Have I ever told you the story of how I discovered Thanksgiving football? I have? Shut up. Who asked you, anyway? Me? I don’t know that guy. Okay-I was a young puppy that went by the name of chocolatemilknaut and I was sick as sick can be. Mommynaut propped me up on the couch in front of the tube and I dreaded watching the usual diet of game shows and soap operas that constituted day-time TV as I drifted in and out of sleep. Lo and behold! What to my wondrous eyes did appear? Football. Football most dear. It may have been Lawrence Taylor (I called him LTnaut) dismantling the Lions, I’m not sure. But a football fan was born that day, my friends. TO THE GAME!
Was/Dal-The ‘Dacteds need this game really bad. This is an assessment of the level of their alkalinity or acidity-a litmus test if you will. Can the D deal with DAK! and rb Zeke? Will The Beeze out-catch The Dez yet again? When will Old Man Witten kick everyone off his lawn? Why does cb Norman play so rough? Who is qb Cousins, really? How will wr Jackson embarrass himself this week? Will rb Kelley pile up another 100-yarder? For the answer to these and many other unasked questions, watch the freaking game! A Giants backer would have reasons to cheer for both a Cowboys or Redacteds win but myself is just looking forward to a good game. After all, it’s up to the G-Men to win and damn the other team’s results.
I’m done-SPEAK TO ME! (AND OTHERS!)
PRAISE BE TO SHANK’HOR
LMAO ICE THEIR OWN KICKER
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HAIL SHAN’KHOR!!!
It’s so strange sitting in a house full of Eagles fans listening to them cheer on Dallas
Dear Grandpa Commander,
I got you the beer you like, instead of whatever my Dad uaually tries to give you that he thinks you’ll enjoy but never do, so please keep the slurs and Trump bloviating to yourself or I will be forced to bring up that I dated a minority that you don’t like and make you think about it while you eat. Let’s not do that and just be cool this year.
Thanks,
Low Commander
Oh man, I’d drop the miscegenation bomb anyway but I’m a bit of a firestarter.
I’d leave early but drop that bomb on the way out.
“Bye! Love you all! By the way, Grandpa. I f*ck a darky and it was great! I couldn’t walk straight for a week! Bye!”
So my nieces were born in Texas when my brother was working an oil field job. As such, they love all things Texas. When cousin Carl complained that we were all going to watch ANOTHER FOOTBALL MATCH, three girls with the combined of 20 let out a blood cry of “DAK DAK DAK!!!!” and it was not pleasant. I’ve seen nature programs less savage.
Combined age. Two four year olds and a 12 year old.
While I don’t like their choice of team, I’m in favor of them shitting on uncle Carl’s head whenever possible today.
Eh…honestly, other than Jerry Jones, and at least he is entertaining evil. I mean I find more likeable players on the Cowboys than my Ravens team.
THEY HUNGER. THEY WILL BE FED.
Good Lord. Their combined age is younger than this source image.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg
Oops. “Good Lord. Their combined age is younger than this source image.”
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg
Desean Jackson going over the middle? What timeline am I in?
We’ve arrived at the in-laws. No starbucks stop, much to the consternation of the pug and boston. They understand why now. No political miscues as of yet though it’s early. This is good as lady shogun is ready for blood.
It was brought up earlier, but with all the glow around the Buttfumble, don’t forget the Ringo Starr of Thanksgiving derps, Leon Lett.
http://thesportsquotient.com/media/posts/23544/leonlett.gif
I think Zeke is telling me I should eat more. OK!
Yanet Garcia has knows her best asset. And God bless her for it. http://picbear.com/iamyanetgarcia
It’s truly the eighth wonder of the world.
I still prefer Yanet Yackson’s.
If you’re yasty.
This is hypnotic.
Far as starts go? That one’ll do.
Security guy inches from blown out knees.
Oof. This initial drive isn’t looking great for DC.
Just an FYI: It’s been four Thanksgivings since the greatest .gif of all time was created.
This will never not be funny. In thousands of years, when hyper-intelligent octopi rule the Earth, they will discover relics containing footage of the buttfumble and they will laugh and laugh.
Erin lookin good today
I wonder how many holiday meals included DAK! Products as a result of our hamheaded promotions?
WOO! ‘MURICA!
Dass a purty trumpet.
Instrumental Anthem!
I’m really full.
Fun fact: saying that you’re full in German means that you’re pregnant.
To honor America, the [*Redacted] s can change their name.
Fucking hair plugs are a helluva drug, man
–Joe Buck
I enjoyed telling me family about that.
