designate as his #1 male celebrity crush? For the answers to these questions and some yak-yak about the NFL, check that shit out.

 

 

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Shogun Marcus
JustStopDude

Can we just kick both these team out of the league…give them to the CFL or…does Arena Football still exist?

LemonJello

I think some form of relegation would be awesome.

“PAWL, I THINK COACH SABAN AND BAMA SHOULD BE IN THE NFL INSTEAD OF DEM BROWNS OR JAGURAS. ROLL DAMN TIDE!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Some people think about pillow fights among sorority sisters…. some don’t.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/40045648f9f5bf99182eb8b05b0c113c/tumblr_ofe46pmb3L1umk4ogo1_400.gif

litre_cola

Whoever recommended the book “The Drunken Botanist” thank you, very interesting.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If it were me you forgot, I’d have to ask you to leaf.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Q: What do you call a house filled with 50 Patriots fans that gets hit by a meteor?

A: A good start.

JustStopDude

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Horatio Cornblower

Leonard Cohen died and that’s the second worst thing that’s happened this week.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BUT I ALREADY PAID THE KARMIC PRICE FOR THAT RAIDERS WIN! THIS WASN’T PART OF THE DEAL, MENDOZA!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go make food and hope the pregame weed the Ravens smoked wears off before the 3rd quarter.

WCS

If the Browns win, that’s surely the opening of the fifth seal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude
SonOfSpam

Damn, Flacco went down easier than Aaron Rodgers at a TKE toga party.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Looking for silver linings…
At least the Ravens managed to not spot them a 20-0 lead this time around.

JustStopDude

OH MY GOD! DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!

THE CLEVELAND BROWNS HAVE SCORE AN OFFENSIVE TOUCHDOWN!

In a year, where things just keep getting stranger, this has to top it all!!!

SonOfSpam

Dammit. I KNEW I should’ve started Devalve.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s wrong with your valves?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gate valves always leak.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS TERRELLE PRYOR, I CALL HIM KORDELL STEWART BECAUSE DESPITE HIS TALENT AND VERSATILITY HE IS DOOMED TO LIVE IN A PERSONAL HELL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it.

h
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theeWeeBabySeamus

These numbskulls do realize that this is not the same Browns franchise? Don’t they?

theeWeeBabySeamus

smgdh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else have a startling bit of noise in the middle of their day that ended up being a massive antitrump protest right outside the building? Those fuckers were loud. Why didn’t they think to canvas and get other people to vote on Tuesday?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit…who’s wearing Flacco’s #5 on that play?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The direction that chopper is flying, they might get shot down by Bloods.
Not entirely joking.

SonOfSpam

It’s cool, the chopper pilot has a red bandana tied around his cock.

Fronkenshteen

Why is there a movie about Vinny Pazienza?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

“Bad Checks: The Movie”

theeWeeBabySeamus

This game seems appropriate given the rest of the week.
I’m glad I’m high on percocet.

SonOfSpam

“Therefore, momentum applies, and the ball will be placed at the one yard line.”

Thanks, Jerome Bogar, for the physics lesson.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought the same thing.

Brick Meathook

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Fronkenshteen

Who cut that route short. Flacco just gave him the stink eye on the way off, there.

JustStopDude

ELITE-CEPTION!

WCS

ELITE decision-making.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Ravens coaching staff has done a really good job molding Aiken into a better player.

JustStopDude

So like is there a team of people that the NFL is paying to make these uniforms?

How did they manage to make the Browns look uniforms uglier than the normal ones?

Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

The start of this game is exactly how Flacco likes it.

LemonJello

Mayo On Wonder Bread?

WCS

On a scale of one to Hunter Thompson, how wasted is Al Michaels tonight?

Brick Meathook

Charles Bukowski

litre_cola

He is in that comfortable was hungover/had a few drinks zone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pat Summerall.

JustStopDude

Some pretty ELITE look out blocking by the Ravens’ O Line.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That would not have been roughing if it had happened to Cam Newton.

SonOfSpam

You get called for roughing quarterbacks, not strapping bucks.

litre_cola

Saw NOFX last night. Was expecting lively commentary on the election. Fat Mike, and Melvin were so embarrassed of the vote they didn’t know what to say. They still wailed but I have seen them 10+ times and you could tell they were just doing their jobs last night. They were very sad, and Melvin said he couldn’t believe that Cheney looks less evil today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s wrong, Cheney looks exactly as evil no matter what else happens in the world.

SonOfSpam

The greatest trick Dick Cheney ever pulled was convincing us to go fuck ourselves.

SonOfSpam

Fucking gold. Or, more accurately, white.

Fronkenshteen

Starting Punchball in both leagues. Benched Dixon & Coleman. Facing Balt D/ST and Pryor.
I’m sure everything will work out juuuust fine.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Carey Price is really good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of the players really should introduce himself as having gone to Trump University.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t think Al is paying real close attention.

SonOfSpam

I get it…she represents red state voters, and he’s America?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Close enough.

litre_cola

Hello fellows. These jerseys aren’t so bad. How are we all this evening?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy crap. They’re so NOT BAD that I forgot it was even a Color Rush night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. I like the gold numerals.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jimmy Haslam purchases Donald Trump’s farts and huffs them like a gassy rag on gamedays.

Buddy will avoid peyote now on Thursday nights.

SonOfSpam

“Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!!!”

SonOfSpam

Ok, like at the end of the angry dad posts, gonna share something good this week.

Wife: “Hey, I’m just leaving work and I don’t feel like cooking, so I’m gonna pick up a pizza. Beer sounds good, so I thought I’d grab a 12er of craft beer. Does that sound ok?”
Me (single tear rolls down cheek, voice cracks a little): “I…I love you”

Brick Meathook

Oh boy, a Cleveland Browns game on TNF!

This week just keeps on getting better and better.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I really do enjoy the shoutout to the podcast. Also, I enjoy the podcast.

blaxabbath

Don’t boo [the Browns]. Vote [the Browns to the Pro Bowl].

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t boo [the Chargers]. Vote [to give them massive public subsidies].

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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BOLTMAN CANNOT LIVE ON THE MONEY IN THE WALLETS OF HIS VICTIMS ALONE!

SonOfSpam

Goddammit, he’s burrowing into my soul again.

LemonJello

Obligatory:

STOMP STOMP, CLAP! STOMP STOMP, CLAP!

Claymaker

I checked all three of my leagues and I’m playing against one guy who is starting Pryor. I’m happy I found a maybe-sorta-ok reason to watch this game other than loving football and hating myself.

JustStopDude

I’m just here for the drinking…

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blaxabbath

What are you doing in Flint?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am starting the Ravens defense. Now I am rooting for a catastrophic Cleveland turnover more than usual.

Shogun Marcus

In deference to the WeeBaby and Fozz, I took the ravens in my weekly pick em. Is it right that I feel so uneasy about it?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I know I would be.

JustStopDude

When you see it…

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You’ll shit bricks…

LemonJello

You should consult a doctor for that condition (or a mason, I suppose).