Your “Tomorrow Might Not Be Here For You” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Slight hangover…no scratches or cuff marks…note from wife about snoring…VICTORY!

NFL News:

  • Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal hearing has finally ended.
    • Under the rules, the arbitrator has five working days to release his ruling. Pressure from both sides is coming to have it decided by Monday.
    • Most of the comments under Schefter’s tweet related to Fantasy Drafts this Sunday.

  • The Steelers have extended GM Kevin Colbert through 2020.
    • Signing Joe Haden five minutes after his release pretty much cinched the deal.
  • Animal rights groups have started a change.org petition to try & force FOX to drop Michael Vick from its broadcast team.
    • It already has 75000 signatures.
      • In comparison the petition from mental-health professionals to demand Trump resign due to his “obvious” mental health condition only has 61000 signatures.
    • The “fuck off, losers” from FOX Sports head Eric Shanks is phrased thusly:

“Over the last 10 or 11 years, not only has he paid his debt to society, but he’s done everything a person who has made a terrible mistake like that can do. We felt it was the right person at the right time for us,” Shanks told USA Today.

  • Reports out of Seattle have the Seahawks looking for trade offers for players like Jeremy Lane and Jermaine Kearse.
    • The Browns appear interested in Kearse, who has a base salary of $2.2 million, and need someone for DeShone Kizer to throw at.

Game Preview: Rams at Packers

In a case of two teams on vastly different trajectories, the SBNation blogs for these teams tell the true story.

Beyond the usual game previews, Turf Show Times leads with a story on their 2018 Rams mock draft. They also highly tout the return of Eric Dickerson to the fold, and are still wondering if & when Aaron Donald will PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! end his holdout. In short, I think these folks will be happy with 5-11. Tonight’s moral victory of staying close will guide them into Week-1.

Over at the Acme Packing Company, they are looking at bubble players in the few spots actually open for starting competition. They rave in “Cheese Curds” about the signing Wednesday of former 49er Ahmad Brooks, and marvel at how Aaron Rodgers said lots of words but actually very little in his ESPN interview. They are looking at the Seahawks already, and I don’t think starters will see much more than one series, and only because they are playing at home. If this game were in LA, Aaron would be dressed in streets & texting his Baywatch ladyfriend.


Game preview: Seahawks at Raiders.

Over at the Field Gulls, they are too wrapped up in trade rumours to be looking ahead to the Packers in Week-1. The big story prior to cutdown day is “Could Seahawks add Sheldon Richardson if they parted with Jermaine Kearse?” There is a fuck-ton of math involved, and I’m not Frankly, I don’t care, because the other main story is “Seahawks in for another 3rd string showdown against Raiders on Thursday“, which means the game will suck from the Seahawks side, as Pete Carroll & the coaching kids will be student-driving the players they are monitoring, to see how they handle mismatches thrown their way. Boykin is probably going to get killed.

The only interesting thing on the site is a discussion of something called the “Regenokine process”, which Dok Zymm will elaborate on in the comments. (PLEASE!) In sum, it’s where “anti-inflammatory factors are removed from the patient’s blood, manipulated, and then reinjected into the painful areas,” according to the Stem Cell Institute. To me, it sounds like something that would get Lance Armstrong back into & then immediately kicked out of the Tour de France again.

Over at Silver and Black Pride, the sadly named future Vegas Raiders site, surprising little on Marshawn Lynch at this late date. A couple of stories about Derek Carr, Matt Stafford & salary, and the usual falderal about roster moves prior to Opening Day. Also, there’s signs of the impending move’s acceptance and monetization, with the promotion for sale of this shirt:

 

And the advertising is just as sad:

No matter where life takes you, you never forget where you came from. Rep the one and only original ‘Nation’ from where it all began with the ‘Oakland: Birthplace of a Nation’ T-shirt.

Whether you’re from Oakland or elsewhere, if you rep the Silver & Black, you’re all on the same side. You’re all part of the same Nation.

But there is a touching short article about Sebastian Janikowski, who is entering his 18th year and still sports an 80% field goal average.


Game Preview: Word Association division

For the games not broadcast on NFL Network, I thought I’d try and draw comparisons to everyday objects & emotions, to help us better understand the trajectory these teams are looking to take this upcoming season, based on how their second- and third-stringers will look tonight.

  • EAGLES AT JETS – green shit
  • JAGUARS AT FALCONS – southern fried shit
  • BENGALS AT COLTS – runny, lumpy shit
  • LIONS AT BILLS – polluted shit
  • STEELERS AT PANTHERS – interesting shit
  • GIANTS AT PATRIOTS – the Jimmy Garoppoo-poo show
  • REDSKINS AT BUCCANEERS – diseased shit
  • DOLPHINS AT VIKINGS – fishy shit
  • RAVENS AT SAINTS – elite shit
  • BROWNS AT BEARS – tricking the new foreign-exchange kid at school into eating chocolate ex-lax
  • TITANS AT CHIEFS – a shart
  • CARDINALS AT BRONCOS – horse shit
  • CHARGERS AT 49ERS – FUCK BOTH JED YORK & DEAN SPANOS WITH HOT METAL DILDOS!