Go Cowboys!
http://115.imagebam.com/download/o_-gI-OrxJ-rEo5-PO6w3A/48783/487829887/1312327.gif
I don’t want to see Joe Buck gaze longingly at Troy while asking him “you know who’s hot?” ever again.
Joe, just shave. The beard isn’t working for ya.
He’s dating Olivia Munn now?
Seeing all my cousins’ kids drive them crazy is causing me to consider getting a preemptive vasectomy.
No reason not to!
This year, as all years, I am thankful I’m sterile.
Plus, let’s be honest: The world needs new kids like it needs another Earth-killing asteroid hit.
Okay, bad simile. The Earth does need another Earth-killing asteroid hit.
40 minutes in, we have our first injured/crying child. Wooooooooo whiskey time
I hope Zeke hasn’t eaten yet.
Shoutout to my distant ancestors Lipan Apaches and Germans from Solms-Braunfels.
Texas is better place because of theses peoples.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/50873/1d0288508721635.jpg
Youngest niece (she’s 3) has already embraced the “no pants” portion of DFO. She’s been here twenty minutes or so and she has already removed her pants and is gleefully running away from anyone trying to get her to put them back on.
A gal after my own heart. She has a bright future!
[switches to Fox pre-game, presses mute]
Why do I keep picturing Zeke in a Pilgrims costume with a crop top.
I’m sure there are a lot of subliminal reasons why.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bb71cee27700ed4dd684468ce9fd8aaf/tumblr_inline_n2ahgkGYHg1szcb3x.png
Toys are part of Thanksgiving tradition now?
If you want me to curve the turkey, get that weak-ass serrated knife away from me.
Chainsaw or gtfo?
Even when Dan Snyder is doing awesome charity stuff he still isn’t likable…
Dan Snyder is the guy at the airport bar who whips out his Centurion card and turns on his “charming” personality as goes hard after the hot woman sitting alone without ever really having any chance of fucking her.
Dan Snyder charged for parking at that truckery giveaway.
Espn has a “Coaching Legends” roundtable.
/Boeheim hasn’t picked his nose yet
//Roy Williams continues to be a huge piece of shit that masquerades as a competent coach that in reality should have at least 3 times as many titles as he does given the talent that comes to his programs
I’ll always have a tiny bit of respect for him for spurning Kansas for UNC.
Indigenous Peoples of the Americans, FUCK YES! Football [*Redacted] s, FUCK YOU!
Lions gonna win the division. I’m fine with this but it further proves David Bowie was holding the fabric of the universe together.
Well, duh. I think Station to Station and the Berlin trilogy were evidence enough of that.
This should be a good game, but despite being a Redacteds fan, I have a hard time believing they’re gonna win this. If they do, they probably take the division. GO FAT ROB, IF YOU DO LOTS OF RUNNING YOU CAN HAVE SOME LEFTOVERS!
I hate the REDACTEDS now, but I’m all for fat-guy touchdowns
Posted in the other thread, but I’m super proud and it was hella delish so posting again :
Holy moly! Well done, Dok!
The bunny looks happiest of all.
He got to watch his arch-nemesis, the Duck, be eaten in front of him.
Bunny’s about to dive headfirst into the salad bowl. Yeah, he’s happy.
Goddamn. Looks awesome. Good job!
http://114.imagebam.com/download/2QrHCs4EqqCiOdDk4T5v-g/47428/474277767/w704-3.gif
[drunk-trying to resist going on to The Facebook and speaking my mind]
http://thumbnails113.imagebam.com/47534/df4416475333233.jpg
My cousin just complained that there was a 45 minute gap between the football games. The next generation of my family has its priorities straight!
My youngest nephew said the same thing before he threw a basketball at my head
We are in good hands
My mom was nice enough to volunteer to clean up so I could watch football and instead I’m watching something about golf?! C’mon NFL, you had ONE JOB.
Livestreams, NFL on Verizon go90 app. Blah blah blah. Come on, Dok. You’re a Dok!
The nieces and nephews have arrived. Uncle entropy is about to get ass kicked by small children.
Who’s ready to watch some US Open!?
I’d rather watch hermaphroditic porn.
There are no chicks with dicks! THERE’S ONLY GUYS WITH TITS!!!
U S Open me another beer?
With this break in Turkey Day foosball, it is time for me to make dark chocolate mousse.
Hell yeah. That’s the stuff right there.
Fuck this Albany party. I’m on my way over.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8fwDC6VcMI
Some of these terriers are total glory boys