Your “What Fresh Hell Is This?” Hall of Fame Game Open Thread

[blatantly ignores the long days and nights since the Super Bowl] Wow! It seems like just yesterday that I was watching relevant football being played and here we are again. The good folks of Canton, Ohio might just see a game in their backyard for the first time in two frickin’ years unless it gets aborted once again. Ye olde NFL and assorted hangers-on wouldn’t do that again, would they? Nah, they’ve had a year to prepare…just like the year previous. To The Game!

Dallas @ Arizona: Don’t kid yourself, home field advantage is crucial in a game of this (lack of) caliber and the Cards hold all the cards. When Carson Palmer doesn’t throw to Fitz who is not being covered by Scandrick, you’ll see why it’s self-evident. On the other side of the ball you can expect that a not-dressed RB Elliott will not pound the rock between the tackles, not wearing down… some Cards defender not named, uh, Patrick Peterson? What I’m trying to get at is that no one of starting quality will be playing this doozy of a tilt. No. One.

So where do we go from here? Oh, we’re going straight to Gabbertville and then heading over to undrafted rook Knighttown with a stop in Kellen Moore Corner along the way. Perhaps we’ll get a glimpse of a Taco Charlton stand at some intersection. The latest tight end that once played basketball-Rico Gathers-is expected to get some reps. These are some slim pickings for sure. But they are all dressed in bonafide NFL uniforms so it matters. As long as we’re wearing our respective drinking/pilling gear it’s all good.

LET’S DO THIS!

 

 

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

I hope Dreamboat got shingles for his birthday.

King Hippo

on his wee-wee and/or butthole

Doktor Zymm

I was at the deli and there was something on the teevee about how P*t’s fans are up in arms about a wax statue of Dreamboat? WTF? And they were calling it irritategate….yargh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Something tells me that at some point in his past Jim Tomsula has had a job selling roofing products.

Unsurprised

Shingles is terrible and I totally endorse this because he deserves the unbearable pain that it causes.

King Hippo

THE FLOW will NAWT be stopped. Like an Old English 800 seal-breaker.

JustStopDude

Lost the stream for like 10 minutes and I swear to god…it took me like 9 minutes to notice.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who are these Cowboys third-stringers who are making Blaine Gabbert look so good? Is it Make-A-Wish day?

King Hippo

That glimmer of false hope in the eye of every Metro area Redacteds fan would be glorious tomorrow morning, if I were still working there.

/sorry Dok

Doktor Zymm

Nah, it’s okay, I’m well aware of my fanbase’s capability for self-delusions. Zorn, for chrissakes.

King Hippo

yeah, that sez it all

Doktor Zymm

I forgot about this game until like…an hour ago. As such, I only bought a small amount of alcohol on the way home. This was a total rookie move, much like that last penalty.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m disappointed your home bar is not adequately stocked.

/ always keeps a bottle of absinthe for the a Thursday night games.
//It’s the only way.
///Fridays are a blur

Spur

Looks like we’re in midseason commercial form

Spur

#35 is cut

JustStopDude

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King Hippo

Yo! Yippie! Yippie yo yo!! My name is Ted. And one day, I’ll be dead, yo yo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s05jcrJw0as

SonOfSpam

Lemmy’s Corpse Moles is my next FFL team name.

King Hippo

hee hee, playing the campy 80’s classic “I Wanna Be A Cowboy” from Boys Don’t Cry on the lineup reveal

ballsofsteelandfury

only took them 30 years!

King Hippo

somebody’s getting a happy surprise $7 check in the mail next Monday!

Spur

Rico Gathers time. This guy should get every pass thrown his way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Serious question – would an impeached president still get Secret Service protection?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Google says:

Speaking of Richard Nixon, the Justice Department has ruled that presidents who resign from office are still entitled to their lifetime pension and other benefits, including Secret Service protection. A president removed from office through impeachment, however, would forfeit their pension and other benefits. So far no president has lost their pension. While Bill Clinton was impeached by the House of Representatives, he was not removed from office (he was acquitted in the Senate). Richard Nixon resigned from the presidency before impeachment charges could be filed and it was his resignation that prompted the Justice Department’s ruling.

https://protectpensions.org/2017/02/20/much-presidential-pension/

King Hippo

Goddess Bless!

SonOfSpam

Oh, he gon to prison.

Doktor Zymm

Well, yes, remember Clinton was impeached. If it got as far as removal from office? No precedent, but I would assume so. Still don’t want the dude getting assassinated.

Doktor Zymm

Though I guess Trump would probably deport a team called the “Brown Recluses”

herodotus450

He just has to wait out hte Black Widows, they’ll all die soon after his budget cuts.

King Hippo

He likes black women whose husbands DON’T die ,, amirite?

/just kidding, he don’t like any blacks

//nor women

Spur

Let’s trade for Gabbert – Dolphins Front Office

litre_cola

Dammit, Mrs Cola has the tv. Any idea where I can stream this from?

King Hippo

do this work in teh wilds of Canadia?

http://www.nbcsports.com/live

litre_cola

Sadly no.

Doktor Zymm

Why aren’t there more sports teams named after deadly spiders?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kerwyn Williams sounds like it would be a good name for a real estate company.

herodotus450

When they stage a house for sale what I wonder what kind of paint they use…

Spur

Taco looks like he’s getting penetration..kinky…

Doktor Zymm

Good old Glaine Blabbert!

JustStopDude

How is this internet feed so fucking terrible?!!?

Like 12 people are streaming this!

Fucking NBC is the goddamn worst.

