Your “What Fresh Hell Is This?” Hall of Fame Game Open Thread

[blatantly ignores the long days and nights since the Super Bowl] Wow! It seems like just yesterday that I was watching relevant football being played and here we are again. The good folks of Canton, Ohio might just see a game in their backyard for the first time in two frickin’ years unless it gets aborted once again. Ye olde NFL and assorted hangers-on wouldn’t do that again, would they? Nah, they’ve had a year to prepare…just like the year previous. To The Game!

Dallas @ Arizona: Don’t kid yourself, home field advantage is crucial in a game of this (lack of) caliber and the Cards hold all the cards. When Carson Palmer doesn’t throw to Fitz who is not being covered by Scandrick, you’ll see why it’s self-evident. On the other side of the ball you can expect that a not-dressed RB Elliott will not pound the rock between the tackles, not wearing down… some Cards defender not named, uh, Patrick Peterson? What I’m trying to get at is that no one of starting quality will be playing this doozy of a tilt. No. One.

So where do we go from here? Oh, we’re going straight to Gabbertville and then heading over to undrafted rook Knighttown with a stop in Kellen Moore Corner along the way. Perhaps we’ll get a glimpse of a Taco Charlton stand at some intersection. The latest tight end that once played basketball-Rico Gathers-is expected to get some reps. These are some slim pickings for sure. But they are all dressed in bonafide NFL uniforms so it matters. As long as we’re wearing our respective drinking/pilling gear it’s all good.

LET’S DO THIS!

 

 

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BeerguyrobBrettFavresColonoscopyBrick MeathookUnsurprisedMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Tonight I achieved
MAXIMUM ORANGE COUNTY
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Beerguyrob

Did Mischa Barton steal his gas?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Underwhelming when compared to the previous post, but somehow Sofia Vergara was even hotter twenty years ago.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She seems nice.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Indeed.

Beerguyrob

FYI – GLOW has been wonderful for taut female nudity.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

[No comment]

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

[Same]

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m going to need another shower when I get done with laundry. I really need to lose weight. Otherwise I’d be enjoying this heat.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes, Kate, you should upgrade to the same size implants Chelsea has.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

4 pages of comments for a preseason game? That’s good hustle!

litre_cola

But have you slapped everyone on the ass? HARD?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess my ass slapping isn’t in midseason form yet either.

JerBear50
JerBear50

JJ Watt is disappointed with your effort. He also tweeted eight selfies to make sure everyone knows just how disappointed he is because he doesn’t like attention.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

We’re a bunch of teenagers when it comes to the NFL. *SPLOOOGE*

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Instead of watching the HoF game, (for the 48th consecutive year), I took the wife out for dinner and met the esteemed LCSS, who traveled to the East Coast for “work”, and not at all for a scouting mission for Future Debbie Harry.

Not gonna lie, beers were consumed, including 3 from Treehouse that I smuggled into the restaurant and poured into our water glasses.

When we finished those I asked the waitress for a beer menu and she says “Sure. Are you done with your secret beers?”

I tipped the hell out of her.

litre_cola

That is excellent hustle on her part.

Horatio Cornblower

It was pretty obvious since we hadn’t ordered any beers and yet our water glasses stayed filled with beer for a good hour. And I look nothing like Jesus.

Also my son showed up and pointed out “Hey jackass, I can see those beer cans under the table.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In your defense, nothing on that beer menu was going to be better than treehouse

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

And then he gave her an extra ten dollars.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey-O!

JerBear50
JerBear50

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King Hippo

Is it just me, or does everyone else get the feeling tWBS doesn’t really want to write “Marc and Charlie Hustle: Under One Roof!”

/can pitch it to him after the vodka wears off

Senor Weaselo

Aren’t there laws against snuff films?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Last one for tonight.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s a really good one.

Croooow
Croooow

Well… that happened.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It sucks how many gifs went offline since their respective Quotables weeks. BUT NOT THIS ONE!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Good, old-fashioned football writer racism.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Cowboys gif. Somehow Cole Beasley lives.

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JerBear50
JerBear50

“Hey, that aint funny, asshole.”
— Will Fuller

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Errrbody roast the GLOOOOORRREEEEEEE BOOOOYYYYYYY

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litre_cola

So Kaep to lolphins?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I much prefer the Cutler rumors.

King Hippo

Cats don’t like that much heat. He’ll shed all over everything.

WCS

Everything about today’s WYTS Jest edition was simply divine.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I couldn’t finish it. I’m depressed enough.

King Hippo

as a long-time veteran, let me assure you that you can always get MOAR depressed!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It was a great mix of every negative emotion you could have about a team: rage, despair, embarrassment, frustration, delusion, etc.

Senor Weaselo

Thank goodness most of my gigs are on weekends, or else I’d have to learn about the wonders of alcoholism!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I just realized that knowing the Bears will be warmed over shit this season means and basically hating every other team I’m going to have to find a reason to watch football.

JerBear50
JerBear50

That’s what FFB is for. Also beer.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’ve never played FFB and I don’t know if I want to start.

JerBear50
JerBear50

If you want to continue being a Bears fan and wanting a reason to watch football, it’s highly advisable.

King Hippo

DRAFT THE GIRAFFE

JerBear50
JerBear50

Jesus, I wait til late on qb’s, but not that fucking late.

King Hippo

Two words. Garbage. Time. Plus, The Dreaded Giraffe Sprint was legendary amongst NC State folk. Even by white person standards, he has quite the deceptive speed.

JerBear50
JerBear50

He wasn’t that bad when he was down here in Tampa. I just don’t know what they’re gonna have around him besides Meredith and Howard unless there’s a miraculous Salsa renaissance.

King Hippo

I like him as a Howard hedge (I can transition tag Howard in my auction league). Great winning strategy, hogging the Bears’ offense!

JerBear50
JerBear50

Yup. Hoarding skill players on bad teams with questionable qb support is usually the first step towards a championship. That’s what I always say. But seriously though, as a keeper he’s a no-brainer.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Seems appropriate for today’s “game.”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t find the Pete Rose revelations funny unfortunately. So before I say something I’ll regret, I’ll bid you all a good night. Plus, I have to once again go write something which will get ME accused of being a pervert instead.

This seems wrong somehow.

yes, I’m in a pissy fucking mood. Good night.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Later brother. Have a good weekend.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

I am not an NFL professional, but in my opinion that was not a very good kick.

Redshirt

What’s worse that a shank?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A snitch.

/Ray Lewis looks around nervously

King Hippo

we would have also accepted “menacingly”

/though I guess he is getting older, eh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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