Now what’s with all this talk I hear about 2015 being bad/sucky? You have in front of you TWO(!) Thanksgiving tilts that feature teams over .500 playing games that have implications in their divisions. If this is Trump’s America, I’m all for it. Hell, I want him to sing the Star-Spangled Banner before each of the games. I can see Ivanka and Melania gently swaying and humming in the background, their tattered bikini’s leaving little to the imagination of the American public. Behind them marching in single file, 100 of the oiliest, shredded and shirtless firefighters/policemen reminding us of their commitment to keeping us safe. “STRENTH THOUGH JOY” the mis-spelled banners will proclaim because “G’s” and “R’s” will be subject to rationing going forward-but you get the idea. If you do get the idea you are federally-mandated to explain it to those who don’t. To all those nay-sayers out there I say-AMERICA’S GLASS OF PBR WILL ALWAYS BE HALF-FULL! TO THE GAME!
Min/Det-God, when was the last time the Lions were playing a game that mattered? It must have been back when a young and aloof Barry Sanders was merrily skipping his way past flummoxed defenders and he retired in ’99. [sees that Detroit made the playoffs in ’11 and ’14] Huh. Well, I’ll be bedazzled! The winner of this one will have the inside track on the division title. As noted in this here blog, the Packers are going nowhere fast and that anchor they call a D has a great deal of momentum. So have at it Lions and Vikes, make it a good one.
A Short Note To Readers Out There: If you’ve thought about commenting I strongly encourage you to dip your toes in on a day like today. Everyone around here is pretty cool and relaxed and smart and intelligent and boozy and full-bellied (at the moment or shortly). Let us know how your day is going, who your team is, what you made to eat, what you’re drinking, how obnoxious your family is, etc. You know you want to and it’s a great excuse to get away from it all if only for a minute or two. If you’re on your own, all the more reason to join this wee band of ragamuffins. We always like to see new faces/avatars and we promise to treat you with respect and we may even grow to love you.
There she is, TYPE YOU FARGIN BASTIGES, TYPE!
HEY RAM, I DON’T NEED TO BE TOLD TO PRAISE MY RIG. THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES DO THAT ALREADY.
Praise the cooker that gets you those morning lines so you can do back to back shifts…
Get asked by Aunt and mother what I am getting my nieces. I show then the results of what giving my nieces my phone and my Amazon account did.
They picked out their own gifts and the shit is on its way for my sister in law house, which she will wrap and hide in the house.
The look on my parents and aunt faces seem to share what I would imagine would be if they saw me participating in a porno. I think I am excommunicated from the family for allowing the kids to pick their own gifts or something.
Gifts taken care of, recipients happy, relatives not talking to you…so that’s a win-win-win, right?
The annual irony: The Macy’s Parade wants you to ‘member a simpler time of white Christian ideals, but can’t put the parade together without A LOT of gay dancers and singers.
Next year’s is gonna suck. After all the conversion therapy what will we have?
That commercial went full Member Berries.
I just want to say….
Fuck you all.
(Translation…I love all of you pricks….and I’m tired of sweating in the kitchen)
Love you too.
Aunt just showed up. First world’s out of her mouth were “JSD, after dinner, do you want to go to Walmart for the Black Friday sale”
I had managed to go six days without cussing in front of my parents….
Black Friday is for people too stoopid to figure out Amazon.com.
BUT THINK ABOUT ALL THAT CHEAP SHIT BEING EXTRA CHEAP!
YOU SUCK REFS! STICK A TURKEY IN YOUR ASSES!
Then stuff a chicken in the turkey and a duck in the chicken.
It’s a refducken!
Detroit hasn’t been that boned on a drive since the 17th century Beaver Wars.
Somebody cheer FOAR Adam Thielen on my behalf. He is the great white hope of my $$ league season.
You and me hippo in DFO2, wish I knew how the scoring went!
Yes! I need Cordarelle in that one. And the D, which is not starting well I gather.
I plugged him in too! He’s returning punts, ya know!
/we’re doomed
Turkey Money Shot!
/ewwwwwww
I’m apparently not needed at my parents until the start of the next game.
No pants till Dallas!
“No pants till Dallas! ”
– Me on my cross-country trip
Isn’t that a Beastie Boys song? If not, it is now!
My sister’s goddamned stepkids are watching not football. I need to see if there’s a bedroom teevee box, or else I can listen in my car.
What you married in to ISIS or some shit?
My sister married a Canadian, his ex-wife is American, but horrible (as are the kids, generally).
Shit, I’d be totes up for a bombing run today.
Give them $20 to disappear for a few hours.
