There’s much to get to so let’s go directly… TO THE GAMES!
Pit/Buf-The Steelers look a lot like a team rounding into playoff shape. During their recent 3 game run they’ve recorded 13 sacks which has doubled their season total. That’s quality quarterback-getting! Add an improving D to an O that is becoming increasingly reliant on rb Bell and his average of 140 yards from scrimmage per game and yet still has the wondrous Antonio Brown in its arsenal and that looks to me like a delicious recipe for post-season success. Meanwhile the Buffalo “Absent from the playoffs for 16 years and counting” Bills beat reporters are beating the hell out of qb Taylor, badgering him about his stats, his big contract and his utter lack of whiteness-though that last part is implied.
Den/Ten-Qb Siemian was limited in practice for much of the week but will get the start today. Denver is 4-2 on the road and needs this one badly because they’ve got the likes of the Raiders, Chiefs and Pats lurking on the horizon. The Titans “meh” 6-6 record is good for first in their division. It’s all or nothing for them because if they don’t end up winning the AFC South (and let’s be honest-a quick exit from the playoffs) they’ll have no shot at a wild-card berth.
Was/Phi-Philly has lost 7 of their last 9, allowing their fans to be their truly horrible selves. That 3-0 start was just The Fates having their fun, wasn’t it? We all knew that the partial tear-down of a Chip Kelly-engineered team would be a painful process and we ended up being correct. The Redacteds are a half-game behind Tampa for the second NFC wild-card despite being 6-5-1. Yeesh!
Ari/Mia-The Fins must be the least intimidating 7-5 team in ever, especially after getting exposed as the charlatans they are by the Ravens last week. That said, Arizony can’t win on the road and will be waving bye-bye to their (rightly) pathetic playoff hopes when this game is over. Just curious, has Berman used Adam “Foot on the” Gase yet because I don’t want it.
SD/Car-This game means nothing to anyone. No, wait. It does mean something to all those weirdos that are putting together their 2017 Mock Draft 3.2 or whatever.
Cincy/Cle-[tentatively pencils in Cleveland as having the first overall pick] “Hey, cut me a break-I’m new at this!”
Chi-Det-The Lions have a solid 2 game lead in the NFC North. [checks standings for the fifth time] Yep, 2 games. They’re still there. How they’ve gotten to where they are without a credible run game and the loss of a sure Hall of Famer at wideout sure does tickle the old cortex. The Bears wr’s Jeffrey and Royal are out and Wilson is dicey to play due to being hamstrung. I have no idea who qb Barkley will throw to, or if throwing the ball is part of the game plan, or if there is a game plan or if the coaches were even told that there is a game this week.
Hou/Indy– 666 may be the mark of the beast but 6-6-6-6-6-6 is the mark of an AFC South division putz, er, leader-all three of them. Perhaps we get a tie in this tilt and the mark could change to 6-6-1? Crossed fingers have been engaged.
Min/Jac– The 2-10 Jags were eliminated from playoff contention “just last week” according to somebody with much too much time on their hands. Great job hanging in there, Gus. Whatever you do, don’t let that win/loss record hit you on the way out the door, ’cause that would be remarkably painful. Any bets on him being the first coach fired on the Monday after the regular season finishes up? Say, 6 am local time? Despite a winnable game vs. the Cowboys ending up as an L, the Vikes 5-0 kickstart is looking to be as much of an aberration as the Eagles “out of the gate” 3-0. “But they could still turn it around!”, some will say-and yes, that is in the realm of possibility and will gain credence after they whoop the Jags but, no. You had your chance in the middle of the season and you blew it.
There. Let’s pretend you’re all caught up. Now, GIMMEE SOME OF THAT WORD/GIF-BASED LOVIN’!
DeMarco Murraydown.
Chip Kelly, clearly a genius.
http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/pressofatlanticcity.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/53/c5300250-1838-11e3-8395-001a4bcf887a/522bf2d341725.preview-300.jpg
Running doesn’t get the offense of the field fast enough!
Anyone have a link to the Bears probably winning a game against Detroit and further ruining their draft position? For some reason we have the 3rd place in division Vikings game here even though the Packers are one of the late games. My normal sites aren’t working.
Also, still really drunk from yesterday. Not even the tinyest bit hungover, just straight still drunk
Look in here…………you dont know me or where this link came from
https://www.reddit.com/r/nflstreams/comments/5hr071/game_thread_lions_vs_bears_0100_pm_et/
Check cbs. Crossflex b.s.
