Your “There’s Even Less On Tonight?!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Consider it bullshit until you hear actual numbers and/or draft picks mentioned, but someone is spreading rumours that the Seahawks are listening to offers for Richard Sherman.
    • which is ridiculous, because their GM is too busy working on improving the O- & D-lines.
  • Sean Payton denies the Saints have offered Johnny Manziel anything. That’s just how he likes it.
    • also, because the Patriots want their #1 pick, the Saints have refused to offer anything to Malcolm Butler.
  • JERRAL vows to have Romo’s situation sorted out “before training camp”.
  • Believing that clothes make the man, and those clothes made their men losers, the Browns are once again discussing a uniform change.
    • which they can’t do until 2019, because NFL rules state you can only change jerseys every 5 years.
What’s not to love?
  • Teddy Bridgewater may not be back until 2018. That’s genuinely sad.
  • Hotted-up Raiders relocation rumours: (in order of authenticity)
    1. Santa Clara
    2. San Antonio
    3. Cal
    4. AT&T Park
    5. San Diego
  • Adrian Peterson has been working out with Jameis Winston.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSNFf3rhJvq/

 

Finally, today’s long-form read is from ESPN, and is about how lawyers are eating into the proposed concussion settlement between the League and retired players.


Expect the NFL Network desk to look a little different, as Michael Irvin has been accused of sexual assault against a woman on March 21st.

  • PFT reports that TMZ reports she met him at a bar & then went back to his hotel.
    • “She says she began to feel sick in his room, remembers fighting him off, and woke up as he was checking out.”
    • “She took an Uber home and called 911 at 7:30 AM. She told cops she feared she was drugged and raped. She was advised to go to a medical lab for a swab and a blood test, which she did.”
  • His version is, naturally, very different:
    • He was out at a bar with a group of people, until 4:30AM, when he went back to his hotel.
    • “Michael says he had an early flight, was in the room for only 15 minutes and had no sexual contact with the woman. He also says another male was present.”
      • in a statement with a clear double entendre, “he says the woman — a cosmetologist — texted him a day later saying, ‘Come for a facial when you get back to Ft. Lauderdale’.”
    • His lawyer also gets into some victim shaming, talking about “red flags in her background”

This is his third such allegation.

  • in 1997, he was accused by a woman who later admitted to lying about the incident, and she ended up serving 90 days for perjury.
    • he & co-accused Erik Williams also received a $2.0 million defamation settlement from KXAS-TV in Dallas.
  • in 2007, he was accused of sexual assault in Broward County & worked out a confidential settlement with the accuser.

He is likely to face suspension from NFL Network until the matter is decided, although the Network has refused comment at this time.


Canada 150: March 29, 1867

The British Parliament passes the British North America Act, creating the Dominion of Canada.

At the conclusion of the US Civil War (1861-65), there was great fear in British North America that the victorious Union army would seek to enact US government revenge against Britain for economically supporting the South via trade. In addition, the Trent Affair (1861) “proved” there were diplomatic ties between the South & the British, and the Alabama Affair showed that the British were surreptitiously providing the South with warships. The St. Albans Raid (1864) showed that Confederate agents were operating (with or without British knowledge) along the northern border.

The Alabama Affair was one of the primary causes of the fear of US invasion, because the US made economic claims against Britain for the damages causes by the CSS Alabama. and some politicians demanded the annexation of the British Canadian provinces (the “Province of Canada” [now Ontario & Quebec], New Brunswick & Nova Scotia), as compensation.

The London Conference, which ran from December 1866 to March 1867, was called to follow up on the Charlottetown & Quebec conferences of 1864, which laid the groundwork for the union of British North America into the Confederation of Canada. “Confederation” proved to be a sticking point at the conference –  the Canadian delegates wished it to be a kingdom; the British feared that such a title would anger the United States, and denied the request. An alternative, “Dominion,” was suggested by Samuel Leonard Tilley, from a line in Psalm 72 of the Bible: “He shall have dominion also from sea to sea, and from the river unto the ends of the earth.” (source)

The bill proposing the British North America Act was submitted to the British Parliament on February 11, 1867. It was signed into law by Queen Victoria on March 29, 1867, with July 1 being the date the Act officially took effect – Dominion Day. (The holiday became “Canada Day” after 1982.)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blackhawks at Penguins – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Kings at Flames – 9:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Blues at Coyotes – 10:30PM | Sportsnet360
  • NBA:
    • Hornets at Raptors – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Warriors at Spurs – 9:30PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Wizards at Clippers – 10:30PM | Sportsnet1

If the Flames win tonight, that means up to 5 Canadian teams in the playoffs. Still – ANYBODY BUT THE LEAFS!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Most of these drive gifs seem new to me; it did not take much searching to find new/ different ones. Mostly because there are more and more dashcams. Hopefully they are new to most of you too. Where I’m driving to is just the fucking stupidity and distracted shit, emotional driving that can ruin or take your life in a fraction of a second. These are from all over the world, no place is immune.

