We at DFO are incredibly pleased to have scored a major coup!  We’ve been working hard to give you the best #content on the NFL, cooking, and anal sex this side of the Internet and we are proud to present to you the newest member of our team.  It was difficult to get him as he is a very well-known figure, but things are a bit rocky at his current job, so he’s taking his talents to DFO.  Without further ado, I present to you our new spokesperson:

SS:  Balls, I’m very happy to be here.  I’m looking forward to representing the DFO community proudly.

Balls:  Excellent!  Let’s start off with some questions and answers so the folks can get to know you better.  For example, what’s your NFL team?

SS:  Balls, that’s a great question.  I support the Patriots, the Jets, the Bills, and the Dolphins.

Balls:  The entire AFC East?

SS:  Great division!  Lofty division!  They go undefeated every year!  How can you not like them?

Balls:  Um, I guess.  So, you like Rex Ryan?  You know we got our name from…

SS:  Balls, let me stop you right there. Rex is a dear friend and all that business about him and his wife and feet is just FAKE NEWS!  Lies made up by the liberal media to take away from the unbridled success of the New York Jets.

Balls:  But Rex isn’t the coach of the Jets!  He isn’t even the coach of the…

SS:  Rikki, I’m telling you, it’s a National Disgrace!  The only thing in the world that’s a National Disgrace is this.

Balls (glaring):  Um, what about Roger Goodell?

SS:  Roger is a hoot!  I tell you, he is a mensch! A dream of a daywalker!  Why, I remember the…

Balls:  Wait, did you say daywalker?

SS:  Oh yeah, he’s got no soul to speak of.  Don’t get anywhere close to him at night.  Seriously.  During the day, he’s a peach!

Balls:  Ooookay.  Let’s change the subject.  This site has received some criticism lately due to the Patriots’ Super Bowl win. Critics say we hate too much. How do we respond?

SS:  Well, first off, those are all blatant lies and FAKE NEWS spread by the Boston online media in a lame attempt to compensate for their small penises.  Second of all, I don’t want to correct you on my first day, but the Patriots didn’t win the Super Bowl.

Balls:  WHAT?

SS:  Yeah, the Falcons won.  It was 28-something at halftime, I turned that off.  Why would anyone waste their time on garbage time football?

Balls:  I’m sure Blake Bortles would disagree.

SS:  Blake Bortles is a hell of a quarterback and I will have no one speak ill of him!  Those rumors about his wife and the maid and the Jaguras stadium pool boy are FAKE NEWS spread by the Florida media to drive real estate values down the drain.

Balls:  In Florida?!?

SS: Florida has the largest amount of beachside property in the entire world!  They’re trying to drive the price down so they can scoop it up for a song.

Balls:  For a song?  That’s a funny phrase. Do you…

SS:  Did you know I can sing?  I’ve got pipes, baby!  They love me at karaoke!

Balls:  Really?  What’s your favorite song to sing.

SS:  Careless Whisper by Wham!   Your panties will drop, I guarantee.

Balls:  I don’t wear panties.

SS:  Even better.

Balls:  Uh, um, where are you going with this?

SS:  Come on, Balls!  I know why you go by Balls!

Balls:  You do?

SS:  You’ve got a 10 inch penis and balls that hang down to your knees.  Everyone knows that!

Balls:  Well, when you’re right you’re right.  Looking forward to working with you!

SS:  Same here, Rikki!  Now, where can a guy go sugar his churro?