Oak/Hou– If you’re a fan of defenses making signal-callers look silly, have I got a game for you. The Raiders rook Connor Cook doesn’t have much of a CV pro-wise-in his only game he threw at a 66.7% rate with one TD and one INT. That one score was to Amari Copper though. Looking back on his career at Michigan State he seems to be a pocket guy with a fair amount of accuracy. If said pocket collapses, don’t expect him to gallivant down the field. As a junior he had his highest rushing avg. which was a paltry 1.5. His strength (aside from a massive arm) appears to be his ability to go through his reads and prevent the old “happy feet” from manifesting themselves. Recently-named All-Pros lb McKinney, lb Mercilus and combo lb/de Clowney should be able to get to Cook. Mercilus and Clowney between them had an astounding 60 pressures. The Houston D ranked 2nd in the league in pass defense and of the guys mentioned above, the oldest is 26. Further good news for them is that lt Donald Penn “Protector of the Blind Side”, has been ruled out of the game.
On t’udder side of the field is the 72 million dollar throwing disaster Brock Osweiler. Looking at the many and varied stats available for the qb position I couldn’t find Brocky occupying a position any better than 27th. I found a few that had him ranked 33rd and 34th as well. You made the right choice, Elway. Houston’s O-such as it is-scored a meager 23 TD’s all year long-that’s dead last for those that can count. Hopefully rb Miller hit the weight room hard during his two game injury absence because he’s gonna have to carry the O on his shoulders and legs-I’m sure he gets 25+ carries today. If Osweiler must go to the air he’ll be dealing with a Raiders secondary (none of whom I recognize, okay maybe Demps) that has held Stafford, Rivers, Rogers and Luck to 235 yards or less. They should get at least two picks during this tilt.
It sure looks like an old-timey ‘possession is everything-win with D-heavy on the run game-don’t turn the ball over’ sort of footballing game. Sure they’ll be some play-action heaving of the ball downfield here and there but not much.
This is our first playoff game of the new year-HAVE AT IT, BOYS AND GIRLS!!!
Do thigh pads do anything?
No, they’re lazy and just sit there usually.
In all seriousness….the first time one is in practice without pads, and gets hit on the quads with a helmet or other hard object…?
Yes, they do something.
No
I love how the fact that the Browns refuse to put a quality product on the field, the Raiders somehow get credit for turning around a franchise in 10 years.
As if its fucking hard to do in the NFL.
This is the easiest fucking league in North America to turn around an organization.
I would argue basketball is easier if you got $$$.
Contracts are easy as shit for owners in the NFL to restructure.
Salary cap makes it more difficult to not have missing pieces, but a bad NFL contract isn’t going to tank a team for a decade.
So the argument is that the NFL is shittiest for the players, so owners can be more nimble? Can’t argue with that. I guess my argument with NBA, it’s a small number of starters on the team, and they have autonomy to go wherever cause of the free agent rules, so you get a couple guys people want to play with, everyone else will come to you if you can pay em. It’s the same guys in the playoffs every year, but not always on the same team.
Even other sports don’t need more than four years to do a full turnaround.
I loath to be one of those fans that think they know better than coaches and players…because I honestly think I don’t know better.
It is 100% certainty I would be, along with any person selected here at random, the best owner the Browns have ever had…
That’s because 99/100 people are like you and would actually want to win. The current owner couldn’t care less.
Why is Mcgloin dressed if he can’t play? Your season is over if you lose. They should have pulled Cook at halftime.
Football in the (Mc)Gloin!
Football in the (Mc)Gloin!
The accuracy to nail such as small target cannot be overstated
Andy Reid thinks this Raiders drive is a little slow
In summation:
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/031/962/489.gif
Shane Lechler: Hall of Fame?
There’s a special hall of fame for punters, right/?
“I vote yes! I’m so so lonely …” — Ray Guy
What’s he complaining about, he can just talk to Pat Summerall’s empty bottles.
So I just saw a tweet from Monica Crowley, a Trump appointee and blonde terrible opinion machine, who is standing beside the Berlin Wall saying that walls work.
Is it really being doomed to repeat history…if its your stated intent?
Mr(s) Crowley!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUZPdFf-zg
scratch that, its just some shitty cover or something. This is the authentic version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDVLMS_Yhe4
How many years in a row do you think the Houston’s can play a team in the first round who’s missing their starting qb and half their WRs?
It’s almost like there are lots of good defensive players on the Texans and JJ Watt is just a creepy asshole who isn’t really that important to the team
But is he Clay Matthews creepy?
Nah, Clay is the creepy winner, JJ is the asshole winner
Uh oh. I sense that, somewhere in the Sports Guy Mansion, Bill Simmons is preparing a 6,000 word column on J.J. Watt and the “Ewing Theory.”
On top of the 8,000 word column he’s writing to refute those of you who suggested below that Ben Affleck has not been in good movies. AH-FLEK IS A SUPAHSTAH! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
It’s so funny to see how he’s evolved in no way whatsoever since becoming famous.
Fuck yea, Gruden saying it’s all about money
Okay…you cannot possibly compare the first Raven’s superbowl team to these Texans.
I’m not saying the Ravens didn’t have a shit offense and a completely unqualified QB. The Ravens defense was so fucking much better in every position than this Texans team.
Better criminals too.
I can’t think of a movie that had Ben Affleck in it that I liked except that Superman movie where he gets murdered.
At least the book was good?
PHANTOMS WAS THE BOMB YO!
/had to
//actually he’s not too terrible in Kevin smith movies. Except chasing amy.
Hot Teak INCOMING!!!!