DFOers; BE FUCKING CAREFUL OUT THERE AND WHEN FRIENDS, FAMILY, OR LOVED ONES DO SOMETHING STUPID GIVE THEM A RATION OF SHIT. Please keep that in mind if you are on a bike or walking, even in some place that seems safe; FUCKER BE RUNNING YOU OVER!

/end of PSA, thank you and now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Our sponsor is Mike Hunt’s Toeing Service. “When you need some toe; call Mike Hunt!”

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/2/toe_ball.gif

Spanky Datass

I just got off the phone after a 55 minute ‘conversation’ with my octogenarian aunt in which I spoke for maybe three minutes. She is a self-centered shrew who enjoys being pissed-off at the world but actually managed to sound gracious and thankful as I hung up the phone.
Not to suck my own cock too much but … I am a Goddamn Bourbon drinking Saint and a motherfucking Jedi mind control Master!
/pours another
http://68.media.tumblr.com/85a810be6b510257703669ac72977290/tumblr_n46gp42yzh1tykbcdo1_400.gif

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You can reach?

Spanky Datass

Yes. Bourble is always within my reach!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Was trying to find the Philip Rivers modest mouse mashup, and came across this forgotten gem:
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/marmpick.gif

WCS

Doopy Pants-esque.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s the bigger douche, the guy at the bar at the restaurant asking if it’s ok to have a spit cup for wine tasting or the guy at the brewery wearing a Wolf patch Cub Scout hat?

WCS

Yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

True, but the cub scout hat guy might just be wasted.

Gratliff

That episode was done 10 years ago. What the fuck.

WCS

The “Volcano” episode was on last night. It was the first episode I watched of South Park, two decades ago. What the fuck.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I had grand plans of going for a walk, doing some work, and then going to sleep early.

Then I walked to a brewery.

Unsurprised

You walked further than I did and got more accomplished.

litre_cola

Whoever named the DFo poker table, finally affordable is very funny.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s also what I said when I stopped dating gold diggers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Moose’s gif-hunting skills are why Catler likes us.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Chin up, buddy

LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello

You are a gott-damned gif star! Yeeeeeeehaaaawwwwww! I bow before your superior gif mining skillz.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

Needs moar octane.

JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

Seriously, driving there is utterly terrifying. It rains like twice a year there, but since there is no drainage, the accidents pile up worse than two inches of snow in Atlanta.

Oh and the sand makes the roads slick as fuck. And its easy as shit to get a license. There are no real vehicle inspections. The tires all have to be low pressure because during the summer months they burst from the heat.

Fuck I hated living there.

Unsurprised

This makes me glad that in 20 years we won’t have any reason left to care when they kill each other.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, will there be poker tonight?
I might actually make it tonight if so.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Also, sound the Sill alarm. Milana Vayntrub is on @midnight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Ladies and gentlemen, the worst Stephen Baldwin movie ever:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI5VLN7ThiE

Unsurprised

This isn’t the trailer for Fled.

Also, I’m 100% certain the movies he’s done since become a Christian whacko are all worse.

Gratliff

This one gets bonus points from me because I really liked the book

WCS

I wonder if they’re going to try to portray The Deadlights in the movie..?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve read the same. I hope they do proper justice to The Great Rock Fight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Apparently, I missed the boat on the horrific French covers for IT.

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LemonJello

I’m surprised the French didn’t have Jerry Lewis in Pennywise’s place.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

How we doin tonight commentists?

Gratliff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Apparently, I’m late to the IT trailer party. You all can go to hell.

LemonJello

Will we all float down there, WCS?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I would be fine with this if these fucking idiots didn’t also invariably kill innocent people in the trains as well.

Unsurprised

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Gratliff

Apparently, the tremendous run of fuck terrible Dean Koontz’ made-for-TV movie adaptations didn’t qualify for its own trailers, so here’s John C McGinley as one of my favorite evil motherfuckers from “Intensity”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMnKtpsqFcU

WCS

That movie was FUCKED up.

Gratliff

And still tame compared to the book. Apparently you can just watch these things willy nilly on YouTube at this point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

As previously discussed, I’m concerned about whether or not it will have the correct amount of giant cosmic turtle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…and if you come with me to Los Angeles, you’ll float too! You’ll float too! YOU’LL FLOAT TOO COCKWALLET! HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!”
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I HOPE HE FUCKING DIED

Gratliff

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DAMN YOU FOR PICKING A MORE APPROPRIATE IMAGE!