I’ve did indeed a new thing I hate about football and hanging out with my older parents. Every fucking medical commercial starts a conversation/low intensity argument between my parents if they are on said medication, if they should go on said medication, or should I go on said medication.
The rest of the family cannot show up fast enough…
Fucking suppose to be “discovered”. Auto correct is the goddamned worst.
My favourite ads in America are pharmaceutical ads, I just love the side effects. Have heartburn? Try Zolaxxisoft! Side effects including vomiting, silver tongue, herpes, scurvy and may result in death. But eat up fatso no heartburn for you!
I love the fact that so many fucking Americans consume opiates that opioid induced constipation pills are nationally televised.
Fuck legalizing weed….we should be legalizing heroin.
I like the cut of this fella’s jib!!
Holy Shit, I finally remembered my password for this site.
I still remember your comment concerning crayon/dogs or something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmm3KTa601s
“Hey baby, people tell me I fork tender”
-Potato pick up lines
“Tuber be or not tuber be. That is the question.”
-Existential Potato Query
“Hey, my eyes are up here! And over there, there’s a couple more beck here…”
Chunky Meatstick is not this good.
Good thing I still have my new travel trailer in the driveway; the woman needs the oven for her cheesecake and I have a ham to bake. I just hope I have enough propane or I’ll be stuffing a 12 pound piggy hip into the microwave.
That whole sentence sounded oddly sexual.
I thought the same thing.
That commercial is fucking stupid. Some girl in Namibia isn’t dying of thirst because I brush with the faucet running. The water I save doesn’t get magically transported to Africa.
And the white suburbanites that have never lived in Detroit, but claim they do, in the stands go nuts!!!!
“Metro Area” covers a multitude of sins
Grosse Point and Ann Arbo(u)r are empty lets go looting!
Damn, that was a nice catch. These are the Lions? And they just touched down?
Twas a nice touched down!
The world isn’t prepared for a competent fat Matt Stafford.
Is Aretha done singing yet?
Rendering over a cup of fat from a single pair of duck breasts. Imma make some greasy, tasty roast potatoes with that stuff.
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Po+ta+toes+mash+em+boil+em+stick+em+in+a+stew_40c2b9_4346206.gif
Those are some happy root veggies!
I see Operation Keep The Packers Out Of The Playoffs is underway. Excellent.
Dontcha want an easy first round win?
It’s a long con, but it’s worth it if you want to ruin someone’s tomorrow.
Ingredients: red beets, goat’s cheese, cilantro, roasted pecans, balsamic glaze
Take some beets. trim off the ends, wrap in foil, and roast in the oven for 90 minutes at 400.
Remove from oven, let cool to the touch, then peel and slice to about 1/4″ thick.
Take four beet slices, and arrange with goat’s cheese between the layers, spread so half of each beets is covered by the above layer, or stack them like pancakes. Sprinkle with cilantro & chopped pecans. Drizzle with the balsamic glaze.
Beet salad.
The next day, your relatives will call, asking questions about the meal. They won’t want to tell you their urine and/or poop is blood-red, but they are concerned something they ate has done a number on their insides. At that point, say whatever you want, because you’ve won.
It’s a good way to see how long you take to digest things! Also beets are tasty and that sounds really good and is also really pretty.
I love beets, they are perfect with goats cheese, well played sir.
I’m thankful that PHEEEEL has to spend every Thanksgiving in Detroit.
No one can convince me that Megatron is not selling his services to the highest bidder next year. It’s just that it takes a year or so to wash the Lions stink off you.
And he lost his last trophy to an 80 pound immigrant gymnast. He’s got a score to settle.
Happy Turkey Day amigos! Let’s get fuckin’ hammered.
Folks.
No one can convince me that Megatron is not selling his services to the highest bidder next year. It’s just that it takes a year or so to wash the Lions stink off you.
The proper reply from me was “Cowboy Accessory”.
Why hello there. Litre Cola planned this one perfectly. As most of you know where I reside we do not get this day off which is bullshit. I told Mrs Cola to schedule the ultrasound for little cola in between the 1st 2 games, then I told work it was at 10 am so I worked for 3 hours, took the rest of the day off and made the appointment at a perfect time. HUZZAH! Thanks be to Bleergh for my forward thinking.
If she had set the piano on fire at the end it would have been perfect.
Good thing this isn’t San Francisco, Kappy’s knee would have given out.
Fur is murder. People forget that.
Dozens of teddy bears had to die to make that coat
The horror!!!
http://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/95456-Cute-Teddy-Bear.jpg
Well, she is killing the anthem (in a good way – but I’ll forgive Aretha damn near anything).
“Petronel-do you have a dog in this fight?”
-M. Vick
Hey newish internetter, welcome!