I cannot stand Kevin Smith movies. The dude cannot write a realistic female character if his life depended on it. He peaked and should have stopped at “Clerks”
Just like George Lucas, Smith is completely insufferable in real life, doesn’t understand what made his movies popular, and needs a fucking editor on his films so they don’t turn into self masturbation crapfests.
I liked “Dogma”; his head asplodes at the end.
Dazed and Confused
Do white people really do that shit with their kids?
This could explain why y’all like to just straight up murder shit loads of people at random intervals.
Yes and yes
Boiler Room?
He did a shitty Baldwin impression and the movie doesn’t stand up on its own
…and the Fat Lady is singing. She’s been singing since the 1st Qtr., but the Raiders keep calling out for another encore.
Looks like the Raiders are…
*puts on sunglasses*
…Cooked.
YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Too many of you like this Cook joke. My earlier version was far better and was only slightly more liked.
http://umad.com/img/2015/5/game-over-gif-8911-9271-hd-wallpapers.jpg
hahaha of course crabtree goes out and oakland gets better
da fuck was that dr pepper commercial
I always thought that was supposed to be Prince, but he’s dead now and I’ve no idea.
Reminder from Drew’s column last week re: Connor Cook:
•Connor Cook starts for the Raiders on Saturday and it’s worth remembering that Cook fell in the draft because he big-timed Archie Griffin, and because scouts basically called him the Antichrist:
“Let’s put it this way: he’s not Kirk Cousins,” another scout said. “The person kills him. Selfish. He goes out too much. It’s a tell-tale sign when your teammates don’t like you, and I know they don’t. He’s good, but that position is more than physical attributes. It’s also leadership. Is he going to lead your guys? I don’t think so. He’ll be a starter but I don’t think he can lead you to the promised land.” Fifth-year senior from Hinckley, Ohio. Passer rating was 95.2, Wonderlic was 25. “He stinks,” a third scout said. “Wildly inaccurate (57.5% career). Average arm, average mobility, average field vision. Not a leader. Not aware. Someone will take him in the second, third or fourth round and he’s going to disappoint. The owner needs to fire the GM right after they pick him if someone takes him in the first. But when the Buffalo Bills took EJ Manuel in the first, all bets are off.”
“He’s not Kirk Cousins”
So….good I guess?
Sigh
We’ve secretly replaced Connor Cook with Blake Bortles. Let’s see if anyone notices!
a cookdown?
a cookdown!
Onside kick here right?
Why? It’ll be a three and out anyway.
I would love to see a huge 90+ yard pick six here.
NOAP
ALL THE PASSES INTERFERED WITH
Um.. Facemask?
Oakland getting all the offensive PI calls that New England will not get next week
We can only hope.
Ah, bill o breins true purpose
I don’t see it. I think he just got called cause his name is Mychal
that one texan cheerleader was way in the background and still the camel toe was omnipresent
Cook has to be the most surprised person that Holmes caught that.
We are witnessing the future of the NFL. As more and more parents come to the realization that allowing your children to play full contact sports makes you a horrific parent, the talent pool will start to drop. Eventually all the skill positions will be filled with really shitty talent.
The games are going to become more unwatchable. Eventually the NFL will turn into something like rugby. There will be a league, but it will be a fringe sport.
I’m not saying this is happening immediately, but I think in my lifetime, the NFL is going to turn into boxing…a sport that most people don’t bother to follow at all and annoying writings will write massive screeds about how it used to be such a great game.
3 tds against the raiders and earlier in the year, colts
it’s almost as if the texans are good against shitty defenses
So, when does the other game start?
You’ll know were in hell if this game loops over and over.
Welp.
Another advantage to not having children? Less likely to be entangled in a horrible action movie.
Disad: Less likely to be involved in a heartwarming holiday movie.
Equally likely to be involved in a heart-removing horror movie.
At one point, someone has to sit Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) down and point out that he is a terrible father and husband.
this is almost as bad as the wildcard game when the Cardinals a few years ago had like 78 total fucking yards against the Panthers
Bill O’Brien is a goddamn whiner. Fuck him.
That is all.
Chicken thighs are marinating for tika masala for the late game.
I’ll take two.
37 combined yards of offense in the whole fucking quarter? That HAS to be a (postwar?) record.
Oh, that should make it fitty!
Raiders can’t catch a break to save their fucking lives.
They’re gonna get a couple months break shortly.
Derek Carr’s fibula would beg to differ ,, imo godbless
Marquette King for MVPunter
He’d get 3/5ths of the vote. Should be enough
This Marquette King, Ima call him Oedipus because he got juked so bad on that return it looked like he gouged both his eyes out.
“You mean you aren’t even allowed to run into a BLACK kicker?!”
-Texas
Perfection.
This game is so bad, I’m more motivated to finish some accounting than continue to watch it.
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/i-got-drunk-last-night-and-decided-to-do-my-taxes-im-getting-back-4000000-22034.png
I actually really enjoy doing my taxes.
Remember when Oakland traded their coach for a first round pick and a winter loss the the Patriots?
3rd down and 1 MILLION YARDS
I really want McGloin to succeed so he can someday introduce himself on MNF as “Matt McGloin, son of McGroin, father of Gimli, under the Lonely Mountain.”
In my head, so sharing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=qHBYm8jOMwo
Anybody else giving up booze for January? On a completely unrelated note, anybody else kick a hole in the wall this morning because you spilled coffee on your pants?
Yes.
Hopefully not for all of January, but I have to be dry for a few weeks. Boooooo
We declared that we wouldn’t buy any booze in the new year. It’s our presumption that our existing liquor collection will carry us through, and it just might.
For lack of other peni to suck, the commentators have turned to McGloin?