Gratliff

If I were more graphically inclined, it would be a gif with gradually more blinding lights building from the death holes

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also let it be known that one of the original ideas for the name of DFO was “We All Float Down Here.”

Shogun Marcus

Random thing #326 that annoys me: Wearing rims with NO LENSES. Looking at YOU New Girl. Your deschanelness does nawt remedy this.

King Hippo

plus she broke Ben Gibbard’s heart!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nruUewOQZiQ

Unsurprised

I hate that bitch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: the pub crawl we did visited the bar (The Griffin) they use for the exterior shots of the bar on the show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

The rest of the night will just be goofy ass film adaptation trailers:

Dean Koontz’s Hideaway
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz4t4MG3N8U

Unsurprised

Repeat from last night: Seventeen (17) new motherfucking NFL rules. Fuck that shit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just for the hell of it…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlN3oEjMpUQ

Shogun Marcus

Why you do this?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I forgot just how terrible it is.

Unsurprised

From last night,

Senor Weaselo
I think it means he likes us.

Mr. Ayo

He’s really enjoying his time off

http://tdi.world/uploads/26942_img20170329102304.jpg

Gratliff

Worse Stephen King film adaptation: Hearts in Atlantis, or Dreamcatcher?

JustStopDude

I think the only author who has had his material butchered more on the silver screen is Phillip K Dick.

That said, Stephen King is an idiot to complain about “The Shinning”.

I got to just go with Dreamcatcher just for the terrible special effects and that moronic toilet scene.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw the TV version of “The Shining”. It’s terrible. Whenever the characters in “The Incredibles” talked about monologue-ing, all I could think of was Steven Weber standing on the stairs, going on, and on, and on…

I’ve also stayed in the hotel that inspired it – the Stanley Hotel. We were there for a wedding. I overheard a pair of bridesmaids complaining about how much of a screamer the girl in the room next door was. I happened to be the very lucky fellow who was staying with the girl in that room next door.

The priest kept referring to the bride as “Kristen” when her name was actually “Kirsten”. The groom was later arrested in an online child pornography sting.

LemonJello

Well, that seems fitting.

JustStopDude

Oh I am referring to the Kubrick film. For some reason King hates the film and prefers the TV version.

The film is nearly perfect. Its brilliant on multiple levels and its one of the scariest films that only features two deaths.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My only objection to the film is that they had Scatman Crothers cross the entire country and sacrifice his life all just to deliver a damned snowmobile.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; his criticism is odd to me too.

Plus it is one of the gif-able films EVER.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BULLSHIT! Rikki was the screamer!

laserguru

First time seeing the Shining I fucking hated it.
Having “Olive Oil” as the wife was criminal.
After repeated viewings and the fact that is was Stanley Fucking Kubrick who directed the movie softens the stance with age.

I’m a massive fucking Kubrick fan.

Still, way the fuck off from center from the book.

Now let’s discuss The Lawnmower Man or Children of the Corn!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hearts in Atlantis…easily.
Even Hopkins couldn’t save that abortion.

Gratliff

For the record, Hearts in Atlantis is the most egregious abandonment of source material since Dune. They left like 90% of the book out of it. Stephen Baldwin ruined so, so many book adaptations. Meanwhile, Dreamcatcher is the far worst in terms of drop-off from one medium to the next. It’s a movie so bad, you’d think it starred Stephen Baldwin.

I remember this shit, motherfucker.
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Shogun Marcus

Ahem…yes.

blaxabbath

re: Browns-

Accepting that they just gotta own that color scheme at this point, those uniforms wouldn’t be so horrid EXCEPT that they read “BROWNS” down the leg. That it absolutely putrid. In fact, if I were the Browns, I would go with a uniform that made reference to “Cleveland”, “Browns”, “NFL”, or “United States” anywhere on the gear.

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JustStopDude

Its typical Browns. These bullshit meaningless campaigns…

I mean its an improvement, but if the product on the field is still a smoking dumpster, its still going a miserable season.

I am convinced that the NFL could do a draft every single year involving players, coaches, and GM’s…completely shuffle EVERYTHING…and somehow the Browns would find a way to perpetually be at the bottom of the league.

Its fucking staggering that they can’t once in a blue moon just strike hot luck and read .500

JustStopDude

This…sounds like…a REALLY bad ad campaign…

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I saw a larger than expected douching aisle in Target the other day. How many women are still douching?

JustStopDude

One of the more interesting projects I sort of worked on.

[vimeo 149396475 w=640 h=360]

I didn’t get to go out and commission the drive, but recently I had to remote troubleshoot it.

JustStopDude
blaxabbath

You have a cool job.

Assuming your job doesn’t have to do with urine.

JustStopDude

I haven’t done any shit plants. Plenty of water plants though.

