Your “Tomorrow Might Not Be Here For You” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Slight hangover…no scratches or cuff marks…note from wife about snoring…VICTORY!

NFL News:

  • Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal hearing has finally ended.
    • Under the rules, the arbitrator has five working days to release his ruling. Pressure from both sides is coming to have it decided by Monday.
    • Most of the comments under Schefter’s tweet related to Fantasy Drafts this Sunday.

  • The Steelers have extended GM Kevin Colbert through 2020.
    • Signing Joe Haden five minutes after his release pretty much cinched the deal.
  • Animal rights groups have started a change.org petition to try & force FOX to drop Michael Vick from its broadcast team.
    • It already has 75000 signatures.
      • In comparison the petition from mental-health professionals to demand Trump resign due to his “obvious” mental health condition only has 61000 signatures.
    • The “fuck off, losers” from FOX Sports head Eric Shanks is phrased thusly:

“Over the last 10 or 11 years, not only has he paid his debt to society, but he’s done everything a person who has made a terrible mistake like that can do. We felt it was the right person at the right time for us,” Shanks told USA Today.

  • Reports out of Seattle have the Seahawks looking for trade offers for players like Jeremy Lane and Jermaine Kearse.
    • The Browns appear interested in Kearse, who has a base salary of $2.2 million, and need someone for DeShone Kizer to throw at.

Game Preview: Rams at Packers

In a case of two teams on vastly different trajectories, the SBNation blogs for these teams tell the true story.

Beyond the usual game previews, Turf Show Times leads with a story on their 2018 Rams mock draft. They also highly tout the return of Eric Dickerson to the fold, and are still wondering if & when Aaron Donald will PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! end his holdout. In short, I think these folks will be happy with 5-11. Tonight’s moral victory of staying close will guide them into Week-1.

Over at the Acme Packing Company, they are looking at bubble players in the few spots actually open for starting competition. They rave in “Cheese Curds” about the signing Wednesday of former 49er Ahmad Brooks, and marvel at how Aaron Rodgers said lots of words but actually very little in his ESPN interview. They are looking at the Seahawks already, and I don’t think starters will see much more than one series, and only because they are playing at home. If this game were in LA, Aaron would be dressed in streets & texting his Baywatch ladyfriend.


Game preview: Seahawks at Raiders.

Over at the Field Gulls, they are too wrapped up in trade rumours to be looking ahead to the Packers in Week-1. The big story prior to cutdown day is “Could Seahawks add Sheldon Richardson if they parted with Jermaine Kearse?” There is a fuck-ton of math involved, and I’m not Frankly, I don’t care, because the other main story is “Seahawks in for another 3rd string showdown against Raiders on Thursday“, which means the game will suck from the Seahawks side, as Pete Carroll & the coaching kids will be student-driving the players they are monitoring, to see how they handle mismatches thrown their way. Boykin is probably going to get killed.

The only interesting thing on the site is a discussion of something called the “Regenokine process”, which Dok Zymm will elaborate on in the comments. (PLEASE!) In sum, it’s where “anti-inflammatory factors are removed from the patient’s blood, manipulated, and then reinjected into the painful areas,” according to the Stem Cell Institute. To me, it sounds like something that would get Lance Armstrong back into & then immediately kicked out of the Tour de France again.

Over at Silver and Black Pride, the sadly named future Vegas Raiders site, surprising little on Marshawn Lynch at this late date. A couple of stories about Derek Carr, Matt Stafford & salary, and the usual falderal about roster moves prior to Opening Day. Also, there’s signs of the impending move’s acceptance and monetization, with the promotion for sale of this shirt:

 

And the advertising is just as sad:

No matter where life takes you, you never forget where you came from. Rep the one and only original ‘Nation’ from where it all began with the ‘Oakland: Birthplace of a Nation’ T-shirt.

Whether you’re from Oakland or elsewhere, if you rep the Silver & Black, you’re all on the same side. You’re all part of the same Nation.

But there is a touching short article about Sebastian Janikowski, who is entering his 18th year and still sports an 80% field goal average.


Game Preview: Word Association division

For the games not broadcast on NFL Network, I thought I’d try and draw comparisons to everyday objects & emotions, to help us better understand the trajectory these teams are looking to take this upcoming season, based on how their second- and third-stringers will look tonight.

  • EAGLES AT JETS – green shit
  • JAGUARS AT FALCONS – southern fried shit
  • BENGALS AT COLTS – runny, lumpy shit
  • LIONS AT BILLS – polluted shit
  • STEELERS AT PANTHERS – interesting shit
  • GIANTS AT PATRIOTS – the Jimmy Garoppoo-poo show
  • REDSKINS AT BUCCANEERS – diseased shit
  • DOLPHINS AT VIKINGS – fishy shit
  • RAVENS AT SAINTS – elite shit
  • BROWNS AT BEARS – tricking the new foreign-exchange kid at school into eating chocolate ex-lax
  • TITANS AT CHIEFS – a shart
  • CARDINALS AT BRONCOS – horse shit
  • CHARGERS AT 49ERS – FUCK BOTH JED YORK & DEAN SPANOS WITH HOT METAL DILDOS!

In short, you may sum up most of these games thusly:


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • NFL:
      • Rams at Packers – 7:00PM | NFL Network
      • Seahawks at Raiders – 10:00PM | NFL Network
    • NCAA:
      • Tulsa at Oklahoma State – 7:30PM | FS1
      • Ohio State at Indiana – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • CFL:
      • Redblacks at Alouettes – 7:30PM | TSN
  • MLB:
    • Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Cardinals at Giants – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360

Loogit that sports schedule – THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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King Hippo
Member

Christ, get a load of how fucking tiny AND WHITE the IU bench is. My 50-point prediction was too optimistic.

litre_cola
Member

So they made it back from Charlottesville in time?

