Your “I Guess You Could Call Jets/Niners a Game” Late Afternoon Slate of Tilts Open Thread

I could use another snow game. I like them quite a bit. Hopefully it’s coming down fiercely in the Bay of Green. TO THE GAMES!

NYJ/SF– 3-9 vs. 1-11. The only reason they’re playing this is because Hippo has a player from one of these teams on his bench. Kidding! With his luck he probably started the guy.

NO/TB– Not so very long ago Tampa was doing their very best “Andrea Yates’ children” impression because they were dead in the water. Four games and 13 points (average) given up later and it turns out they’re actually born-again. (the Bucs, not the kids) The old saw states that, “D wins championships” and I started yapping last year that the Bucs have a great deal of talent on that side of the ball. Their run game is completely abysmal so they’re not doing anything of note this year but sneaking into the playoffs would do them some good. The Saints at 5-7 “control their own fate” in the same way that a 90 yr. old man controls his bladder.

Atl/LA– The Rams are last in the league with 284 yards per game. You know what that gets you? That’s right-a contract extension. 29th in passing yards? Contract extension. 30th in yards rushed? Contract extension. Last in the league in points scored at 15 per game? (the Browns average 16.4 for Kessler’s sake!) You guessed it-contract extension. It looks as though wr Julio is a game-timer so you’re screwed if he sits this one out.

Sea/GB– All three losses for the ‘Hawks have been on the road which suits Aaron Rodgers’ semi-prediction that the Pack will ‘run the table’ just fine. This looks like a great match-up in and of itself. It also looks like a game that will not clarify the playoff picture one little bit no matter the outcome.

Done. GIVE ME YOUR BEST!

 

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Shogun Marcus

WE’RE ONLY GOING TO THE HAMPTON INN FOR THE NIGHT!!! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS IN ALL OF THIS LUGGAGE??? NOW I CAN’T DO SHIT BECAUSE OF THIS HERNIA!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Green Bay has not been helping me much in my fantasy playoffs, where I am already in deep trouble.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Just to clarify, do you need them to suck or do well?

Spur

Relax, this competition hasn’t entered the team talent show yet. Rodgers is magic in their production of Romeo and Juliet.

ThePirateSloth

Oh Seahawks, how you vex me so.

Unsurprised

Ancient Salish curse?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More than Christina Evert?

Oh, wait, no that is Lothar who she vexes.

Petronel

Extra points to Montgomery for the excellent post-Lambeau Leap pose.

Shogun Marcus

Umm…Pete? Looking for conspiracy calls, in Green Bay? You? No.

litre_cola

Charmception

Unsurprised

I wonder if Pirate Sloth is busy

ThePirateSloth

I’m right here!

Unsurprised

Should I come visit?

ThePirateSloth

Nah, we should coordinate with OSZ and pick a game over the next few weeks to get together.

theeWeeBabySeamus
King Hippo

too cold in GB, settle in for a nice ball control fixture. SEA in particular needs Baldwin to stay in and block.

litre_cola

Stop it Hippo, he needs to be let loose!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Heh, ball control in the cold.

Shogun Marcus

It’s not easy. Gloves prevent quick access for nudging.

Shogun Marcus

Lombardi explains power sweep footage…DRINK ALL BLEACHES!
Shot of statue AND Madden drop…SUICIDES FOAR ALL!!!

WCS

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litre_cola

Tsn. Our ESPN, is broadcasting Jets v Niners. Someone clearly lost a bet at headquarters.

ThePirateSloth

So the ladyfriends mother is in town, and they are making chicken and dumplings whilst I smoke a nice mellow indica and sip some Balvenie. Life is damned good today.

Except the Seahawks are losing. Dammit.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have gone like 5 years with only smoking once a year, I am really jealous of your life right now. The food and drink also sound great.

ThePirateSloth

If you get a chance at legal weed, I’m seriously liking this Romulan strain as something to enjoy while watching football to be nice and mellow.

Heh, football + weed pairings. That could be an article.

Shogun Marcus

SHANK’HOR GETS CHRISTMAS CHEESE!

Spur

Missed FG in Green Bay.

