Your “Cowboys/Redacteds ‘Showdown’ Just Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It” Thanksgiving NFL Football Open Thread

Have I ever told you the story of how I discovered Thanksgiving football? I have? Shut up. Who asked you, anyway? Me? I don’t know that guy. Okay-I was a young puppy that went by the name of chocolatemilknaut and I was sick as sick can be. Mommynaut propped me up on the couch in front of the tube and I dreaded watching the usual diet of game shows and soap operas that constituted day-time TV as I drifted in and out of sleep. Lo and behold! What to my wondrous eyes did appear? Football. Football most dear. It may have been Lawrence Taylor (I called him LTnaut) dismantling the Lions, I’m not sure. But a football fan was born that day, my friends. TO THE GAME!

Was/Dal-The ‘Dacteds need this game really bad. This is an assessment of the level of their alkalinity or acidity-a litmus test if you will. Can the D deal with DAK! and rb Zeke? Will The Beeze out-catch The Dez yet again? When will Old Man Witten kick everyone off his lawn? Why does cb Norman play so rough? Who is qb Cousins, really? How will wr Jackson embarrass himself this week? Will rb Kelley pile up another 100-yarder? For the answer to these and many other unasked questions, watch the freaking game! A Giants backer would have reasons to cheer for both a Cowboys or Redacteds win but myself is just looking forward to a good game. After all, it’s up to the G-Men to win and damn the other team’s results.

I’m done-SPEAK TO ME! (AND OTHERS!)

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WCS

PRAISE BE TO SHANK’HOR

Spur

LMAO ICE THEIR OWN KICKER

Shogun Marcus

HAIL SHAN’KHOR!!!

entropy

It’s so strange sitting in a house full of Eagles fans listening to them cheer on Dallas

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Dear Grandpa Commander,

I got you the beer you like, instead of whatever my Dad uaually tries to give you that he thinks you’ll enjoy but never do, so please keep the slurs and Trump bloviating to yourself or I will be forced to bring up that I dated a minority that you don’t like and make you think about it while you eat. Let’s not do that and just be cool this year.

Thanks,
Low Commander

...

Oh man, I’d drop the miscegenation bomb anyway but I’m a bit of a firestarter.

Redshirt

I’d leave early but drop that bomb on the way out.

“Bye! Love you all! By the way, Grandpa. I f*ck a darky and it was great! I couldn’t walk straight for a week! Bye!”

JustStopDude

So my nieces were born in Texas when my brother was working an oil field job. As such, they love all things Texas. When cousin Carl complained that we were all going to watch ANOTHER FOOTBALL MATCH, three girls with the combined of 20 let out a blood cry of “DAK DAK DAK!!!!” and it was not pleasant. I’ve seen nature programs less savage.

JustStopDude

Combined age. Two four year olds and a 12 year old.

entropy

While I don’t like their choice of team, I’m in favor of them shitting on uncle Carl’s head whenever possible today.

JustStopDude

Eh…honestly, other than Jerry Jones, and at least he is entertaining evil. I mean I find more likeable players on the Cowboys than my Ravens team.

...

THEY HUNGER. THEY WILL BE FED.

Unsurprised

Good Lord. Their combined age is younger than this source image.

http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg

Unsurprised

Oops. “Good Lord. Their combined age is younger than this source image.”

http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg

Spur

Desean Jackson going over the middle? What timeline am I in?

Shogun Marcus

We’ve arrived at the in-laws. No starbucks stop, much to the consternation of the pug and boston. They understand why now. No political miscues as of yet though it’s early. This is good as lady shogun is ready for blood.

Beerguyrob

It was brought up earlier, but with all the glow around the Buttfumble, don’t forget the Ringo Starr of Thanksgiving derps, Leon Lett.

http://thesportsquotient.com/media/posts/23544/leonlett.gif

Spur

I think Zeke is telling me I should eat more. OK!

Unsurprised

Yanet Garcia has knows her best asset. And God bless her for it. http://picbear.com/iamyanetgarcia

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The Maestro

It’s truly the eighth wonder of the world.

Fronkenshteen

I still prefer Yanet Yackson’s.

King Hippo

If you’re yasty.

...

This is hypnotic.

Fronkenshteen

Far as starts go? That one’ll do.

Spur

Security guy inches from blown out knees.

Doktor Zymm

Oof. This initial drive isn’t looking great for DC.

WCS

Just an FYI: It’s been four Thanksgivings since the greatest .gif of all time was created.

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Doktor Zymm

This will never not be funny. In thousands of years, when hyper-intelligent octopi rule the Earth, they will discover relics containing footage of the buttfumble and they will laugh and laugh.

Spur

Erin lookin good today

King Hippo

I wonder how many holiday meals included DAK! Products as a result of our hamheaded promotions?