King Hippo

I just remembered that I forgot to mock my Dolfan fantasy commish over TannyFanny being possibly ded

herodotus450

Wouldn’t the mock be more cutting if it were about a guaranteed healthy tannehill for the entire season?

King Hippo

it do burn either way, now that I thinks of it

Spur

TACO TACO TACO

King Hippo

Canton: “We Give You The Flow”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THE FLOW! Okay, now this is worth watching.

King Hippo

Northwest Ohio! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??

Spur

Hey look, a football game.

Doktor Zymm

Severe storm warning currently most riveting thing on screen

Spur

You in Vegas too?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, still Chicago, Plus side, raining on Lolla! Take that, drunk teenagers!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, they aren’t even going to start the regular kicker?

Doktor Zymm

Hell no, stubbed toe risk is REAL

King Hippo

shitty cornpone Nationwide commercial is back FUCK EVERYTHING

Spur

NBC needs to upgrade the sideline reporter with a newer model.

JustStopDude

Canton’s wiki page is hilarious. Its clear its been written by the sad person that is like the head of tourism.

Sharkbait

To be fair, the HoF is basically all that Canton has so…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve been to Canton. Wouldn’t be able to tell you a single thing about it other than the Hall.

JustStopDude

I have to provide NBC Sports with my verification for having a cable package…to stream…the fucking Hall of Fame game or else it times out in 43 minutes.

I would get mad about this, but NBC most likely spent something like $20 million to secure the rights to a shitty pre-season practice…so I guess they need to try and make ends meet.

King Hippo

God bless Terrell Davis and LT, who had the decency to do blow beforehand, at least.

/yes, I Mile High Saluted back

//FUCK YOU TOO

Spur

Double J looking for some Canton kitty after the game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Something something Cantonese prostitute.

Kungjitsu

I’m from Arkansas, so two legs are preferable, but more than that’s not a deal breaker.

–Jerry Jones (I’m in the Hall of Fuckin’ Fame. Where’s that punk ass bitch Jimmy Johnson?)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t mind me, folks, just limbering up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jerry Jones looks like he decided to give Mark Davis’ barber a try.

Spur

Morten Anderson couldn’t make THE field goal when he needed to. FUCK HIM!

King Hippo

nice tits, tho

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He wears a t-shirt in the pool.

King Hippo

oh, MOS DEF

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Morton Anderson looks like your friend’s dad.

JerBear50

I couldn’t say. He always told me he’d kill my parents if I ever turned around.

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

Did it just get dark in here or did I just get Helen Keller level scarlet fever?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh did they let Phiiip Rivers and Antonio Gates come to this?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

What’s the over/under on mentions of David Irving’s ripped nipple?

ballsofsteelandfury

WHAAAAAAT????

Spur

Is this the WNBA liveblog?

Spur

Evening Folks!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SWEET SWEET FOOTBALL METHADONE!

Doktor Zymm

Do pickles wear eyeliner?

Redshirt

Only if their gay or metrosexual.

ballsofsteelandfury

This seems like a question for Hippo…

King Hippo

chuh chuh

Doktor Zymm

Oh, before footballish happens, anyone ever work for a startup? Is this a thing I should do, or should I sell out and go for the higher salary in an established corporation?

ballsofsteelandfury

One of my buddies left an established company to work for a startup.

Benefits: Better energy, flexible hours/ policies
Negatives: lack of organization can lead to chaos and last-minute rush tasks that have to be completed or else the company fails

Obviously, it depends on the individual and their need for stability/ tolerance for chaos.

King Hippo

It would terrify me, which probably means you should do it. I make very poor life choices.

Doktor Zymm

I’m asking cause I have an interview tomorrow with a place that actually sounds pretty awesome, but I’m also talking to a few other companies, with interviews about 2 weeks out. I kinda hate that it timed out this way, since if I get an offer from the place tomorrow I’ll have to decide without anything else firmly in hand. It would be a pretty significant salary difference, though I’m underpaid enough at the moment that it would still be a raise. Stupid important life decisions.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Could you tell them you’re not available to start for two weeks? And then be up front with the other folks and say that you have an offer that you’re holding on but if they want you they’d be your first choice (if that’s true).

Doktor Zymm

Juggling like that would stress me out more than just making the decision. I’m just gonna gather as much info tomorrow to try and make that decision easier :/

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you’d be passionate about what the startup does, it would probably be more fulfilling. If not, I’d avoid it.

Horatio Cornblower

Which job requires you to wear pants?

Take the other one.

King Hippo

When the Scotchnaut first sees its shadow, we know it safe to emerge from our respective spider holes. Huzzah!

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to try watching the game on my phone, that way I can blame my inappropriate choice of viewing platform for the poor quality

King Hippo

Happy happy, joy joy!!

/to follow up on Redshirt ‘n’ God’s post below, we know tonight can’t possibly suck as much ass as the last fixture we witnessed.

Low bar? SET!!

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

This may be my favourite of the Catler gifs. So far. He’s gonna love The Giraffe.

SonOfSpam

He can make a gunshot uninteresting.

Unsurprised

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litre_cola

Is Romo calling the game?

Unsurprised

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Redshirt

Majel Barrett-Roddenberry: “Previously on Door Flies Open NFL Open Thread.”
Joe Buck: “…and with the extra point, the Patriots are down 25 points with 8:31 to go in the 3rd Quarter.”
Everyone in DFO: “This is the greatest day in our lives!”
God: “Hold my beer and watch this.”
Majel Barrett-Roddenberry: “And now, the continuation.”

Unsurprised

Nerd

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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