Thanks! Longtime lurker, very occasional commenter. Currently scrubbing off potatoes in preparation for roasting them with rosemary and salt and marveling at the miracle of a potentially-good game on Thanksgiving.
Welcome.
If baby Jesus didn’t want us to kill and eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?
#chinchillaslivesmatter
Jim Caldwell nearly moved to blinks by Aretha Franklin’s rendition of the national anthem.
Welcome to the 14 hour US Anthem….
Love doing Thanksgiving on different days so I can spend all Thursday watching football and fucking off.
This. I’ve tried pulling that off at Christmas but little to no success.
Fuck yes, I forgot the Simpsons marathon started at noon!
PHEEL! is in the house.
I have walked all over this part of Long Island and struck out at four attempts to buy peychaud’s bitters. A sazerac-free thanksgiving at the girlfriend’s parents’ house is a sad straight rye-fueled thanksgiving.
Ducks are some chubby-ass birds.
but so delicious
Alright. I’m out.
Be strong, everyone! Resist the urge to kill.
I’mma gon’ leave this here for all the commentists dealing with family today. Please consider it your standard answer for your Trump relatives.
“JSD…DID YOU GET ICE?”
“When was I suppose to get ice?”
Leave, muttering…gets ice and returns…
“JSD …DID YOU GET THE YAMS?”
“No but I did pick up these pamphlets about long term adult care facilities…”
I may be crankier than normal to the little beasts who come over.
It’s not often that my team is playing for a division title and I’m cooking for 20 fucking people with a dizzying hangover.
Well the dizzying hangover thing can be fairly often.
Let’s go Vikings!
SKOL!
Happy Thanksgivings from Cincinnati!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg
Bob Trumpy with my favorite call on this day:
“It’s Leon Lett! NOOOOOOO!”
An all-time classic.
Happy Thanksgiving, the first football of which I was cognizant on the holiday was 1998, which featured two really entertaining games for different reasons.
Afternoon Game: Driving down to my grandmother’s on the Jersey Shore, we missed most of the afternoon game due to traffic, but boy I did not miss this shit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zki61ZmKf4U
Part of me still enjoys seeing egregiously bad calls like this in the game, but this sent the Yinzers into a tailspin that turned a 7-4 season into a 5 game losing streak to end the season. Off-topic: Now if you want an even worse call that ruined a season, peep Vinny Testaverde’s phantom TD against the Seahawks the very next week:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_tnTCtmJ8k&w=560&h=315%5D
I saw that one in person and it kept the Seahawks from the playoffs and most likely cost Dennis Erickson his job.
Nightcap: This proves to show that you don’t have to saunter to the star to take a cudgel to the skulls of Cowboys fans on National TV. Randy Moss had three catches, but they all went for touchdowns and for 163 yards total. A fun fact: Randall Cunningham completed less than 50% of his passes, but when you average 10 yards per attempt who really gives a damn.
The NFL actually has this game in full in YouTube, so cheers:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omphQiZ3hAk&w=560&h=315%5D
Be well.
Love ya, Buddy!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Huh, I have loads of china and serving dishes and other such stuff, but it seems I do not own a ladle for serving gravy.
Found one in the back of the silverware drawer!
Huzzah!
Use a coffee cup.
Where are you with meal prep Dok?
I’m gonna fix some breakfast and I’ve got 2 hours before getting the ham in the oven.
Things are well in hand. I’m peeling potatoes at the moment while the duck fat renders out of the skins.
Appropes
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ujo_TZul9JM
Go off to the grocery store for the 3ed time today, muttering that I really need to get the old lady checked for dementia.
Standing in an ungodly long checkout line, I get a text from a number I do not recognize.
“R U blocking Sarah?!? That iz rude and immmatrue:(”
My response “I think you have the wrong number or something. Who is this?”
“ITS AMANDA YOU ASSHOLE!!!”
“Wow! You do actually exist?!?”
/blocks number after sending text.
(phone rings, waking me up)
Me: “Hello?”
Mom: “Hi, Honey. What time are you waking up?”
Me: “Why?”
Mom: “Dinner’s at 1:00.”
Me: “Its 9:45.”
Mom: “Its at Grandma’s.”
Me: “There’s a family dinner?”
Mom: “Yeah.”
Me: “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Mom: “I thought you knew.”
Me: “I didn’t.”
Mom: “Well, sorry about that. What time are you waking up.”
Me: “Not sure. I’ll call you when I do, though.”
(click)
You should have said 1:30 at that point!
As someone who skips family functions on a regular basis, my advice is… well, I bet you can guess.
Is it scotch? I’m gonna go with scotch.
You got lucky is what happened.