Oscars 2017: I’m Sorry, I Don’t Know Anything About La La Land

I told myself I was going to try to keep my Oscar posts a little shorter this year. So far, well… Here are your 2017 Academy Award nominees!

BEST PICTURE
Arrival
Fences
Hacksaw Ridge
Hell or High Water
Hidden Figures
La La Land
Lion
Manchester by the Sea
Moonlight

I’m behind on my top-of-ticket viewing so far this year, having seen only Arrival and Hell or High Water so far. For that reason, and also because I’m sure I’m going to spend a lot of time talking about each of these nine movies for the next month, I’m not going to say a lot here, but both Arrival and Hell are terrific and I’m thrilled I saw them. Everything I’ve heard suggests this is a very strong group from top to bottom; Moonlight, Hidden Figures, Manchester, and La La Land have all been high on my to-see list since their releases.

But what about…? I hate when the Academy doesn’t nominate ten films in this category. I understand why the math usually works out that way, but no way in hell were there only nine movies this year worthy of this level of recognition. The biggest snub, in my opinion, is The VVitch.  It’s my favorite movie I’ve seen so far from 2016, and (or as some horror buffs might put it, because) I’m not really even a horror fan. It’s an impeccably crafted, superbly acted feminist parable, and I’m a sucker for horror movies that are about something underneath the scares. I’d also have been happy to see DeadpoolSilenceCaptain FantasticKubo and the Two Strings, or even Foreign Language nominee Toni Erdmann here.

BEST DIRECTOR
Denis Villeneuve, Arrival
Mel Gibson, Hacksaw Ridge
Damien Chazelle, La La Land
Kenneth Lonergan, Manchester by the Sea
Barry Jenkins, Moonlight

Again, Arrival‘s the only one of these I’ve seen. I really liked Villaneuve’s Sicario last year, and he’s leveled up in a big way since then. Most observers seem to be calling this a two-horse race between Chazelle and Jenkins. Moonlight looks likely to be the deeper, more compelling film, but if Chazelle wins, I’ll just call it justice for 2014’s Whiplash.

But what about…? It’s a shame not to see Scorsese nominated for Silence; he’s been trying to get this movie made since Richard Linklater started filming Boyhood, give or take, and it really is an interesting meditation on faith and redemption.

BEST ACTOR
Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea
Andrew Garfield, Hacksaw Ridge
Ryan Gosling, La La Land
Viggo Mortensen, Captain Fantastic
Denzel Washington, Fences

I’m thrilled that Viggo Mortensen landed a nomination here. Captain Fantastic is a fascinating movie that’s superficially similar to Little Miss Sunshine—an idiosyncratic family road trip movie—but thematically more akin to Whiplash in its exploration of the costs of pursuing a certain kind of perfection.

But what about…? Ryan Gosling! Yeah, he’s nominated for La La Land, but it’s hard for me to imagine a better performance from him than he had in Shane Black’s The Nice Guys. Colin Farrell, in The Lobster, played an essential part in making that movie’s entire bizarre universe feel real, grounded, and immediate. Ryan Reynolds put on a great show as the title character in Deadpool, and while it was never going to happen, I wouldn’t have minded a nomination for Green Room‘s Anton Yelchin (God rest him) for bringing that movie’s almost unimaginable horrors to life.

BEST ACTRESS
Isabelle Huppert, Elle
Ruth Negga, Loving
Natalie Portman, Jackie
Emma Stone, La La Land
Meryl Streep, Florence Foster Jenkins

I’ve only caught Florence Foster Jenkins, a perfectly fine and heartwarming movie, but not must-see material by any means. And as good as Meryl is in pretty much anything (and yes, she’s very good in this), her nomination feels more given than earned. It is nice to see Loving get a nod. Even though I haven’t seen it yet, it’s a story that means a lot to me, and I hadn’t read a lot of people talking lately about the movie or Negga’s work in it.