Oops. It is on there. I didn’t even check because it wasn’t an AFC game.
shit, forgot I am also fading Gano. BOOOOOO
SEA MAMMAL DOWN!
Does the whole drawing people offsides on fourth even work anymore? I don’t think I’ve seen it work all year.
Seems like something the Browns would do six or seven times in any given game.
HARFCEPTION
Sorry to steal your schtick momentarily, balls…
(balls breathing quickens in fear)
I did NOT need Sunday Ticket this week.
It’s not a schtick. I really did get rid of it.
But yeah, i get your point.
Yeah, I this is my last yr making the jump. Probably keep redzone tho. We’ll see.
You can’t. If you want RedZone, you’ve got to get the whole thing.
Yeah, sounds about right.
Fuck those assholes, then.
uh oh, The Ben throw to wrong catchman in snow
BEN-CEPTION!
Ben, you fat-headed twunt!
I’d like to thank No Man’s Sky for allowing me to live out my triple destiny of being a Space Farmer, a Space Architect, and a Space Interior Decorator. I’m now seeking venture capital for my Pottery Barn: MARS! and Restoration Hardware: THE MOON! start ups.
The Witcher 3 is allowing me to live out my fantasy of banging buxom wenches.
This is good skill building via video games.
Oh man sassy black ref is officating the Fins-Cardinals game
Jerome Boger, you mean??
Yep
Folks.
I’m beginning to think Le’Veon Bell might be pretty good at this footedball sports game.
you should ask Peter King to do a article on him.
YESSSSSSS!!!!!
/needed that EifertDOWN
I suppose I should get to know the z-list announcing crews. Know thy enemy and whatnot.
Ian Eagle should announce porn.
Mike Zimmer’s Two-Face Halloween costume is fashionably late.
he’s really goddamned terrifying, yeah??
SEMEN GETS BLASTED!
Games are on, it’s time to switch off the spice channel
Boo……It’s not battery throwing weather in Philly yet. I want to see some action.
Also I am totes excite about teh snowings in Buffalo
That’s actually cocaine falling from the stands.
http://media.tumblr.com/972f169feb888fdcde46f5946b72686c/tumblr_inline_mjoefhtOCd1qz4rgp.gif
WHOOOOO OCTOBOX!
It’s a Festivus Goddess miracle!!
You’re going to enjoy reading this
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/miami-coffee-shop-busted-for-selling-over-the-counter-cocaine-8981581
Will sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson survive?
/I promise that this is my one and only Los Lobos reference (today)
What’s up, my buttercups?
[counts his own buttercups] “Hey, I think you took a few of mine.”
-Andy Reid
No Octobox?! Disappoint.
I started Matthew Ryan over Dakkery Prescott. Good choice or dumb one?
A true Sophie’s Choice. One never knows when Zeke will hog all teh offense points, and the G-men defense purty ok.
DAK! isn’t the best fantasy qb and I’ll still be saying that after he throws for 350+ yards tonight.
I am angry that I can’t keep my TV volume setting at 8 FOAR Kubes because that is Mariota’s number. Have to go with 7 FOAR Our Equine Lord and Saviour.
/yes, am semi-serious
To: Moose
Re: internet 6-pack challenge
You’re on. But if Broncos lose, you drink this:
Good afternoon superfriends!
Senor! What are you weaseling out of today?
HERE comes heroic music!!
What the hell is a Spero Dedes?
An Athens-based call-girl that decided to try her luck in Buffalo, NY?
At least her butthole is bleached.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaT6EKzKb4k
BOLTMAN LIKES THE CUT OF THESE GUYS’ JIB
Chicago beats the lions, the jaguras beat the vikings. The packers, seeing this opportunity shit the bed in glorious fashion on national television once again.
Wait, no. The Bears must lose so the magnitude of them fucking a high draft pick is increased.
Am rooting for the Eagles, gross.
Step back from that ledge, my friend.
In honor of the Eagles-[*Redacted] s game likely to be ugly AF:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlR6ujpB89k
Kiko Alonso is out, meaning the Dolphins have no competent LBs today so….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnx13LZPkQU
NFLN is saying Thielen is a good flex play, but I am sticking with my Bolts duo plus He-manuel Sanders (with Siemian back).
NO MOAR late tinkering, Hippo.
Today’s menu features some of the leftover smoked turkey from Thanksgiving.
Smoked turkey enchiladas!
