Your “Paging Tom Coughlin’s Red Face. Please Pick Up The White Courtesy Telegraph” NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

“Anyone can ‘lick the table’-that’s for amateurs. A real pro knows that the good bits are directly beneath the table sitting there on the floor.”

-Andy Reid, misinterpreting Aaron Rodgers’ prediction

NYG/GB– 6 in a row vs. 9 of 11. Fourth in scoring vs. second in points allowed. The Pack has scored 30+ in their last 4 and the Giants have allowed 10 or less in 3 of their last four. The Giants have more interceptions than TD’s allowed. Rodgers sports a 15/0 TD/INT ratio since the winning streak began. THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD GAME. Game-wise the big fear for the Giants is if Rodgers is able to find lanes to run/elongate plays so that a wr can get open. The Giants do have two lockdown guys at cb (Jenkins, Rogers-Cromartie) and an All Pro at safety in Collins. That combined with a dl that can clog up running lanes and ends that can get to the qb has this Giants fan engaging in a modicum of hope that the victory can be pulled out. With Rodgers and the Giants D so evenly matched I guess it comes down to which is more capable-the Pack’s D or the Giants Eli Manning-led O? Shut up! The run game has improved greatly since rb Perkins has started. Over the last 3 games he’s averaged 4.8 ypc. So there. [deliberately ignores Manning’s 9TD/6INT stat line in the last 6 games] Green Bay’s secondary is a mess and OBJ can break one at any time, you know. Plus the punter Brad Wing/gunner Dwayne Harris combo has played lights-out the last few games!

…Dammit-I’m still not convinced the Giants can take this. Let’s watch this scrotum-tightening bastard game, shall we?

GO-GO GADGET COMMENTERS!!!

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Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

Folks, trust me when I tell you that you should be happier with your commercials than the ones we get up here. They are low budget and repetitive. I wish they would throw in some Canadian Heritage vignettes for good measure.

The Maestro

As Beerguyrob wrote last year, the CRTC is a fucking stain on Canadian TV. Those fucking Heritage Minutes, man.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/01/30/the-super-bowl-canadian-tv-regulations-so-much-misplaced-nationalism/

Horatio Cornblower

Buck says “11 inches thick” and Aikman moans and passes out.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve missed the Troy is gay jokes.

Brick Meathook

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Shogun Marcus

“Stairwell 135-137. Guy fell over and hit his head.”

ThePirateSloth

Every single time Joe Buck says Micah Hyde, in my head I hear Jambi

Shogun Marcus

I thought I was alone.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

OBJ WOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT IF HE HADNT BEEN DISTRACTED ON THAT BOAT
–Greggggg Easterbrook, probably

Shogun Marcus

I may be a Pollack, but I ain’t stupid. I’m safely ensconced at home. I got folks and devices keeping me up to speed on shenanigans.

Shogun Marcus

My friends at the game…they’re not typing much.

herodotus450

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ballsofsteelandfury

Glad to hear it.

King Hippo

ah, that explains your reticence to spend to much time around teh Lambeau stormtroopers.

King Hippo

yeah, here I was thinking your OL was generally purty good??

The Maestro

DEEEEERRRRRRPPPPPPP

fleshwound_NPG

MAYBE IF OBJ DIDN’T GO ON THAT TRIP LAST WEEK HE WON’T HAVE TWO KEY DROPS ALREADY HUUUUUUUUURRRRRR DURRRR

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Damn, I should have scrolled down

/also what Stephen Hawking’s wife says all the time

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s a TD if Shepherd doesn’t have to come to a full stop and take a step back to make the catch.

And now Eli overcompensates to Beckham.

Horatio Cornblower

A kid who’s going to get one hell of a surprise next time he has a cough.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Did you make sure your cough medicine had the hallucinogens in it? It is a waste if it doesn’t and you will just get tired. He could just be helping you out.

King Hippo

he learn someday CHUH CHUH

Mother Puncher

You’ll be fine. It’s an extra small.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ugh. So it is gonna be constant Chevy commercials on this channel. What have I done to forsake you god? Other than deny your existence and constantly mock anyone who believes in you.

ballsofsteelandfury

We should give special props to Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus for commenting AT the game.

I don’t know how the fuck he’s able to type correctly with gloves on.

King Hippo

plus he’s likely risking ejection, given the somewhat…Germanic atmosphere??

Horatio Cornblower

Interesting strategy by Samsung there, focusing on a guy using their product to give himself a massive coronary.

Although I suppose it would distract from the propensity of their phones to blow up and consume the user in a ball of flame. So there’s that.

King Hippo

has anyone ever been a more than 2 TD underdog in the Divisional Round (before HOU, now), in the salcap era??

Horatio Cornblower

How big an underdog were the Seahawks that year they beat the Saints?

King Hippo

think just 9 or 10. They were still at home, at least.

fleshwound_NPG

Jags over Elway and the Donks in 96 had to be a substantial spread

King Hippo

ouch at that memory

Shogun Marcus

1 series, 1 ejection. Makes 3 peeps so far.

Horatio Cornblower

Just got back and turned on the game. Looks cold. I don’t suppose they’ve mentioned the temperature have they?

The Maestro

Speaking of locations that are currently experiencing frigid temperatures, did you know that Detroit happens to be the hometown of former NFL player Jerome Bettis?