But what about…? Amy Adams is probably the most egregious snub in any category this year. She’s low-key perfection in Arrival, professional and inquisitive and vulnerable all at once. (I understand she’s also quite good in Nocturnal Animals.) As the heart of The VVitch, Anya Taylor-Joy would certainly have been one of my picks here. So, most likely, would Kate Beckinsale, who finally got to take a break from making Underworld movies and rewarded audiences with a charming, mischievous performance in the Austen adaptation Love & Friendship.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Mahershala Ali, Moonlight
Jeff Bridges, Hell or High Water
Lucas Hedges, Manchester by the Sea
Dev Patel, Lion
Michael Shannon, Nocturnal Animals

Everyone seems to be saying this is Mahershala Ali’s race to lose, and I’m in no position to disagree. I will say that Bridges is great as Hell or High Water‘s menacing and complicated antagonist.

But what about…? Ralph Ineson brings a striking duality to his patriarch character in The VVitch, equal parts terrified and terrifying, that’s essential to the message of the movie. Russell Crowe is as good as Ryan Gosling or better in The Nice Guys, but I’m guessing he’d be slotted into the Supporting category if nominated.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Viola Davis, Fences
Naomie Harris, Moonlight
Nicole Kidman, Lion
Octavia Spencer, Hidden Figures
Michelle Williams, Manchester by the Sea

For the moment, I’m flying completely blind here. The betting odds heavily favor Viola Davis. Between her, Ali, and a number of other nominees of color, this year is mercifully shaping up to be much, much less white than the last one.

But what about…? Chloë Sevigny in Love & Friendship? Maybe? Or Kate Dickey in The VVitch? I don’t really feel strongly about anyone I’ve seen this year being left out.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Kubo and the Two Strings
Moana
My Life as a Zucchini
The Red Turtle
Zootopia

The two nominees I haven’t seen yet, Moana and Zucchini, are going to have a hard time unseating Kubo as my favorite animated film of the year. Zootopia‘s the one I would have left off; it’s beautifully rendered, fun and endearing, but as a movie about rejecting prejudice, it stumbles at times into inadvertently offering justifications for it.

But what about…? Finding Dory. Like Zootopia, it has a bit of a problem with undermining its own message, but in my view its flaws are less severe and its emotional impact is greater. And I know criticizing a movie that wasn’t even nominated here makes me a jerk, but I was relieved not to see The Little Prince, which didn’t really seem to understand its own source material, on this list.

BEST DOCUMENTARY
Fire at Sea
I Am Not Your Negro
Life, Animated
O.J.: Made in America
13th

I’m doing well on documentaries. I’ve already seen 13th, Fire at Sea, Life, Animated, and all 5000 hours of O.J.: Made in America. The subject matter may be even heavier this year than usual, including three films about race relations in America, one not-particularly-hopeful depiction of the European refugee migrant crisis, and, for a palate cleanser, a sweet documentary about how Disney’s animated movies helped a man growing up with autism make sense of the world. At this point I prefer the focused argument of 13th to the wide-ranging, O.J.-as-theory-of-everything approach of Made in America, but there’s no denying the remarkable achievement of the latter, which might end up the first TV miniseries to win an Oscar.

But what about…? There were so many deserving nominees here that it seems like a real shame to limit the category to five. Weiner would certainly not have lightened the mood here, but it’s a devastatingly in-depth look into one of the most spectacular personal train wrecks of our time, and I was surprised not to see it listed. Tower, a documentary on the 1966 UT Tower shooting, was always more of a long shot, but I was incredibly impressed by its vivid-but-respectful combination of voice acting and animation with the testimony of real survivors to make that day’s raw emotions real and immediate. Ivory Game, essentially a war documentary about elephant poaching, and Witness, a searching piece of myth-interrogating journalism about the murder of Kitty Genovese, could also have made this list without any objections from me.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Land of Mine (Denmark)
A Man Called Ove
(Sweden)
The Salesman
(Iran)
Tanna
(Australia)
Toni Erdmann
(Germany)

Toni Erdmann is getting all the buzz in this race, and having just seen it, I’ve got to say it’s deserved. Generally speaking, no one is breaking down the theater doors to watch a German comedy, but Erdmann is the funniest thing I’ve seen this year in any language. The other ones I’ve watched here are Tanna, a true Romeo-and-Juliet story acted out by the Vanuatuan natives who lived through it, and Land of Mine, a shocking account of the post-World War II landmine cleanup on the beaches of Denmark.