Plus today is the El Segundo Christmas parade so I can see the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile and Santa riding on a Chevron fire truck simply by stepping out on my balcony.
It’s a magical time of year.
Man Catholics vs Convicts is by far the worst 30 for 30 ever.
2 hours over a fucking shirt.
I quit it when the Holtz slurping got super heavy. He’s as dirty and whitewashed as John fucking Wooden and his fucking name, voice, and face make me sick.
It should have been much shorter. Cutting half the content would have improved it.
I had a feeling it would be shit when I learned that they were going for a pro Notre Dame angle.
When I saw it would be mostly ESPN personalities doing interviews, I felt as if it was something pushed because it was mostly “in house.”
The story of that rivalry just wasn’t well told. I found it boring to watch and didn’t walk away with a clear message of what the filmmakers thought.
“It should have been much shorter. Cutting half the content would have improved it.”
Hey, leave the Jews out of it. We only take the tip, not half.
I said it last night, but I’ll repeat: as an Irish (lapsed) Catholic, fuck both those schools up the dickhole with a red-hot crowbar.
as a Hurricane fan. Fuck you and Fuck ND
See you at Russell Athletic Bowl.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lu4sLP4KF4E/U8gS_tsQxlI/AAAAAAAADuM/1ih_qNq7yXY/s1600/Hot-Fuzz-head-slide-gif.gif
OH I’LL BE THERE.
How could I ever doubt that Captain Chaos is a Bills fan?
Captain Insano is probably a Browns fan
Are you sure that’s not Captain Braindead?
Who’s excited to see Matt Barkley throw for 250 yards with three interceptions?
No one?
Sounds about right.
250 yards? Look at the optimist.
Hey, I am starting the Lions D since the SeaTruthers are unplayable this week so FUCK and YES!!
Another quality performance from the all-star Trojan QB alumni club
Anyone else excited about this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T09X6nRScac
Future Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs, Vince McMahon.
Hippo laughs, reaches FOAR v-profen bottle, sweet giver of life.
That’d be funnier if it weren’t more likely than not to become true
The more you think about this joke, the more you realize how really dark it is.
Imagine what gladiator contests he can draw up for PTSD-laden vets, winner gets healthcare.
More fair than now
Also, on a 20-man roster, I got my “injury update” e-mail Friday…nada. Totes healthy. The set up for a grand implosion is just TOO perfect.
Folks.
Spurski.
If you can see your breath in the cold, can you also see your farts?
Not that I’ve ever been able to tell, but I’ve never gone outside pantless in that kind of weather
Not through clothing.
/yes I’ve done the research.
Will try to test this during the winter.
Nigella Lawson has wonderful Christmas breasts.
My “how did I manage to fuck THAT up” story will involve this…in a league where QBs pretty regularly score in the 20s-30s AND full PPR, my opponent started Carr and Crabs for a total of 7.68 points. QBs don’t start earning until they cross 100 yards, which makes sense when you think about it.
That’s a YUUUUUUUGE spotted lead for King Laserface, David Johnson, Jordan Howard, and the rest of Kill V. Maim. I am so eager to see how they fuck it up.
How much you want to bet that RG3 leads the Browns into winning the rest of their games for the year, resulting in Browns fan burning Cleveland in rage because they had already accepted losing out for the season and getting the #1 draft pick?
I think I would actually prefer that.
If I had a time machine I’d go forward one hour so that the scotch store would be open. I would go home and go forward an hour once again so that the games would begin. I’m beginning to think that I live in a small bubble.
/join me, won’t you?
It is a delicious scotch bubble, so gladly.
Hey, maple donut fucko, I got THREE fantasy skill playas going for the Bolts in that game. It sure nuff matters to MY honky ass.
/rather than tear my hair out deciding whether to stack Williams or Inman with Laserface, started both
//also debating the outside world for a sports bar, since Donks/Titans is way important for 6th seed
///but for reals, with division gone, I should just drink in the manna of RedZone whilst I can, right?
I’m just bitter. After winning one or the other of my money leagues for three years in a row I’m finishing up last in both. I’ve never done the double donut before.
I’ve done the worst to first to worst dive. It’s humbling.
So every year I remind people to keep their flex spot open as long as possible to maximize flexibility in case of a late injury. Guess who already used his flex spot on Michael Crabtree and is going get completely screwed by the Julio Jones injury?
[points at self]
THIS GUY!
My site (for my money league) auto-flexes you, as much as possible. Which is nice.
8 of my 9 play in the early window today.