Horatio Cornblower

The hell you say!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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litre_cola

There are many tight ends who used to excel at basketball.

Dunstan

You guys are so smart. Did you go to Harvard with Ryan Fitzpatrick?

The Maestro

shud of put on a shrit earlyer 2 help u catch that pass obj,,, smh (no ofense)

Senor Weaselo

There are no ties so you could potentially play forever, ppl forget that.

Smithchez

Good call on the punt, Ben. The playoffs are no time to be aggressive.

Dunstan

Shanklor is displeased.

Horatio Cornblower

“Eh, if this doesn’t work out we’ll get ’em next week.”

The Maestro

Current enjoying a Creemore Springs Premium Lager. Good ol’ basic-small-town-Ontario brew. Always reliable, always there for you, unlike your football team or your family, which often let you down for entirely inexplicable reasons.

The Maestro

I can, and have, drink them all day long, no question. Smooth as silk.

Brocky

The 2011 green bay packers:

Only 15-1 team to no win a playoff game!

JustStopDude
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Joe Buck’s attempt at a beard is exactly as convincing as Aaron Rodgers’.

Senor Weaselo

Did he try beard plugs?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think you made the same comment 7 hours ago.

/ Admits my beard is just as terrible but i know it

Smithchez

How the fuck you doin, boys? Shall we drank?

...

The people of Green Bay are a lifetime of constant drinking ahead of you.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah, fuck those guys…. Wait, HEY!

...

Despite the fact many folks I know loathe the Mid-west, I find I like the region. In particular, Michigan for its ability to produce great beer and Wisconsin for its great ability to consume it.

Senor Weaselo

I forget that the Giants have running backs sometimes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So do they.

litre_cola

Jennings can die in a flaming auto wreck with Stallworth driving. He has ruined 2 seasons for me the prick.

Shogun Marcus

Section 102, upper concourse. Not capable of standing.

Bortleback

So I know most if not all of you guys dislike where PFT is spreading his hilarity at the moment, but I like to follow what he’s doing – and my god he’s even better when he’s mocking people in person. I’d recommend having a listen to PMT.

The Maestro

I tried to keep up, but my gigantic hate of all things B**stool just can’t let me do it. It’s a real shame. I believe you, and good for you for being able to sift through the gigantic pile of shit to get to the good stuff.

Shogun Marcus

What happens when your waiting list is over 128k
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Dunstan

That’s got to make for some nasty divorces in Wisconsin.

Shogun Marcus

There’s been legit violence.

Brocky

Don’t you know 90 of all packers fans live in the greater Chicago area?

Brocky

Ghost busters 2 of Wayans world 2:

Which is the better comedy sequel?

Shogun Marcus

1st ejection roughly 10 minutes ago. No details yet.

Brick Meathook

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want to punch both of them so bad today. I had them on mute and was only flipping back to see if the game started yet. The urge is very strong today anyways.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck….Aikman looks how I feel.
Fuck, now I’m depressed.

litre_cola

I believe that today calls for the making of THC Blondies in honoUr of Erin Andrews’ hair. Now the house will smell like baking, and baking.

The Maestro

Goddamn, I really miss edibles. I’m not gonna lie.

litre_cola

I get the Cannibutter shipped from my brother in law in Kelowna. Maestro, within our frozen country there are only 3 places where there are dogs. Vancouver, Toronto, and Montreal. They are really only used for international packages. Weed is shipped everywhere now. My depot reeks of it on Fridays as that is when the medicinal stuff comes through.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anything with THC and Blondes….and I’m in.
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Brocky

8/10 no gloves wold not bang enthusiastically

theeWeeBabySeamus

da fuq is it with you and gloves?
Oh yeah….I see it now……
(we might have Sexy Friday theme upcoming….just for Brocky)
http://images.enstarz.com/data/images/full/154748/cara-delevingne.jpg

litre_cola

Let me know when the curvy redhead Friday is and we could attempt sending edibles over the border….

Brocky

I feel like we’ve had 4 separate “redhead” sexy fridays.

At least we did with pack man around.

Brocky

Why does any man have any fetish?

It all depends how attractive some one is, and the right variable helps.

Like a nice curvy redhead.

fleshwound_NPG

fuck riggle

ballsofsteelandfury

Erin Andrews is frigid.

Her words, not mine.

litre_cola

I would like to help her out please.

fleshwound_NPG

i’d try warming up a specific place

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s a better word. It begins with “C”.
But yeah…let’s got with “frigid”.

...

Erin Andrews reminds me of every braying, obnoxious sorority girl I ever met.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Bortleback

The Texans are gonna get their shit pushed in at Foxboro

litre_cola

I would jump off my balcony in to 4 feet of snow in my boxers if Osweiler pulled that off. Seriously.

Shogun Marcus

NE favored by 16. Pitt by 1.

Cecil Rhodes

We’ll all be so jelly of New England’s success.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
fleshwound_NPG

finally, fuck this game

Brick Meathook

THANK GOD THAT’S OVER

King Hippo

shouldn’t one just take a knee at this point? Do you really toss a Hail Mary FOAR gambling purposes?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

4th and 31? Bet Miami wishes they were playing Green Bay. And that Matt Moore was Donovan McNabb. And that they didn’t suck.

fleshwound_NPG

4th and a million

King Hippo

LOLfins line were all like “were we not false starting there??”

Brick Meathook

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