There’s much to get to so let’s go directly… TO THE GAMES!
Pit/Buf-The Steelers look a lot like a team rounding into playoff shape. During their recent 3 game run they’ve recorded 13 sacks which has doubled their season total. That’s quality quarterback-getting! Add an improving D to an O that is becoming increasingly reliant on rb Bell and his average of 140 yards from scrimmage per game and yet still has the wondrous Antonio Brown in its arsenal and that looks to me like a delicious recipe for post-season success. Meanwhile the Buffalo “Absent from the playoffs for 16 years and counting” Bills beat reporters are beating the hell out of qb Taylor, badgering him about his stats, his big contract and his utter lack of whiteness-though that last part is implied.
Den/Ten-Qb Siemian was limited in practice for much of the week but will get the start today. Denver is 4-2 on the road and needs this one badly because they’ve got the likes of the Raiders, Chiefs and Pats lurking on the horizon. The Titans “meh” 6-6 record is good for first in their division. It’s all or nothing for them because if they don’t end up winning the AFC South (and let’s be honest-a quick exit from the playoffs) they’ll have no shot at a wild-card berth.
Was/Phi-Philly has lost 7 of their last 9, allowing their fans to be their truly horrible selves. That 3-0 start was just The Fates having their fun, wasn’t it? We all knew that the partial tear-down of a Chip Kelly-engineered team would be a painful process and we ended up being correct. The Redacteds are a half-game behind Tampa for the second NFC wild-card despite being 6-5-1. Yeesh!
Ari/Mia-The Fins must be the least intimidating 7-5 team in ever, especially after getting exposed as the charlatans they are by the Ravens last week. That said, Arizony can’t win on the road and will be waving bye-bye to their (rightly) pathetic playoff hopes when this game is over. Just curious, has Berman used Adam “Foot on the” Gase yet because I don’t want it.
SD/Car-This game means nothing to anyone. No, wait. It does mean something to all those weirdos that are putting together their 2017 Mock Draft 3.2 or whatever.
Cincy/Cle-[tentatively pencils in Cleveland as having the first overall pick] “Hey, cut me a break-I’m new at this!”
Chi-Det-The Lions have a solid 2 game lead in the NFC North. [checks standings for the fifth time] Yep, 2 games. They’re still there. How they’ve gotten to where they are without a credible run game and the loss of a sure Hall of Famer at wideout sure does tickle the old cortex. The Bears wr’s Jeffrey and Royal are out and Wilson is dicey to play due to being hamstrung. I have no idea who qb Barkley will throw to, or if throwing the ball is part of the game plan, or if there is a game plan or if the coaches were even told that there is a game this week.
Hou/Indy– 666 may be the mark of the beast but 6-6-6-6-6-6 is the mark of an AFC South division putz, er, leader-all three of them. Perhaps we get a tie in this tilt and the mark could change to 6-6-1? Crossed fingers have been engaged.
Min/Jac– The 2-10 Jags were eliminated from playoff contention “just last week” according to somebody with much too much time on their hands. Great job hanging in there, Gus. Whatever you do, don’t let that win/loss record hit you on the way out the door, ’cause that would be remarkably painful. Any bets on him being the first coach fired on the Monday after the regular season finishes up? Say, 6 am local time? Despite a winnable game vs. the Cowboys ending up as an L, the Vikes 5-0 kickstart is looking to be as much of an aberration as the Eagles “out of the gate” 3-0. “But they could still turn it around!”, some will say-and yes, that is in the realm of possibility and will gain credence after they whoop the Jags but, no. You had your chance in the middle of the season and you blew it.
There. Let’s pretend you’re all caught up. Now, GIMMEE SOME OF THAT WORD/GIF-BASED LOVIN’!
I am typing this: The bears were not allowed to compete in that game.
Pick six by some guy I’ve never heard of!
Never mind.
HERE COMES A SAFETY
Also hahahahaha fuck Cam Newton forever hahahahahah
Chargers… making this… a game? WHYYYYYYYYYY
Or… not. Phew.
Jim. Caldwell’s. Fuck. Lions. Of. Destiny!
I have no love for either team obvs, but lions/bears is being horribly managed by triplette. He needs to be gone immediately.
CAMCEPTIONDOWN!
My swearing at the TV is in Pro Bowl form today
Mailed in? Largely absent due to fake injury?
Funny, as I am a manager for postal workers, and Melvin Gordon’s fake injury has fucked me in my last 2 leagues.
I assure you that was random. It was solely an indictment on the pro bowl.
Ohhhh my. Bears fans gon b piiiiiiiissed.
Eh.
It seems the Bears’ primary color today is yellow. 139 penalty yards!
Clais Campbell is a piece of shit
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/07/Terminator-Ill-Be-Back-GIF.gif
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Wine-GIFS.gif?gs=a
Rivers to Chargers fans in the 4th quarter this year:
How will this Bears game end? Back breaking INT or heroic push into field goal position with a SHANK for Barth?
Win to fuck up draft position
I want a tie.