Spur

WOO! ‘MURICA!

Shogun Marcus

Dass a purty trumpet.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Instrumental Anthem!

I’m really full.

...

Fun fact: saying that you’re full in German means that you’re pregnant.

Spur

To honor America, the [*Redacted] s can change their name.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking hair plugs are a helluva drug, man
–Joe Buck

...

I enjoyed telling me family about that.

Spur

Go Cowboys!

entropy

I don’t want to see Joe Buck gaze longingly at Troy while asking him “you know who’s hot?” ever again.

Spur

Joe, just shave. The beard isn’t working for ya.

Unsurprised

He’s dating Olivia Munn now?

Redshirt

Seeing all my cousins’ kids drive them crazy is causing me to consider getting a preemptive vasectomy.

Doktor Zymm

No reason not to!

entropy

This year, as all years, I am thankful I’m sterile.

Unsurprised

Plus, let’s be honest: The world needs new kids like it needs another Earth-killing asteroid hit.

Okay, bad simile. The Earth does need another Earth-killing asteroid hit.

entropy

40 minutes in, we have our first injured/crying child. Wooooooooo whiskey time

Spur

I hope Zeke hasn’t eaten yet.

Spur

Shoutout to my distant ancestors Lipan Apaches and Germans from Solms-Braunfels.

Texas is better place because of theses peoples.

entropy

Youngest niece (she’s 3) has already embraced the “no pants” portion of DFO. She’s been here twenty minutes or so and she has already removed her pants and is gleefully running away from anyone trying to get her to put them back on.

Doktor Zymm

A gal after my own heart. She has a bright future!

Spur

Why do I keep picturing Zeke in a Pilgrims costume with a crop top.

Bloody Lethal
hippofant

Toys are part of Thanksgiving tradition now?

entropy

If you want me to curve the turkey, get that weak-ass serrated knife away from me.

Senor Weaselo

Chainsaw or gtfo?

Doktor Zymm

Even when Dan Snyder is doing awesome charity stuff he still isn’t likable…

...

Dan Snyder is the guy at the airport bar who whips out his Centurion card and turns on his “charming” personality as goes hard after the hot woman sitting alone without ever really having any chance of fucking her.

Spur

Dan Snyder charged for parking at that truckery giveaway.

...

I’ll always have a tiny bit of respect for him for spurning Kansas for UNC.

Spur

Indigenous Peoples of the Americans, FUCK YES! Football [*Redacted] s, FUCK YOU!

Shogun Marcus

Lions gonna win the division. I’m fine with this but it further proves David Bowie was holding the fabric of the universe together.

Old School Zero

Well, duh. I think Station to Station and the Berlin trilogy were evidence enough of that.

Doktor Zymm

This should be a good game, but despite being a Redacteds fan, I have a hard time believing they’re gonna win this. If they do, they probably take the division. GO FAT ROB, IF YOU DO LOTS OF RUNNING YOU CAN HAVE SOME LEFTOVERS!

Unsurprised

I hate the REDACTEDS now, but I’m all for fat-guy touchdowns

Doktor Zymm

Posted in the other thread, but I’m super proud and it was hella delish so posting again :
comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy moly! Well done, Dok!

...

The bunny looks happiest of all.

Doktor Zymm

He got to watch his arch-nemesis, the Duck, be eaten in front of him.

Petronel

Bunny’s about to dive headfirst into the salad bowl. Yeah, he’s happy.

Old School Zero

Goddamn. Looks awesome. Good job!

Unsurprised
Redshirt

My cousin just complained that there was a 45 minute gap between the football games. The next generation of my family has its priorities straight!

entropy

My youngest nephew said the same thing before he threw a basketball at my head

ballsofsteelandfury

We are in good hands

Doktor Zymm

My mom was nice enough to volunteer to clean up so I could watch football and instead I’m watching something about golf?! C’mon NFL, you had ONE JOB.

Unsurprised

Livestreams, NFL on Verizon go90 app. Blah blah blah. Come on, Dok. You’re a Dok!

entropy

The nieces and nephews have arrived. Uncle entropy is about to get ass kicked by small children.

Spur

Who’s ready to watch some US Open!?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’d rather watch hermaphroditic porn.

WCS

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entropy

There are no chicks with dicks! THERE’S ONLY GUYS WITH TITS!!!

Bloody Lethal

U S Open me another beer?

ThePirateSloth

With this break in Turkey Day foosball, it is time for me to make dark chocolate mousse.

Old School Zero

Hell yeah. That’s the stuff right there.

Unsurprised

Fuck this Albany party. I’m on my way over.

Bloody Lethal
Old School Zero

Some of these terriers are total glory boys

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