But what about…? I’ve been putting off watching it myself, but I remember critics being stunned when South Korea’s The Handmaiden wasn’t even submitted by its country for competition.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Arrival
La La Land
Lion
Moonlight
Silence

This is the only nomination for Silence, which seems to have surprised a lot of people. I think that’s more a sign of the stiff competition in major categories this year than any particular flaws in Silence, which is a better movie than Scorsese’s last project, The Wolf of Wall Street. In any case, it’s unquestionably a beautifully shot movie throughout, whether it’s showing you the lush, scenic Japanese coastline or the austere confines or a prison camp.

But what about…? Lion cinematographer Greig Fraser could easily have had a second entry in this category with Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. You could fill a good-sized coffee table book with breathtaking frames from Rogue One.

BEST FILM EDITING
Arrival
Hacksaw Ridge
Hell or High Water
La La Land
Moonlight

All Best Picture-nominated heavyweights here, which is typical for a category that historically has served as a bellwether for the Best Picture winner. Arrival and Hell or High Water are very different films with very different rhythms to them, but each flows well and neither has a bit of unnecessary padding. From what I’ve read so far, though, it’s unlikely that either is the eventual winner.

But what about…? Editing is honestly not something I notice in a movie unless I’m specifically trying to notice it. I’m at a loss to propose any additions or substitutions.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Hell or High Water
La La Land
The Lobster
Manchester by the Sea
20th Century Women

I love, love, love the inclusion of The Lobster, the absolute strangest movie I’ve seen in Awards Year 2016. The premise: Single people have 45 days to find a partner or be turned into an animal of their choosing. The Lobster does not even once act as though this is absurd or even worth remarking on for non-expository purposes. It’s a trip, and unless you’re squeamish about movies where animals are harmed, you should check it out.

But what about…? A lot of research went into The VVitch‘s screenplay both linguistically authentic and representative of actual historical incidents of witchcraft accusations. The Nice Guys is a very smart comedy about some very dumb people, and both its visual gags and its dialogue always seem to land perfectly.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Arrival
Fences
Hidden Figures
Lion
Moonlight

Arrival is a perfect little puzzle box, giving you every tool you need to decode its plot but handing them over so gradually and naturally that you won’t even recognize the tools for what they are. I don’t see it winning the prize, mostly because the movie’s biggest flaw is wholly a storytelling issue, but Eric Heisserer’s screenplay more than earns its place here. The rest? I’m sure they’re also excellent. I’ll find out for sure sometime in the next month.

But what about…? If Deadpool belonged anywhere in these Oscars, it belonged here. The Deadpool script is whip-smart and irreverent, qualities I’m sure the Very Serious Academy hates in it. And I’ve never read Jane Austen’s Lady Susan, but I can tell you that Whit Stillman’s adaptation of it, Love & Friendship, is lively and funny and an absolute delight to watch. And then there’s Birth of a Nation. The Sundance Film Festival darling has flaws that would probably have caused it to lose momentum even without the resurfacing rape allegations against director/writer/lead actor Nate Parker. (Of course, we here at DFO have always known that Nat Turner was a piece of shit.) But the movie drew rave reviews at its premiere for good reasons: It’s a powerful account of righteous vengeance that allows black people to be the authors of their own liberation, rather than relying on a white savior character as in The Help or even the outstanding 12 Years a Slave.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
Extremis
4.1 Miles
Joe’s Violin
Watani: My Homeland
The White Helmets

I’ve already got Extremis4.1 Miles, Joe’s Violin, and The White Helmets under my belt. Joe’s Violin is the closest we’re going to get to a Holocaust movie this year, which I suppose makes it the cynic’s betting favorite, but it’s also a legitimately uplifting little film about a survivor’s gift to a young musician. The rest of the field shades much, much less cheery; three of the documentaries (4.1 MilesWatani, and White Helmets) are, in one way or another, about the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Syria, and Extremis investigates medical professionals and family members forced to deal with end-of-life care.