In short, you may sum up most of these games thusly:


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • NFL:
      • Rams at Packers – 7:00PM | NFL Network
      • Seahawks at Raiders – 10:00PM | NFL Network
    • NCAA:
      • Tulsa at Oklahoma State – 7:30PM | FS1
      • Ohio State at Indiana – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • CFL:
      • Redblacks at Alouettes – 7:30PM | TSN
  • MLB:
    • Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Cardinals at Giants – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360

Loogit that sports schedule – THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

True Detective season 3 sounds like it might be a larger-scale version of Winter’s Bone, but from the cops’ perspective.

King Hippo
Member

That were a mighty fine book.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Mario Testino may be a pretty good photographer, folks.

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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That is gorgeous.

Unsurprised
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

My past 45ish minutes….

Hello, thank you for choosing CenturyLink.

I didn’t choose you.

Ummmmm…OK

YEAH, you should probably go ahead and transfer me to a supervisor unless you want to hear a shitload of profanity.

Well sir, what is the probl…

[tWBS unloads a lot of profanity]

OK sir, I’m transferring you to a supervisor.

Hello, thank you for choosing CenturyLink.

I DIDN’T FUCKING CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!

Please hold.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Comcast usually hangs up on you if you curse.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Those last three words are unnecessary.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

True

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Choices are limited when one lives in the sticks.
But new cell tower going up and HughesNet means you better fix this shit sooner rather than later fucktards.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Sunset brought out the cars tonight
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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Wow. Nice photos.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

So if the Raiders are throwing it back to 2012, how come I don’t feel 5 years younger?

yeah right
Member

“The 2012 Oakland Raiders finished a trying 2012 season under head coach Dennis Allen with a 4-12 record.”

You’ve suffered enough Rikki. You’re lucky you’re not 15 years older.

Senor Weaselo
Member

So, resident Canadians: Any of you see Goon 2, and how was it?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Filmdrunk’s review was brutal about how disappointingly inferior it is compared to Goon. Vince also seems to really hate Jay Baruchel’s character, but that is totally understandable.

yeah right
Member

Hola, good evening and wie gehts motorscooters!
How the hell is every damn body!

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I may have overslept. Shit.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

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WCS
Member

Why is her hair gray? Did she look into the deadlights?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Prison School cosplay.

Prepare to go down a rabbithole…

yeah right
Member

One rabbit hole coming right up!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

This is my way of starting off a 4 day weekend!! Woooo California Admission Day!

Senor Weaselo
Member

Someone (not me) opened up the extra sharp cheddar. I made a quesadilla and put some taco sauce on it. God, have I missed that.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That’s great. So you’re almost back to 100%?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

At a bar and not drinking. Ugh.

WCS
Member

What’s the point then? Billiards league? Hitting on the bartender? Free cocaine?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That’s like going to a strip club and not sitting at the rail, tipping, or not getting a lap dance.

Are you the DD for someone?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

So I’m guessing I won’t get any takers on my tOSU 2nd half -14 bet at this point.
Jerks.

Senor Weaselo
Member

I’ll take IU +14 from this point in the game on! Hey, final is a point of the game!

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I think there’s a leak.

blaxabbath
Member

If the federal government has money for an endless war in Afghanistan and a billion dollar embassy in itaq, then I think they got cash for Houston.

WCS
Member

Whoa, whoa. The military-industrial complex isn’t here to help people. That doesn’t drive profits or stock prices, bud. #MAGA

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I wish this were so.

Senor Weaselo
Member

(Padre Weaselo flipping through channels after the Yankee game)
PW: Hey, it’s The Gong Show! I loved that as a kid! But why does the host look like he’s wearing a mask?
Senor: Because it’s Mike Myers wearing a mask. (Oh hey, it’s Alison Brie!)
PW: No it’s not, it’s some British guy!
Senor: It sounds a lot like his Scottish accent!
PW: No it’s not, it’s British! And he’s fatter than Mike Myers!
Senor: Yeah, because Mike Myers has never dressed up like a fat guy with an accent.
PW: See, it says Tommy Maitland!
Senor: Just Google it.

And that’s what I came to when I came home.

Redshirt
Member

Honestly, I feel asleep when the score was 21-20 Indiana. What the hell happened in the 3rd quarter?

WCS
Member

The Hoosiers remembered they’re the Hoosiers, and this isn’t basketball.

wpDiscuz