I change my answer, 9 more penalties then a safety
Stillers radio just said THE BEN has passed Vinny Testaverde for tenth all-time in NFL passing yards. HARF HARF HARF
Testaverde is #10?! Wow.
Like your mom always says, endurance matters.
Wait now they are holding tryouts for receiver??! – A concerned Nelson Agholor
http://www.ohmagif.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/dude-playing-catch-and-eat-banana-with-dog.gif
Mine will do that. His catching ability is quite good.
So, reports are that the Bengals wanted Hue Jackson to take over for Marvin Lewis in two years.
Dodged that bullet, huh?
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/itsalwayssunny/images/f/fa/Cole_Armstrong.jpg
Let the record reflect I picked Oakland, Arizona, and Denver all to win on the road this week.
I’m an idiot.
During the Fox pregame, they were all picking “upsets” from the Chargers-Panthers game and I was stunned not a single person thought Titans over Broncos was a good “upset” pick.
Denver should have picked up Ziggy Sbotka instead of Nick. At least Ziggy’s got a big swingin’ dick.
Joe Flacco tries bowling….?
(fuck…fucked up my own joke by not typing this up there)
PRAISE BE TO SHA’NKHOR
Philly is holding sideline tryouts for a long snapper. I’m not even joking.
It’s hilarious.
I have to get back to a more healthy lifestyle starting tomorrow.
My liver is audibly screaming, and I’ve gained 5+ lbs since arriving in Vegas last week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCPEd34Ks7Y
Nelson Agholor did a… good??
Bears are down
They finally did it. This fucking OL finally killed Ryan Tannehill.
Dayyum von butterscotch! Nawtbad.
Long snapper most under appreciated vital position in sports.
Yes, yes it is.
/Remembers when James Harrison was the back up long snapper
http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/09000d5d80bf828f/WK-8-Giants-safety-ties-game
“You’re so naive.”
-Fluffer, water sports
Please sustain that InmanDOWN. 16 points for me.
http://deadfix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/in.gif
/would like to claim that was a reply fail
//was not a reply fail
Alright, so next game is against the Steelers. Oh, good. Now I get to see Run God Bell up close and personal.
He has 46+ points for me this week.
It’s a bye week. A point I have mentioned before and will again. Because I am a petty, petty person.
I traded him in my Keeper League on his bye week. For Devontae Booker.
In my defense, there were salary considerations for next season. But yeah, I hate myself extra.
Ouch.
Just got home from work and took a look. Fuck me, Melvin Gordon better be dead or rub some dirt on it and get back out there.
He ded. Like, real ded. Hip, not knee.
Well, he plays for the Chargers, so he’s probably dead.
Sproles just died for the sin of being an Eagle. Dirty as fuck hit. Capt Kirk better watch out.
I hope there is a full-scale riot. It would be deserved.
Holy shit, I just saw the PFTCommenter thing – WE’RE CELEBRITIES
Spill.
Where he linked to us on the 5th. I’ve been off the grid a bit.
What are you talking about, dad?
The Jeff Fisher/Rasputin theory.
When he linked to us last week. I have been an absentee dad all week.
WHAT HAPPEN ? ? ?
He linked to the Fisher/Rasputin piece I did last week – Beerguyrob linked to it Tuesday night but I have been a terrible internet parent.
DAD DOESN’T LOVE US ANYMORE
Hey, I’m here today for your recital or whatever.
You’re the damn best.
The fans in Philly are getting their battery throwing arms warmed up.
Stafford is really gonna give the entire season away, eh?
Whats the name of the Flag God?
Bleergh. Almighty Bleergh.
BLEERGH. PRAISE BE TO HIM.
Head Referee: “Why did you throw the flag?”
Line Judge: “Well, Mike Nugent’s kick was good. They had to do something wrong, right?”
Hey, that’ll work.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/476909/house-popping-pill-o.gif
It might be time to take a walk with The Ben and tell him about the rabbits…
That’s the voice in my head in all “THE BEN” posts.
It’s a good thing ford field is still new-ish. The weight of the dust on those banners could bring the roof down.
Did you see how Fox carefully framed those shots so you couldn’t see the years on the banners?
Or CBS.
Seriously, THE BEN!
http://s4.postimg.org/z0k3g4ab1/Jamie_Mc_Donald_Hole_punch_your_face.jpg
WHY does Tomlin let The Ben keep throwing? Can he not tell he’s too stupid to process the snow.
Jebus Criminey, THE BEN…
HorseBalls sighting in Carolina!
Awww, I wanted at least one ill-advised pass, directly to a defender.
I need He-mannuel Sanders to score very badly
There ya go boss.
Someone asked about a defense jumping offsides on a fourth down? Meet the Buffalo Bills.
http://www.drodd.com/images13/funny-gifs15.gif
That’s quite mesmerizing.
/claps in hypnotic rhythm
Rex and team discipline do not mix
I think that’ll be on his tombstone.
Iggles now a FG away, unfortunately their range on that is 0.
Here comes the Factory.