But what about…? Frame 394 asks hard questions about the 2015 police shooting of Walter Scott, and by extension, about the American justice system as a whole. Nominated or not, it’s well worth the 30 minutes you’ll need to watch it.

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT
Ennemis Intérieurs
La Femme et le TGV
Silent Nights
Sing
Timecode

Your guess is as good as mine. I haven’t been able to catch a single one of these yet and I don’t know a thing about any of them. My only thought here is that the Academy’s animation wing robbed us of the opportunity to have two nominated films named Sing in the same show.

But what about…? I’ve got nothing.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT
Blind Vaysha
Borrowed Time
Pear Cider and Cigarettes
Pearl
Piper

Piper is one of the absolute best things I’ve seen this year of any length, and if I learned anything from the fate of World of Tomorrow last year, it’s that I therefore should be very pessimistic about Piper‘s odds of winning. Pearl‘s an outside-the-box experiment from Google, built for VR but watchable in a browser window, that reminds me more of the indie video game Virginia than any previous animated film. The only other one I’ve seen, Borrowed Time, is pretty dark, but that didn’t keep Bear Story from winning this category last year.

But what about…? The only other animated short I’ve seen in 2016 is Once Upon a Line. It’s fine, but I don’t think I’d substitute it for anything above.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Deepwater Horizon
Doctor Strange
The Jungle Book
Kubo and the Two Strings
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Every single nominee in a visual or sound effects category from 2015 was damned good; it says a lot that the weakest of the bunch was the crowd-pleasing Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I’ve seen Jungle BookKubo, and Rogue One out of these five, and I’ve heard very good things about Doctor Strange, but the thought of sitting through a Mark Wahlberg disaster movie—even a fairly well-reviewed one like Deepwater Horizon—makes my head hurt. If I’m picking a winner right now, I think it’s got to be Jungle Book for the dazzling array of creatures the CGI specialists brought to life, but I also love the lively, splashy effects added to the stop-motion KuboRogue One is going to be divisive, on account of its fairly literal reanimation of a couple of people from the original trilogy, but I’ve got to admit the CG actors look about as real as you’ll ever get.

But what about…? I feel like 10 Cloverfield Lane deserves some recognition, if not for another stellar showing from John Goodman, then maybe for the effects.

BEST SOUND EDITING
Arrival
Deepwater Horizon
Hacksaw Ridge
La La Land
Sully

This is Sully’s only nomination, and I can’t say I’m too broken up about that. To me, Clint Eastwood seemed to be really stretching to make a compelling movie out of Chesley Sullenberger’s miracle landing, a remarkable story but one without much inherent conflict to it. I’ll give Sully this, though: It sounds incredible. The engines, the water, the deforming metal of the plane, everything is spot on, which is good because Eastwood brings you back to the crash approximately once every three minutes.

But what about…? I think I remember the sound in Midnight Special being good, but if you read last year, you know I don’t claim to be particularly discerning on this subject.

BEST SOUND MIXING
Arrival
Hacksaw Ridge
La La Land
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

I hoped and prayed that I wouldn’t have to endure 13 Hours this year, and goddamn, I was so close. Turns out the movie’s not so much offensively bad as just bad in a workmanlike, technically adept sort of way. Its nomination here is basically all about the gun battles, and Michael Bay’s crew does a fine job balancing their chaotic noise. Rogue One does it better, though.

But what about…? The Jungle Book would have been a solid choice here.

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
Arrival
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Hail, Caesar!
La La Land
Passengers

Hail, Caesar! fully deserves its inclusion here on the merits of its epic 1950s-style movie sets alone. And Arrival‘s art team had a particularly important responsibility: Designing the alien language that’s the primary driver for the movie’s entire plot. I’ve got to hand it to Fantastic Beasts‘ production designers as well for rendering 1920s New York and the magical landscape inside Eddie Redmayne’s suitcase with equal skill and attention to detail.