King Hippo
Member

Hey, see how much you like it when you have your own (very polite) race war!

litre_cola
Member

Sadly we do. Our natives have been treated so poorly fo so long that there is apathy to it all. The Canadian government is just starting to make reparations for residential schools which were abhorrent and that was so long ago. Towns like Thunder Bay are very segregated and very racist. This country is too big and underpopulated for an uprising to happen. It does not compare to what is happening currently in the US, but it reverberates up here.

WCS
Member

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I got back from there in time! Oh my God, are those alt-right type such closet queens! Usually when that many white men gather with Tiki torches, it will be like Caligula in 2 hours!

OH wait there was one black guy there, the token cab driver from French Guyana Milo paid to hang with him so he could say he was getting pounded by another black dude! Snoooooze!

King Hippo
Member

they just need a couple tins of Crisco and a techno beat!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I think they wanted to protect the Lee statue because they wanted to fuck him! Too bad he’s on a horse and can’t sit on their faces! With all that copper oxidation, their faces would look like Idi Amin after getting Legionnaire’s Disease!

WCS
Member

I like how TWWL is making it seem like Indiana isn’t going to be completely cornfucked by Ohio State.

This game features MEGACAST, which is even MORE than ULTRACAST and SUPERVIEW.

King Hippo
Member

Hey, this could still be a 3 or 4 score game halfway through the quarter!

litre_cola
Member

Evening internetters, how are we all doing?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Flipping between fitbawl games.
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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Had a burger and beers and some ice cream and now I’m taking a nap.

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Horatio Cornblower
Member

That eyebrow raise…hnnnnnggghhh

Redshirt
Member

Having beer and pizza with John Belushi’s ghost.

King Hippo
Member

pilled up, enjoying some Burt’s Bees lozenges chuh chuh

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Drunk, laughing, and don’t give a shit.
You?

litre_cola
Member

Well, Mrs Cola is exhausted and looks spent. I worked all day at the mail farm, had to go to weed dr, then return something at IKEA, came home, grabbed Decilitre, told her to go rest, got deci to nap, smoked a bowl and am watching something that resembles football.

Got to put in work as I should be away this weekend at the LaboUr day game in Regina.

Redshirt
Member

Bengals QB #3 is hurt. We are one bad hit away from Cincy going Kaep Alert.

King Hippo
Member

Mrs. and/or Mama McCarron would have a taek or too about that I bet ,, smh

WCS
Member

BRING BACK PRYOR

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ded Honkey?
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King Hippo
Member

Now I am looking forward to Indiana hopefully forgetting it’s not basketball season. Go Fightin’ Archies!! I own a sweatshirt and everything!!!

WCS
Member

Landry Jones: still awful

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’m going to be kind of heartbroken if nobody uses Landry Jonestown Massacre as a name for either themselves or their fantasy time. I would but I’m already Mahomes II Men.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

If I can fit all those characters in Yahoo, I vow to you I will use it in our league.

King Hippo
Member

Did he at least shave the paedo-stache?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member
Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Palsy vs. Bears – Chicago players reunions.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Pawwwwlllll!!!!!!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That actually was a donkey when first purchased.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That’s the common refrain.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

CHARGERS AT 49ERS – FUCK BOTH JED YORK & DEAN SPANOS WITH HOT METAL DILDOS!

I giggled, yes.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Pray for a meteor strike.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

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King Hippo
Member

Back to back! BACK TO BACK!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So I finally saw Bad Lieutenant today. I’m still processing it four hours later.

King Hippo
Member

Starring Harvey Keitel’s ass, which really should have its own imdb page…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Keitel makes so many dead serious scenes unintentionally funny. During the traffic stop, I pissed myself laughing when he asked for the girl’s gum so sternly.

blaxabbath
Member

“The dude is a human highlight machine. And since we’ve blackballed any written #content, it only makes sense to bring on a guy like Vick to anchor our homepage, which is basically just a minefield of Chevrolet ‘Real* People**, Not*** Actors****’ ads.”

-FOX Sports head Eric Shanks on Michael Vick

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Bigger clubbing of baby seals: AARon’s v. RAMIT or Tosu v. Fat Humps JV?

Redshirt
Member

How is Ohio State playing a road game in their first game? A conference road game? Against Indiana of all people?

King Hippo
Member

$$$$$

/like tOSU won’t win by 50, they offense ain’t really one that needs much tuning up, especially against a front line like IU’s,

King Hippo
Member

If you had “under” 2:00 FOAR first Pokes TD, too fucking bad. 2:01

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Somebody’s losing their new (Booster-provided) car for that.

Redshirt
Member

Redshirt: “Its the Bengals, Buckeyes and Bearcats playing at the same time. We got a pizza in the oven, half a case of beer, its getting dark, and our pants are unbuttoned.”

Ghost of John Belushi: “Hit it.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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King Hippo
Member

oh, LemonJello, I really likes her. Watched “Weeds” long after it quit being even mediocre.

/not until the very end though, even I have SOME standards

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

There is something about her that I find alluring and attractive.

litre_cola
Member

Where did you get those?

King Hippo
Member

Clearance at K-Mart, next to a masturbating hobo

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Tomsula or Reed?

King Hippo
Member

Could well have been Tomsula, I didn’t know him so well back then.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Those online petitions are the dumbest things in the world.

“Oh wow…75000 totally real people signed a digital petition. That almost 0.03% of Americans having an opinion on something!”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

“75000 signatures” mean 74,999 bots and one dipshit.

King Hippo
Member

I am looking forward to BDSM State/Tulsa kickoff. I’m a sick bastard.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Hey kids!

/Sees Buddy posted at 4am in the evening thread.

Well, fuck …

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Hi!
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