Dear god those sites are annoying. Pretty much their leg could be on fire, and if its their break period, they ain’t doing shit about it.

litre_cola

This burgh is very excited for the opportunity of an all-Alberta playoff series.

Unsurprised

EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!

LemonJello

Teaser trailer for “IT” anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnCdOQsX5kc

Gratliff

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Gratliff

The weird thing about IT is the mini series is generally pretty liked, but if you read the book (all 1,138 fucking pages of it) you realize that there’s an absolute motherfuck ton left undone in the first adaptation. It’s hard to see how a movie makes that better.

blaxabbath

I can’t read books after seeing the movie (or mini-series).

THE STAND WAS WAY BETTER IN TEXT!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank you!!!!!
(tho I did enjoy the mini series too)

Gratliff

Dare say I’m excited to see what McConaughey does with the Man in the Black, further making the mini-series’ Randall Flagg a joke.

JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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King Hippo

God, the hivemind on Broncos internet’s McCaffery fixation drives me up the wall. Really poor value at #20 overall, bust potential super high. Lots of tread on them tires, and a guy you have to specifically scheme to get touches.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BUT HE HAS A HIGH MOTOR!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So does Josh Gordon

Unsurprised

Adrian Peterson has been working out with Jameis Winston.

Beat the pussy up, beat the pussy up …

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

http://www.thewrap.com/cbs-mission-control-pilot-white-actors-lead-roles-written-minorities/

I’m hoping they retain the original character name and this guy continues to be named “Malik”.

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JustStopDude
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I also like how CBS insisted that they reached out to minority actors and actresses and were turned down. “Well, we couldn’t get Denzel Washington *or* Jennifer Lopez to work for union scale on a TV pilot, so we gave up.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is interesting – swimmers and skaters get paid the same!

https://www.sagaftra.org/files/sag/rate_sheet_theatrical_8_15.pdf

King Hippo

good luck getting black ppl for those ,, smh

JustStopDude

YUUUUUUUUUP!

This is a constant tack that studios do. Its just the same shit companies do when they make bullshit claims like “There is a STEM gap…we got ALL THESE GREAT positions we can’t fill”…

And they want someone with 15 years of experience and a license to work a job for $35k a year.

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Mustafa would be better, but yes…

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

Stunt footage from the Bond movie “Live and Let Die”…

Apparently they were talking about Bob…the stunt man.

Unsurprised

I am so glad I got to see this in the theater.

King Hippo

she can boil mah bunny rabbit any day of the week (and twice on Sunday).

King Hippo

Jameis and Purple Jesus: FUN with Rapey and Beat-ey!!

Also, this shit is important. Look at my Senator deciding to have a spine, after all (or more realistically, just wanting to make sure Mark Warner will still drink beer and watch FOOTBAW with him come autumn):

http://forums.talkingpointsmemo.com/t/discussion-everything-we-learned-today-about-the-senate-intel-committee-s-russia-probe/53739/6

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m sorry, that was insulting to snakes, tremendously insulting, to equate any of them with two faced senators.

King Hippo

Burr is a hack, but not fundamentally dishonest, and he DOES crave popularity.

Mark Warner is probably the man I trust most in the entire US Senate. Before Barry jumped in, he was my ideal Presidential candidate.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like I said.

King Hippo

CHRIST, you are gonna give me such nightmares that I’ll piss the bed. And I just washed my sheets yesterday FFS…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, good, it served two, wait, three purposes then.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you read Josh’s “Gravity” post yesterday? He makes a very interesting point – what the hell is at the center of this thing that’s causing people like Nunes to act so insanely?

King Hippo

Yes indeed. It was a great analogy. Not sure what it is, but know it’s big enough to crush hapless dopes like Nunes like a grape.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nunes….. you mean Trump’s newly adopted son? Or as some would say his private congressional snitch?

King Hippo

He’s gonna end up asking Bannon “tell me about the rabbits” at the end of his little adventure, methinks.

Unsurprised

Act? This isn’t new behavior for these treacherous assholes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nunes is a bit different, though – he’s a typical Republican, but otherwise fairly unremarkable. He’s not one of the flaming loons like Flynn or Bannon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“how lawyers are eating into the proposed concussion settlement between the League and retired players.”

GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN!! THIS CAN’T BE TRUE!!

blaxabbath

Only lawyers can get in the middle of any dispute regarding the NFL and look equally as bottom-feeding.

JustStopDude

No love for “Legion” on FX? Sure the show makes no fucking sense but my god its at least interesting.

King Hippo

At least in the ads, they made Aubrey Plaza not hot, so that’s pretty mind-bending in and of itself.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m LOVING that show. We’re watching on Hulu, and I can really only handle one episode per night.