But what about…? The VVitch director Robert Eggers is a former stage production designer, and it shows. The VVitch‘s sets aren’t large or flashy, but like everything else about the movie they’re meticulously authentic.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Allied
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Florence Foster Jenkins
Jackie
La La Land

Shout-out here to Allied, the movie rumored to have destroyed Angelina Jolie’s marriage. Of the two I’ve seen here, Fantastic Beasts and Florence Foster Jenkins, I’ve got to give this to the parallel-1920s fashion of the Harry Potter prequel.

But what about…? Silence‘s detailed period costumes, encompassing a wide range of 17th century Japanese clothing as well as the robes for its Portuguese Jesuit priests, could easily have been nominated for this award.

BEST MAKEUP & HAIRSTYLING
A Man Called Ove
Star Trek Beyond
Suicide Squad

Of these, I’ve only seen Star Trek, and it’s got, you know, the makeup you’d expect from a Star Trek movie, which is good! Meanwhile, Ove is one of two nominees in the “lesser” feature film categories (Documentary and Animated) to grab additional nominations, the other being Kubo and the Two Strings. I can’t explain why, but I love when this happens.

But what about…? Deadpool. It’s a surprise that both it and Florence Foster Jenkins missed, but Deadpool is the more baffling exclusion. I wish I knew why this category usually only has three nominations.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Jackie
La La Land
Lion
Moonlight
Passengers

I’m in the dark here, having seen exactly none of these.

But what about…? Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is the first Star Wars movie not scored by John Williams, and doesn’t suffer a bit for replacing him with Micheal Giacchino. Jóhann Jóhannsson’s Arrival score was a surprise omission for me, really showing off the composer’s extraordinary range.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
“Audition (The Fools Who Dream),” La La Land
“Can’t Stop the Feeling,” Trolls
“City of Stars,” La La Land
“The Empty Chair,” Jim: The James Foley Story
“How Far I’ll Go,” Moana

Unlike last year, I’m actually going to try to watch all five of these movies. (The absence of a Fifty Shades movie in the field helps, as does the fact that three of the songs are from two films nominated elsewhere.) “The Empty Chair” was a surprise here, and its nomination prevents the HBO documentary machine from being completely shut out. It’s a touching tribute by Sting to murdered conflict journalist James Foley, and in my opinion, it’s good enough to merit its spot. It’s the only one of these songs I’ve heard so far, so I’ll withhold judgment for now.

But what about…? Withhold judgment, that is, except to say that Irish musical Sing Street‘s “Drive It Like You Stole It” is an unconscionable omission. What the hell, Academy?

Cheers, guys. See you in February.

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makeitsnowondem
make it snow is an alot of beer. He is also a Broncos fan living in Denver.
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Sill Bimmons

I thoroughly enjoyed this even though I only see one film per year.

jjfozz

THESE OSCARS, I CALL THEM BIBLICAL TIMES, BECAUSE THEIR ARE A LOT OF MISGUIDED PEOPLE WORSHIPPING A GOLDEN STATUE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*White people

Redshirt

I’m proud to say I am not watching the Oscars. 20 years and counting!

Romonobyl

Arrival would have been a lot better if Michael Bay had directed it, then it wouldn’t be so overburdened with words and thinking and stuff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

what the fuck is this shit

what is this muppet doing to my dear sweet alexandra d’addario

Romonobyl

And the letter’s of today are D and P.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fucking funny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s Kendra Krull from an Oscar worthy movie; Extreme Movie. If you can’t even recognize her it speak to how close she is with me now. Alexandra confided in me that she did have anal with Cookie Monster, their break-up was amicable.

Redshirt

I need source. Not for “science”; just for morbid curiousity.

laserguru

I’m just like you Make It Snow and saw the same 2 best picture nominees.
I dug Arrival and had a fond spot for Hell or High Water but I’m not sure it deserves the lofty accolades.
I too will be seeing the other nominated movies over the next few weeks and will offer a full and spoiler free review upon viewing.