Shogun Marcus

New guy did nawt get the memo.

Curse of Marino

Matt Moore should be able to beat the Jets on Saturday right? Right?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Matt Moore is your backup still?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..

I mean you should be fine.

Curse of Marino

Yep, we’re fucked.

Senor Weaselo

HAIL DAWSON, DISCIPLE OF SHANK’OR!

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

In our post-fact society, I think we can all agree on two, undeniable facts.

Jared Goff is terrible.

He would be the Jets’ best QB by a magnitude of a gazillion.

litre_cola

I think Joe Namath would still be the best qb there today.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

This is the only week where the 49ers have the 2 best QB’s in a matchup.

Senor Weaselo

What about against the Browns?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Yeah, the Rams too.

King Hippo

Montgomery is actually really good at RB.

Spur

And he’s cute too – Rodgers

Spur

So who’s the next jets coach going to be and do the draft a QB?

Senor Weaselo

In the second round.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t get a snow game at GB either. It is snowing here. It is 20-25 min down the highway.

Shogun Marcus

Should be wrapping up by you any second now.

King Hippo

fucking Baldwin. COVER HIM

litre_cola

I would prefer if they didn’t

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who put meth in the Niners’ Powerade today?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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litre_cola

Is it wrong when my employees ask me about fantasy football I just yell RAM IT?

Shogun Marcus

No, but I’m sure HR gets concerned. Them sexual harassment seminars is pricey.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I woke up drunk because I overdid it last night. I am so glad I made a ton of my meatball soup on Friday. It is delicious, great for cold days, really easy and perfect for when you are drunk.

Senor Weaselo

SHA’NKHOR APPEARS IN THE BAY!

litre_cola

Now if Devonta Freeman could pull a Melvin Gordon I would be in bizness.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

If Nazis are the alt right, are the Jets the alt East?

ThePirateSloth

Seahawks Grand Strategy: Let’s make sure we are playing from behind at all times because that is a recipe for success.

...

Reidian clock management in South Florida.

Spur

When it’s this cold does Rodgers give his teammates ass slaps or Eskimo kisses?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh LA….you never fail to make me laugh.
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Senor Weaselo

The Jets are trying to see if they can outdo themselves from Monday night.

King Hippo

They get another national showcase on Saturday, that will be fun

Beastmode Ate My Baby

FUCK. Lack of Earl Thomas is gonna be a killer.

Plus, GB never gets holding calls on Bennett.

Don T

That was a tough game against Denver. Off to Kansas City.
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King Hippo

RAM IT!! muffs opening kickoff, ATL starts game on their fucking 1

ballsofsteelandfury

First they showed the “crowd” at the Coliseum and then RAMIT fumbled the kickoff. TD Falcons.
HA HA HA HA HA HA
I’m peeing my pants here.

Spur

The dolphins renovated stadium looks nice.

WCS

Drumpf’s going to be President, Pens won the Stanley Cup, and my daughter is a pain in the ass.

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Cheers, jizzstains.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Cards playing for OT in Miami. Oh please, give me more sloppy monsoonball.

...

TIE TIE TIE TIE TIE!

King Hippo

David Johnson. Gimme a long-ass TD run.

ThePirateSloth

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FOOSBALL SUNDAY

Spur

Jets are making the Niners look like 92 Cowboys

King Hippo

Nobody quits like the 2016 Jest. Even Factory at least tries. They are just horrifyingly bad.

...

Jay Cutler will be perfect for them.

King Hippo

Just skip haircut day.

Spur

Wet cheerleaders in Miami. HOT

Shogun Marcus

Hey vikings…know who else had one-eye? Odin. He did alright.

Spur

Jesus, that Andrea Yates dig was cold blooded

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?
Let this be a lesson…never take tWBS advice.
Muahahahahaha!!!!!!!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’d have gone with Natalie Wood, but it’s water under the bridge now.

Senor Weaselo

First play from scrimmage, Pettyception. Next play, Hydedown. This is… already really bad.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“GIVE ME YOUR BEST!”

No.

Senor Weaselo

-Bryce Petty

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