Thanks for this. You are our Oscar god!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

I wonder if A Dog’s Purpose will be up for any awards next year? I hope so, just to see PETA get all wadded up again.
Gonna see it tomorrow afternoon with the Mrs. I hope there are protesters there, because I plan on wearing a leather jacket over a “FUCK HARAMBE!” t-shirt, leather pants (if they still fit, the ’80s was awhile ago), turtle skin boots and a freshly murdered California Condor as a scarf while noshing on a massive brisket burrito the entire time in line.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% in favor of animal rights and strongly support the ASPCA and other legit causes. All I’m saying is fuck PETA.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; PETA is not really about wildlife protection, or even protection of, and prevention of cruelty to animals. It’s about PETA. There are plenty of good places to give that actually do those things; just takes a little research to find out where their money goes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

1000% true. An independent no-kill shelter is a good start.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No! If you support A Dog’s Purpose, Old School Zero will get promoted and be put in charge of development at Sony! That brings us one step closer to the breeding pits!

ballsofsteelandfury

Go Pacific!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Zelda on the organ? I approve.

ballsofsteelandfury

This Nick Jonas performance… wow. I feel embarrassed for him.

Sharkbait

I muted the hell out of this before it started.

ballsofsteelandfury

You can tell everyone inside went to get a beer.

Unsurprised

LAAAANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

herodotus450

He’s no Ashley Simpson amirite?

herodotus450

Wait, so each period (game) is split in two 10 minute halves?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heh, glad to see the acid got distributed to the MET and ATL divisions as well.

theeWeeBabySeamus

BLACK GUY GOAL!!!!!!!!

herodotus450

Idea #1 that a five year old could come up with to fix all star games:
Make it rookies vs. veterans. Maybe include 2nd/3rd year players as well to fill out the rosters.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, screw this shit.
GO METROPOLITAN!!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

The correct sentiment is Go Pacific!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I WILL MURDERIZE YOU!!!!
Dammit, now look what ya did….you gave the Atlantic a gimme.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You got me there; that is DAMN GOOD ice cream.

Unsurprised

I only seem to watch one series at a time. The Americans. GoT. Westworld. I’m currently watching Taboo, which is pretty fucking swell. At least it’s something I’m willing to spend an hour a week on while I wait for the final season of The Americans and last two seasons of GoT.

Unsurprised

I may watch Archer when it comes back, but the last two seasons have sucked.

ballsofsteelandfury

I respectfully disagree, but i liked the Miami Vice season, so take that as you will.

Unsurprised

Archer Vice was the last good season. Being CIA contractors and Archer PI were balls.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hence why i liked them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have to say, I like them all as well.

Unsurprised

You two are fucking insane

King Hippo

Last season was definitely super good, I thought. Archer Vice…hit or miss.

And I thought The Americans had two seasons left??

laserguru

I agree. I’ve enjoyed Taboo.
I like the overall look, tone and production values and as soon as they leave bloody England the story could take off too.

herodotus450

Classiest all star handshake line in ALL OF SPORTS

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus Fuck, NHL. You just sunk past the Pro Bowl for worst All Star platform in EVAR.

herodotus450

The 3 on 3? I kinda like it. Or at least I like that they’re doing something different. No one gives a shit about all star games, least of all the players. This format just removes all pretense about the game being real and people trying to play defense. Plus, 3 on 3 is technically a part of real games now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I actually don’t mind the 3 on 3.
It’s the divisions in the first two periods, with the “championship” in the 3rd I seem to be having a problem with.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s not that. It’s 2 games of two periods each and the winners play a third game. What’s so complicated?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Didn’t they just call game one after only one period?

ballsofsteelandfury

Two ten minute periods.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OH COME ON!!!!!!!!!!

herodotus450

Well since 5/2 is basically 2, 3 on 3 skating is twice as difficult as 5 on 5. So half as much time.

herodotus450

Isn’t the pro bolw today, too? Do they still even play the pro bowl? All of the crack-pot sports writer theories for fixing the pro bowl have merged in my head and I don’t know whats real anymore. If they switched to 7 on 7 flag football, I migth watch for the first time since I was 12. And no extra points.

ballsofsteelandfury

I do not know what you are talking about. There is no such thing as a “Pro” bowl.

herodotus450

Just realized that if game 1 just ended, and it started at 3:30,… oh right, there were probably 35 minutes of introductions

herodotus450

/Thought the all star game wasn’t until 7, pleasantly surprised.
//Penis-head Macguire is doing the game? Kills self

herodotus450

Aaaaaaaaaaaand intermission. Why was it called the first period if there is no second period? In this house we obey the laws or cardinality!

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s 3 on 3. Whaddya expect?

Yeah, what’s that about? Didn’t even realize they were doing that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, NHL All Star Game featuring a lot of great defense and goal keeping so far….eh?

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s 3 on 3. Whaddya expect?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddamn, this looks like…..
a) they all took acid before the faceoff.
b) an old timer’s game where they all took acid before the faceoff.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is anyone watching “The Young Pope” on HBO?
I’ve watched the premiere so far, and it was good enough to continue.
How’s that for a rousing endorsement?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve seen all the Young Pope jokes on Twitter. Does that count?

King Hippo

I mean, they practically write themselves ,, amirite??

King Hippo

I heard The Leftovers leaves teh USA for the 3rd and final season in 2017. Speaking of good-time happy fun shows.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, those Leftovers fucks are pissing me off.

King Hippo

I mean, FOOTBAW is over, I need something to occupy my rotten brainspace. Fargo ain’t ready. Leftovers ain’t ready. Dunno if they even making another True Detective. FUCK EVERYTHING.

laserguru

I love that show.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Me too. And they’ve done everything they could think of to mess it up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I mean lookit this shit….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLSH-81yT7s

theeWeeBabySeamus

HA!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nuke LaLoosh has not aged well.
And he’s announcing Hockey All Stars.
Poor Nuke….he should have just taken it one game at a time.

Unsurprised

Fuck Manchester by the Sea. First of all because it involves the Affleck idiots, second because fuck New England, and finally because every one of these overwrought meditations on grief is 100% bullshit.

ballsofsteelandfury

One of the reasons i don’t typically care about the Oscars is that The Academy has a very specific idea of what should win. Movies that are great like Deadpool and, in general comedies, are not in that category.

Everything has to be ultra-dramatic or has to be about something Important or must Teach a Lesson. Fuck, I just want to be entertained. Why can’t we recognize the movies that do that?

Unsurprised

Yeah, like Crash (2006, not the good ’90s one by David Cronenberg). If only more movies were like that.

King Hippo

yeah, the one where the good looking people all get aroused by getting into car crashes and fuck each other was kind of fun. I avoided the latter one like the plague.

ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

or if you want to just be maudlin as fuck, do it RIGHT like “Love, Liza” or “My Life Without Me” and don’t Oscar bait it in a way to make white ppl feel all validated. That makes me want to go on a 5-day killing spree even more than usual.

Has everyone seen “Love, Liza?” It’s basically Philip Seymour Hoffman reading and re-reading his wife’s suicide note, and huffing gas, for 95 minutes. QUALITY FUCKING SAD FILM.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So you’re saying I need to see The VVitch.

The Maestro

Also, I’m worried people are gonna confuse Toni Erdmann with Tomi Lahren, smh,,,

The Maestro

Hot take: La La Land is actually good.

SonOfSpam

Yes, surprisingly so.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve seen all of these and will give an analysis shortly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*I have not seen any of these and will not provide any kind of examination.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Will download pics and gifs of nudity in any of these when it becomes available.

King Hippo

This led me to the virtual acquaintance of one “Ingrid Bisu.” Hippo like.

King Hippo

YES!! That’s teh good stuff. Have to go beyond the first 3-4 lines, then it’s all liek HAI!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

as always the original art has made my day. Huzzah, snow!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nothing will evar top “RAWR”.
(I promise self I don’t cry)
((promise broken))
http://statici.behindthevoiceactors.com/behindthevoiceactors/_img/chars/boris-archer-85.9.jpg

King Hippo

I still think it is the single greatest thing DFO has EVAR done as a collective. I almost died from not being able to catch my breath.

Unsurprised

I feel bad for not remembering that

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, my photo disappeared.
Meh, found a better one anyway so fuck you, internet.
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